South Korea is experiencing a golden age

南韓正經歷一個

of rapid progress and economic growth.

經濟成長快速進步的黃金時代

In just 25 years, the previous war-torn country

在短短25年，從前飽受戰爭摧殘的國家

has risen to become the world's twelfth largest economy.

已躍升為世界第十二大經濟體

The birthplace of Samsung

三星的出生地

is also one of the world's most internet-savvy nations.

也是世界上網路最發達的國度之一

Social media is such an important part of Korean culture

社交媒體更是韓國文化中很重要的一部份

that they even have their own messaging service,

他們甚至擁有自己的通信服務

where Koreans send over 55 billion text messages a day.

在這裡，韓國人每日發送超過550億封簡訊

(audience cheers)

（觀眾尖叫）

If I was going to connect with the Korean people

如果我要和韓國人發生關係（康納雙關：性關係）

I would need learn their language.

我就必須學習他們的語言

(audience laughs)

（觀眾大笑）

This is Kim Shield, am I saying your name correctly?

這位是 Kim Shield，我有唸對你的名字嗎？

Jin-sil.

是 Jin-sil 才對

Jim Shield.

Jim Shield

Jin

Jin

Gin Shield.

Gin Shield

Jin-sil.

Jin-sil

Gin Shield.

Gin Shield

Yeah, not the, so--

呃，不是這樣

What?

啥？

Jin-sil.

Jin-sil

Chin Cheel

Chin Cheel

Not the "ch" sound.

不是"ch"的發音

Jin-sil.

Jin-sil

Yes, that's perfect.

沒錯，很棒

I've asked you to teach me Korean.

我請你教我韓文

And in an hour, all I've learned is how to say your name.

而這一小時內，我學到的卻只是怎麼唸你的名字

(audience laughs)

（觀眾大笑）

Jin-sil.

Jin-sil

(audience giggles)

（觀眾再次大笑）

I'd like to learn the culture.

我想學點韓國文化

What is the correct way to behave?

在這裡怎樣才是正確的言行舉止？

Do I make eye contact?

我可以和女人有眼神接觸嗎？

Or do I avert my eyes at women?

還是我要迴避她們？

Just eye contact, but not

可以有眼神接觸

like that.

但不是那樣

(audience laughs)

（觀眾大笑）

A little bit scary.

有點可怕

Scary, what I'm doing now is scary.

可怕，我這樣做很可怕

So, you're saying, look at people in the eye,

所以你是說，要看著對方的眼睛

but not too closely.

但不能靠太近

You tell me when I'm too close.

是我靠太近的時候你說不能這樣

(audience laughs)

（觀眾大笑）

I'm gonna start moving towards you,

我現在要靠妳近一點

and you say when it's too--

然後太近的時候你要跟我說—

Okay, that's enough. (audience cheers and claps)

好，夠了（觀眾掌聲加尖叫）

That's good.

很好

Should my expression be happy?

我應該表現得開心嗎？

Yeah, yes.

恩，沒錯

But not, weird smile.

但不要詭異地笑

Not weird?

不要詭異是嗎？

Yeah, like--

恩，就像—

What am I doing that's weird?

我現在做的事情很怪？

Okay, naturally.

恩，自然就好

Naturally.

自然一點

This is my natural smile.

我平常就是這樣笑

(audience laughs)

（眾人大笑）

What do you think?

你覺得呢？

(disapproving hum)

（不甚同意）

How do I say, "Hello"?

「你好」怎麼說？

Annyeong haseyo.

Annyeong haseyo

Annyeong haseyo.

Annyeong haseyo

Annyeong haseyo.

Annyeong haseyo

Annyeong haseyo. (audience laughs)

Annyeong haseyo （觀眾笑）

Too much, too close, and too big a smile, okay.

太誇張、靠太近、笑得太燦爛了

Eolmayeyo?

Eolmayeyo？

Eolmayeyo, means "How much?"

Eolmayeyo 是「多少錢 」的意思嗎？

Yep, eolmayeyo

對，eolmayeyo

If walk up to a woman and say, "How much?"

如果我走向一個女人並問她「多少錢 ？」

(audience laughs)

（眾人笑）

I get slapped in my country.

在我的國家，我會被甩巴掌（康納原問句雙關：「小姐一晚多少錢？」）

Okay.

嗯哼

Joh-a.

Joh-a

Joh-a.

Joh-a

Good! I like it!

很好，我喜歡！

Joh-a's good.

Joh-a 是很棒的意思

Yeah, I like it.

沒錯，我喜歡

Heh, Joh-a. (audience laughs)

嗯，Joh-a （觀眾笑）

Joh-ayo.

Joh-ayo

Joh-ayo. I like it.

