>> YES.

>> Stephen: WOULD YOU RATHER NEGOTIATE AS SECRETARY OF STATE

WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN OR WITH TEENAGERS?

BECAUSE THEY CAN BE LIKE TERRORISTS.

(LAUGHTER) >> YES, IT'S TRUE.

I THINK I COULD NEGOTIATE WITH PUTIN BECAUSE I HAVE TEENAGERS.

(APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: THEY'RE

RELENTLESS.

>> YES.

I HAVE A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY.

PUTIN'S A BREEZE.

>> Stephen: EXACTLY.

YEAH.

>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR SON SORT OF CONVINCED YOU

TO TAKE THIS GIG.

HE SAID, MOM, YOU'VE GOT TO GO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE OR WHAT WAS

IT?

(LAUGHTER) >> I HADN'T WORKED IN A FEW

YEARS AND HE SAID, YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT THIS -- HE'S 12 AT THE

TIME -- >> Stephen: I'D LIKE YOU TO

LEAVE.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: IN ESSENCE, IT WAS, LISTEN, GO BACK, GET OUT

THERE, YOU KNOW?

>> Stephen: I WANT THIS FOR YOU, MOM!

>> YES!

AND I TOOK THAT AS I THOUGHT THAT WAS A VERY BEAUTIFUL MOMENT

BETWEEN US AND I SAID, OKAY, HERE I GO!

YOU KNOW, AND I DID.

I RETURNED.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE YOUR UPS AND YOUR DOWNS.

IT'S HARD.

YOU WORK THESE KIND OF HOURS AND -- ACTUALLY, I THOUGHT IT

WAS GOING VERY WELL, I WILL TELL YOU THIS, UNTIL HALLOWEEN, AND

MY SON, I SAID, SO, BABY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE FOR

HALLOWEEN?

HE'S NOT TOO OLD.

HE SAID, I'M GOING TO BE AN OLD-FASHIONED LOBSTER.

(LAUGHTER) AND THE FIRST THOUGHT, I

THOUGHT, THAT'S CREATIVE, THAT'S GOOD.

I THOUGHT, OH, MY GOD, I'M NOT THERE!

HE'S SMOKING DOPE!

(LAUGHTER) , LIKE, THIS IS A DISASTER!

AND THIS RAGE OF GUILT, LIKE, I'M ALWAYS WORKING AND CLEARLY

IT'S PROBABLY COKE!

(LAUGHTER) AND I'M THINKING AND THEN I'M

RUNNING AND DRIVING HOME AND RUNNING IT THROUGH MY MIND -- AN

OLD FASHIONED LOBSTER, THERE WILL BE THE OVEN MITS, THAT

PART'S OBVIOUS.

WHAT'S THE REST OF THIS THING GOING TO BE?

AND I WALKED IN AND HE WAS AN OLD FASHIONED MOBSTER!

(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: DID YOU TELL HIM YOU THOUGHT LOBBER?

>> NO.

>> Stephen: NO?

DON'T EVER TELL HIM YOU THOUGHT LOBSTER.

>> I WON'T AND HE'S NOT WATCHING BECAUSE HE'S NOT IMPRESSED.

>> Stephen: GOOD.

HE'S GOING TO GO, IS SHE SMOKING DOPE?