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  • Okay okay okay I'm so excited I'm so excited to do this

  • Hi there my pretty chickens!

    好的好的 能弄這個我超興奮的

  • let me first introduce myself. My name's Jon Cozart,

    我漂亮的雞雞們(jon對粉絲的暱稱)大家好~

  • you may not recognize me because now that it's 2016, I'm a

    讓我先自我介紹一下,我叫Jon Cozart

  • BRAND NEW ME, baby!

    你可能會認不出我因為現在是2016年

  • hey, okay. Enough. Every year I end up breaking a ton

    所以親愛的,這是一個全!新!的!我!!!

  • new years resolutions like last year I told myself

    耶!好了,夠了

  • "Jon, okay, stop doing so much strenuous activity,

    每一年我都打破以噸計的新年計劃

  • you're gonna hurt yourself", and then I ended up working out all year and got super hot so...

    像上一年,我告訴自己:「Jon,好了,不要再做這麼多運動了你可能會傷到自己」

  • 2016 is the year of Jon Cozart.

    然後最終我還是整年都運動了 所以我變的超帥的(熱的雙關語)

  • It's my year.

    所以嘛。。。

  • My year!

    2016年是屬於Jon Conzart的

  • It is my year according to my manager and my mother.

    是我的!我的!

  • And yeah I'm choosing to ignore that fact that my manager has to love me because of mo-

    (2016)是屬於我的,根據我的經紀人和我的媽媽

  • I spent New Year's in Austin

    我選擇無視我的經紀人看在錢的份上必須愛我這個事實

  • and midnight was a bit of a mess... I'll get to that a little later,

    我在奧斯汀(德州的首都)度過了新年

  • but during the day I met up with all of my old college buddies

    半夜的時候有一點混亂,我等一下再說這個

  • we had a ten event decathlon, we competed against each other,

    那一天,我跟以前大學的同學有個聚會

  • head to head to figure out who was the best human being.

    我們進行了一系列的比賽

  • Uh... we started with bowling.

    我們互相競爭

  • Right now it's a dead heat between me and Marshal for the win,

    一對一,要找出最厲害的那一位

  • we're on the tenth frame.

    我們從保齡球開始

  • Survivor, friendly islands.

    現在我和marshall之間的比賽進入白熱化的階段 要爭出勝負

  • Pause. I realize watching strangers bowl is kind of boring,

    這是第十輪

  • so that's why I've decided to temporarily convert Paint

    幸存者,友善的島嶼(?)

  • into the Lonely Bowling Channel.

    暫停,我意識到,看陌生人玩保齡球是有一點無聊

  • Welcome to the lonely bowling channel,

    所以我決定暫時把"Paint"(這個頻道)變成"孤單保齡球"

  • your one stop shop for all your New Year's Eve decathlon bowling related events,

    孤單保齡球(頻道)

  • I'm your host Jon Coco. And with me here today is Mark D... oh.

    歡迎收看“孤單保齡球"

  • I am alone.

    你的一站式資訊頻道, 為你提供新年前夕需要的一切保齡球相關資訊

  • Marshal needs his pin to seal his victory otherwise Jon has the oppurtunity to catch up,

    我是你的主持, Jon Coco

  • Oh, he misses!

    今天和我一起的是 Mark D...

  • He missed like I miss my dad everyday.

    喔,只有我一個

  • You got daddy issues Mark?

    Marshall需要打到最後一個保齡球瓶以得到勝利

  • Mark?

    否則,Jon有機會趕上比分!

  • Everybody focus here. Jon's up to plate he's ready to score that touch down.

    噢!他打歪了!

  • Get a birdy on this hoop and win.

    他錯過了瓶子,就像我每天想念我的父親一樣 (錯過和想念的英文同為missed)

  • He's gonna go for it. The crowd is in shambles!

    你和你父親相處的怎麼樣,Mark?

  • He shoots!

    Mark?

  • HE SCORES! (Cheers)

    大家留意

  • (sad music)

    輪到Jon了,他已經準備好得到這一分

  • Look at his face of failure! (Nooooooooo) *Evil laughter*

    打出“小鳥球”然後贏得比賽 (“小鳥球”:高爾夫球用語,指好球)

  • After bowling there were nine other events in this decathlon

    他要出擊了,群眾一片混亂!

  • like pinball, Marshal won that,

    他出手了!

  • Nintendo Land, Marshal won that,

    他得分了!

  • (Cheering and booing)

    看這個輸了的表情

  • Egg toss, the egg toss.

    啊!

  • Whoa, oa oa, oh, YES!

    在保齡球之後我們還有9個競爭項目

  • Stop, please! Spin move! Spin move!

    如彈球,Marshall 贏了

  • Wayne won that. Okay? But Wayne's partner was Marshal so technically

    如籃球,Marshall 贏了

  • But who's the best bowler?

    和扔雞蛋

  • Noo!

    Wayne贏了這個,好嗎?

