But when I first accepted a job, in 1999,

但當我第一次接受工作時，在1999年。

at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction,

在金賽性、性別和生殖研究所。

I was really nervous to tell my family that I would be working in sex research.

告訴家人我將從事性研究工作，我真的很緊張。

I was particularly nervous to tell my grandmother.

我特別緊張，不敢告訴奶奶。

My grandparents lived around the corner from my family and I growing up,

我的爺爺奶奶就住在我家和我長大的拐角處。

and I was really close with them.

我和他們真的很親近。

And they were loving and kind, and generous people,

而且他們都是有愛心、善良、慷慨的人。

and also very Catholic, and very traditional,

而且還很天主教，很傳統。

and people who didn't talk about sex.

和人誰沒有'談性。

But when I went to Boston to visit my grandmother,

但當我去波士頓看望我的祖母時。

and I told her about the job that I was taking,

我告訴她我要接的工作。

she surprised me by saying that she was proud of me

她驚喜地告訴我，她為我感到驕傲。

and that she thought it was really important work to be doing.

並且她認為這是非常重要的工作。

This was not the grandmother that I knew.

這不是我認識的那個奶奶。

But then she told me a story that helped me to understand.

但後來她給我講了一個故事，讓我明白了。

This is my grandmother and my mom as a young girl.

這是我的外婆和我年輕時的媽媽。

My grammy told me

我奶奶告訴我

that she and my grandfather had tried for years to become pregnant,

她和我爺爺為了懷孕已經努力了好幾年。

and when they finally did it was a dream come true for them.

而當他們終於做到了，這對他們來說是一個夢想成真。

Until she went into labor.

直到她分娩。

It was only in the midst of labor that she learned for the first time

直到在勞動中，她才第一次瞭解到

that her baby would be delivered not through her stomach,

她的孩子不會從她的肚子裡出生。

which is how she thought babies left the body, but through her vagina.

這就是她認為嬰兒離開身體的方式，但通過她的陰道。

Although she didn't use the word vagina when she told me this story.

雖然她給我講這個故事的時候沒有用陰道這個詞。

So this was an awful and frightening birth experience,

所以這是一次可怕而又恐懼的生產經歷。

that really should have been wonderful,

那真的應該是美好的。

and something that they had looked forward to for years.

也是他們多年來一直期待的事情。

In case you're wondering how it could get to that point, because I was :

如果你'想知道它如何能得到這一點，因為我是 。

her mom had died when she was a teenager, she wasn't around to tell her about birth.

她的媽媽在她十幾歲的時候就去世了，她不在身邊告訴她出生的事情。

I have no idea why her doctor didn't give her that information.

我不知道為什麼她的醫生沒有給她這些資訊。

Except maybe this was, you know, I mean, it was before Kinsey's time,

除了也許這是，你知道，我的意思是，這是之前金賽的時間。

that was before the sexual revolution, these things weren't talked about...

那是在性革命之前，這些事情沒有被談論... ...

But as a result, she thought that Kinsey's pioneering work in sex and reproduction

但是以，她認為金賽在性與生殖方面的開創性工作'。

was so valuable.

是如此的寶貴。

That's why she thought it was great that I was working there.

這就是為什麼她覺得我在那裡工作很好。

Now she tried to do better with her daughter, my mom,

現在，她試圖和她的女兒，也就是我的媽媽一起做得更好。

by giving her more information about pregnancy and childbirth.

給她提供更多關於懷孕和分娩的資訊。

But still, they were uncomfortable talking about sex and bodies.

但他們還是不習慣談論性和身體。

That was the home my mom was raised in,

那是我媽媽長大的家。

so that's still how my mom felt about those things.

所以，這'還是我媽媽對這些事情的感覺。

And when it came time for me to be in fifth grade,

而當我到了五年級的時候。

and my class was shown a video about puberty,

和我的班級被展示了一個視頻 關於青春期。

that I'm sure many of you have seen too,

那我'相信很多人也都見過。

she asked me in the car on the way to dance class

她在去舞蹈班的路上問我。

"Did they show you the video in school?"

"他們在學校裡給你看視頻了嗎？&quot。

And I said "Yes."

我說"是的&quot。

And she said "Do you have any questions?"

她說"你有什麼問題嗎&quot。

And I said "No."

我說"No.&quot。

And that was our only conversation.

這就是我們唯一的對話。

Now, two years later, I got my period for the first time.

如今，兩年後，我第一次來了月經。

I was with my grandparents, I didn't want to tell them,

我和爺爺奶奶在一起，我不想告訴他們。

So I had to call my mom because I needed help.

所以我不得不給媽媽打電話，因為我需要幫助。

When she came home from work,

當她下班回家後。

she came back with a brown, paper grocery store bag

她回來了，帶著一個棕色的，紙質的雜貨店袋子。

and handed it to me, and said "Here, I have the things you need."

