I developed a shake in my hand,

手開始會顫抖

and this was the straightest line I could draw.

這是我當時能畫出來最直的線

Now in hindsight, it was actually good for some things,

現在想想，有些事其實我還頗在行

like mixing a can of paint or shaking a Polaroid,

譬如說：搖勻顏料罐或是甩動拍立得相片

but at the time this was really doomsday.

但那段時間真像世界末日

This was the destruction of my dream of becoming an artist.

我想成為藝術家的夢想就此幻滅

The shake developed out of, really,

這個顫抖的症狀其實來自於

a single-minded pursuit of pointillism,

我全心投入點畫的結果

just years of making tiny, tiny dots.

經年累月描繪小小的點

And eventually these dots went from being perfectly round

最後因為顫抖的關係

to looking more like tadpoles, because of the shake.

這些小圓點變成蝌蚪狀

So to compensate, I'd hold the pen tighter,

因此我得用力握筆

and this progressively made the shake worse,

這讓顫抖的症狀更嚴重

so I'd hold the pen tighter still.

所以我握得更緊

And this became a vicious cycle that ended up

最後變成惡性循環

causing so much pain and joint issues,

不但非常疼痛，也造成關節的問題

I had trouble holding anything.

我很難握好任何物體

And after spending all my life wanting to do art,

我想把畢生精力都花在藝術上

I left art school, and then I left art completely.

後來卻離開了藝術學院也完全遠離了藝術

But after a few years, I just couldn't stay away from art,

幾年後，我覺得還是離不開藝術

and I decided to go to a neurologist about the shake

我決定去找神經科醫生診治我顫抖的症狀

and discovered I had permanent nerve damage.

卻發現我的神經已永久受損

And he actually took one look at my squiggly line,

醫生看了看我畫的彎彎曲曲的線條

and said, "Well, why don't you just embrace the shake?"

說：「何不乾脆和顫抖做朋友？」

So I did. I went home, I grabbed a pencil,

我照著做了。回到家，我拿起筆

and I just started letting my hand shake and shake.

就開始放手讓它抖啊抖

I was making all these scribble pictures.

我創作出這些塗鴉

And even though it wasn't the kind of art

雖然它並不是我理想中

that I was ultimately passionate about, it felt great.

藝術的模樣，但我覺得棒極了

And more importantly, once I embraced the shake,

更重要的是，一旦我接受了顫抖這個事實

I realized I could still make art.

我發現我還是可以創造藝術

I just had to find a different approach

只是要找出另一種呈現的方式

to making the art that I wanted.

來做出我想要的藝術

Now, I still enjoyed the fragmentation of pointillism,

如今我仍然喜歡點畫中的這種破碎感

seeing these little tiny dots come together

看著許多小點點

to make this unified whole.

集合成一個完整的作品

So I began experimenting with other ways to fragment images

所以我開始實驗運用不同的方法來支解圖像

where the shake wouldn't affect the work,

這些方式不會因我的顫抖而影響到作品

like dipping my feet in paint and walking on a canvas,

例如用腳去沾顏料然後在畫布上行走

or, in a 3D structure consisting of two-by-fours,

或用 2 乘 4 英吋標準木條建構 3D

creating a 2D image by burning it with a blowtorch.

用噴槍燒出 2D 的圖像

I discovered that, if I worked on a larger scale and with bigger materials,

我發現只要我運用大件物料從事大型創作

my hand really wouldn't hurt,

我的手抖就不會造成太大的問題

and after having gone from a single approach to art,

我從單一方式的藝術創作

I ended up having an approach to creativity

後來竟找到創造力的方法

that completely changed my artistic horizons.

讓我的創作視野完全改變

This was the first time I'd encountered this idea

這是我首次有了這個觀念─

that embracing a limitation could actually drive creativity.

擁抱極限，可能激發出創造力

At the time, I was finishing up school,

那時我即將畢業

and I was so excited to get a real job and finally afford new art supplies.

我很開心可以找到工作還買得起新的美術材料

I had this horrible little set of tools, and I felt like

我有一套陽春到不行的小工具組

I could do so much more with the supplies

我自認為只要擁有藝術家的工具

I thought an artist was supposed to have.

就會產出更多的創作

I actually didn't even have a regular pair of scissors.

我其實連普通的剪刀都沒有

I was using these metal shears until I stole a pair

我一直在用剪電線的剪刀

from the office that I worked at.

後來才偷了辦公室的剪刀

So I got out of school, I got a job, I got a paycheck,

就這樣，我離開學校找到工作，拿到薪水

I got myself to the art store,

我到美術用品店

and I just went nuts buying supplies.

瘋狂的採購

And then when I got home, I sat down

回到家後，我坐下

and I set myself to task to really try to create something

開始努力要創作點什麼

just completely outside of the box.

要完全跳脫出框架的作品

But I sat there for hours, and nothing came to mind.

