So I know every year around the same time,

我知道每年大約在同一時間

when it gets closer and closer to Valentine's Day,

越來越接近情人節的時候

I always make the same type of video where I'm kinda like,

我總是在做同樣或接近這類型的影片

Not really making fun of romance,

不是真的在開浪漫玩笑

but kinda like clowning on the fact that how exaggerated romance is

但有點像那種小丑去誇大浪漫這件事

In like entertainment and movies and all that kinda stuff.

像是一些娛樂還有電影會做的這類東西

I'm not like really making fun of romance,

我不是真的在開浪漫玩笑

I'm just kinda dissing on the whole cliches

我只是有點鄙視這些陳腔濫調

and romantic scenes that happen in movies.

還有電影裡發生的那些浪漫場景

It's kinda become a tradition, in a way.

因為這種現象在某種程度上有點變成傳統了

Well this year, I had a little change of heart.

今年，我心態上有一點改變了

* Shows the heart of change, DUN DUN DUN! *

(註：Change有「改變」和「零錢」的說法)

Get it? 'Cause it's like made of spare change- oh!

懂嗎？因為這就用多餘的零錢做的...

And also I'm gonna keep the tradition going so let's go!

然後我也想要保持這個傳統，所以開始吧！

Romantic Clichés

浪漫的陳腔濫調

In real life...

在真實的世界中...

Breakfast in bed

床上早餐

[Romantic music]

Babe, babe wake up.

寶貝，寶貝起床了

What is all of this?

這些是什麼？

It's breakfast in bed.

這是床上早餐

Aw, they're beautiful..

哇～這花好美呀～

It's all your favorites, right?

這些都是你喜歡的，對吧？

Thank you

謝謝

Mhmm, it's so good

恩～～好好吃！

Anything else you need?

你還需要什麼嗎？

Maybe just a little salt

大概需要一點鹽吧

Babe wake up.

寶貝，起床了

Babe wake up..!

寶貝，起床了...！

Babe!

寶貝！

Wake up.

起床了！

What are you doing?

你要幹麻？

Oh good, you're awake

哦好，你醒了

Um...

恩...

What is this?

這是什麼？

Breakfast in bed

床上早餐

Here you go

拿去吧

Can't we just eat in the-?

我們不能去廚房吃嗎...?

Sorry - Wow

抱歉

Make room for thi-

哇...！

Got you some flowers to-

給你一些花...

Oh my gosh!

噢老天！

Oh gosh---Oh!

噢老天！

Oh!

噢！

I think um... Sorry

恩... 抱歉...

-Yeah okay, -Hold on

-嗯嗯... -等一下

Thanks

謝謝...

That's--That's everything

這... 這就是全部了

So...

所以...！

Voila

來囉！

Dig in,

開動吧

Its all my favorites, right?

這些都是我喜歡的，對吧？

Yeah...

恩....

Wow...

哇....

So? What do you think?

所以，你覺得怎麼樣？

I mean... I guess it could use a little sal--

我的意思是...我想它可以用點鹽...

Oh my gosh! You're getting salt everywhere!

天啊！ 你撒的鹽到處都是！

Oh no, that's not salt. Remember? We ran out

噢不，那不是鹽，記得嗎？ 我們用完了

What?

蛤？

What are you doing?

你在幹麻？

No! Is that?!?

不！該不會...！

It's Dandruff BAE <3

是頭皮屑，寶貝

The "Sexy Work Visit"

性感的工作拜訪

Perfect,

完美！

Uhh, hold on one second.

恩... 等我一下！

I'm on the phone right now!

我正在講電話

Uh, sorry about that.

恩，抱歉！

So yeah,I-I will.....

恩，對，我...

Phew, you got to be kidding me.

哎，你在開玩笑吧...

[Sexy music ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

You know what, I'm gonna have to- I'm gonna have to call you back.

呃... 我等等打電話給你

I can come back later..

我可以晚一點再過來

No!N-n-no I'm..totally free right now.

不...不不不，我現在非常有空

That's what I though

我也這麼想

ummm...

恩...

I...

我...

(Derp face lol)

I'm... I'm on the phone right now

我... 我正在講電話

so you could please come back

所以你過來吧

Ohhh.. you've got to be kidding me.

