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  • - DON'T YOU LOVE TELEVISION? IT'S A WONDERFUL INVENTION.

    誰不愛電視?這可是最棒的發明

  • I WATCHED A LOT OF TELEVISION OVER THE SUMMER,

    今年夏天我看了很多節目

  • AND HERE'S WHAT I NOTICED ABOUT TELEVISION.

    以下是我觀察到的現象

  • IT'S CHANGED A LOT OVER THE YEARS.

    這幾年電視生態改變很大

  • BECAUSE I WAS A KID, I WAS WATCHING, LIKE,

    小時候,我看的節目像是...

  • "I LOVE LUCY."

    《我愛露西》

  • DID YOU WATCH THAT SHOW?

    你們看過這節目嗎?

  • [cheers and applause]

    [全場歡呼、鼓掌]

  • LUCY AND DESI WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED.

    主角是對夫妻露西與德西,他們分床睡覺

  • THEY HAD SEPARATE BEDS.

    各睡各的

  • THEY WERE MARRIED, AND THEY HAD TO SLEEP--

    他們結婚卻分床睡覺

  • NOW YOU TURN ON THE TV, EVERYBODY'S NAKED ON THE--

    現在打開電視,所有人都衣不蔽體啊

  • THEY'RE NAKED EVERYWHERE. EVERY SHOW.

    到處都是裸男、裸女

  • IT'S NOT JUST CINEMAX ANYMORE.

    不只是在CINEMAX 頻道而已

  • NOW IT'S--IT STARTED WITH "NAKED AND AFRAID."

    現在到處都是... 由《原始生活21天》首開先例

  • DO YOU REMEMBER THAT SHOW?

    你們還記得這節目嗎?

  • [laughter]

    [爆笑]

  • THAT STARTED IT ALL.

    這節目是始作俑者

  • AND THEN PEOPLE WENT, "OH, THAT WORKS.

    然後大家覺得「哇,這也行」

  • "WELL, LET'S DO 'NAKED VEGAS.'"

    「好啊,那就來做個《裸體賭城》節目吧」

  • BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA WORK.

    反正觀眾也一定會買單

  • THEN THERE'S "NAKED CASTAWAY."

    接著出現《荒島裸體》

  • THESE ARE NOT SHOWS I'M MAKING UP.

    這些可不是我胡謅的

  • THERE'S CHELSEA HANDLER.

    別忘了還有雀兒喜・韓德勒

  • SHE'S NAKED ALL THE TIME.

    她特愛裸體示人

  • [laughter]

    [爆笑]

  • [cheers and applause]

    [歡呼、鼓掌]

  • I REFUSE TO BE NAKED.

    我才不要裸體

  • THERE'S A NEW SHOW.

    最後則是新節目

  • IT'S CALLED "DATING NAKED."

    名稱是「裸體約會」

  • HAVE YOU HEARD OF "DATING NAKED?"

    你們聽過這節目嗎?

  • I'M TELLING YOU, THESE SHOWS JUST ARE--

    這節目是..

  • IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, LET ME EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

    若你們沒看過,容我解釋一下

  • IT'S A SHOW WHERE PEOPLE DATE NAKED.

    所有節目來賓都赤裸約會

  • VERY COMPLICATED. STAY WITH ME.

    很複雜....仔細聽好

  • EACH EPISODE, THERE'S A MAN AND A WOMAN.

    每集請來一位裸男與裸女

  • THEY GO ON THREE BLIND DATES COMPLETELY NAKED,

    他們一絲不掛來場盲目約會

  • AND AT THE END OF THE EPISODE,

    然後節目的尾聲

  • THEY PICK WHO HAD THE BEST "CONNECTION."

    由他們挑選自己最「合得來」的對象

  • VH1 CALLS IT A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT.

    VH1頻道稱這為「社會實驗」

  • I CALL IT A NIGHTMARE, IS WHAT I CALL IT.

    我卻覺得這根本是「夢魘」,真的

  • ANYWAY, HERE'S A COUPLE OF-- THIS IS--

    無論如何,來看以下片段

  • THEY'RE MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME.

    這是他們首次見面的情況

  • - [squeals, laughs]

    [尖叫、大笑]

  • I'M--OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE SO NAKED.

    哇,天啊,你一絲不掛

  • YOU ARE SO NAKED.

    你好赤裸啊

  • - IS THIS WEIRD? I DON'T KNOW.

    很奇怪嗎?我不知道

  • SHOULD WE SHAKE HANDS? HI, I'M GREG.

    我們該握手嗎? 嗨,我是格雷格

  • - I'M NOT--I'M-- NO.

    不要握手...不要吧

  • NO. OKAY. [laughs]

    不要? 好吧 [爆笑]

  • I'M FEELING A LITTLE SHOCKED.

    我覺得有點受驚

  • [both laugh]

    [兩人爆笑]

  • - SHOCKED? YOU'RE SHOCKED?

    受驚?你感到震驚?

