"Hey, Ryan. Are you single?"

「嘿，Ryan，你是單身嗎？」

And for the past two years, I've been giving you guys the same answer:

在過去兩年，我都給你們相同的答案

"Yes."

是的

And then I get a whole bunch of comments that are like

然後我就會接到一堆像是這樣的回應

And honestly, I appreciate it. It is so flattering, it makes me feel good right here.

老實說，我很感激，真是太榮幸了，讓我這裡感覺很好

On my boob.

在我的胸部上

But to be honest guys, you have no idea what it's like to date someone like me.

但坦白說，你無法想像和像我這樣的人約會

There is a reason why I've been single for so long.

我單身這麼久是有原因的

I probably have every single quality of the worst boyfriend.

我可能包辦所有差勁男朋友的條件

I am the opposite of romantic. I am the epitome, of un-romance... tic...

我是浪漫的相反詞，可以說是不浪漫的縮影

Surprise, happy anniversary!

驚喜，週年快樂！

Oh, thanks...

喔，謝啦...

What's wrong?

怎麼了？

Nothing, but I mean, most couples get each other flowers or roses.

沒有啦，但我覺得...大部分情侶會送彼此玫瑰花或是其他花朵之類的

Flowers are useless, they just die.

花朵又沒有用處，他們會枯萎

But a razor?

但送剃刀？

You needed one, right?

妳需要一個，不是嗎？

No!

哪有！

Then why are your legs been so sandpaper-y lately?

那為什麼妳的腳最近像砂紙一樣？

Oh...

噢

And you did need the toothpaste because I've been using yours to preserve mine.

然後妳還需要牙膏，因為為了節省，我都用妳的

But what about the cactus?

那仙人掌呢？

It's for the bathroom to remind you something about your poky legs.

那是放浴室的，可以提醒你刮腳毛

Whether I'm wrong or I'm right, I have to win every single argument. Even if I'm wrong.

不管我對不對，就算我是錯的，我每個爭執都要贏，

I didn't know the biggest animal in the world was a blue whale?!

我都不知道世界上最大的動物是藍鯨耶？！

No it's not. It's an Onix.

不對，是大岩蛇（大岩蛇是一種寶可夢)

You're so cute when you're stupid.

妳真是笨得可愛

I'm reading it right here.

我在這裡讀到的啊

Then it's wrong!

那是錯的！

Why do you always have to argue with me?

為什麼你總要跟我爭論？

Why do you always have to argue with me?

是妳為什麼要跟我爭論？

You're being really immature right now.

你現在的行為真的很不成熟

You're immature.

妳才不成熟

You can't just copy what I say!

不要學我說話

You can.

妳就可以

1-0 Ryan.

Ryan 得一分

Also I can be very controlling

然後我控制慾很強

No, you can't go.

不行，妳不准去

It's just a family dinner!

只是家庭聚餐而已啊

Are there gonna be any guys there?

有男的會去嗎?

No.

沒有

Well, is your dad going?

那妳爸會去嗎?

He is.

會啊

I'm so hurt right now.

我現在很受傷

I get jealous very easily.

然後我很容易嫉妒

This hummus is good. I love it!

這鷹嘴豆泥真好吃，我超愛

Then why don't you just marry it then?!

妳為什麼不乾脆直接嫁給它好了？

I always leave the toilet seat up.

我總是不把馬桶座放下就離開了

Hey, honey, could you start putting the toilet seat down when you're done?

嘿，寶貝，你上完可以把馬桶座放下來嗎

Well then could you start putting it UP when you're done?

那妳可以上完把馬桶座掀起嗎？

2-0 Ryan.

Ryan 得兩分

And the worst quality of all, and probably the main reason why I'm still single

最糟的原因，也可能是我依然單身的主要原因，

is because I tend to overreact.

就是我容易反應過度

Just a little bit.

只有一點點啦

I'm gonna miss you.

我會想你的

Do you have to go?

你一定要走嗎?

You already know though.

你早就知道我一定要出發了

Well, have a safe flight.

那祝你飛行平安

Have a safe flight?

飛行平安？

Have a safe flight?!

飛行平安？

How dare you put that kinda pressure on me?

妳怎麼敢把這種壓力施加在我身上？

Wha——

啥

I'm not the pilot, I can't control the safety of my own plane!

我不是機長，我無法控制我飛機的飛安

No, no! I——

不，不是！我...

Let alone the entire flight!

更別提整趟航程了！

You know sometimes, you can be really insensitive.

妳知道有時候，妳真的很遲鈍

Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little bit.

好吧，或許我有點誇張

But we all know that everyone has these qualities, at least to a certain degree.

但我們都知道每個人某些程度上都有這些缺點

Because as we all know, nobody is perfect.

因為就像我們都知道，沒人是完美的！

Whether you think it's your favorite celebrity, or YouTubers,

不管是你喜歡的名人，或是youtuber

or a new boyfriend or girlfriend that you have been dating for the past months,

或是剛交往幾個月的的男朋友、女朋友

they are all just as messed up as you are.

他們就和你一樣糟

Because we're all humans.

因為我們都是人

And the trick is not to find the perfect person,

訣竅並不是去找到完美的人

but for the perfect person...

而是為了讓完美的人，

...to find the trick.

找到這其中的竅門

Anyway, if you're in a relationship, or if you're single,

總之，不管你正在交往還是單身

no matter what, I just wanna let you guys know that I——

我只是想讓你們知道我...

Hey.

嘿

Hi?

嗨？

I just saw your video, and you're right.

我剛看了你的影片，你是對的

How? I'm still filming it.

你怎麼看到的？我還在拍片耶

No one is perfect, and I forgive you.

沒有人是完美的，所以我原諒你

Because... I still love you.

因為...我仍然愛你

One sec.

等一下

Oh yeah, and I forgot to tell you guys,

喔對了，忘了告訴你們

I have a really hard time saying "I love you" to people.

我真的很難對人說出「我愛你」

Me too.

我也是

What?

什麼？

Ditto.

同上

I just told you I love you and you can't even say it back to me?

我剛跟你說我愛你，你甚至不願回應我？

I said me too, I love me too.

我說我也是，我也愛我

You know what? Just forget it.

算了

I can't believe I wasted all this time on you.

我實在無法相信我會浪費時間在你身上

Goodbye, Ryan.

再見，Ryan

And have fun finding someone that can put up with you.

祝你找到可以忍受你的人

And I could still hear her words, echoing in my head, as if it just happened yesterday

她講的話如同昨天發生的一樣，仍然迴響在我腦海裡，

"And have fun finding someone that can put up with you."

「祝你找到可以忍受你的人」

And that's when I realized, I could not, would not, shan't not let things end like this.

然後這時我明白，我不能、不會、也不該讓這件事就這樣結束

Catherine!

Catherine！

You have fun finding someone that can put up with you.

我才希望你找到可以忍受妳的人

3-0 Ryan.

Ryan 得三分