Name: 【The School of Life】人生的難題！面對一段感情，該留下還是分手呢？ (Stay in - or Leave - a Relationship?)
Uploaded: 2022-08-11T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 5 min 8 s
Description: 該分手嗎？想必許多人也思考過這個難題。當一段感情不再像過去如此轟轟烈烈的時候，當伴侶的諸多壞習慣開始惹毛你的時候，當你不再有任何感覺的時候，是否是時候提分手了？讓知名哲學家 Alain de Botton 幫助你找到答案！ 1given0:09 given 的意思就是「特定的、規定的」，而 any given day...

The decision whether one should stay or leave is one of the most consequential and painful any of us ever has to make.

要做一個是否要離開還是留下的決定對我們而言是非常重要且痛苦的。

情態副詞

On any given day, many millions of people worldwide will be secretly turning the issue over in their minds as they go about their daily lives.

在任何一天，世界上都有幾百萬人，在他們生活的同時，就祕密地讓這個議題盤旋在他們的心中。

Their partners beside them, possibly having little clue as to the momentous decision weighing upon them.

在他們身邊的伴侶，可能對壓在他們身上的重大決定一無所知。

The choice is perhaps more common now than it ever was.

這個選擇或許比起往常更加地平常。

We expect to be deeply happy in love, and, therefore, spend a good deal of time wondering whether our relationships are essentially normal in their sexual and psychological frustrations,

我們期待在愛情中有深沉的喜悅，因此，花費了很多的時間想知道我們的關係是否是正常的，當遇到性和心靈上的挫折時，

or are beset by unusually pathological patterns which will impel us to get out as soon as we can.

或者被異常的病態模式所困擾，這將促使我們盡快離開。

What films or novels we've been exposed to, the state of our friends' relationships, the degree of noise surrounding new sexually-driven dating apps,

我們接觸過什麼樣的電影和小說、我們朋友的感情生活、被性驅使的新約會程式得到的關注等等，

not to mention how much sleep we've had can all play humblingly large roles in influencing us one way or another.

更不用說我們的睡眠都可以以各種形式對我們有著重大的影響。

Awkwardly, it seems that no one else actually really minds what we end up doing, which gives the decision a degree of existential loneliness it might not always have possessed.

很尷尬的是，似乎沒有人真的在乎我們最後選擇做什麼，這讓這個決定有了之前沒有過的存在性孤單感。

Historically, the choice was, in a sense, a good deal easier because there were simply so many stern external sanctions around not leaving:

在過去，這個選擇是，就某種意義上來說，較為容易，因為那時候有很多嚴格、來自外界的約束力讓你不要分手：

religions would insist that God blessed unions and would be furious that they're being torn asunder,

宗教會堅持上帝祝福兩人的結合，也會為他們被拆散感到生氣；

society strongly disapproved of breakups and cast separating parties into decades of ignominy and shame.

社會強烈地不贊成分手，也會投予分開的情侶不體面和羞恥的眼光。

And psychologists would explain that children would be deeply and permanently scarred by any termination in their parents' relationship.

心理學家也解釋，孩童會深深地並永遠地對於父母親的感情走到盡頭而受傷。

But, one by one, these objections to quitting have fallen away;

但是，一個接著一個的，這些反對分開的理由都消失了：

religions no longer terrify us into staying, society doesn't care, and psychologists now routinely tell us that children would prefer a broken family to an unhappy one.

宗教不再恐嚇我們留下、社會不再在乎，而心理學家現在告訴我們，孩童相較於身處不開心的家庭，會比較偏向選擇破裂的家庭。

The burden of choice therefore falls squarely on us.

選擇的責任因此也直接落在我們的身上。

The only thing determining whether to stay or leave is how we feel, which can be a pretty hard matter indeed to work out for ourselves,

唯一能左右我們去留的便是我們自己的情感了，而這連我們自己都很難搞清楚了。

Our feelings having a dispirited habit of shifting and evading any efforts of rational qualification.

我們的情感令人無奈地變幻莫測，而且總是不受我們的理智所控制。

In the circumstances, it might help to have a set of questions, devil's advocate in nature, to fall back upon —

在這個情形下，提出一些問題，也就是心中存有站在反方的意見或許有幫助，

a kind of checklist to dialogue within one's mind, in the silent hours of the morning, from the chill vantage point of the spare room couch.

在早晨安靜的時光，躺在空房間的沙發上，在腦中進行著的清單式對話。

How much of our unhappiness can be tightly attributed to this particular partner.

我們有多少的不開心是因為這個伴侶而出現的。

And how much might it, as we would risk discovering five years and multiple upheavals later,

有多少的可能是，當我們經歷了五年的時間和好幾次爭吵後，

turn out to be simply an inherent feature of any attempt to live in close proximity to another human.

發現我們的不快樂源於我們根本沒辦法如此近距離地和另一個人相處？

Though it is, of course, always essentially their fault, what tiny proportion of the difficulties might we, nevertheless, be contributing to the discord?

雖然當然的，大多都是他們的錯，不過，有多微小的部分可能會是我們自己所促成的不合。

In what modest way might we be a little hard to be around?

Consider the annoying traits in all previous partners we've had and people we've known that our current partners happen not to have,

想想我們過去所有伴侶令人抓狂的特點，和我們認識的人裡擁有伴侶所沒有的一些令人抓狂的特點，

有哪些事情是我們沒有爭吵的？

Start to probe at any new infatuations or crushes, largely by getting to know them better.

開始尋找任何新的對象，主要去更認識他們。

Observe closely how many sexually available and intelligent people the single types around us, especially those hooked up to those new dating apps, actually manage to encounter day-to-day.

仔細地觀察週遭優秀的人以及樂於與他人發生關係的人那些單身人士，特別是那些被新約會程式所吸引的人，如何過好每一天。

Try to have another conversation with your partner in which you don't accuse them of mendacity,

試著和你的伴侶對話，且不要指控他有多虛偽，

and instead simply explain, quite calmly, how you actually feel and how sad you are about quite a few things.

相反地，冷靜地說明你真實的感受，以及哪些事情讓你感到難過。

Reflect on how you'd really feel as a child, if henceforth, you were to have two tiny bedrooms, two new step-parents, and possibly a few more new half-siblings,

思考若你是你的孩子，對於你和伴侶的分手有何感受，若之後你會有兩間小臥室、兩位新的繼父繼母，或許也有一些再婚父母與繼父母所生的兄弟姐妹，

compare with the scratchy reality of the current setup.

和目前這令人頭痛的情況作比較。

Question how normal it is for any couple to have great sex after twenty-two months.

對於一對情侶在交往 22 個月之後還能擁有很棒的性生活是否正常提出疑問。

Ask yourself if you're ready to face the risk of perhaps achieving no more than exchanging a familiar kind of unhappiness for a new and more complex variety of unhappiness.

問問自己是否準備好將一個熟悉的不開心和一個全新的、更加複雜的不開心交換。

Wonder whether you really want to choose hope over experience.

想一下你是否想要選擇懷有希望勝過於經驗。

Then, if you still have the impulse to leave, with chances of subsequent regret lessened to at least a touch, with a heavy heart, and a cautious mind, leave.

然後，如果你仍然有離開的衝動，至少隨後感到後悔的機率稍微減輕了，你可以帶著一顆沉重的心和一個小心翼翼的心靈離去。

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【The School of Life】人生的難題！面對一段感情，該留下還是分手呢？ (Stay in - or Leave - a Relationship?)

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