我坐了好幾個小時卻一點想法都沒有

The same thing the next day, and then the next,

隔天一樣，再隔天還是一樣

quickly slipping into a creative slump.

我掉落創作的深淵

And I was in a dark place for a long time, unable to create.

我就一直處在黑暗之中，無法創作

And it didn't make any sense, because I was finally able

這講不通啊，我總算可以從事

to support my art, and yet I was creatively blank.

我熱愛的藝術創作，可是卻撞牆了

But as I searched around in the darkness,

但是當我在黑暗中摸索

I realized I was actually paralyzed by all of the choices

我了解到，原來我是被過多選擇給麻痺了

that I never had before.

這些自己以前從不曾擁有的選擇

And it was then that I thought back to my jittery hands.

因此我又想起我不停顫抖的雙手

Embrace the shake.

跟顫抖做朋友

And I realized, if I ever wanted my creativity back,

我了解到，如果我想找回創作力

I had to quit trying so hard to think outside of the box

我就不要一直想跳出框架

and get back into it.

而是要回到框框中

I wondered, could you become more creative, then,

然後我又想著，難道說找出侷限

by looking for limitations?

就能比較有創造力嗎？

What if I could only create with a dollar's worth of supplies?

如果我只能用一塊錢的素材來創作呢？

At this point, I was spending a lot of my evenings in --

那時我花了很多個晚…

well, I guess I still spend a lot of my evenings in Starbucks —

嗯，我想我現在還是花了很多個晚上在星巴克

but I know you can ask for an extra cup if you want one,

在那裡可以多要一個杯子

so I decided to ask for 50.

所以我決定要 50 個杯子

Surprisingly, they just handed them right over,

不敢置信，他們真的就拿給我

and then with some pencils I already had,

然後我用我原本就有的鉛筆

I made this project for only 80 cents.

花了 8 毛錢完成了這個作品

It really became a moment of clarification for me

那一刻我才明白

that we need to first be limited

我們得身處於限制中

in order to become limitless.

才能體現何謂無限

I took this approach of thinking inside the box

於是我把這樣的想法—在侷限中創作

to my canvas, and wondered what if, instead of

帶到我的畫布上我想像如果我不能在畫布上作畫

painting on a canvas, I could only paint on my chest?

而只能在自己胸前作畫呢？

So I painted 30 images, one layer at a time,

然後我畫了 30 張圖，一次畫一層

one on top of another,

一層一層疊上

with each picture representing an influence in my life.

每一幅圖都代表著我人生中重大的影響

Or what if, instead of painting with a brush,

又或者，我不能用筆刷作畫

I could only paint with karate chops? (Laughter)

而只能用空手道的手刀去劈呢？(觀眾笑)

So I'd dip my hands in paint,

所以我就將手沾上顏料

and I just attacked the canvas,

然後攻擊我的畫布

and I actually hit so hard that I bruised a joint in my pinkie

結果我打得太用力把我的小指關節打到瘀青

and it was stuck straight for a couple of weeks.

有好幾個禮拜我的小指都只能僵直著…

(Laughter) (Applause)

(觀眾大笑鼓掌)

Or, what if instead of relying on myself,

又假如，我的創作不能自己來

I had to rely on other people

只能依賴他人

to create the content for the art?

來完成主體內容呢？

So for six days, I lived in front of a webcam.

所以接下來六天我在網路攝影機前過日子

I slept on the floor and I ate takeout,

睡在地板上、叫外賣

and I asked people to call me and share a story with me

我請別人打電話給我，跟我分享

about a life-changing moment.

他人生中重要的轉捩點

Their stories became the art

他們的故事變成了藝術品

as I wrote them onto the revolving canvas.

我把這些動人故事寫在一張旋轉畫布上

(Applause)

(觀眾鼓掌)

Or what if instead of making art to display,

再假設，如果我的創作不是用來觀賞

I had to destroy it?

而是必須要毀掉的呢？

This seemed like the ultimate limitation,

這很像一種終極的限制吧

being an artist without art.

作一個沒有藝術作品的藝術家

This destruction idea turned into a yearlong project

這個具毀滅性的概念成了長達將近一年的專案

that I called Goodbye Art,

我稱之為「不見藝術」

where each and every piece of art had to be destroyed after its creation.

每件作品一問世，隨即要被銷毀

In the beginning of Goodbye Art, I focused on

一開始我將焦點擺在強制性毀滅

forced destruction, like this image of Jimi Hendrix,

像這幅吉米罕醉克斯(Jimi Hendrix)的圖像

made with over 7,000 matches.

是用七千多支火柴棒做成的

(Laughter)

(觀眾笑)

Then I opened it up to creating art that was destroyed naturally.

後來我用自然銷毀的方式進行創作

I looked for temporary materials,

找尋暫時性的材料

like spitting out food --

例如：啐吐食物

(Laughter) —

(觀眾笑)

sidewalk chalk

人行道粉筆畫

and even frozen wine.