噢... 你在開玩笑吧...

oh, you know I'm gonna have to call you back

噢，我等等打電話給你

I'm so sorry just my stupid wife

抱歉，是我愚蠢的老婆來了

Hi Honey

嗨，甜心

[sigh]

I can come back later...

我可以晚一點再過來

PLEASE come back later

拜託！晚一點再過來！

I have so much work to do!

我還有好多工作要做！

Still working?

還在工作？

YES!

對！

I have so much to do!

我還有好多工作要做！

Ok, you still working?

嗯嗯～你還在工作？

What the *bleep*

搞X啊？

What?

什麼？

You just broke my computer!

你剛摔壞了我的電腦！

All my clients on there!

我的客戶資料都在裡面！

I'm gonna get fired now

我要被解雇了！

Babe... I'm sure we would be just fine...

寶貝...我相信我們會很好的...

[Homeless&Hungry] PLEASE HELP

飢餓又無家可歸 請幫幫忙

[The Surprise]

驚喜

OK, be careful. Just sit right here

恩，小心，就坐在這裡

Right here?

這裡嗎？

Uh huh.

嗯嗯！

Sit....

坐！

Hey...

嘿...

No peeking....

不要偷看

I'm not! I can't see anything

我沒有，我什麼都看不到

What am I getting?

我會得到什麼？

What did I do to deserve this gift?

我做了什麼要給我禮物？

It's not even my birthday!

我生日也還沒到啊？

You'll see...

你會知道的...

k..

好吧...

*Camera beep*

Ok

好

Alright..

是的

Open your eyes..

張開你的眼睛

-You can take it off now. -Take it off?

- 你現在可以脫掉眼罩了 - 可以脫了？

Yes! *Nervous laugh*

是的！

*Laughs all around*

no.. So I'm going to be a dad?

噢！所以我要當爸了？

I'm going to be a dad!

我要當爸了！

Open your eyes..

張開你的眼睛

-You can take it off now. -Take it off?

- 你現在可以脫掉了 - 可以脫了？

What is this?

這是什麼？

Are you-Are you pregnant?

妳...妳懷孕了？

Yes!

是的

Oh my god (it's baby Ryden)

噢老天啊！

I know

我知道

OH MY GOD

噢老天

What are we gonna do?

我們該怎麼辦？

What?

什麼？

We can't even afford rent

我們甚至還無法負擔房租

How did you even afford this?

你怎麼負擔得起這個？

How are we supposed to afford diapers and toys and-

我們要如何負擔得起尿布、玩具和...

Babe!

寶貝！

Calm down!

冷靜！

Seriously

說真的

Everything is gonna be just fin-

(Yet again)

The "Don't Get On That Plane Because I have 'un Last Corny

「不要上那架飛機，因為我要讓你知道，我們可以過著幸福的生活」的時刻

Next

下一個

Stop

停！

Gina wait!

Gina！等等！

Wait

等等！

Gina wait

Gina，等等！

Don't get on that plane

不要上那架飛機！

Please

拜託...

Look, I-I-I know I told you to take that job in Paris

我..我..我知道是我告訴妳要把握這份在巴黎的工作

Where you gonna be making a ton of money

在那裡妳可以賺很多很多的錢

Even though you have to work for that

他從妳從事這項工作的那一刻起

evil boss that makes you feel horrible

即使你必須為那個邪惡的老闆工作，讓你感到可怕

And I know that straight male co-worker

而且我知道那個看起來很帥的直男同事會在那裡

that's incredibly good looking is gonna be there

And he's been trying to steal you away from me

就一直試圖把妳從我身邊搶走

from the moment you took this job

Just roughly 85(?) minutes ago

就是大約85分鐘前 (?!)

I can't let you go

我不能讓妳走

Because...

因為...

I can't stand the thought of you waking up alone

我無法忍受你在外獨自醒來

with no breakfast in bed

還沒有床上早餐

I can't stand the fact

不要上那架飛機！

there's no possible way that you just gonna randomly

show up to my workplace in the middle of the day

And more than anything

還有更重要的

I can't bear the idea that our son will only

我不能忍受我們的兒子

get to know his mother through a computer screen

只能通過電腦螢幕知道他的母親

So I'm begging you

我一直跟你說，是 Gina

Don't get on that plane

不要上那架飛機！

Stay with him

留下吧！

Ok

好吧

I'll stay

(crowd clapping)

噢！

Gina wait

Gina，等等！

I keep telling you it's Gina

Don't get on that plane

不要上那架飛機！

I'm not

This isn't even my gate and...

