Holy (beep).

天啊

(instrumental)

（音樂）

- Korean face masks,

韓國面膜

my girlfriend loves these,

我女友超愛的

and honestly they just look terrifying on her.

但老實說，她敷臉的模樣超嚇人

- I know nothing about Korean skin care.

我對韓國人護膚一無所知

- I've seen some K-pop stars

我看過一些韓流明星

and they look very smooth?

他們看起來肌膚光滑對吧？

- Apparently, this stuff is like miraculous.

很明顯不用問啊，這東西簡直是奇蹟

- Snail spit is a thing.

蝸牛霜是個潮流

- I'm ready to look flawless.

我的肌膚準備看起來無瑕了

- [Steven] Alright, butterfly eyes.

（史帝芬）好喔，蝴蝶之眼（注：眼部面膜）

Perfect for my problem area.

專為我的問題區域而來

- Okay, so brightens me up.

好喔，它寫說會讓我的肌膚亮白

I'm ready to be brightened.

我準備好啦

- Get a first, first a nice whiff.

好喔，（撕開後）先聞一下

- Slimy in there. Eww.

裡面好黏稠喔，噁耶

(instrumental)

（音樂）

- Just keeping these up.

我把這貼好

Hideaway like a little ghost.

像個小鬼一樣把臉遮起來

- Oh, I feel like a Luby superhero.

喔，我看起來是叫露比的女超人（註：因為這面膜看起來像超人的眼罩）

- Yeah, this just feels like there's a used condom

對啊，這觸感好像用過的保險套

on my face, not that I would know

在我臉上，我可不是說我之前有把這黏在我臉上喔

what that feels like.

我可不知道

- I feel my skin is like drinking water.

我覺得肌膚在吸取水分

- I'm hoping this makes my skin tighter.

我希望這會讓肌膚變得緊緻

- It's just, like, not the best looking thing,

這面膜當然不是賣相很好啦

but it feels great.

但用起來不錯餒

Yes!

太好啦

I'm going to be a tiger.

（用這動物圖案面膜）我會看起來像老虎啦

- You know, I don't get pampered enough,

你知道嗎，我覺得剛剛沒有好好被呵護

so this is perfect.

所以這看起來超讚

- This is horrifying.

偶好緊張啊

This is horrifying.

偶好緊張啊

- The fuck, is this a fruit roll up?

這啥，捲起來的水果嗎

- Beauty, here I come!

面膜你這美女，我來啦（註：或可理解為，我準備好迎接美麗的肌膚啦）

- Oh, I feel so good!

喔～我感覺超讚

- Oh, it's so cold!

喔！好冰喔

- Wait, let me see myself.

等等喔，我看一下我自己

Okay I've got to take this off.

呵呵，我要拿下來了

(laughs)

（笑）

(laughs)

（笑）

- Jesus Christ.

偶滴耶穌

- My roommate will wear these

我室友會敷這個耶

and she'll come out of her room and she'll be like,

然後他走出房門，會表現得像是

hi, how's it going,

嗨，你怎麼樣啊

and I'll be like, oh my god.

然後我就會被他嚇到

- You remember that movie, The Mask, with Jim Carey?

你記得那部有金凱瑞演的電影，摩登大聖嗎？

That was based of the horrifying

我覺得那部電影是以

true story of this mask.

這恐怖面膜的真實故事為基礎的

- If this were just my dating profile,

如果這是我交友網站的大頭照

just me out in the woods, sort of like,

我看起來像獨自在樹林（的老虎）

- I'm wearing the skin of somebody I murdered.

我好像是敷一片我殺了的人的臉皮

- I actually want to look like this all the time.

我其實想要一直長得像這樣耶

Now I understand what furries are all about.

我現在可以理解絨毛動物的感受了

Milky Piggy Bubble Mask,

牛奶豬牌的泡泡清潔面膜

already a big fan of the milky piggy.

我一直都是這牌的頭號粉絲

- I don't know how I feel about that texture.

我不知道我對這質地的感覺耶

- Aw man, I'm all captain crunchy and shit.

噢老兄，我好像是麥片跟穢物的首領

- Oh, it's itchy!

喔，好癢喔

- Okay, I see you, Steven.

好喔，史蒂芬，我看到你囉

- Who's a milky piggy?

誰是有牛奶肌的小豬豬啊

Me, me, me.

我我我

- Is it moving?

這面膜在動嗎

Oh my god, it's pop rocking on my face.

喔天，它會在我臉上發泡、跳動

- God, it's all puffy.

天啊，這澎澎的耶

It's all puffing up.

一直膨起來

- This is so grotesque.

這一切都好怪

- Oh my god, I do look like Squidward.

偶的天，我的確看起來像章魚哥

- It's burning a little more than the other ones.

這比其他款都還要有灼熱感

- It's like, tighter boning my face.

這好像更緊地在摩擦我的臉

Make it stop!

讓它停下！！！

Make it stop!

讓它停下！！！

- There are tiny little elves just blowing on my face,

有很多小精靈在吹我的臉

just like-

好像這樣

- I quit.

我退出

- You know, I had a great time with this.

你知道嗎，我玩得還滿開心

(sighs)

（嘆氣）

- That was fun.

很好玩

- My skin does feel less oily.

我的皮膚的確變得不油了

- No, it feels really good.

我覺得挺不錯

Steven probably pooped his pants

史蒂芬大概嚇尿了

and couldn't handle it,

不能忍受

but that's okay.

但沒差啦

- I'm going to go buy some of these and join my girlfriend.

我要買一些面膜，加入我女友敷面膜的行列

- I don't want to see that in the mirror ever again.

我不想再看到我敷面膜在鏡子裡的倒影

Out behind a corner you see me jump out,

在角落你會看到我蹦出來

like I'm here, too.

像是在說，我這隻老虎也在這哦

That'd be a happy sight for anyone.

對大家來說一定很歡樂