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  • sighs Welcome to Just Between Us.

  • Why are you wearing black?

  • To show the darkness that's inside my heart.

  • ...What's wrong?

  • (clears throat) Well I don't know

  • if it's polite to discuss it

  • in front of the culprit.

  • I did something?

  • No, Sugar.

  • She's an angel!

  • (A: No.) G: She's practically wearing a dog halo.

  • No. (shakes head) I thought that she was my best friend.

  • I thought that I adopted her

  • and saved her life and then she'd be

  • forever indebted to me.

  • But no! She betrayed me in the worst possible way!

  • She left my bed

  • for the bed of another woman.

  • Ohhh, been there.

  • Yeah! And then you don't have to still take care

  • of that person or else they would die.

  • We were - went to sleep at night

  • like we always go to sleep at night.

  • And she was on my bed.

  • There's no one else in your bed?

  • Just you and Sugar?

  • Well, don't rub it in.

  • But she's alert, she's not ready for sleep

  • And then she jumps off my bed

  • and she goes to the door

  • and she scratches, and I think

  • like an idiot fool that

  • she's just thirsty and wants some water.

  • But no, she wants the arms of another woman!

  • She ran down the hallway to the other room

  • and tried to get into bed with my friend

  • who was staying with me.

  • That's right, I don't even hold up this

  • goddamn facade that we live together

  • because we DON'T.

  • She went to leave with my house

  • She went - I'm so - !!!

  • Well, do you think maybe your friend needed her?

  • Maybe dogs can sense pain.

  • I was in pain!!!

  • She was causing me PAIN!

  • - Okay, but your thing is like a constant glow?

  • And like, maybe she was like,

  • okay that seems normal for this person.

  • But like THIS person is specifically

  • having a problem right now?

  • (quietly) I don't care.

  • You raised her RIGHT, is what's happened.

  • (baby voice) You hurt my feelings!

  • Will you say sorry?

  • Will you give me a kiss and say sorry?

  • A: She did it! G: This is so unhealthy.

  • Can you get a therapy dog to help you with

  • issues WITH your therapy dog?

  • intro music

  • (baby voice) Dis week we have an

  • international question! International question

  • G: What genre is it? A: International questiooooon!

  • Paul! Ontario.

  • What was your genre?

  • Itsy bitsy spider.

  • Spiders are GROSS.

  • No, spiders are cute.

  • You ever seen a tarantula? They're FUZZY.

  • Anyway, Paul wants to know,

  • do mothers know best?

  • Depends on the mother.

  • Well, there is a bit of backstory.

  • I - I would hope so.

  • Paul, lovely guy, living in Canada.

  • A: Openly gay. G: Great. Congrats.

  • The mom! Totally fine with him being gay.

  • Great!

  • But! Is pressuring him to marry a nice Jewish boy.

  • Ohhhhh. It never ends.

  • A: Yeah. G: It never ends.

  • Little dose of what it's like to be us.

  • My, uh, grandmother, whenever I've had

  • boyfriends and girlfriends,

  • she's never cared about the girlfriend

  • being a girl, as long as

  • the girlfriend was Jewish.

  • See, I don't think my parents care

  • if they're Jewish, they just would care if

  • they were Republicans.

  • Sometimes, mothers don't know best

  • because sometimes, they're still stuck in the past

  • G: and they're thinking about things - A: My mom's PRETTY hip.

  • G: Yeah but in an old fashioned way some moms - A: No, my mom's like REAL hip.

  • G: No, your mom's the best. A: Like,

  • she let me post a photo where I said she was wasted.

  • The great things I've learned from my mom

  • that are not necessarily true:

  • never let him pay for anything because

  • he'll think you owe him something.

  • G: See, that's a relic from another age. A: Yes.

  • G: That's what I'm talking about. A: Are you kidding me?

  • Why would I go out if he's not gonna pay for it?

  • Alright. Okay. Well you're both wrong, here.

  • My mom does a lot of, like...

  • don't ever sit in your car with the door unlocked

  • because a guy could get in

  • G: and then hijack your car. A: Oh, safety tips!

  • A: Yes. Lots of safety tips from the mom. G: Safety tips.

  • When I was a kid,

  • my mom put me in the trunk of a car

  • and taught me how to kick out a taillight

  • so I could stick my hand through

  • if I'm ever kidnapped and

  • people on the road will see that

  • there was a kid in the trunk.

  • That's an example of a mother knowing best.

  • It's an overstatement to say that

  • ALL moms know best.

  • Because one, some people's moms are

  • really homophobic, or racist,

  • G: or like - A: It's like, anyone can become a mom!

  • Not ANYONE, but like -

  • you don't have to pass a TEST to become a mom.

  • G: Although - A: Although, I think that you should.

  • A: So many people are dumb. G: Yeah.

  • And a lot of those people are moms.

  • So, I would say,

  • pay attention to what your mom -

  • You always do that!

  • 'I would say,' like you're

  • wrapping up an ACTUAL lecture.

  • (laughs) Yeah. I -

  • (pompously) In CONCLUSION, I would say

  • A: some moms are smart G: If you haven't - (gives up)

  • some moms are not.

  • If you haven't realized by now,

  • I take this advice portion of the show

  • very seriously and as a personal burden.

  • For which I am responsible for the lives

  • of many queer teens.

  • I have to say, I really like

  • having my arm behind you.

  • I feel...empowered.

  • Like the mom.

  • Ooh, Sugar heard 'mom' and she looked up.

  • Yeah, do you always know best,

  • what to do for Sugar?

  • A: (abruptly) No. G: See! Moms don't always know best.

  • However, I think moms have your best INTERESTS at heart.

  • A: Unless they're sociopaths. G: (repeating) Unless they're sociopaths.

  • That's gotta be a big fear, right,

  • that you give birth and then you don't love it.

  • Allison!

  • There's like, a lot of factors,

  • G: I think it's - A: That happens! It's terrible.

  • G: No, that's - (gives up) A: Postpartum depression is real and awful.

  • G: Allison. I think that there's - A: You wanna shake your own baby?

  • G: Okay. A: Oh my god.

  • What if Paul's a gay Republican?

  • G: Like a - A: Stop watching this show.

  • A: Is that bad? G: No.

  • A: I could be anti-Republican. G: Yeah. I think so.

  • In this political climate.

  • outro music

  • Subtitles by the Amara community

  • Subtitles by the Amara.org community

sighs Welcome to Just Between Us.

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母親最瞭解自己嗎?/ 就在我們之間 (Do Mothers Know Best? / Just Between Us)

  • 61 5
    Jack 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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