I'm going to the restroom

Oh!

噢靠...

Well.. don't get on- don't get on your flight

恩... 那....那不要上你的飛機！

(sigh) Look Ryan, we talked about this

Ryan，我們討論過這件事

I have to go

我必須要去

Look, just... just wait

-我要去廁所了...所以... -不不不，等等

Look, I know that I told you to take that job in Paris

我知道是我告訴妳要把握這份在巴黎的工作

And that I was ok with it but.. but I'm not

Because I can't stand the thought...

因為我不能忍受...

Of you... Not... In the morning...

你...沒有...在早上...

Dammit, I almost had it

什麼？

I had it on the way here -Yeah umm...

當我們打招呼時，我就已經愛上妳了(電影台詞)

I have to... go to the restroom so.. -No no no, just wait

I can do this. I can do this

我可以做到，我可以

*Breath in*

噢恩， 完全就是《征服情海》 (註：Jerry Maguire，譯：征服情海，1996愛情電影)

Oh crap

你是鳥，我也是鳥 (電影台詞)

-Ok -Ok, just... You had me at Hello

所以你說《戀戀筆記本》？ (註：The Notebook，譯：戀戀筆記本，2004愛情電影)

Ok?

好嗎？

What?

什麼？

You had me at Hello

這有點不太對吧？

Really? Is that a movie reference?

有些人值得融化 (電影台詞) (註：來自冰雪奇緣Frozen)

You complete me

我希望我知道如何戒掉你 (電影台詞) (註：來自斷背山Brokeback Mountain)

Ok, yeah. That's definitely Jerry Mcguire

You're a bird, I'm a bird

So you like The Notebook?

這腳本真的不可行

I promise, Jack. I'll never let go

我保證，傑克，我永遠不會放手 (電影台詞)

Alright, hold on, you're Rose, and I'm Jack?

欸等等...你是蘿絲，我是傑克？

That doesn't even make sense

你只是隨機引用

Some people are worth melting for

*sigh*

I wish I knew how to quit you

Really? Brokeback?

真假？斷背山？

Hakuna matata

Hakuna matata (電影台詞) (註：來自獅子王The Lion King)

That really doesn't work in this scenario

Ohana means family

Ok, these aren't even romance movies anymore.

You're just saying random quotes

I'm just a girl... standing in front of a boy

別忘了我只是一個女生,站在一位男生的面前... (註：來自新娘百分百Notting Hill)

*sigh*

嘆息

asking him... to love him (lol)

要求他愛我...

Ok, you know what? Seriously, stop

好吧，你知道嗎？ 真的...停...!

If I promise to stay, will you stop this?

如果我答應留下來，你會停下來吧？

Ye-yes, yes. I promise

當...當然！我保證！

Ok, I'll stay

好吧，我留下來

Uhm, you know, but I'm curious.

恩...但我很好奇...

How did you actually get back here? Did you buy a ticket?

你是怎麼回到這裡的？ 你買了機票嗎？

Well, see I snuck through security

好吧，我偷偷通過安檢

And I kinda ran when they saw me, and then I hid from them

當他們看見我時我就跑了，現在我還在躲他們

And then I tracked you down here.

然後我跟踪妳到這裡

Ryan, that's a federal crime, you could go to jail

Ryan，這是一個聯邦犯罪，你會進監獄耶！

I probably am.

可能唷！

But you will lose your job, we'll lose everything

但你會失去你的工作，我們會失去一切

I know

我知道

Wait, does that mean...

等等，這意思是...

Yup

對！

Well, at least it's not snowing anymore

好吧，至少不下雪了

Ugh, wait. What it that?

呃，等等...這是什麼？

Salt?

鹽？

Guess again

再猜一次

Ugh

呃...！

It's Dandruff Bae <3

是頭皮屑，寶貝

TEEHEE