Joh-ayo，我喜歡

That's good.

不錯

Apa.

Apa

It hurt.

好痛

Yeah.

對

[Both] Apa.

[同時說] Apa

It hurt.

好痛

(audience giggles)

（觀眾笑）

What are you thinking?

你在想什麼？

I'm not, why do you think I'm thinking anything bad?

沒什麼，為什麼你會覺得我在想一些不正經的事？

Your thinking is deoleowo.

你的想法很「deoleowo」

Dog-rah-wah, is what?

Dog-rah-wah，這什麼？

Dirty, my thinking is dirty.

齷齰，我的思想很齷齰

Yeah.

對

I'm repressed. (audience laughs)

我很克制了（觀眾大笑）

Repression?

克制？

Do you know what repression is?

你知道什麼是克制嗎？

It's when Irish Catholics in America

就像那些在美國的愛爾蘭天主教徒

stuff down their sexual yearnings. (audience laughs)

壓抑自己的性慾（觀眾笑）

Deoleowo.

Deoleowo

It's pushed down.

就是被壓抑住

That's deoleowo.

這很 deoleowo

Deoleowo.

Deoleowo

Yeah, deoleowo.

對，deoleowo

It's pushed down, and then it comes out in strange,

就是被壓抑住，然後以奇怪的方式展現出來

sometimes unappealing ways.

有時令人不太舒服

Deoleowo, your hand's deoleowo. (audience laughs)

Deoleowo，你的手很 deoleowo（觀眾笑）

Stop moving like deoleowo.

不要再用這種 deoleowo 的方式移動了

They're dirty right now, my hands?

我的手現在又很髒？

Yeah, that's deoleowo.

對，實在很 deoleowo

Uh, stop it! (audience laughs)

喔，停下來！（觀眾笑）

Okay, hey, hey, whoa, sorry, that was me!

好啦，嘿，喔，抱歉，我這人就是這樣！

Saranghae.

Saranghae

Love you.

我愛你

Saranghae.

Saranghae

Saranghae.

Saranghae

Ah, yes, okay.

OK，就是這樣

Just say saranghae.

說 saranghae 就好

Not saranghae. (audience laughs)

不是 saranghae（觀眾笑）

Just saranghae, please?

就 saranghae，好嗎？

Okay, saranghae, love you.

好，saranghae，我愛你

Saranghae.

Saranghae

(romantic music)

（浪漫音樂）

Saranghae. (audience laughs)

Saranghae（觀眾笑）

Saranghae. (audience laughs)

Saranghae（觀眾笑）

(music stops abruptly)

（音樂突然停止）

(shivers)

（顫抖）

(audience laughs and claps)

（觀眾大笑並鼓掌）

What is this?

這啥？

This is my stick--

這是我的棍子—

Your stick?

你的棍子？

for students.

給學生用的

May I show this?

我可以給大家看嗎？

This is the stick that you use for students?

這是你打學生用的棍子？

I'm using this for love.

沒錯 愛的教育

You're using this for love.

為愛而使用

For my students.

為了我的學生好

You've got a love stick. (audience laughs)

你獲得了一根愛的棒棒（康納雙關：男性勃起的下體）（觀眾笑）

No.

才不是

And I'm the dirty guy.

而我又是個齷齰的男人

You use this to--

你用這個去—

Yeah.

嗯

Actually, you don't hit people, do you?

其實你不會打人，對吧？

I sometimes.

有時候啦

Are you going to do that with me?

那你要這樣對我嗎？

Oh.

喔

Punch me with that stick.

用棍子揍我

No, I, like this.

不，我都這樣

Why do you like it? (audience laughs and claps)

你怎麼會喜歡被打？（觀眾大笑拍手）

Stop it!

夠了喔！

Stop liking it?

夠了喔！

No, no, stop.

不，停下來

Okay.

好

You don't understand

妳真是不了解我

my entire fantasy is a stern woman.

我的性幻想對象就是個惡女

I don't like you! (audience laughs and claps)

我不喜歡你！（觀眾大笑拍手）

Listen, no please, just don't jump to that.

聽著，別這樣，不要把話題轉移到那方面

You are a stern school mistress

妳是個兇悍女教師

who is unhappy and punishing me

一不高興就處罰我

and I'm being hurt with your love stick.

然後我等一下就會被妳用愛的小手揍

This is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

這實在是我有生以來遇過最爽的事

Oh my God!

我的老天！

What are you talking about?

你在說啥？

You're weird!

你好怪！

I'm not weird!

我才沒有

Well, I'm weird.

好啦，我很怪

Yes, you are weird.

對，你是個怪人

Didn't you look me up on the internet before I cam here?

在我來之前你沒有先在網路上 google 我嗎？

I'm famous for being weird.