  • And really, what is winning?

    但Wayne的搭檔是Marshall,所以技術上。。。

  • When you look back at these events, nobody's gonna remember Marshal winning pinball.

    不過,誰是最好的保齡球玩家?

  • They're going to remember Krissy, jumping into the shot

    說真的,什麼是贏?

  • scooping in on a comical oppurtunity.

    當我們回頭看的時候,沒有人會記得Marshall贏了彈球

  • They'll remember Tearney, bathing in red tickets.

    他們會記得Chrissie,跳入畫面中,找尋機會引人發笑

  • They'll remember this band-aid sticking it out on that jackpot machine.

    他們會記得Tierney,沐浴在紅色的獎券中

  • They'll remember Wayne, putting dirty coins in his mouth.

    他們會記得這塊繃帶

  • And then putting a raw egg in his mouth; which shouldn't bother you, because those eggs would not break.

    我們把它黏在老虎機上面

  • Pretty sure we bought organic goose eggs from a giant's farmer's market in the sky.

    他們會記得Wayne,把骯髒的代幣放進口中

  • Jack and the beanstalk reference... Killin' it! Oooohooohoo.

    然後又把一個生雞蛋放進口裡

  • Moving on, night, I... I drank a– a ton of apple cider. Right,

    這並不應該令你傷神

  • and it had alcohol in it.

    因為那些蛋並不會破

  • I stole a glass from another bar.

    我肯定我們在一個大型農貿市場買了有機鵝蛋

  • Happy New Year! (Happy New Year! Yeah!)

    (而這個市場)在天上

  • Then we went to this silent bar, which like, why does that exist?

    引用了"傑克與魔豆"~

  • Bars are supposed to be loud, so that in order to have a conversation with somebody

    繼續,在晚上,我喝了一噸的...蘋果酒

  • you gotta get intimately close to them and then kiss 'em.

    對的,含酒精的

  • With your lips.

    我在另外一個酒吧偷了個杯子!

  • Anyways I had an awakening, religious experience brought on by... maybe it was the cider,

    新年快樂!

  • maybe it was the Bieber. The science is not in.

    然後我們去了這個“沈默的酒吧”

  • In that moment I felt like I wasn't living. (ding) Shhh...

    這種酒吧到底為甚麼存在?

  • Like i wasn't living to my full potential as a human being.

    酒吧應該是吵鬧的

  • And like an Italian pizza shop owner who just received a 20 dollar bill for a 4 dollar slice of pepperoni

    讓你和他人交談時距離必須很近很親密

  • I realized

    然後親下去!

  • I gotta make a change.

    用你的嘴唇!

  • I mean how many videos did I make in 2015?

    無論如何,我體驗了一次覺醒

  • 4?

    宗教性的體驗

  • One was sponsored, two were vlogs, and the last one was Star Wars in 99 seconds.

    可能是酒精帶來的?也可能是Bieber的歌帶來的

  • Which I'm extremely proud of, please go watch it. Here's an annotation here's a card if you're on your phone.

    沒有科學的因素在裡面

  • I'll wait.

    在那一刻,我覺得我沒有活...sh...

  • I can't take it any MOREEEEE!!

    我覺得我沒有活出我作為一個人的全部潛能

  • If i don't start growing up right now, I'm never gonna grow up.

    就像一個意大利比薩餅店老闆 售出只值4美元的意大利辣香腸比薩卻得到20美元

  • No stop. Unlike Peter Pan,

    我意識到

  • whether or not I decide to grow up, I'm still gonna age.

    我必須做出改變!

  • That's gonna happen, it's already happening. Look at these eye bags.

    我說,我在2015年製作了多少部影片?4部?

  • Okay?

    一部是受贊助的,兩部是影片日誌, 最後一部是99秒講完星戰

  • Sidenote, if you know how to get rid of these... Like is that genetic or...

    我對於99秒講完星戰感到非常的自豪, 請去看看,這裡是一個連結

  • I'm making a change folks. And not like "how about I increase my video output from 4 videos a year to..."

    如果你在用手機的話這裡是另外一個連結

  • "5?"

    我就在這裡等

  • No, I'm making a real change. This is the year of Jon Cozart, baby!

    我不能忍受了!

  • And if you don't believe me, believe my mother.

    如果我現在不開始長大,我就永遠不會長大了

  • Hey mom? What year is it?

    不...停止...不像彼得潘

  • 2016.

    不是我決定我想不想長大, 我的年歲還是會增長我還是會老化的啊

  • Who's year is it?

    這就是要發生的事,它已經發生了

  • Um...

    看看這裡的眼袋!好嗎

  • Donald Trump's? *laughter*

    旁注:你知道怎麼樣擺脫這些眼袋嗎? 像這是遺傳還是什麼

Okay okay okay I'm so excited I'm so excited to do this

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新年新氣象 (New Year, New Meh)

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    Teresa Chiang 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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