並把它遞給我，說"在這裡，我有你需要的東西&quot。

And inside the bag were pads.

而袋子裡面是墊子。

The whole experience was so embarrassing and painful for me,

整個經歷讓我很尷尬，也很痛苦。

that months later, when I ran out, I needed more.

幾個月後，當我用完了，我需要更多。

I just was not going to approach that conversation with her again,

我只是不打算再和她接近那次談話。

but I didn't know where to get any, and I wanted to try tampons anyway,

但我不知道哪裡可以買到，反正我想試試衛生棉條。

'cause I swam all the time, and I didn't want to talk to her about it.

＆#39;因為我一直在游泳，我不想和她談論它。

So I figured, well, I have a bike...

所以我想，好吧，我有一輛自行車... ...

Now, I wasn't allowed to leave the neighborhood,

現在，我不允許離開這個社區。

I mean, we lived in the suburbs, far away from any stores.

我的意思是，我們住在郊區， 遠離任何商店。

I only was supposed to be driving, like a block or two on my bike

我本來只想開車，騎車走一兩個街區就到了

to my friends' houses.

到我的朋友&#39；家。

We were point A at my house,

我們是A點在我家。

the farthest I'd ever ridden on my bike alone was point B,

最遠的我'我獨自騎車騎過的是B點。

one mile away to a friends' house.

一英里外的朋友&#39；家。

But I thought about it for a while,

但我想了一會兒。

and I figured out that there was this store in South Miami,

我發現在南邁阿密有一家店。

that's where the tampons were!

那是衛生棉條的地方!

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So one day when I got enough nerve, and figured no one was gonna miss me

所以有一天，當我有足夠的勇氣， 並認為沒有人會想念我，

for a little while, I got on my bike

一會兒，我騎上了自行車。

and I pedaled what ended up being five miles following this route.

我按照這條路線踩了五英里。

It's fairly straight, but it actually crosses a lot of busy streets.

它'相當直，但實際上它穿過了很多繁忙的街道。

And I was really worried about getting caught,

而且我真的很擔心被抓。

but I got the tampons,

但我得到了衛生棉條。

put the plastic bag on my handlebars, and rode back the five miles,

把塑膠袋放在我的車把上，然後騎了五里路回來。

and never told anyone ever.

而且從來沒有告訴過任何人

My mom will find out when she hears this talk.

我媽聽了這番話就知道了。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Now a culture in which 13-year-old girls

現在，13歲女孩的文化

end up riding their bikes disobeying their parents,

最終騎車不聽父母的話。

which I hardly every did,

我幾乎沒有做過。

you know, all because this is so uncomfortable for them,

你知道，這都是因為這對他們來說太不舒服了。

it's not the only bad outcome of a society that doesn't talk about sex.

它'不是唯一的壞結果的社會，不'談論性。

When sex is treated as abnormal, doctors and patients don't talk about sex.

當性被當作不正常的時候，醫生和病人都不會談論性。

It's not unusual for cancer patients in my line of work

在我的工作中，癌症患者並不少見。

to tell me that they've had 50 or 100 or more medical appointments,

告訴我，他們'已經有50或100或更多的醫療預約。

including for pelvic radiation,

包括盆腔輻射。

and never once had a health care provider

而且從來沒有一次有一個保健提供者

mention the serious sexual side effects to them.

向他們提及嚴重的性副作用。

When sex is treated as abnormal,

當性被視為不正常。

we don't talk about it or teach about it in schools.

我們不談論它或在學校裡教它。

And when the CDC maps sexually transmissible infections,

而當疾控中心繪製性傳播感染圖時。

it's perhaps not surprising, that they tend to cluster

這也許並不奇怪，他們傾向於集聚

in areas of the country known for lack of sex education.

在國內以缺乏性教育著稱的地區。

Notice the dark areas for chlamydia in the US,

注意美國衣原體的暗區。

gonorrhea in the US,

淋病在美國。

and HIV in the US.

和艾滋病毒在美國。

When we don't talk about sex and it's treated as abnormal,

當我們不談性而被視為不正常的時候。

people sometimes say inaccurate or insensitive things.

人們有時會說一些不準確或不敏感的話。

The 2012 election season was particularly painful for me

2012年的選舉季對我來說是特別痛苦的。

to hear phrases like "legitimate rape", "rape shutdown mechanisms"

聽到"合法的強姦"、"強姦關機機制&quot等短語。

and the quote "Some girls, they rape so easy."

和報價"一些女孩，他們強姦這麼容易.&quot。

When sex is treated as abnormal,

當性被視為不正常。

we don't even know what's true about sex, because we're not talking about it.

