and I was talking with a man who had three wives.

我最近去新幾內亞高地，

I asked him, "How many wives would you like to have?"

跟一位男士談話，他有三個老婆。

And there was this long pause,

我問他：「你想要娶幾個太太？」

and I thought to myself,

在很長的停頓之後，

"Is he going to say five?

我心想：

Is he going to say 10?

「他會說 5 個嗎？

Is he going to say 25?"

還是 10 個？

And he leaned towards me

還是 25 個？」

and he whispered, "None."

結果他靠過來

(Laughter)

小聲對我說：「一個都不想。」

Eighty-six percent of human societies permit a man to have several wives:

（笑聲）

polygyny.

86% 的人類社會 允許男人有好幾位妻子：

But in the vast majority of these cultures,

一夫多妻制。

only about five or ten percent of men actually do have several wives.

但是，這些文化中的大多數，

Having several partners can be a toothache.

只有 5% 到 10% 的男人 真的有多位妻子。

In fact, co-wives can fight with each other,

有多位伴侶就像牙痛一樣。

sometimes they can even poison each other's children.

事實上，妻妾間會互相爭寵，

And you've got to have a lot of cows, a lot of goats,

有時候還會毒害別人的孩子。

a lot of money, a lot of land,

而且你還得有很多牛、很多羊、

in order to build a harem.

很多錢、很多土地，

We are a pair-bonding species.

才能養得起一個後宮。

Ninety-seven percent of mammals do not pair up to rear their young;

我們是配對型的物種。

human beings do.

97% 哺乳動物的親代 並沒有一起養育後代；

I'm not suggesting that we're not --

人類卻是如此。

that we're necessarily sexually faithful to our partners.

我沒有說我們不...

I've looked at adultery in 42 cultures,

我們性方面一定對伴侶忠實。

I understand some of, actually, the genetics of it,

我研究過 42 個文化中的外遇行為，

and some of the brain circuitry of it.

我其實了解外遇的某些遺傳原因，

It's very common around the world,

還有造成這種行為的大腦迴路。

but we are built to love.

這現象在全球很普遍，

How is technology changing love?

但是我們天生就要愛。

I'm going to say almost not at all.

科技如何改變愛？

I study the brain.

我要說幾乎一點都沒有。

I and my colleagues have put over 100 people into a brain scanner --

我研究腦部。

people who had just fallen happily in love,

我和同事將100多人 放進腦部掃描機中──

people who had just been rejected in love

熱戀中的人，

and people who are in love long-term.

剛剛失戀的人，

And it is possible to remain "in love" long-term.

和談了長久戀愛的人。

And I've long ago maintained

人長時間一直維持戀愛的感覺 的確是有可能的。

that we've evolved three distinctly different brain systems

我很久前就主張，

for mating and reproduction:

人類在交配和繁衍的過程中，

sex drive,

演化出三種迥然不同的腦部系統：

feelings of intense romantic love

性慾、

and feelings of deep cosmic attachment to a long-term partner.

強烈又浪漫的愛、

And together, these three brain systems --

及對長期伴侶深深無盡的愛慕之情。

with many other parts of the brain --

把這三個腦部系統加在一起，

orchestrate our sexual, our romantic and our family lives.

再加上腦部的其它部分，

But they lie way below the cortex,

譜出我們浪漫的性、愛與家庭生活。

way below the limbic system where we feel our emotions,

但這三者深藏在皮質之下，

generate our emotions.

遠在我們感受情緒、產生感情的

They lie in the most primitive parts of the brain, linked with energy,

邊緣系統之下。

focus, craving, motivation, wanting and drive.

它們藏在大腦最原始的地方，

In this case,

與能量、專注、渴望、動機、 需求及慾望等連結在一起。

the drive to win life's greatest prize:

以這個例子來說，

a mating partner.

就是渴望贏得生命中最大獎賞：

They evolved over 4.4 million years ago among our first ancestors,

一名交配的伴侶。

and they're not going to change if you swipe left or right on Tinder.

我們的始祖在這方面的演化 已經超過 440 萬年，

(Laughter)

就算你在交友軟體 Tinder 左右滑動頁面，也不能改變。

(Applause)

（笑聲）

There's no question that technology is changing the way we court:

（掌聲）

emailing, texting,

毫無疑問科技會改變 我們求愛的方式：

emojis to express your emotions,

寫電郵、傳簡訊、

sexting,

用表情符號表達情感、

"liking" a photograph, selfies ...

