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  • NOW, RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW HERE, I WANTED TO TALK

  • ABOUT SOME STORIES ABOUT COMPUTERS PHONES AND TECH STUFF

  • LIKE THAT.

  • HERE'S THE THING.

  • I THOUGHT WHEN I DECIDED TO DO THIS WE HAD A REGULAR TECH

  • SEGMENT ON THE SHOW THAT HAD GRAPHICS AND EVERYTHING, CALLED

  • "TECH TALK," OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

  • AND THIS IS TRUE.

  • WE DON'T.

  • AND THE FIRST TIME WE DID ONE OF THESE SEGMENTS, BACK IN OCTOBER,

  • I THOUGHT WE HAD ALL THOSE GRAPHICS THEN, TOO, AND WE

  • DIDN'T, AND I FORGOT TO ASK ANYONE TO MAKE ANY.

  • SO AT THE LAST MINUTE BACK THEN, WE JUST DECIDED TO CALL THE

  • SEGMENT DIGITAL-DOO AND I PLAYED A DIGERIDOO.

  • THAT HAD ELECTRONIC BUTTONS ON IT OR SOMETHING.

  • AND THE REASON FOR THAT IS BECAUSE "DIGERI" SOUNDS A LITTLE

  • LIKE "DIGITAL," AND ALSO BECAUSE I HAVE A DIGERIDOO IN MY

  • OFFICE, WHICH I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHY.

  • SO, AGAIN, TODAY, BECAUSE I WAS MISTAKEN ABOUT WHAT GRAPHICS WE

  • HAD READY, THIS IS STEPHEN COLBERT'S DIGITAL-DOO.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • IT'S AN INSTRUMENT OF ENORMOUS SUBTLETIY.

  • NOW, I'M REALLY EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT THIS STORY I'M ABOUT TO

  • TALK ABOUT, AND I'M SO EXCITED I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE WORDS TO

  • EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT.

  • LUCKILY, IT'S 2016, AND MOST WORDS HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY

  • EMOJIS.

  • AND I USE EMOJIS SOMETIMES.

  • USUALLY WHEN I COMMUNICATE WITH MY WIFE AND DAUGHTER.

  • I GENERALLY DON'T USE EMOJIS AT OTHER TIMES.

  • I ENJOY THEM, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL OF THEM.

  • BUT TONIGHT I REALLY WANT TO USE THEM BECAUSE I'M FEELING VERY

  • HAPPY FACE.

  • PARTY POPPER.

  • PARTY POPPER.

  • DOLPHIN.

  • ONE REASON I'M FEELING SO VERY DOLPHIN TONIGHT IS THAT THERE'S

  • SOME BIG NEWS OUT OF THE UNICODE CONSORTIUM.

  • YEAH, THAT UNICODE CONSORTIUM, WHICH I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU

  • PEOPLE IS THE NONPROFIT RESPONSIBLE FOR APPROVING ANY

  • NEW EMOJIS.

  • AND YOU KNOW ANY NEW EMOJIS ARE GOING TO BE GOOD.

  • THESE ARE THE SAME GUYS WHO CAME UP WITH FIVE DIFFERENT

  • KINDS OF BOATS, PROBABLY FOR ALL THOSE SAILORS OUT THERE WHO

  • ARE GETTING GREAT WIFI.

  • AND THEY HAVE JUST APPROVED A REVOLUTIONARY NEW EMOJI WITH

  • ONE RAISED EYEBROW, WHICH, NO LESS THAN THE PRESIDENT OF THE

  • UNICODE CONSORTIUM, IS CALLING "THE COLBERT EMOJI."

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND IT IS AN UNCANNY

  • RESEMBLANCE.

  • THAT'S ME WHEN I HAVE JAUNDICE.

  • NOW, THE UNICODE CONSORTIUM SAYS THE COLBERT EMOJI CONVEYS

  • "SKEPTICISM, ACCOMPANIED BY THE CONCEPTS OF DISAPPROVAL AND MILD

  • SURPRISE."