  • YOU AGREED TO BE ON A SHOW CALLED "DATING NAKED."

    是你自己同意上《裸體約會》這節目的

  • WHY IS SHE SHOCKED?

    怎會震驚?

  • DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND SHE'S ALSO NAKED?

    她沒查覺到自己也是裸體嗎?

  • SHE JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN, "AAH!"

    她應該要被自己嚇到吧「啊!!!」

  • HERE'S ANOTHER COUPLE MEETING.

    這是另一對男女見面的片段

  • - [singing] YEAH, OH-OH

    [歌曲]YEAH, OH-OH

  • OH-OH

    OH-OH

  • DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO

    DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO

  • - HI.

  • I'M DIANE. - HUG IT OUT?

    -我是黛安 -來抱一下?

  • - UM...

    呃...

  • - THE WOMEN ARE SO FREAKED OUT.

    這女生不知所措

  • THE MEN HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

    男生卻開心死了

  • AND THE WOMEN ARE LIKE, "WHAT'S HAPPENING?

    然後女生一副「到底發生什麼事

  • I DIDN'T READ THE CONTRACT."

    合約有這一條嗎」

  • THEN THE COUPLES GO ON DATES, AND THEN--

    之後他們開始約會,然後...

  • THEY DON'T JUST GO, LIKE, ON A REGULAR DATE,

    他們進行的不是一般約會

  • LIKE TO DINNER AND A MOVIE.

    像燭光晚餐、觀賞電影這類

  • THEY GO-- THIS IS A ZIP-LINING DATE.

    他們玩的是高空吊索

  • AND WHAT COULD GO WRONG, REALLY?

    這能出什麼問題?

  • - I JUST HOPE WE DON'T GET STUCK,

    我只希望不會卡在上空

  • 'CAUSE THEN WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

    這樣麻煩就大了

  • - [laughing] YEAH.

    [大笑]是啊

  • - OH, MY GOD.

    天啊

  • - [laughs]

    [大笑]

  • WHOO!

    哇啊

  • - [singing] WHOA, OH, OH, OH

    [歌曲]WHOA, OH, OH, OH

  • - OH, MY GOD. WHOO!

    哇,天啊,啊....

  • OH, [bleep]. [bleep].

    哇...[髒話連篇]

  • - I'M SURE THEY'RE FINE.

    他們沒事啦

  • THEY WERE WEARING HELMETS.

    他們有戴安全帽

  • THEY'RE FINE.

    不會有事啦

  • WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM?

    能出什麼事?

  • ANOTHER COUPLE WENT ON A BOAT,

    另一對男女則坐上遊艇

  • AND I GUESS HE THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE ROMANTIC.

    我猜,男生可能覺得這樣很浪漫

  • - SITTING ON THE BOAT WITH CAMILLE

    和她一起待在船上

  • WITH THE WIND IN OUR HAIR--

    微風輕拂她的秀髮

  • WHY NOT MAKE THIS A "TITANIC" MOMENT?

    我想說何不上演「鐵達尼」時刻?

  • [sweet music]

    [音樂]

  • GO FOR THE BOW.

    快來船頭

  • YOU CAN GET AROUND THAT.

    你可以的

  • - [squeals] - COME ON.

    [尖叫]來啦

  • DON'T FALL.

    別掉下去

  • [music continues]

    [音樂]

  • - OH. OH.

    哇嗚

  • BEAUTIFUL.

    真美

  • SO BEAUTIFUL.

    太美了

  • SO THE GIRL WHO WENT ZIP-LINING--

    那個玩高空吊索的女生..

  • REMEMBER THAT GIRL?

    還記得她嗎?

  • AFTER THE ACCIDENT, LET'S SEE HOW THINGS WORKED OUT

    讓我們看看後續發展如何

  • IN THE WHOLE SHOW FOR HER.

    這節目可是專為她設計

  • - I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT "NAKED DATING."

    我討厭《裸體約會》的一切事物

  • TAKE YOUR PICTURE, BITCHES.

    快拍照啊哼

  • - KATIE,

    凱蒂

  • SORRY ABOUT YOUR FACE.

    不好意思讓你臉受傷

  • [laughter]

    [爆笑]

  • IT WILL HEAL.

    傷口會好的

  • HOPEFULLY, YOUR HONESTY HERE WILL ALLOW YOU TO DATE

    祝福你,希望你的坦白率真....

  • IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY IN THE FUTURE.

    讓你下次約會不必再那麼赤裸

  • - LOOK FOR HER NEW SHOW.

    期待她開新節目

  • IT'S CALLED "NAKED AND ANGRY."

    名稱叫 《裸體火大》

  • AND NOW I SHALL HAPPILY DANCE WITH MY CLOTHES ON.

    現在讓我衣衫整齊地跳舞吧

- DON'T YOU LOVE TELEVISION? IT'S A WONDERFUL INVENTION.

誰不愛電視?這可是最棒的發明

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裸體電視 (Naked Television)

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    鄭小鬼 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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