I WATCHED A LOT OF TELEVISION OVER THE SUMMER,

今年夏天我看了很多節目

AND HERE'S WHAT I NOTICED ABOUT TELEVISION.

以下是我觀察到的現象

IT'S CHANGED A LOT OVER THE YEARS.

這幾年電視生態改變很大

BECAUSE I WAS A KID, I WAS WATCHING, LIKE,

小時候，我看的節目像是...

"I LOVE LUCY."

《我愛露西》

DID YOU WATCH THAT SHOW?

你們看過這節目嗎？

[cheers and applause]

[全場歡呼、鼓掌]

LUCY AND DESI WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED.

主角是對夫妻露西與德西，他們分床睡覺

THEY HAD SEPARATE BEDS.

各睡各的

THEY WERE MARRIED, AND THEY HAD TO SLEEP--

他們結婚卻分床睡覺

NOW YOU TURN ON THE TV, EVERYBODY'S NAKED ON THE--

現在打開電視，所有人都衣不蔽體啊

THEY'RE NAKED EVERYWHERE. EVERY SHOW.

到處都是裸男、裸女

IT'S NOT JUST CINEMAX ANYMORE.

不只是在CINEMAX 頻道而已

NOW IT'S--IT STARTED WITH "NAKED AND AFRAID."

現在到處都是... 由《原始生活21天》首開先例

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT SHOW?

你們還記得這節目嗎？

[laughter]

[爆笑]

THAT STARTED IT ALL.

這節目是始作俑者

AND THEN PEOPLE WENT, "OH, THAT WORKS.

然後大家覺得「哇，這也行」

"WELL, LET'S DO 'NAKED VEGAS.'"

「好啊，那就來做個《裸體賭城》節目吧」

BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA WORK.

反正觀眾也一定會買單

THEN THERE'S "NAKED CASTAWAY."

接著出現《荒島裸體》

THESE ARE NOT SHOWS I'M MAKING UP.

這些可不是我胡謅的

THERE'S CHELSEA HANDLER.

別忘了還有雀兒喜・韓德勒

SHE'S NAKED ALL THE TIME.

她特愛裸體示人

[laughter]

[爆笑]

[cheers and applause]

[歡呼、鼓掌]

I REFUSE TO BE NAKED.

我才不要裸體

THERE'S A NEW SHOW.

最後則是新節目

IT'S CALLED "DATING NAKED."

名稱是「裸體約會」

HAVE YOU HEARD OF "DATING NAKED?"

你們聽過這節目嗎？

I'M TELLING YOU, THESE SHOWS JUST ARE--

這節目是..

IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, LET ME EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

若你們沒看過，容我解釋一下

IT'S A SHOW WHERE PEOPLE DATE NAKED.

所有節目來賓都赤裸約會

VERY COMPLICATED. STAY WITH ME.

很複雜....仔細聽好

EACH EPISODE, THERE'S A MAN AND A WOMAN.

每集請來一位裸男與裸女

THEY GO ON THREE BLIND DATES COMPLETELY NAKED,

他們一絲不掛來場盲目約會

AND AT THE END OF THE EPISODE,

然後節目的尾聲

THEY PICK WHO HAD THE BEST "CONNECTION."

由他們挑選自己最「合得來」的對象

VH1 CALLS IT A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT.

VH1頻道稱這為「社會實驗」

I CALL IT A NIGHTMARE, IS WHAT I CALL IT.

我卻覺得這根本是「夢魘」，真的

ANYWAY, HERE'S A COUPLE OF-- THIS IS--

無論如何，來看以下片段

THEY'RE MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME.

這是他們首次見面的情況

- [squeals, laughs]

[尖叫、大笑]

I'M--OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE SO NAKED.

哇，天啊，你一絲不掛

YOU ARE SO NAKED.

你好赤裸啊

- IS THIS WEIRD? I DON'T KNOW.

很奇怪嗎？我不知道

SHOULD WE SHAKE HANDS? HI, I'M GREG.

我們該握手嗎？ 嗨，我是格雷格

- I'M NOT--I'M-- NO.

不要握手...不要吧

NO. OKAY. [laughs]

不要？ 好吧 [爆笑]

I'M FEELING A LITTLE SHOCKED.

我覺得有點受驚

[both laugh]

[兩人爆笑]

- SHOCKED? YOU'RE SHOCKED?