我以搞怪出名

I'm a Grade A creep.

我是一流的怪咖

Stop smiling and stop just--

別笑了，停下來—

Stop smiling--

不准笑—

Like moving your fingers like that.

手指不要再那樣動

What are you talking about?

妳到底在說什麼？

Oh my God!

老天爺！

Don't move my fingers, don't smile.

手指不能動，不要笑

Do you want to write your name?

你想學怎麼寫你的名字嗎？

In Korean?

用韓文嗎？

Yeah, in Korean.

對，用韓文

Yes, I want to write my name in Korean.

恩，我想用韓文寫名字

Yep, here.

好，看這邊

Do you, okay, here first.

你有過...好，先看這個

Okay.

好

This is the Korean--

這是韓文—

Oh look, I thought this was a menu. (audience laughs)

喔，我以為這是菜單（觀眾笑）

I swear to God.

我對天發誓

This is Conan.

這是康納

This is Conan.

這是康納

That's Conan, right there.

是康納耶，在這

Look at that!

快看！

Conan.

康納

Yeah.

是的

So, do you know how to write?

所以你知道怎麼寫了嗎？

Do I know how to write? (audience laughs)

你說我知道怎麼寫嗎？（觀眾笑）

Without seeing this.

如果不看這個的話

No, I--

不，我—

And I will give you three seconds.

那我給你三秒鐘

(audience claps and laughs)

（觀眾拍手大笑）

What do you mean I have three seconds?

你說我只有三秒鐘是什麼意思？

(audience laughs)

（觀眾大笑）

How's that, and you get all this in?

怎麼樣，妳就都會寫？

No, you're terrible--

不是這樣，你真的很糟糕—

Punish, punish both hands--

處罰我吧，兩隻手都打—

Oh my God, you're just being on purpose.

我的天，你根本是故意的

Do it, I must be punished.

來吧，我應該被處罰

Ah yes, and this one, too.

對，就是這樣，還有這隻手

Oh my God!

我的天！

Okay.

太棒了

You know what?

你知道嗎？

Huh, apa, it hurt.

Apa，好痛

Apa, oh!

喔，apa！

But I liked it, yeah.

不過我喜歡

How do we say, "it hurt but in a good way"?

「好痛，但是好爽」要怎麼說？

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

This is me?

這是我嗎？

This actually looks a lot like me.

這跟我長得頗像

This is me, and I do wear little boys underwear.

就是我啦，我的確會穿這種小男孩內褲

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Okay, what's this?

好，這是什麼？

What?

啥？

Uh, that's called meori.

呃，我們稱它為 meori

Meori.

Meori

This area?

這個區域嗎？

Okay, chest.

對，胸部

Okay?

可以嗎？

Is called gaseum.

這叫 gaseum

A nipple is--

那乳頭是—

Jeojkkogji, okay.

恩，jeojkkogii

You just point to it.

你剛指向它

With your stick. (audience laughs)

用你的棍子（觀眾笑）

Should I touch it?

我要碰它？

Can you just skip?

你可以跳過這部份嗎？

Please, I need to know.

拜託，我真的很想知道

Why do you?

為什麼？

I'm trying to learn.

我試著認真向學

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Oh my God, just stop it!

我的天，停下來好嘛！

Stop it!

停！

Doing that more is not going to make me stop.

你越這麼做就越不能讓我停下來

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Where is your eongdeong-i? (audience laughs)

你的 eongdeong-i 在哪裡？（觀眾笑）

Where is your eongdeong-i?

你的 eongdeong-i 在哪？

I don't think nobody can teach you.

我覺得沒有人可以教你了

Do don't think anyone can teach me?

你覺得沒人可以教我？

Yeah.

對

Because you twist it.

因為你總是曲解我的意思

You think I'm twisted.

你覺得我很變態

You change to dirty things.

你都會想成骯髒的東西

I think I took your lead, I took your,

我想我是跟隨你的指導，跟隨你...

you put out a message.

你散發出一種訊息

I heard you with my, what are these called again?

我用我的...來聽，可以再說一次那叫什麼嗎？

Say it?

再說一次？

Gwi.

Gwi

Gwi, very good. (audience laughs)

Gwi，很好（觀眾笑）

It's more like gwi.

聽起來比較像是「龜」

Can we be friends?

我們可以做朋友嗎？

Okay.

可以

Is that possible?

有可能嗎？

Yeah.

嗯

How do I say, "Hello, friend"?

「你好，朋友」要怎麼說？

Annyeong chingu.

Annyeong chingu

Annyeong chingu.

Annyeong chingu

Annyeong chingu. (romantic music)

Annyeong chingu （浪漫音樂）

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

(music stops abruptly)

（音樂嘎然而止）