Now, it sounds kind of bizarre, but he did just that and it's been an absolute disaster.

這個想法聽起來異乎尋常，但他真的這麼做了，而結果就是一場災難。

So he's called me down to check it out.

所以他打電話找我過去幫幫忙。

This is HOTEL HELL.

這就是本期的《地獄酒店》。（觀眾的歡呼和鼓掌）

HOTEL HELL

《地獄酒店》

This is easily the best idea I have ever had, you know. This...

我可以跟你拍胸脯掛保證，這是我有生以來最棒的想法！

You've got Airbnb, you’ve got hotels.

市場上有 Airbnb，還有傳統的飯店。

But what's between them, HOME-TELS.

可是有人想過，在這兩種住宿環境之間，還存在著另一種等級的住宿享受嗎？沒錯，那就是「家庭式飯店」。

That’s where HOME-TEL CORDEN as a brand is going to take the world by storm.

我的「柯登家庭式飯店」即將成為席捲全球的住宿品牌。

James?

詹姆士？有人在嗎？

Welcome to HOME-TEL CORDEN.

詹姆士：歡迎蒞臨柯登家庭式飯店！

Every guest gets a hug.

每位嘉賓都可以獲得抱抱一枚。

May the weary traveler rest.

願每一位疲憊的您，都在此獲得休憩。

Now the work begins.

來，開始來幹活囉！

Follow me to guest reception.

先跟我來櫃檯一下。

Welcome to guest reception.

歡迎來到我們的櫃檯。

Checking in?

要登記入住嗎？

Yes.

是的。

May I have your name, please?

可以麻煩告訴我你的名字嗎？

Seriously?

你認真？

Gordon Ramsay.

戈登・拉姆齊。

How are you-- How are you spelling that?

詹姆士：等一下... 可以跟我說一下你的名字怎麼拼嗎？

R-A-M-S-A-Y

R-A-M-S-A-Y

Got it, found it, there you are! Staying in the Corden Suite, the finest suite in the house.

詹姆士: 啊，找到了！今天為您安排的是「柯登頭家精選套房」，是所有房型中最頂級的房型喔！

Isn't it?

你說對不對？

This is to scale, all of it.

這個是等尺寸大小的喔，從頭到腳。

Well. Let's get you settled in. Follow me.

來吧，我們先來入住房間！隨我來！

I think Gordon will-- It's not that he will find problems.

我覺得戈登他... 他應該不會抓到什麼毛病啦。

He will see creases that can be easily ironed out.

我們的「家庭式飯店」也許有些小瑕疵，但這些小瑕疵都可以被處理，不礙事。

James, what the hell is this?

詹姆士，可以跟我解釋一下這碗糕是什麼嗎？

Ah, you noticed it.

詹姆士：唉呀，被你給發現了呀。

- How do you miss it? - This is the world famous cardboard karaoke.

- 它的存在很難讓人忽視吧？ - 這個是頂港有名聲，下港有出名的紙板卡拉 OK 啦！

Seat yourself in, go on, I know you want to.

去坐一下，快快快，我看得出來你超想體驗一下的。

I want to get to my room.

我比較想要直接去我的房間耶。

Yea, you want to get behind there, come on, get in there, this is it, here we are.

詹姆士：好啦，我知道你超想體驗一下的，快點進去、快點進去。

Look at that, a dream achieved... A dream achieved.

照過來照過來，美夢成真... 美夢成真了。

You are supposed to be a hotelier.

你現在應該是一位飯店老闆吧。

Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh, Like-- ♪ ♪

詹姆士：Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh, Like--（小賈斯汀的歌） ♪ ♪

Baby, Baby, Oh-- ♪ ♪

戈登：Baby, Baby, Oh-- ♪ ♪

And I'll say thank you for helping me get to work and you say.

當我說，真的很感謝你幫我整頓飯店的業務時，你說...

[Bleep] Off.

[消音] 滾。

This is crazy, I mean, I've never seen a reception like it anywhere in the world.

真是瘋了，我從來沒有在世界上任何一個地方看過這樣的飯店櫃檯。

For me, I just want to get to the room.

我只是單純的想入房而已。

But this guy, this guy is a joke.

但這男的真的是宇宙間的大笑話。

We could leave it there.

