Here I am with Metal Gear V: The Phantom Menace

..Uh oh.

Wake up idiot!

Soldier: Happy birthday, boss!

My birthday was three months ago

Puppy!

How do I pet the pup?

Oh.. ohohoho

When big boss pets you... you stay pet

TAKE THIS YOU PATRIOTS

YOU SONS OF BITCHES

Ow...

Let me redo..

Give me one redo...

[*Chuckles*]

Wait guys let's just fix this

We can fix this guys

I'll be right back

FUCKING LU-LE-LI-LE-LU

FUCKING PATRIOTS

FUCKING RIOT GAMES

FUCK YOU!

WOOO!

That's some badass shit right there

Can't be!

The Oculus Rift!

h-h h- h-h how- how- how y-

How ya- How ya gonna get hit in the head with a box?

Oh.

Check this out man

Look at- h-he takes a little knife out of his vest!

[*Chuckles*]

This is the greatest game

Look at-

[*Laughing*]

Come here boy

He can't pet!

Big boss doesn't know how to pet!

Soldier: Boss! Got time to train with me?

Soldier: Thanks for that, boss!

Get back here!

[*Laughing*] Why does he run like that?

[*Continued laughter*]

Alright, stop whining, I'll get you outta here

Actually.

Watch this... stealth.

[Slowed down] Uh oh....

[Slowed down] Dunkey busted!

Ooh.

You can do that..

Look at this. This is my new move.

Hey!

It's me, Solid Snake!

Um.. hi, I'm a pirate

Uh oh, he's on to it

[*Laughing*]

But which one is the real Solid Snake??

He may never know.

It can't be!

Shadow Moses!

I have to call in air support!

This is the best.

[Music starts]

[*Chuckling*] You can pick what song-

[Cruisin' USA plays]

You can play cruisin' USA for the helicopter music!

What?! They got me with the balloon trick!

You sons of bitches, Shadow Moses!

I know that you're really... the shadow Patriots!

You think you can fool me huh?

Let's blow this thing sky-high, baby!

WOOO!!

I'm outta here you fucking idiots!

See you in hell!

WOOOO!

Uh oh.

Don't shoot!

Don't shoot, don't shoot, don't shoot!

Don't shoot!

Fuckin' bitch!

No no nonononono!

Hah ha haaaaa!

NO NO NO

Radio: Boss, take cover! There's a laser sight trained on your head!

Dunkey: A laser!?!

That's it.

You wanna use a laser, bitch?

Now you gonna make me pull out my best move.

Here it comes...

[*Laughing*]

He's invincible!

He absorbs all my bullets!

But he was killed in Zanzibar!

It can't be!

I-it's...

It's...

SHADOW JESUS

[Huge dramatic music]

This man. Is fucked.

Here it comes.

[*Laughing*]

Look at this kid.

He's a goddamn amateur

Get outta here

You ain't doin' it no more

[Bird falling]

[Thump]

You need this balloon!

Don't worry octagon!

I'll save you!

[Ding]

Actually.

[*Muffled*] Nevermind.

[Smooth jazz]