So normally, to get it out of the way, in 9th grade, all the boys would take P.E. and all the girls would take dance.

為了達到畢業標準，通常在 9 年級，男生們會選競技體育，女生們則會選舞蹈。

But sometimes though, really white boys would take dance.

然而有時候比較秀氣的男孩也會選舞蹈課。

And you'd always point them out during dance recitals.

每回成果發表都特別引人注目。

So I actually took P.E. my sophomore year because I went to a preparatory school in 9th grade.

而我呢則是晚了一年才上體育課，因為我 9 年級時去上了預備學校。

But that was okay, because I fit in quite perfectly with all the other skinny white boys.

但那沒關係，我和其他瘦弱蒼白的男孩挺能打成一片。

And there's like this long moment in the first 10 minutes of class, where all you do is sit in the locker room and wait until coach says, "Okay, let's do this!"

每次上課前 10 分鐘都會有段漫長時光，大家得呆坐在換衣間，直到教練宣布：「好，我們開始吧！」

So one day, we all got bored and just flicking water bottle caps.

有天我們實在太無聊了，於是開始玩起彈水壺蓋。

You know, just the caps in a little...

你知道的，就是把蓋子輕輕......

We just started flicking, you know? Like little tiny frisbees.

我們開始亂彈，把蓋子當小飛盤。

We took caps from the trash, and we would just...

我們從垃圾裡拿蓋子，然後就......

Shoot them at each other, you know?

還拿來攻擊別人。

And it was all fun, you know? And no one really got hurt.

真的很好玩耶，而且沒有人受傷。

And I'm petty sure I'm the one who started it, but whatever.

我相當確定是我發明這遊戲的，不過隨便啦。

And then when we did our physical education class, it was, like, extra hard.

可是當課程正式開始，一切就變得額外艱辛。

Like we ran two laps instead of one.

我們不只跑一圈，我們跑了兩圈。

And we had to do wall sits while holding medicine balls.

我們還得靠牆蹲下，手裡拿著藥球。

And then afterwards, when we were all sweaty and tired, the teacher goes, "You want to know why today was extra hard?

接著當我們大汗淋漓又累得要死的時候，老師說：「想知道為什麼今天特別累嗎？」

It's because you're flicking water bottle caps at each other."

「因為你們互相亂射水壺蓋。」

What?

什麼？

Fast forward a couple... I don't know, a month, and these two kids get the idea to play a game called Bodies.

大概幾個月後，有兩個小孩想到一個遊戲叫做「身體」。

And if you aren't familiar with that game, it's a game where you punch someone...

如果你沒聽過這遊戲，它的內容就是揮拳毆打某人......

That's it.

就這樣。

You're not allowed to hit their face though, just their bodies.

但你不能打別人的臉，只能打身軀。

Which is why it's called Bodies!

所以這遊戲就叫「身體」囉！

And you think at least one of us would be like,

你可能會想，至少我們其中一位會說：

"Um, hey you guys..."

「嘿我說你們......」

Oh wait, their voices should be squeaky.

噢等等，他們的嗓音會更短促尖銳一點。

"Um, hey you guys! Coach didn't like that we were throwing water bottle caps before."

「我說你們，教練在我們丟水瓶蓋的時候就罵過我們了。」

"Uh... Maybe we shouldn't do this."

「也許我們不應該這麼做。」

So, you know, I obviously couldn't let that happen...

我當然不會讓這種事發生啦。

Without watching.

只要沒人看到就好。

And these two kids started playing, and one kid, isn't even punching back.

兩個孩子玩起來，其中一位居然沒有揮拳回去。

Which is a strategy I would not use, playing that particular game.

要是我的話我絕不會用那種遊戲策略。

And then all of a sudden, the dude taking the punches, falls off his feet, and hits his head on the hard tile, and dosen't get up.

突如其來地，乖乖挨打的男孩往後倒下去，頭撞到堅硬的磁磚地，沒有爬起來。

"Did I win?"

「我贏了嗎？」

So were a couple of young bros, and we were like,

我們那時少不更事，於是這麼做：

Hey bro.

嘿兄弟。

Bro!

兄弟！

BRO!

兄弟！！

BRO?

兄弟？

So we had to tell the teacher, and the teacher got the nurse, and little time passed, and at that point he did wake up a little.

我們只好報告老師，老師去找護士，一段時間後他甦醒了一點。

And the coach asked him, "What happened?"

於是教練問他：「發生什麼事了？」

And he knew he would get in trouble if he told the truth.

他自己知道說出真相會帶來麻煩。

So he lied and said,

所以他選擇說謊：

"Oh... I don't know? I just... passed out...and got all these punch marks."

「呃我不太確定耶，我就是昏倒了，起來身上就出現這些毆打痕跡。」

Although it is possible he could have legitimately forgot.

雖然他的確有可能忘記發生什麼事情。

And then the coach asked the class, "What happened?"

不過教練還是問全班：「這是怎麼一回事？」

And everyone was like, "Oh, yeah. Jeez man, yeah. He just passed out."

同學就開始：「噢這個嘛，我的天啊，是啊，他就自己昏倒了啊。」

"Yeah, I saw him. He just flopped down."

「對啊我有看到，他就直直倒下去了。」

And we almost got away with it, except one kid.

我們差點就過關了，要不是其中一位孩子的話。

I forget his first name, but his last name was like, Ferilikins or something.

我忘了他的名字，不過他好像姓「費禮金斯」之類的。

Ugh, and he had this stupidest bowl cut too.

吼，而且他的瀏海髮型超笨。

Ugh, so stupid!

吼真的很蠢！

He tells the coach,

他告訴教練：

"They were play..."

「他們在玩......」

"They were playing Bodies."

「他們在玩身體遊戲。」

"And person A Falcon Punched person B."

「然後甲漫畫情節似地打了乙。」

And then, we already know we're in a whole heck of a trouble.

這下子我們都知道自己難逃一劫了。

But the nurse called the PE teacher and said, "This kid needs to get his stuff."

但此時護士打給體育老師，跟他說：「這孩子需要收拾東西。」

And coach said to the class,

教練就跟全班說：

"Someone needs to get this kid his stuff."

「有誰可以幫他收東西？」

"I...I got it! I'll get his stuff."

「我......我來！我來幫他！」

And I'm told that the class had to do lunges down the track field, but I wouldn't know, because I took my sweet time getting him his stuff.

我聽說後來全班得繞著操場做深蹲；我不知道這是真的還假的，因為我很快樂地幫同學收書包。

And then a year later I heard our P.E. teacher got fired.

一年後我聽說那個老師被開除了。

For separate reasons.

還有其他原因，不全是我們害的啦。