發性愛簡訊、

We're seeing new rules and taboos for how to court.

讚一張照片或是自拍等等。

But, you know --

我們看見求愛招術 有了新規則及新禁忌。

is this actually dramatically changing love?

但是，你知道...

What about the late 1940s,

這真的大幅改變了愛嗎？

when the automobile became very popular

那你怎麼看在 1940 年代晚期，

and we suddenly had rolling bedrooms?

車子變得非常流行，

(Laughter)

我們突然有了車床族這回事？

How about the introduction of the birth control pill?

（笑聲）

Unchained from the great threat of pregnancy and social ruin,

那避孕藥的問世又怎麼說？

women could finally express their primitive and primal sexuality.

婦女從害怕意外懷孕 而名聲敗壞的威脅中解放出來，

Even dating sites are not changing love.

終於可以表達非常自然原始的性慾。

I'm Chief Scientific Advisor to Match.com,

甚至約會網站，也沒有改變愛。

I've been it for 11 years.

我是約會網站 Match.com 的 首席科學顧問。

I keep telling them and they agree with me,

我已經當了 11 年。

that these are not dating sites,

我一直跟他們說，他們也同意，

they are introducing sites.

這不是約會網站。

When you sit down in a bar,

這應該是介紹網站。

in a coffee house,

當你坐在酒吧裡，

on a park bench,

咖啡廳裡，

your ancient brain snaps into action like a sleeping cat awakened,

甚至坐在公園的長椅上，

and you smile

你古老的大腦馬上進入活動狀態， 就像一隻突然甦醒的貓，

and laugh

你微笑，

and listen

談笑風生，

and parade the way our ancestors did 100,000 years ago.

傾聽，

We can give you various people --

而且走路有風， 就像10萬年前的祖先一樣。

all the dating sites can --

我們可以提供各式各樣的人，

but the only real algorithm is your own human brain.

所有的約會網站都可以，

Technology is not going to change that.

但是，真正且唯一在盤算的 其實是你自己的大腦。

Technology is also not going to change who you choose to love.

科技不會改變這件事。

I study the biology of personality,

科技不會改變你決定愛誰。

and I've come to believe

我研究個性生物學，

that we've evolved four very broad styles of thinking and behaving,

我開始相信，

linked with the dopamine, serotonin,

我們已發展出四種 非常顯著的思維和行為方式，

testosterone and estrogen systems.

跟多巴胺、血清素

So I created a questionnaire directly from brain science

睪固酮及雌激素連在一起。

to measure the degree to which you express the traits --

所以，我從腦科學的角度 去設計了一份問卷，

the constellation of traits --

來測量你表達特質的程度──

linked with each of these four brain systems.

各種特質──

I then put that questionnaire on various dating sites

與這四種腦部系統的關聯。

in 40 countries.

然後我把這份問卷放到

Fourteen million or more people have now taken the questionnaire,

40 個國家的各個約會網站上。

and I've been able to watch who's naturally drawn to whom.

超過 1400 萬人填過這份問卷，

And as it turns out,

我能藉此觀察哪些人 會自然而然地相互吸引。

those who were very expressive of the dopamine system

結果是，

tend to be curious, creative, spontaneous, energetic --

多巴胺系統很強的人

I would imagine there's an awful lot of people like that in this room --

比較有好奇心、有創意、 自動自發、有活力──

they're drawn to people like themselves.

我可以想像在座 有很多像這樣的人──

Curious, creative people need people like themselves.

因為這種人，同類相吸。

People who are very expressive of the serotonin system

有好奇心及創意的人 需要跟同類的人在一起。

tend to be traditional, conventional, they follow the rules,

血清素系統很強的人

they respect authority,

比較傳統、保守，他們遵循規定，

they tend to be religious -- religiosity is in the serotonin system --

他們尊重權威，

and traditional people go for traditional people.

他們也比較虔誠── 宗教性就在血清素系統內──

In that way, similarity attracts.

而且傳統的人也喜歡傳統的人。

In the other two cases, opposites attract.