詹姆士：我們就把這行李擱在這裡一下吧！

Seriously?

這個房間，你認真？

There it is, the James Corden Suite.

詹姆士：歡迎光臨「柯登頭家精選套房」。

Oh my god. Are you se--

歐・買・尬，你來真的？

That is exactly the reaction that everybody has.

每一個進來這間房間的人，反應都跟你一樣！

Everything's here. There we have

你需要的所有東西一應俱全。讓我為你導覽

The bed, the sheets, this is very much where the magic happens, You know what I am talking about.

這是床、床單，一切的「ㄒㄧㄥˋ」福就從這裡開始啦，你應該知道我說的「ㄒㄧㄥˋ」是哪個「ㄒㄧㄥˋ」吼？

- In this bed? - This is where I masturbate. Yup.

- 你說你在這張床？- 對，我在這裡自造「ㄒㄧㄥˋ」福。

Snacks, movies, reading materials.

詹姆士：零食、電影、書籍。

Hello!

嗨！

Really make yourself at home because I know I have feel at home when I'm in here.

詹姆士：當自己家裡，不要客氣！我每次進來這個房間都很有歸屬感。

All right?

好嗎？

Okay.

就這麼辦！

This is so [Bleep] creepy.

這裡真的 [消音] 令人心裡發毛。

I'll have to say something to him.

我必須跟他講出問題。

The guy is deluded.

這男的真的太得意忘形了。

Face everywhere.

怎麼會有人把自己的臉掛的到處都是？！

I mean the guy is just, obsessed.

這男的根本自戀到有剩啊。

All of these, "Into The Woods", was he only in one movie?

這一疊都是《魔法黑森林》，這男的一輩子是只有拍過這一部電影？

It's not even Halloween and he's got his face on a pumpkin.

萬聖節都還沒到，他已經把自己的臉刻在南瓜上！

Seriously?

我Ｘ？[消音]

Oh please. Cordon Condoms?

我的老天，柯登套套？

All new ventures have stumbling blocks and hurdles.

俗話說的好，「萬事起頭難」。

You know, was Rome built in a day, no?

就像羅馬是一天造成的嗎？不是啊。

Was Rome built in two days? No.

羅馬是兩天造成的嗎？也不是啊。

Was Rome built in three days? No.

羅馬是三天造成的嗎？非也。

Was Rome built in four days? No.

羅馬是四天造成的嗎？不是。

Was Rome built in five days? No.

羅馬是五天造成的嗎？不是。

Was Rome built in 7? 63 days? Absolutely not.

羅馬是 7 天？63 天造成的嗎？絕對不是...

Was Rome built in 64 days?

羅馬是 64 天造成的嗎？

No. And that's how long we have been open.

不是呀！我們的飯店也才剛營業 64 天。

Gordon

戈登！

Ah, [Bleep]

啊！！[消音]

Seriously?

你認真的嗎？

- Just wondering do you have any food allergies. - I'm in the shower.

- 你有對任何食物過敏嗎？ - 你有看到我在洗澡嗎？！

This is not normal. No, no! No [Bleep] food allergies.

這很不正常耶！沒有，沒有！沒有 [消音] 食物過敏！

- No food allergies. - No!

- 沒食物過敏對吧！- 我沒有任何食物過敏！

I will see you at dinner.

詹姆士：那晚餐見！

[Bleep] Stay the [Bleep] out of me!

[消音] 你離我遠點！

I would be lying if I say I'm not a little nervous about you know, cooking a meal for, you know, one of the world's greatest chefs.

說實話，我還真的有些小緊張耶。你知道的，畢竟我要為全世界其中一位最偉大的廚師下廚。

I mean he's got Michelin Stars for days, you know, what am I other than the nation's sweetheart.

他可是有米其林星星加持的星廚，反觀我呢，不過就是全民小甜心一枚而已呀。

There you are, dinner is served.

晚餐上菜嘍！

- [Bleep]。　- Okay, have a fresh kale salad, cucumber and after dessert, uh, banana boat fri ... fricassee.

- 戈登： [消音] - 詹姆士：為您送上甘藍菜沙拉、小黃瓜。飯後甜點的話，是香蕉船還有燉...燉肉丁

Cornet... a wonderful year.

柯登親釀檸檬汁... 年份剛好...