我們甚至不知道什麼'的真實性，因為我們'不談論它。

A few years ago our research team found

幾年前，我們的研究團隊發現

that 30% of women in the United States

美國30%的婦女

reported some degree of pain when they had sex.

據報告，她們在做愛時有一定程度的疼痛。

The editor of one of the most respected newspapers in the country refused

該國最受尊敬的報紙之一的編輯拒絕了。

to let her writer cover this story, because, she said:

讓她的作家報道這個故事，因為，她說，。

"If that was true, we would know because women would be talking about this"

"如果這是真的，我們會知道，因為女人會談論這個&quot。

But, you know, women don't even talk much about sex that feels good,

但是，你知道，女人甚至不怎麼談性愛的感覺。

let alone, sex that feels painful.

更何況，性愛感覺很痛苦。

So I think the way that we talk about sex,

所以我認為我們談論性的方式。

and the way that we don't talk about sex in this country is severely broken.

和方式，我們不'談論性在這個國家是嚴重打破。

I also think that the way we're expecting it to change is broken.

我也認為，我們'期待它改變的方式是破碎的。

If we sit around waiting for politicians, and school systems,

如果我們坐等政治家，和學校系統。

and parents to change this for us, we're gonna be waiting for a long time,

和父母為我們改變這一切，我們'要等很久。

because most of these people never got much training in sexuality education,

因為這些人大部分都沒有接受過什麼性教育的培訓。

or comfort in their homes themselves.

或自己家中的舒適度。

So my idea is a fairly simple one.

所以我的想法是一個相當簡單的想法。

But it's gonna take a commitment for a lot of us

但這需要我們很多人的承諾。

to sort of put this into practice, take a deep breath and do it civical,

要算是把這個付諸實踐，深呼吸，做到公民。

which is just to make sex normal.

這只是為了讓性愛正常化。

So concrete ways you can do this:

所以具體的方法你可以這樣做。

Openly read sex books. Not on your digital devices.

公開閱讀性書籍。不在你的數碼設備上。

On planes, on subways.

在飛機上，在地鐵上。

I've been doing this for years, it's an amazing conversation starter.

我'多年來一直在做這件事，它'是一個驚人的談話啟動。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Get sex-positive books for kids and donate them to schools and libraries.

給孩子們買性愛書籍，並將其捐贈給學校和圖書館。

Celebrate sexual diversity by going to sex-positive art events,

通過參加性積極的藝術活動來慶祝性的多樣性。

walking in or hanging out at Gay Pride parades,

走在或掛在同志驕傲遊行隊伍中；

going to marriage equality celebrations,

去參加婚姻平等的慶祝活動。

like the one that recently occurred on this stage in Bloomington.

像最近發生在布盧明頓這個舞臺上的。

(Applause)

(掌聲)

You can watch a movie.

你可以看電影。

A movie that shows realistic views of sex, nuanced views of sex,

一部電影，展現了現實的性愛觀，細微的性愛觀。

documentaries like Orgasm Inc.

紀錄片如《高潮公司》。

Talk about sex with a doctor or a nurse, with your kids, with your parents.

跟醫生或護士，跟你的孩子，跟你的父母談性。

If you've got a partner,

如果你有一個合作伙伴。

start by saying something that you like or miss about your sex life together.

開始說一些你喜歡或懷念的關於你們在一起的性生活。

Find a sex-positive video,

找個性愛正能量的視頻。

TED actually has several, including this orgasm talk,

TED其實有好幾個，包括這次的高潮演講。

and post it on your Facebook wall.

並將其發佈在你的Facebook牆上。

I guarantee you, you'll get the likes you've always wanted.

我保證，你'會得到你一直想要的喜歡。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

You can also go more public.

你也可以更公開。

A few years ago a colleague and I were in Vegas,

幾年前，我和一個同事在拉斯維加斯。

and she dressed as a giant homemade vulva,

她打扮成一個巨大的自制外陰。

and I walked around with her and interviewed women and men of all ages,

我和她一起走來走去，採訪了各個年齡段的男女。

asking what they thought she was.

問他們認為她是什麼。

A few guessed Star Trek, but a lot got it right.

有幾個人猜到了《星際迷航》，但很多人猜對了。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And I know this isn't for everybody,

我知道這並不適合所有人。

but you can also just wear sex-positive T-shirts.

但你也可以只穿性正的T恤。

These are some of the ones I have.

這些是我的一些。

Wear them out, wear them to the gym and the grocery store.

穿著它們出去，穿著它們去健身房和雜貨店。

If you don't have something like that,

如果你沒有這樣的東西。

you can wear an "ovary ova-achiever" button

你可以戴上一個"卵巢達人"鈕釦。

or a "testicle having a ball" button.

或"睪丸有球"按鈕。

They will be in the lobby at the end of the day, that you can pick up.