也就是說，同類相吸。

People very expressive of the testosterone system

另外兩個情況，則是異性相吸。

tend to be analytical, logical, direct, decisive,

睪固酮系統表現強的人

and they go for their opposite:

比較重分析、重邏輯、直接、果斷，

they go for somebody who's high estrogen,

而且他們喜歡相反特質的人：

somebody who's got very good verbal skills

他們喜歡雌激素高的人，

and people skills,

語言能力非常強

who's very intuitive

及很會處理人際關係的人，

and who's very nurturing and emotionally expressive.

直覺性強的人，

We have natural patterns of mate choice.

以及很會照顧人、會表達情緒的人。

Modern technology is not going to change who we choose to love.

我們生來就具有擇偶的自然模式。

But technology is producing one modern trend

現代科技不會改變 我們決定去愛誰。

that I find particularly important.

但是科技的確創造了一種現代趨勢，

It's associated with the concept of paradox of choice.

我認為特別重要。

For millions of years,

它與選擇的悖論這個觀念有關。

we lived in little hunting and gathering groups.

有百萬年之久，

You didn't have the opportunity to choose

人類是生活在狩獵 及採集的小團體內。

between 1,000 people on a dating site.

那時的人沒有機會

In fact, I've been studying this recently,

像我們一樣在約會網站中， 有上千個對象可選擇。

and I actually think there's some sort of sweet spot in the brain;

事實上，我最近就在研究這個，

I don't know what it is, but apparently, from reading a lot of the data,

我真的相信腦部的運作， 有所謂的「最佳選擇」；

we can embrace about five to nine alternatives, and after that,

我還不知道它是什麼，但很明顯， 在看了一大堆資料之後，

you get into what academics call "cognitive overload,"

我們大約能接受5~9個選項， 超過這個數字之後，

and you don't choose any.

就會出現學術界稱為 「認知超載」的問題，

So I've come to think that due to this cognitive overload,

然後就變成什麼都不選。

we're ushering in a new form of courtship

所以我認為，因為認知超載，

that I call "slow love."

我們開闢了一種新的求愛法，

I arrived at this during my work with Match.com.

我稱為「慢愛」。

Every year for the last six years,

我在 Match.com 的工作 讓我得到這個結論。

we've done a study called "Singles in America."

過去六年來，

We don't poll the Match population,

每年我們都會做一項 「單身美國人」的研究。

we poll the American population.

我們不對 Match 族群做民調，

We use 5,000-plus people,

我們對所有美國人做民調。

a representative sample of Americans based on the US census.

我們選出5千多人，

We've got data now on over 30,000 people,

從美國人口普查中 選出具代表性的樣本。

and every single year,

我們現在有超過3萬人的資料，

I see some of the same patterns.

而且每一年，

Every single year when I ask the question,

我都會看到同樣的模式。

over 50 percent of people have had a one-night stand --

每一年提問所得的結果是：

not necessarily last year, but in their lives --

超過 50% 的人有過一夜情，

50 percent have had a friends with benefits

不一定是在去年， 而是一生中是否曾有過；

during the course of their lives,

50% 的人曾經有過炮友；

and over 50 percent have lived with a person long-term

超過 50% 的人在婚前 有長期同居的經驗。

before marrying.

美國人認為這太亂來了。

Americans think that this is reckless.

我對此結果也一直存疑。

I have doubted that for a long time;

但是，模式非常明顯。

the patterns are too strong.

這裡面一定有什麼達爾文式的解釋。

There's got to be some Darwinian explanation --

沒有那麼多瘋狂的人！

Not that many people are crazy.

我搞糊塗了，然後，一份統計 終於讓我明白這是怎麼回事。

And I stumbled, then, on a statistic that really came home to me.

那是一份非常有意思的學術文章，

It was a very interesting academic article

我在裡面發現， 今天美國有 67% 的單身者，

in which I found that 67 percent of singles in America today

與某人長期同居卻還不結婚，

who are living long-term with somebody,

因為他們害怕離婚。

have not yet married because they are terrified of divorce.

他們怕離婚後要承擔的社會、

They're terrified of the social,

法律、情感、

legal, emotional,

及經濟後果。

economic consequences of divorce.

我終於明白，我不認為這是亂來，

So I came to realize that I don't think this is recklessness;

我認為這是謹慎。

I think it's caution.

現今，單身者想在婚前 了解伴侶的一切。

Today's singles want to know every single thing about a partner

在床笫之間，你會看到很多，

before they wed.

