Name: 如果迪士尼的公主都是真人... (If Disney Princesses Were Real)
Uploaded: 2016-07-13T21:59:58.000Z
Duration: 6 min 25 s

Once upon a time, in a town not too one like your own.

很久很久以前，在一個跟你家一點也不像的小鎮裡

過去簡單式

There lived a beautiful girl with an impossible dream.

住著一個愛做白日夢的漂亮女生

Ever since she was a child, she wished on her birthday

從她很小的時候，她就在生日上許願

that one day, she'll become a real-life princess

希望某一天，能成為一個真正的公主

Tomorrow night, at her party, she'll celebrate with all her princess friends.

就在明晚，她的生日派對上，她將會跟她一群公主好友一起慶祝

Oh las, real life women are never back to be perfect in everywhere. (what's wrong?)

好喔~ 現實生活中的女人從來不覺得自己完美 (到底有什麼毛病？)

No one will buy me a drink. I hate my step sisters. I can't find a boyfriend.

沒有人幫我付酒錢，我恨我繼母的小孩而且我交不到男朋友！

I guess I can stand up for myself. (yes!)

我覺得我可以為自己說話啊 (對阿)

No, I am trying to wait for a man to save me.

可是，我還是坐等男人來救我好了

Here's why it's a terrible idea to become a Disney princess in real life.

這就是為什麼不該當一個現實世界中的迪士尼公主

Do you want to go to the latest party? Go away

你要去最近的那個趴踢嗎？走開啦~

Yeah, he's cute, hot and dreamy. Wow, husband.

他好可愛、身材一級棒，根本是天菜，希望他是我老公

It is just me? Or is it really cold in here?

只有我覺得冷嗎？還是真的很冷？

Hmm, Laila said can you turn the temperature on?

Laila 問你可以把溫度調高一點嗎？

Fuck it all, turn the winter for everyone.

去死吧！我要讓這裡全都變冬天

Oh, it's a magic. My one true love. You wanna make sure he's not pretending to like you so he doesn't stab you in the back and take over our kingdom.

真是神奇！我找到真愛了。妳要確定他不是為了佔領我們的王國才假裝喜歡妳，還在背後捅妳一刀阿

喜歡的話就往右滑囉 (交友軟體往右滑代表喜歡)

Bonjour! Bonjour! Hey Good morning, Belle. Good morning, Alice. Good morning.

妳好！(法文) 妳好！(法文) 早安，Belle 早安，Alice 早安

So...hmm...I believe he's staring at you again, Belle.

欸...我覺得他又在盯著妳看了耶，Belle

God, I'm so peculiar. But you've read that book like a thousand times.

天啊，我真的是個奇妙的人物。但妳明明看那本不下千次了

I want so much more than this digital life. I need a challenge

我想知道更多手機和電腦裡面沒有的知識，我需要一點挑戰

And then you press that on. I'm gonna wreck it.

不要吧！他看起來很危險耶。我可以搞定

How much further? Just around the river band.

Do you know how many toxins there are in that over-processed white people crack?

你知道這個過度加工的白人餅乾裡面藏了多少毒素嗎？

But where are we going to have our lunch? Look around you. This is where the path of a paleo gluten-free diet has for us.

但是這樣我們中餐吃什麼？看看四周，這就是為我們鋪設的一條通往古老傳統無澱粉飲食之路

為什麼我們不能就訂個披薩呢？

Listen. Do you hear that? My friends recommend you switch to high intensity functional workout for your muffin top.

注意聽，你有聽到嗎？我山林裡的朋友建議你試試看高強度複合式健身運動來消除你鬆垮垮的小腹

And it will make you feel like you are one of the universe, you know.

如此一來，你就會覺得你更融入大自然了，你知道的

It's cool, my boyfriend told me how to do this. (No)

這樣沒什麼問題啊，我男朋友都這樣教我的 (不)

Oh, you look like an old friend, I'm sorry.

你長得好像我很久以前的朋友，抱歉認錯

Oh my God, you are sneaking some of it? Do you know who I am?

你竟然要偷走這裡的東西？你知道我是誰嗎？

Don't care! We're so sorry. You are about to find out!

一點也不在乎！我們很抱歉。你馬上就會知道了

They never gets your nose right. Thank you.

他們總是沒有把你的鼻子修好。謝謝

It's right, mother. It's just me and the girls. Alright, bye.

對的，母親大人。就只有我跟幾個姊妹，恩，掰掰

Thank you for coming. My mom would kill me if she knew it was just me and you. Ok

謝謝你今天過來。我媽如果知道我和男生單獨出門她一定會抓狂。好的

It's fine for now. And we're here for Laila's birthday, remember?

好，現在沒事了，不過我們是來幫 Laila 慶生的你記得嗎？

I'm sorry. Sometimes I just get a little overwhelmed.

慶幸我終於不用一直被關在房裡

Why would they give us bloody worms? Girl, it's just Spaghetti.

為什麼他們要給我們一堆血色的蟲蟲？女孩，這只是義大利麵阿

It's Italian, blonde. That sounds gross. Do you have any eggs in that soup?

是「義大利」，金髮妞。還是聽起來很噁阿，你們的湯裡面有蛋嗎？

Happy birthday! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now that her birthday party has finally arrived.

(Happy birthday) Welcome! which remains the same.

(生日快樂) 歡迎阿歡迎，每年都一樣的戲碼

I'm not under the sea. I'm standing on dry land.

我沒有住在海哩，我踏在乾燥的土地上

the moral of my story changing for a man.

我的故事寓意會為了一個男的改變

You've always been my friend, my closest BFF.

你一直都是我的好朋友，我的閨蜜

So, listen well. Now that you become a princess.

And my world is blue and my magic blond hair.

我的世界都是藍色的，但我有一頭神奇的金髮

And I'm ambitious, strong, romantic, imaginative. You're totally replaced.

我野心蓬勃、我很強壯、我浪漫天真、我想像力豐富。你完全被取代了。

I clean for seven men who never give me a hand

我幫七個小矮人打掃但他們從來不幫忙

and don't you be my friend because we'll run way

我不要你當我男朋友，因為我可能會落跑

Who cares about our parents cuz they're probably... what's the word?

誰在乎我們爸媽因為他們可能會...那個什麼字來的？

Ooh, I'm not a fish. I'd rather be cold and iced-cold, speechless.

我不是條魚，我寧可冷冰冰、什麼話也不說

We left everything behind for a guy I just met because he's the best best a princess can get.

我們為一個男的放棄所有，因為他是一個公主最想要的東西

Lights on. Facetime on the weekend. I'll text you when I can. Love you, bye. Seriously?

把燈打開，在週末視訊，我有空在傳訊息給你。愛你，再見！你認真？

I would rather be a queen in my own rights. So just crown down, princesses.

我寧可當我自己的女王，所以把那些王冠都拿下來吧，公主們

Oh my God, I'm so late. Happy birthday. Oh, and I have to leave at midnight which is like 5 minutes so.....

天啊，我遲到了，生日快樂。我得趕著走了因為再五分鐘就要過12點了...

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如果迪士尼的公主都是真人... (If Disney Princesses Were Real)

life

good

guy

live