  • OH, REALLY?

  • I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT.

  • I WILL SAY THAT THIS IS THE CORRECT SURPRISE-- BRING THEM

  • BACK.

  • BRING THEM BACK.

  • BRING THEM BACK.

  • I WILL SAY THAT THIS IS THE CORRECT SURPRISE-TO-EYEBROWS

  • RATIO.

  • This is MILD SURPRISE: ONE EYEBROW.

  • FULL SURPRISE: TWO EYEBROWS.

  • MILD, FULL, MILD, FULL.

  • OTHER MILD FULL.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND TO BRING THIS NEW EMOJI TO

  • MARKET IS NO SMALL FEAT.

  • THE INVENTOR OF THIS EMOJI HAD TO FILL OUT A 53-QUESTION FORM

  • AND SUBMIT A 2,700-WORD PROPOSAL, WHICH WAS THEN DEBATED

  • BY THE UNICODE TECHNICAL EMOJI SUBCOMMITTEE BEFORE MOVING

  • ON TO THE OFFICIAL CANDIDATE FOR INCLUSION IN THE UNICODE

  • STANDARD.

  • OBVIOUSLY, THERE IS A SIMPLER ANSWER STARING US IN THE TINY

  • YELLOW FACE.

  • JUST PRESENT YOUR EMOJI AND LET THE COMMITTEE VOTE THUMBS UP OR

  • POOP.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • AND HERE'S THE-- THAT'S STILL KIND OF POSITIVE.

  • AND HERE'S THE THING.

  • IT'S SUCH A BYZANTINE PROCESS, WE MIGHT NOT SEE MY EMOJI, OR

  • ME-MOJI, UNTIL 2017, WHICH IS FINE.

  • I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

  • BUT IT'S FINE.

  • IT'S FINE.

  • I'M SURE WE WON'T NEED AN EMOJI THAT MEANS SKEPTICISM AND

  • DISSAPOINTMENT DURING THIS ELECTION YEAR.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • ANYWAY, IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.

  • MY OWN EMOJI.

  • YOU CAN'T BUY THIS KIND OF PUBLICITY.

  • AND FOR ONCE, I DIDN'T.

  • BUT, I'VE GOT TO SAY, THIS IS NOT THE ONLY EXPRESSION I CAN

  • MAKE.

  • I'M NOT SOME ONE-FACE PONY.

  • THE UNICODE CONSORTIUM IS WELCOME TO CREATE AN EMOJI BASED

  • ON THIS FACE, OR THIS FACE, WHICH I CALL TRYING TO BE POLITE

  • BUT WORRIED THAT THE ELDERLY RELATIVE YOU'RE TALKING TO IS

  • GOING TO SAY SOMETHING RACIST.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • OKAY, AUNT RITA, YOU ADMIRE ASIANS, BUT WHAT?

  • HERE'S ONE I CALL "ELF EXPOSING HIMSELF IN THE PARK."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • THIS WILL MAKE A GOOD EME-MOJI.

  • THIS IS "GIVING UP YOUR SUBWAY SEAT FOR A PREGNANT LADY AND

  • MAKING SURE EVERYONE SAW."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • AND FINALLY, THIS IS PRETENDING TO BE SURPRISED

  • WATCHING "GAME OF THRONES" WITH YOUR SPOUSE WHEN YOU SECRETLY

  • WATCHED IT ALONE LAST WEEK.

  • "WHAAAAAT...?

  • THEY KILLED WHO!

  • NO WAY."

  • AS SOON AS THESE NEW EMOJIS HIT THE MARKET, I'M SURE I WILL MAKE

  • A TON OF MONEY.

  • OH, WAIT, NO.

  • YOU DON'T GET PAID FOR EMOJIS.

  • WELL, I'VE GOT JUST THE EMOJI FOR THAT.

NOW, RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW HERE, I WANTED TO TALK

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科爾伯特表情符號幾乎適用於所有場合 (The Colbert Emoji Is Good For Almost Every Occasion)

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