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  • Hey, Mat Boggs here and today were going to talk about vanishers who reappear into

  • your life and then what you can actually say to get clarity on what’s been going on and

  • how to progress the relationship forward. Youve probably experienced this. A lot

  • of my clients have experienced this as well. One of my clients was recently asking me,

  • What do I say? Because it’s awkward. Like I don’t want to just go on another

  • date with this guy and he’s texting me, ‘Hey what are you up to? What’s going

  • on? What are you doing this weekend?’” She’s like, “What do I say?”

  • The first thing that you want to focus on is your mindset, right? The first mindset

  • is don’t take it personal. It really doesn’t have anything to do with you, it has to do

  • with this other person. And remember, when youre dating, your job is just to discover

  • who they really are and whether or not theyre your man or not. So you want to remove any

  • of the emotional charge from it. Well, how do you do that? The way you do that is that

  • you come from this place of love abundance. Imagine right now that you had five amazing

  • guys all texting you, all wanting to take you out, and here this vanisher vanished for

  • a couple weeks and then reappears into your life. How would you respond? It really wouldn’t

  • be that big of a deal. There wouldn’t be a lot of emotional charge. You wouldn’t

  • be prickly or icy or irritated about it. It’d be like, “Oh, hey. Whereve you been?”

  • Like there would be zero emotional charge. So bring yourself to this love abundance state.

  • Let that drive your mentality and drive your emotional state. That’s number one.

  • And number two: feel free to be direct. Feel free to be assertive because direct, assertive

  • energy demands respect. Remember, we teach people how to treat us by the treatment were

  • willing to accept. Let me say that again. We teach people how to treat us by the treatment

  • that were willing to accept. And so chances are you don’t want to accept treatment where

  • someone says theyre going to do something and then they don’t do it. So let’s say

  • youre in a scenario where a guy tells you, “Hey, I’ll call you tomorrow,” or, “I’ll

  • text you in a couple days,” and then it’s been a couple of weeks and you haven’t heard

  • from him. So he vanished and then all of a sudden you get this text that says, “Hey.

  • What’s up?” or, “Hey, how can you been?” Now, remember the main reason he’s texting

  • you and opening this conversation again is because he wants to hang out with you. So

  • it will get to the point where hell ask to see you again. So the first response that

  • you want is to come from love abundance, that youre living this life that you love. So

  • you could write something back like, “Having a great week! You?” And then at that point,

  • he may come up with an excuse and tell you, “Hey, I’ve been traveling. Work’s been

  • really busy. But what are you up to this weekend?” Or he may not. He may just say, “What are

  • you up to this weekend?” At that point, if he asks you the question, “What are you

  • up to this weekend?” and he doesn’t directly ask you out, you want to implement the porcupine

  • technique. And the porcupine technique goes like this.

  • If someone were to toss youre a porcupine and you were to catch it, you don’t want

  • to hang onto it because it’s prickly, so you toss it right back. So if he texts you

  • and says, “Hey, what are you up to this weekend?” you don’t have to answer and

  • say, “Well, I don’t have any plans,” or, “I’m not going anything cool,” you

  • can just text him back and say, “Why? What’s up?” And then hell say, “Hey, do you

  • want to get together? There’s this really cool jazz festival,” or really cool this

  • and that. When he does that, you want to text back and say, “I could be up for that, and

  • actually I have a quick question for you. Give me a call when you can.” Right? So

  • youre letting him know you could be up for that. There’s an opening there. “I’ve

  • got a quick question for you. Give me a call when you can.” So hell call you up and

  • say, “Hey, what’s up?” And you can say, “Hey. Thanks so much for calling. And I

  • actually wanted to clear something up with you if that’s cool.”