甚至於冷凍酒

The last iteration of destruction

最後一輪的毀滅

was to try to produce something that didn't actually exist in the first place.

是製作從一開始就不存在的東西

So I organized candles on a table, I lit them, and then blew them out,

我在桌上排了一些蠟燭把它們點燃，然後吹滅

then repeated this process over and over with the same set of candles,

一次又一次，利用同樣的這些蠟燭重覆一樣的過程

then assembled the videos into the larger image.

再將拍攝的影片組成一幅大的圖像

So the end image was never visible as a physical whole.

所以，最終的圖像從未完整存在

It was destroyed before it ever existed.

而是在完成前就被毀了

In the course of this Goodbye Art series,

這一系列的「不見藝術」

I created 23 different pieces

我總共創作了 23 件不同的作品

with nothing left to physically display.

沒有留下任何實體物品

What I thought would be the ultimate limitation

我原本以為的終極限制

actually turned out to be the ultimate liberation,

最後竟成了終極解放

as each time I created,

每一次的創造後

the destruction brought me back to a neutral place

這些毀滅都把我歸零

where I felt refreshed and ready to start the next project.

我覺得很清新，並且準備好再出發

It did not happen overnight.

這不是一夕可造成的

There were times when my projects failed to get off the ground,

有好幾次我的專案作品一開始就失敗了

or, even worse, after spending tons of time on them

還有更糟的，在費了許多功夫後

the end image was kind of embarrassing.

成果卻難以見人

But having committed to the process, I continued on,

但因已投入過程，我還是繼續進行

and something really surprising came out of this.

最後竟得到了意想不到的成果

As I destroyed each project,

當我毀掉了每一件作品

I was learning to let go,

我學會了放下

let go of outcomes, let go of failures,

放下結果，放下失敗

and let go of imperfections.

放下不完美

And in return, I found a process of creating art

得到的回報，是找到一種創造過程

that's perpetual and unencumbered by results.

不會間斷、也不因結果而束縛自己

I found myself in a state of constant creation,

我發覺自己一直不停的創造

thinking only of what's next

不斷想著下一步還可以做什麼

and coming up with more ideas than ever.

想法源源不絕而來

When I think back to my three years away from art,

當我想起離開藝術創作的那三年

away from my dream, just going through the motions,

遠離我的夢想，就只是隨波逐流

instead of trying to find a different way to continue that dream,

當時我沒有嘗試找出不同方法來繼續這個夢想

I just quit, I gave up.

我喊停，放棄了

And what if I didn't embrace the shake?

如果我沒有去和顫抖做朋友呢？

Because embracing the shake for me

因為接受手抖這件事對我而言

wasn't just about art and having art skills.

不只是藝術或是創作技巧上的問題

It turned out to be about life, and having life skills.

而是關於人生，是生活的技能

Because ultimately, most of what we do

因為最終我們所做的事

takes place here, inside the box, with limited resources.

都是發生在這個框框裡面在有限的資源下

Learning to be creative within the confines of our limitations

學習在自己的受限範圍中創新

is the best hope we have to transform ourselves

是改變自我的最佳方式

and, collectively, transform our world.

然後大家可以一起，改變這個世界

Looking at limitations as a source of creativity

把限制當作創造力來源的想法

changed the course of my life.

轉換了我的人生道路

Now, when I run into a barrier

所以當我遇上了阻礙

or I find myself creatively stumped,

或者發現自己的創造力遇到瓶頸

I sometimes still struggle,

我還是會有掙扎的時刻

but I continue to show up for the process

但過程中我依然不會缺席

and try to remind myself of the possibilities,

嘗試提醒自己，還有其他可能性

like using hundreds of real, live worms to make an image,

例如：使用上百條活生生的蟲來展現一張圖像

using a pushpin to tattoo a banana,

用圖釘幫香蕉紋身

or painting a picture with hamburger grease.

或用漢堡的油脂來作畫

(Laughter)

(觀眾笑)

One of my most recent endeavors

最近我在努力的一件事是

is to try to translate the habits of creativity that I've learned

將我學到的創造力這個習慣

into something others can replicate.

轉化成可以讓人複製的技巧

Limitations may be the most unlikely of places

「侷限」或許是這世上

to harness creativity, but perhaps

最不可能駕馭創造力的方式但或許

one of the best ways to get ourselves out of ruts,

這卻是能跳脫自我泥淖最好的方法之一

rethink categories and challenge accepted norms.

重新規劃，並挑戰既有的世俗標準

And instead of telling each other to seize the day,

除了告訴彼此要活在當下

maybe we can remind ourselves every day

或許我們每一天還要提醒自己

to seize the limitation.

要精彩的活在侷限之中

Thank you.

謝謝各位

(Applause)

(觀眾掌聲)