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  • ZANDY: I think we should stop seeing each other.

  • MILES: You both gotta move on, David.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • DAVID: Hey guys, what're you up to this weekend?

  • MILES: Well, I was thinking of hitting a few sample sales.

  • Who's in?

  • ZANDY: I don't know, Miles.

  • I have to clean my apartment.

  • My place is so cluttered, I can't even remember what color

  • my carpet is.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • MATT: That's good, Zandy, but wait till you have kids.

  • When my wife and I go to a movie, when we come home, it's

  • like Armageddon hit.

  • Seriously, like World War II all over again.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • DAVID: Shit.

  • [BELL RINGING]

  • LOUDSPEAKER VOICE: Polite mainframe, stalling down.

  • ZANDY: Um, David, would you like to get

  • some water with me?

  • I want to talk to you about something private.

  • DAVID: Yeah, sure.

  • Pour vous.

  • ZANDY: Oh, merci.

  • So, um, I wanted to tell you something.

  • I didn't tell you before because-- you know, because of

  • our relationship, and I didn't want it to be weird.

  • DAVID: Zandy, we're friends now.

  • You can tell me anything.

  • ZANDY: OK, well, you know how my love life has been kind of

  • quiet since Stefano and I broke up?

  • DAVID: Yeah, yeah.

  • ZANDY: Well, um, in the last couple of weeks, I've been

  • sleeping with someone.

  • DAVID: Really?

  • Who?

  • ZANDY: Well, actually, it's Miles.

  • DAVID: Miles?

  • Like, sample sale Miles?

  • ZANDY: Oh no, I--

  • is-- this isn't weird, is it?

  • I just figured we had been broken up for

  • so long that it--

  • DAVID: No, I think it's great.

  • ZANDY: You do?

  • DAVID: Yes.

  • ZANDY: Oh, David, I'm so glad.

  • Oh, I want to tell you something.

  • The sex is insane.

  • DAVID: Huh.

  • ZANDY: No, no, no, no, really, the sex is insane.

  • It's like I--

  • I never thought I could ever experience something like

  • that, you know?

  • Something happens when he's inside me.

  • It's like--

  • uhh--

  • I can't--

  • I can't describe it.

  • It's like I'm being pummeled into submission.

  • DAVID: Wow.

  • ZANDY: Ooh, you're a good enough friend that I can

  • confide in you, right?

  • DAVID: Oh, yeah, totally.

  • ZANDY: I'm actually wet just thinking about this.

  • DAVID: Huh.

  • ZANDY: Oh, one problem, though.

  • I'm completely distracted at work.

  • It's like, I'm just sitting there daydreaming about

  • fucking him.

  • And then every day, we go into the handicapped bathroom, and

  • he fucks me, and I usually come at least three times.

  • Remember how hard it was for me to have an orgasm?

  • DAVID: Yeah, I do.

  • [BELL RINGING]

  • LOUDSPEAKER VOICE: Back to your stations.

  • ZANDY: Oh, David, you're such a good friend for listening to

  • me, you know.

  • And I just love it how cool you are about the whole thing

  • about how Miles rams me constantly.

  • DAVID: Yeah, OK.

  • Okey-doke.

  • Hey, Miles.

  • MILES: Yeah, bro.

  • ZANDY: Zandy told me about you two.

  • MILES: Can I admit something to you?

  • DAVID: Yeah, sure.

  • MILES: That's not even the half of it.

  • DAVID: It's not?

  • MILES: Can you keep a secret?

  • DAVID: Yeah.

  • MILES: OK.

  • The last two weeks, whenever I'm not porking Zandy, I'm

  • fucking Ballard.

  • DAVID: Ballard?

  • Is he gay?

  • MILES: No, he isn't.

  • He's got a wife and kids.

  • And I'm in not gay either, but somehow or another, we've been

  • fucking each other, non-stop.

  • I don't even know how it happened.

  • DAVID: Jeez, does his wife know?

  • MILES: Not yet.

  • Look, all I know is, bottom line, I'm fucking Ballard.

  • And I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

  • Do me a favor, huh?

  • Don't mention this to Zandy.

  • She'll probably act all weird about it.

  • DAVID: Oh, yeah, OK.

  • MILES: What about you?

  • You get any action recently?

  • DAVID: No, for me, it's just mostly been pretty mellow.

  • MILES: Oh, yeah, mellow sex.

  • What, do you got some sort of hippie, free-love chick giving

  • to you day and night, huh?

  • You just fucking some hippie chick?

  • DAVID: What's going on here?

  • MATT: Hey-- hey Wain-o.

  • Can I talk to you for a second?

  • Hey David, can you keep a secret?

  • For the past few weeks, I've been secretly scheming to buy

  • my wife a new set of dishwear.

  • DAVID: Huh.

  • MATT: And get this--

  • I'm getting the whole thing for under a grand.

  • DAVID: Wow, is that a good price?

  • MATT: It's unheard of.

  • Plus, I'm having sex with Timothy Busfield.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • DAVID: So then the rabbi says to the bartender, "Why

  • wouldn't I shit in the woods?

  • It's not like I eat pork."

  • MILES: That is such a touching story about how

  • your parents met.

  • Speaking of, how's your love life these days?

ZANDY: I think we should stop seeing each other.

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Wainy Days #23 'Water Cooler' (水冷) (Wainy Days #23 'Water Cooler')

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    紅謹 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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