So you've found my secret, huh?

為什麼?? 為什麼你想知道我的秘密

[Bell chimes]

對!你是對的

WHY.

密集恐懼症

WHY do you want to know my secret?

*密集恐懼症*

[Bell chimes, louder]

為什麼這種不虔誠的東西存在?

Yeah, well, you're right.

我都看過...

T r y p o p h o b i a .

泡疹爆裂

[Organ plays, choir sings]

腳趾喪失

Why does this un-godly thing...

但都無法接近

...exist?

密集他媽的...

I've seen it all.

恐懼症

Pimple poppin'.

*警告:立馬離開這部影片*

[Distorted noise]

*你已經被警告了!*

Toe nails losing.

好的,開始吧

[Distorted noise]

*在經過5億年的演化後*

BUT AIN'T NOTHING COME EVEN CLOSE

*負子蟾在它背部的袋中產卵*

to trypo...

*現在離開了洞*

[whispers] ...mother fucking...

殺了它!!

[whispers] ...phobia...

這就是為什麼我們要發明噴射火焰 (註:是寶可夢第一世代的火屬性技能)

♫DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYES♫

燃燒吧!!孩子們

♫I DON'T WANNA FALL ASLEEP♫

如果這是寶可夢戰鬥

♫'CAUSE I MISS YOU, BABY♫

我對上負子蟾

♫AND I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING♫

我會死

Alright, here we go.

我可以接受我的命運,然後死去

[Narration]: "In the course of half a billion years of evolution,"

快速死去

"a Suriname toad has eggs that hatch in pockets on her back."

為什麼!!!

OHHHHH.

為什麼他有洞??!!

"Skin care, as it were."

為什麼我這麼害怕

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

除了特定的型態

"They're now leaving the--"

我他媽的知道是什麼意思

[Pewds gagging]

這看起來像屁眼...多重的

Just kill it!

然後...我可以尊重它

This is why we invented flamethrowers.

所以我對這些...屁眼東西沒什麼問題

F-F-FLAME AWAY, BOIS

這是啥??

If it was me - If it was a Pokemon battle...

這他媽三小??

Me VS Surinam toad

我不知道這是啥

I'd be dead!

我不在乎它是不是活的

I'd just accept my fate, and die...

但它必須死

Die fast.

我討厭洞... 我只是討厭洞

ooooohhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

我還能說什麼??

WHY!!!!!!!!

你是瑞典人

What is with HOLES?

是天殺的維京人

And why am I so scared of them?

你必須擺脫你的恐懼症 你必須擺脫...

except a ceRTAIN TYPE OF THEM.

我知道這是通心粉

[Distorted] IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

但它看起來他媽的恐怖

Now these look like buttholes, that multiplied...

讓我們繼續看下去

...and I can respect that.

喔!天哪!

So I don't have a problem with this- the butthole thing.

*警告:你最好不要看這個 它可能會永久的嚇尿你

What is this?

我現在好想死

. . .

發生什麼事??

What the fuck is that?

生命不值得活下去

I don't know what it is.

Michael

I don't care if it lives.

把我的頻道交給Edgar

But it needs to fuckin' DIE.

這不值得...

I hate holes. I just hate holes!

不值得活下去...

I... what can I say-

在這星球上

ooOOOHHH!!!!!!!

我怕死了

AAHHH!!

他甚至沒戴天殺的手套

God...!

他甚至沒戴手套...

*gorilla sound*

在這影片之後,那老兄...

You're a SWEDISH...

會跟我一樣

...fuckin'...

那老兄是我的英雄

...VIKING.

三小?!這是Google地圖的連結

You gotta get over your phobia, man.

這他媽是三小

You gotta get over it.

必須炸了那個地方

Ohhh......

就是現在!

[Inhales]

呼叫... *呼叫Ethan Bradberry*

ooohhhh...

呼叫總統先生

I know it's macaroni... but it looks so fuckin' nasty

*呼叫總統先生*

Let's move onto the next one!

我取得一個座標

Oh, God!

北緯49.04.41.0

[High pitched scream]

炸了這鬼東西!!

I wanna die now!

到外太空去

[sad piano music]

什麼國家有這種邪惡?

Michael: What happened?

在這星球上...有什麼地方 可以含有...

Life is not worth living....

這是地獄

Michael?

那類的...kappa...

Michael: yeh?

華盛頓!!!

Give my channel to Edgar.

天哪這是mozzarella,對吧 (註:一種起司)

It's not worth it.

但是..天殺的 我討厭它

It's not worth living...

食物是...別對我摧毀食物

...on this planet.

謝謝喔

I'm scared. [Laughs]

你們還在嗎??

He's not even wearing fuckin' gloves.

這真困難

He's not even wearing gloves...