不僅是做愛的方式，

You learn a lot between the sheets,

還有他們是否體貼，

not only about how somebody makes love,

是否會聆聽，

but whether they're kind,

而且到了我這個年紀，

whether they can listen

還要看他們是否有幽默感。

and at my age,

（笑聲）

whether they've got a sense of humor.

在有太多選擇的時代，

(Laughter)

我們不太擔心懷孕和疾病，

And in an age where we have too many choices,

對婚前性行為也沒有羞恥感，

we have very little fear of pregnancy and disease

我認為人們用自己的步調來慢愛。

and we've got no feeling of shame for sex before marriage,

而且其實，現在的狀況是，

I think people are taking their time to love.

我們看到是互結連理前的

And actually, what's happening is,

預備承諾階段，被拉長了。

what we're seeing is a real expansion of the precommitment stage

婚姻過去一向是一段關係的開始，

before you tie the knot.

現在則變成一段關係的終點。

Where marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship,

但是，人的腦

now it's the finale.

（笑聲）

But the human brain --

人的腦總是贏家，

(Laughter)

確實，今天的美國

The human brain always triumphs,

86% 的美國人會在 49 歲前結婚。

and indeed, in the United States today,

即使在世界各地 結婚不那麼頻繁的文化中，

86 percent of Americans will marry by age 49.

他們最終也會與一位 長期伴侶定下來。

And even in cultures around the world where they're not marrying as often,

所以這讓我想到：

they are settling down eventually with a long-term partner.

在這段拉長的預備承諾階段，

So it began to occur to me:

如果你能在婚前 甩掉一段不好的關係，

during this long extension of the precommitment stage,

可能我們就會看到比較快樂的婚姻。

if you can get rid of bad relationships before you marry,

所以，我研究了 1100 對美國夫婦，

maybe we're going to see more happy marriages.

當然不是在 Match.com 上做，

So I did a study of 1,100 married people in America --

我問他們很多問題。

not on Match.com, of course --

其中一個問題是，

and I asked them a lot of questions.

你會與你現在的配偶再結一次婚嗎？

But one of the questions was,

81% 的人說會。

"Would you re-marry the person you're currently married to?"

事實上，現代愛情 與家庭生活最大的改變

And 81 percent said, "Yes."

不在科技。

In fact, the greatest change in modern romance and family life

甚至也不是慢愛。

is not technology.

其實是女人湧入就業市場，

It's not even slow love.

在全球各文化皆是。

It's actually women piling into the job market

幾百萬年來，

in cultures around the world.

我們的祖先生活在 採集狩獵的小團體裡。

For millions of years,

女人通勤到工作場所 去採集水果蔬菜。

our ancestors lived in little hunting and gathering groups.

她們回家時帶著六到八成的晚餐。

Women commuted to work to gather their fruits and vegetables.

雙薪家庭很平常。

They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal.

女人無論是在經濟、社會

The double-income family was the rule.

或性方面都與男性一樣強大。

And women were regarded as just as economically, socially

然後環境在約一萬年前改變了，

and sexually powerful as men.

我們開始定居下來務農，

Then the environment changed some 10,000 years ago,

男女兩性變得都有責任，真的，

we began to settle down on the farm

要娶或嫁對人，

and both men and women became obliged, really,

要背景相當，

to marry the right person,

要有對的信仰，

from the right background,

要門當戶對， 要有同樣的社會及政治圈。

from the right religion

男人的工作變得更重要：

and from the right kin and social and political connections.

他們必須搬石頭、砍樹、犁田。

Men's jobs became more important:

他們把農產品拿去市場賣，

they had to move the rocks, fell the trees, plow the land.

回家時帶回等值的金錢。

They brought the produce to local markets, and came home

隨之而來的是

with the equivalent of money.

我們看到一些信念興起：

Along with this,

婚姻守貞，

we see a rise of a host of beliefs:

媒妁之言──　 非常嚴格的父母指定婚約──

the belief of virginity at marriage,

以及男人是一家之主，

arranged marriages -- strictly arranged marriages --

女人要主內，

the belief that the man is the head of the household,

還有最重要的，

that the wife's place is in the home

要榮耀丈夫，至死不渝。

and most important,

這些都沒了。

honor thy husband, and 'til death do us part.