他們會在大廳裡的一天結束，你可以拿。

I have gifts for all of you.

我有禮物給你們大家。

You can also get your doctors and nurses to change the waiting room.

你也可以讓醫生和護士改變候診室。

They often say that they're asked sex questions that they can't answer,

他們經常說，他們'被問到的性問題，他們不能'回答。

or don't have the time to answer.

或沒有時間回答。

I say add some good quality sex books to the waiting room.

我說在候車室裡增加一些品質好的性愛書籍。

Change the posters in the bathroom away from botox and vein treatments,

改變浴室裡的海報，遠離肉毒桿菌和靜脈治療。

to a "Grab Your Gonads" testicular self-exam poster,

到一張"抓住你的性腺"睪丸自檢海報。

or a poster celebrating the diversity of women's genitals.

或慶祝女性'生殖器多樣性的海報。

Make space for sex.

為性愛騰出空間。

Here I started the Bloomington Sex Salon that brings sex researchers

我在這裡創辦了布盧明頓性愛沙龍，為性研究者帶來了

into the community, into bars and cafes.

進社區，進酒吧和咖啡館。

A local restaurant sometimes gets cheeky with their menu items,

當地的一家餐廳有時會在菜單項目上變得厚顏無恥。

including the French Tickler. That's from FARM.

包括法國的Tickler。那是FARM的。

Support the sex arts. From left to right, is my Etsy-bought uterus-doll,

支持性藝術。從左到右，是我在Etsy買的子宮娃娃。

vulva lapel pins from a local handmade market,

外陰領章來自當地的手工市場。

a clay vulva man that a student made,

一個學生做的泥塑外陰人。

and a sperm-shaped salt shaker that I picked up in Argentina.

和一個精子形狀的鹽罐，我在阿根廷撿到的。

Put it on the Thanksgiving table.

把它放在感恩節的桌子上。

And finally, embrace real sex and bodies.

最後，擁抱真實的性和身體。

Check out Cindy Gallop's "Make Love, Not Porn" website and TED talk,

查看Cindy Gallop'的"Make Love, Not Porn"網站和TED演講。

watch shows like Lena Dunham's Girls,

看節目，如莉娜-鄧納姆'的女孩。

and check out makesexnormal.tumblr.com — the new site launched this week

並查看makesexnormal.tumblr.com - 本週推出的新網站。

that encourages people to send in photos showing what they do to make sex normal.

鼓勵人們發送的照片顯示他們做什麼，使性正常。

Now recently our research team asked people what they like about sex.

最近，我們的研究小組問人們喜歡什麼性愛。

A man said:

一個男人說。

"It's a very pleasant habit we started 40 years ago. It makes the marriage better."

"它'是我們40年前開始的一個非常愉快的習慣。它使婚姻變得更好.&quot。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

A woman said "Feeling completely loved, like I was the only person in the world

一個女人說"感覺完全被愛了，就像我是世界上唯一的人一樣

he wanted to be with."

他想和.&quot。

Another woman said "Before my husband passed he just made me feel good.

另一位女士說"在我丈夫去世之前，他只是讓我感覺很好。

I miss the way he would make me feel."

我懷念他讓我的感覺.&quot。

And a man said "Makes you feel like your life is worth a little bit."

還有人說"讓你覺得自己的生命有一點價值&quot。

So yeah, sex in all of its ups and downs, and ebbs and flows,

所以啊，性愛的起起伏伏，起起伏伏。

and having it, and not having it sometimes,

並擁有它，有時又沒有它。

all of that is part of the normal human experience of sexuality.

所有這些都是正常人類性經驗的一部分。

It is a normal part of life,

這是生活中正常的一部分。

I just think we have to go out and make it normal.

我只是覺得我們必須走出去，讓它正常化。

Now I have a professional stake in this for sure,

現在我肯定有專業的股份。

because I believe that if we make it normal,

因為我相信，如果我們讓它正常。

if we help people to become more comfortable,

如果我們幫助人們變得更加舒適。

that people will more easily report sexual assaults and rapes,

人們會更容易舉報性侵犯和強姦；

they'll more easily talk about STIs and STI-testing,

他們'會更容易談論性病和性病檢測。

they'll more easily talk about love,

他們'會更容易談論愛情。

intimacy and connection with their partners.

與伴侶的親密關係和聯繫。

But I also have a personal stake in this.

但我也有個人的利益在裡面。

And this is that, like many of you,

而這就是，和你們很多人一樣。

I know the sadness, and pain, and frustration of relationship problems,

我知道感情問題帶來的悲傷、痛苦和挫折。

when two people can't talk about sex.

當兩個人不能談性的時候。

I also know the joys, and the intimacy, and the pleasure

我也知道其中的樂趣，和親密關係，以及快樂。

that comes with relationships, when two people can talk about sex.