Next.

Hey.

Hi.

Heading in to Coachella?

Yes sir.

Okay.

Just a couple quick questions.

How long are you going to be in here?

Just 3 days.

Okay.

How many outfit changes do you have?

About 32.

Feels a little light, but that's up to you.

Do you have a job to get back to Monday?

Absolutely not.

Bit of a loser. Okay.

Quick question, is the wind going to be blowing the whole time,

because, you know, I'd rather it not be so windy.

I'll mark down your preference.

Okay, back to what you're not doing.

Do you have any special skills?

Uh yeah, I know how to Instagram pretty well, so.

Is that it?

Yeah. Well, isn't that kind of like a GED?

Yeah. It's sort of like a year of DeVry, I would guess.

What's the worse thing that's ever happened to you at Coachella?

Well, one time I tore my back-up sunglasses,

because I forgot my cool ones,

and my back-up sunglasses are so shitty.

Oh, and then I got molested one time by a bouncer.

Okay. So which one was the worse?

The back-up sunglasses.

I hear ya. I've had that happen. It's horrible.

Okay. Well, this is a bit personal, but what's

the highest number of followers of someone

you've had sex with at Coachella?

I had sex with a guy who had 28K.

That is a lot of K's.

Um, okay. And what did he do?

I think he was a DJ, and a personal trainer,

and a rapper,

oh, and a William Morris agent.

Sounds focused.

And where did you have sex, a porta potty?

I mean, where else would you do it?

His hotel was like 60 miles away, or something.

I got it. I got it.

I get it.

What bands are you looking forward to seeing?

There's bands here?

Yeah, there's going to be like 70.

That's great. When did they add that?

Oh, probably like 14 years ago.

Oh, so if we get bored, we can just go watch the bands or something?

I think that's the idea.

If you run out of everything to do, maybe you go see a band.

Also, and that guy from Guns N' Roses, can you like tell

him in between sets to like stop talking, because

you know, I just rather him not.

Less blab from Axl.

Hey, before you go in, would you want to buy

some coupons for the Molly stand?

It's gluten free this year, which is great.

And if you buy a coupon, it's sort of a bonus,

you get half off of all Moon Rocks till 5 PM.

[clicks teeth]

It's a lot cheaper if you buy it here. I'm just giving you a tip,

just between us girls.

And there's an IV stand about 30 feet in.

You hook it up, and it just pumps a lot of self

esteem back into your body for when you're driving home,

and you're so embarrassed, and it's 3 hours,

and you're like, "What the fuck am I doing with my life?"

Obviously nothing. I've been at Coachella for 4 days.

No one's missed me at all.

I haven't missed work. I haven't missed shit.

My dog's probably dead, and I want to blow my brains out,

but let's go to In-N-Out.

You know what I mean?

In-N-Out's not really my thing.

Oh, why?

I'm kind of on a diet.

How long have you been on a diet?

Since I was born.

On a side note they want me to ask,

who would you vote for, for President if the

elections were right now?

I think the Beebs.

Beebs? Okay.

If he's some how isn't running, who would it be?

I think that old guy Colonel Sanders.

He says Coachella's going to be free next year.

Oh yeah, I'm sure he did.

And, can you promise that when you do see bands,

that you hold up your phone to block anyone near you,

and then over film the fuck out of it,

and Snapchat it, and no one will ever fucking care

and they'll hate your guts for it?

Well yeah, because I have to have a story.

Yeah, that's right.

Lastly, how many times have you Snapchatted that

filter of you with like a dog sticking your tongue out?

That one, I don't know. Maybe like a 1000.

Well, keep it up. That does not get old.