我...我...我了解 我不是...(噁)

By the end of this video, that man, will be ME.

好的,一部影片

That man is my

耳垢...

HE-RO.

喔,不...

What the fu- this is a Google Maps link...

喔,不...

...What the fuck is thi-

誰做的影片??

eeeEEEWWWAAAAAHHHH

你他媽...他媽的怪咖

We need to BOMB THAT PLACE

為什麼這看起來像爆米花?

RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW.

有一個寶寶在他耳朵裡??

--CALLING --[Computer voice] Calling: Ethan Bradberry...

為什麼有寶寶在裡面??

CALLING MR. PRESIDENT.

全部出去!!

[Computer voice] Calling: Mr. President.

全部出去!!

I have the coordinates..

喔,天哪...

49... 04'41...

清一下耳朵好嗎,老兄??

0...

妳幹嘛對妳的臉做這種事??

North...

史上最佳萬聖節裝扮

BLAST THAT SHIT TO SPACE!! [Explosion]

最糟的

What fuckin' country... can contain this EVIL...

最糟的...這是最糟的

what fuckin' PLACE on this PLANET can contain--

是花... 原本應該很美的

THAT is HELL.

但天殺的...

That sort of...

喔!這是橡皮筋

WASHINGTON!!

它好詭異

[soft cheery music]

我的天,你好

oh God, it's mozzarella, isn't it..?

這是我早晨的樣子(汙),女士們

But goddamn, do I hate it...

抱歉

FOOD Is something--you're--eh--don't--

對...這是我...之後(污)

STOP RUINING FOOD FOR ME. Thank you very fuckin' much.

還有一個

Oh, you're still with me? Cause.. this- this is HARD, man...

再一個,就能成為真漢子

I- I -I un... I understand that I'm not the

再一個...就能擁有蛋蛋

UUAGH

在下巴上

Alright, a video...

再一個,寶貝 來吧!!來吧!!

Earwax...

這是奇怪的玩具

[Soft cheery music continues]

不能多糟了

oh no...

沒有芭比應得到這樣對待

Oh, NO...

地球很美...

Who MADE this?.. you fuckin'... fuckin' weirdo..

是個很美的地方

the fuck- why does it look like popcorn??

(註:Marina Joyce)

Is that a BABY in his ear?!

那裡沒有那種東西...像是正常的洞

[Sadly] Why is there a BABY in there...

那裡沒有那種東西...

GET IT ALL OUT.

*我的夢想是在秘魯蓋一間神廟*

GET IT ALL OUT...

*在秘魯蓋一間神廟*

Oh god..

我哭了...

Just clean your fuckin' EARS, man!

好的!希望你喜歡這影片

Why would you do that to your face?

如果你喜歡... 把喜歡給按下去

"Best Halloween costume ever"

我才能得到更多喜歡 因為...

Worst... the worst

我不知道...我猜對我有幫助??

It's the WORST..

身為最大的Youtube頻道 卻不知道這網站是如何運作的

Oh, it's- eUgh..

讓我知道...之類的,好嗎?

It's FLOWERS and it's supposed to be BEAUtiful, but

也許留個言 也許按訂閱兩次

GODDAMN.

肏這系統...我不知道

Oh, this is rubber bands...

但一如往常的

This one is weird...

非常感謝收看

Oh my GOD. Hello.

保持這麼讚喔,Bros

It's me in the morning, ladies.

翻譯,時間軸: 從頭到尾都很淡定的John

Sorry...

[Laughs]

Yup, that's me right after..

♫Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me

[Distorted] ♫And I wal--♫

We got one more. One more...

To be a MAN.

One more...

To have some fuckin' BALLS.

On your chin.

One more, baby. C'mon. C'mon!

[Barks]

This is weird toys...

It can't be that bad...

[laughs]

[laughing] Why...

Not even Barbie deserved this...

[Pewds, echoing, over serene music] The Earth is beautiful...

The Earth is a beautiful... place...

*MARINA INTENSIFIES*

There is no such THING.. as irregular... holes..

[Marina Joyce, distorted]: "I believe in love."

[Whispers] There is no such thing...

[Marina]: MY DREAM IS TO BUILD A TEMPLE IN PERU

[Marina, slowed down]: T E M P L E I N P E R U

[Sniffs]

I'm crying.

ALRIGHT, Hope you enjoyed this video, if ya did

Slam that like on, so I get more likes because...

I don't know, I guess it helps????

Biggest channel on YouTube, have no fuckin' clue how this site works.

Uh, let me know, though, or whatever, alright?

Maybe leave a comment, maybe hit subscribe twice??

FUCK WITH THE SYSTEM... I don't know.

But, as always, thank you so much for watching *smoochy smooch*

Stay awesome, bros.