Are you serious?

讓客人吃這樣的菜色？你是認真的嗎？

I think it's going incredibly well.

詹姆士：我覺得一切到目前為止都很好。

He... I don't think he is very hungry, so that is a big thing.

我覺得他好像沒有很餓的樣子，所以這應該是他沒什麼吃的主要原因吧。

But I think he's having a great time.

可是他看起來好像還蠻享受的。

And there is one more HOME-TEL experience that I think is gonna blow his mind.

我還準備了一個會讓他印象深刻的「家庭式飯店」體驗。♪

Hi, everybody. Hello guys.

各位嘉賓大家好！

Thanks for being here.

歡迎大家大駕光臨！

Do you know the show?

猜一下我接下來要表演的橋段是哪個節目出來的？

♪ This is how we do it.

♪ 我們就是這麼跩。

♪ Club Tropicana, drinks are free. - C'mon, everybody join in

♪ 所有喝的都免錢。 - 大家一起來！

♪ Fun and sunshine. There's enough for--

♪ 我就是那耀眼的陽光。我們有充足的...

Bitch better have my money.

小賤人呀小賤人，不給我錢便成仁。

How many mother-in-laws does it take to ruin a marriage.

猜猜看，要把一段婚姻搞砸的話，需要多少個岳母啊？

One.

一個就夠了。

Mine.

就是阮岳母。

I'll never get it back.

我的婚姻就像那變了心的女友，一去不回呀一去不回。

- [BLEEP] It's not right. - I'll never get it back.

- [消音] 這不對啊。- 一去不回呀一去不回...

The jokes are terrible, the food is terrible.

戈登：笑話有夠爛，食物也是一團糟。

And he thinks he can sing.

最好笑的是，他以為他唱的很好。

He seriously thinks he [Bleep] can sing. Listen to it.

他認真覺得他自己 [消音] 是歌神耶。你們自己聽聽看。

[Bleep] Nut job.

[消音] 真的瘋了。

The circle of life.

詹姆士：生命的輪迴呀～～～

We just got time for one more song.

我們還有時間來唱最後一首歌喔。

No, no, no, stop.

千・萬・絕・對・不・要，我說不要！

I'm done.

我受夠了！

No, no, no, more.

不・要・再・唱・了！

You asked me here to find out what the problems are.

你叫我來幫你看看你們這裡出了什麼問題。

Food [Bleep], music [Bleep], and you're just terrible at it.

食物 [消音] 爛，音樂 [消音] 一團糟，然後你整個人就是一個悲劇中的悲劇呀。

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, he seemed to have an outburst.

各位來賓，真不好意思，他的心情似乎不太好。

I don't know what your problem is.

我真的不知道什麼讓你這麼不開心。

The problems, you, and you only.

就・是・你！你・就・是・唯・一・的・問・題！

I don't know what to do, Gordon... My wife-- my wife-- won't--

詹姆士：我也不知道要怎麼辦，戈登... 我老婆她，她...

My kids are embarrassed.

我的孩子們也覺得很不好意思。

- I am -- I can't, I can't. - Stop!

- 我... 我真的快撐不住了。 - 夠了！

Stop everything.

什麼都別做了，什麼都不要做就好。

I'm sick, I'm sick of the...

我受夠了，我也受夠了。

Sick of the sight of my own face, Gordon!

整天要面對我自己這張臉呀，戈登！

You've got to understand, I put everything into this.

你懂嗎？！我把所有心血都投注在這裡了呀！

I put everything into this and I don't --

我真・的・把一切都投注下去了啊！

I've got one idea that can help fix this place.

我倒是有個想法可以幫你一勞永逸。

Brilliant!

好啊！說來聽聽阿！

Gordon, you can't do this to me.

（觀眾大笑） 戈登，你怎麼可以這樣對我？！

This is my house.

這是我家誒！！

A huge thanks to Gordon Ramsay, what a sport.

（觀眾的歡呼和鼓掌）詹姆士：我們對廚神戈登感激不盡！廚神真的太讚了！

SEASON THREE OF HOTEL HELL PREMIERES TUESDAY MAY 24th.

《地獄酒店》第三季，5 月 24 號，星期二首播！

This absolutely brilliant.

精采絕倫！

You don't want to miss it.

不容錯過！