  • So at that point, that’s the shock across the bow that something’s off, right? And

  • at that moment, hell say, “Yeah, what’s up?” And then at this point, you just want

  • to call out the elephant in the room. And you could say something like this: “The

  • last time we were hanging out, you told me you were going to call me in a couple of days

  • and it’s actually been a couple of week, which is totally cool by the way, and I just

  • want to let you know that I’m really not interested in hanging out with guys who don’t

  • follow through and guys who vanish and then reappear. I am interested, however, in hanging

  • out with someone who follows through and does what it is that they say, and actually I find

  • that sexy.” And here’s where you want to let them know

  • that it was disappointing to you because you actually like them, that they didn’t call

  • back. Because that shows that you actually have an opening for them, that there is some

  • attraction there. You can say something like this: “You know, when you didn’t call

  • me back, honestly, I was a little disappointed because I think youre intriguing, I think

  • youre cool. But I’m not interested in hanging out with people who are vanishers.

  • So I’d love to hang out with you again and I just want you to be honest with me. Are

  • you going to be the guy who says some things and then vanishes? Or are you going to be

  • the guy who follows through on what he says?” And here’s what’s interesting. When you

  • put it this way, what youre doing is youre calling him to a higher level of being. Youre

  • calling him to becoming his best self, right? Youre asking him to step up. And two things

  • are going to happen. And when youre this direct, it’s fantastic because youre

  • actually going to get to see who he really is on the inside. One of two things are going

  • to happen. Either he’s going to own it, he’s going to take responsibility, he’s

  • going to apologize and say, “You know what? Youre right. I did tell you I was going

  • to call. I didn’t call. I apologize, and I am the guy who follows through and I would

  • love to go out with you.” Or he’s going to be the guy who gets defensive, who gets

  • offended, who makes excuses and starts blaming and hell say, “Oh, well, you know, work

  • was really busy and it’s only been a couple weeks,” and hell try to minimize what

  • it is that youre saying. Hell try to make it not a big deal and make you the bad

  • person. “You know, this really isn’t that big of a deal. I don’t know why youre

  • making this such a big deal.” Either way is okay. Youre not judging how

  • they respond. Youre discovering how they respond because what youre looking for

  • is whether or notbecause how he responds in this situation (because this is a tiny

  • piece of friction) is actually going to be how he responds in bigger challenges when

  • youre in a relationship with him. So youre really interested in looking at how is he

  • responding when there’s a little bump in the road? Because how he responds to this

  • is how he’s going to respond later down the road. So your job is just to discover

  • him. Don’t feel bad, don’t let him make you feel bad or feel like, “God, this really

  • isn’t a big deal,” because breaking your word, putting yourself outside of integrity

  • is a big deal when youre starting a relationship with someone.

  • Let me remind you, when you meet the right guy, it’s really tough to screw up the right

  • thing. When you meet the right guy, he’s going to follow through on his word and it’s

  • going to be easy. So youre really looking for how he responds here, right? And the cool

  • thing is when youre direct and when youre assertive and when you say, “Hey, you know,

  • I was disappointed when you didn’t follow through because I was actually excited about

  • hanging out with you. And I just want to know are you the kind of guy who follows through

  • or are you not?” and you give him a chance to step up into his best self, right? When

  • you do that, that demands respect because that shows that you have self-respect and

  • you know that youre worthy of being in relationships that are congruent and of integrity,

  • right? So no matter how he responds, own that for yourself and own that courage and bravery,

  • and know that that’s the right move that you made.

  • Because here’s the deal. Chances are he’s going to step up and say, “No, I am the

  • guy who actually follows through,” and youll go out on a great date with him. And even

  • if he doesn’t, hell fall way from your life, making space for your right man to come

  • into your life. Because know this: that your man is looking for you right now. So stay

  • true to yourself, stay true to your values, be assertive enough to stand up for those

  • values, and that puts you on the path to the relationship youve always wanted.

  • So I hope this serves you. I hope you found value in this video. If you know that this

  • will serve someone else, please send it to someone that you love and you care about.

  • Also post a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this video in the comments

  • section below. And, as always, there’s a link in the description below this video to

  • help you attract the love that youve always wanted and create the relationship that youve

  • always wanted as well. If youre not subscribed, make sure you get subscribed to this channel

  • so you can get the latest and greatest videos. Thanks so much for watching. I’ll talk to

  • you soon.

Hey, Mat Boggs here and today were going to talk about vanishers who reappear into

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當一個 "消失者 "回來的時候,該說些什麼呢? (What To Say When A "Vanisher" Comes Back...)

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    Elizabeth Lin 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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