受驚？你感到震驚？

YOU AGREED TO BE ON A SHOW CALLED "DATING NAKED."

是你自己同意上《裸體約會》這節目的

WHY IS SHE SHOCKED?

怎會震驚？

DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND SHE'S ALSO NAKED?

她沒查覺到自己也是裸體嗎？

SHE JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN, "AAH!"

她應該要被自己嚇到吧「啊!!!」

HERE'S ANOTHER COUPLE MEETING.

這是另一對男女見面的片段

- [singing] YEAH, OH-OH

[歌曲]YEAH, OH-OH

OH-OH

OH-OH

DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO

DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO

- HI.

嗨

I'M DIANE. - HUG IT OUT?

-我是黛安 -來抱一下？

- UM...

呃...

- THE WOMEN ARE SO FREAKED OUT.

這女生不知所措

THE MEN HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

男生卻開心死了

AND THE WOMEN ARE LIKE, "WHAT'S HAPPENING?

然後女生一副「到底發生什麼事

I DIDN'T READ THE CONTRACT."

合約有這一條嗎」

THEN THE COUPLES GO ON DATES, AND THEN--

之後他們開始約會，然後...

THEY DON'T JUST GO, LIKE, ON A REGULAR DATE,

他們進行的不是一般約會

LIKE TO DINNER AND A MOVIE.

像燭光晚餐、觀賞電影這類

THEY GO-- THIS IS A ZIP-LINING DATE.

他們玩的是高空吊索

AND WHAT COULD GO WRONG, REALLY?

這能出什麼問題？

- I JUST HOPE WE DON'T GET STUCK,

我只希望不會卡在上空

'CAUSE THEN WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

這樣麻煩就大了

- [laughing] YEAH.

[大笑]是啊

- OH, MY GOD.

天啊

- [laughs]

[大笑]

WHOO!

哇啊

- [singing] WHOA, OH, OH, OH

[歌曲]WHOA, OH, OH, OH

- OH, MY GOD. WHOO!

哇，天啊，啊....

OH, [bleep]. [bleep].

哇...[髒話連篇]

- I'M SURE THEY'RE FINE.

他們沒事啦

THEY WERE WEARING HELMETS.

他們有戴安全帽

THEY'RE FINE.

不會有事啦

WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM?

能出什麼事？

ANOTHER COUPLE WENT ON A BOAT,

另一對男女則坐上遊艇

AND I GUESS HE THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE ROMANTIC.

我猜，男生可能覺得這樣很浪漫

- SITTING ON THE BOAT WITH CAMILLE

和她一起待在船上

WITH THE WIND IN OUR HAIR--

微風輕拂她的秀髮

WHY NOT MAKE THIS A "TITANIC" MOMENT?

我想說何不上演「鐵達尼」時刻？

[sweet music]

[音樂]

GO FOR THE BOW.

快來船頭

YOU CAN GET AROUND THAT.

你可以的

- [squeals] - COME ON.

[尖叫]來啦

DON'T FALL.

別掉下去

[music continues]

[音樂]

- OH. OH.

哇嗚

BEAUTIFUL.

真美

SO BEAUTIFUL.

太美了

SO THE GIRL WHO WENT ZIP-LINING--

那個玩高空吊索的女生..

REMEMBER THAT GIRL?

還記得她嗎？

AFTER THE ACCIDENT, LET'S SEE HOW THINGS WORKED OUT

讓我們看看後續發展如何

IN THE WHOLE SHOW FOR HER.

這節目可是專為她設計

- I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT "NAKED DATING."

我討厭《裸體約會》的一切事物

TAKE YOUR PICTURE, BITCHES.

快拍照啊哼

- KATIE,

凱蒂

SORRY ABOUT YOUR FACE.

不好意思讓你臉受傷

[laughter]

[爆笑]

IT WILL HEAL.

傷口會好的

HOPEFULLY, YOUR HONESTY HERE WILL ALLOW YOU TO DATE

祝福你，希望你的坦白率真....

IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY IN THE FUTURE.

讓你下次約會不必再那麼赤裸

- LOOK FOR HER NEW SHOW.

期待她開新節目

IT'S CALLED "NAKED AND ANGRY."

名稱叫 《裸體火大》

AND NOW I SHALL HAPPILY DANCE WITH MY CLOTHES ON.

現在讓我衣衫整齊地跳舞吧