Almost so alive to all the advantages

美麗幾乎只存在優點

But oddly, being beautiful isn't problem free

但奇怪的是，美貌並不是毫無問題的

There are a range of ailments, too little discussed, that go with being extremely beautiful

追求極端的美麗伴隨著一系列的缺點，並且我們沒有對此有深刻的討論

And that we should all, perhaps, know a bit more about

因此或許我們應該多知道一點關於美貌的事實

Here are some of the greatest

以下為一些重要的事實

The likelihood of having nothing to say is so high because

美人會容易無話可說的原因大概是因為

Since you were 12 you've never had to begin a conversation

你從十二歲開始你就從來就不用自己開啟跟人的對話

They had to crack the jokes

他們講笑話給你聽

Just for the pleasure of seeing you smile

只是為了讓你一展笑顏

Indeed, you often wanted to put people off

事實上，你常常希望人們走開

Being a bit boring has been a sort of survival strategy

當一個有點沉悶的人似乎成了一種生存策略

It's the only way to stop people pestering you

這是阻止別人來騷擾你的唯一途徑

You are weird about your body

你對自己的身體感到疑惑

In bed you're always wondering, "Is it me, or is it my body they want?"

你總是在床上思索著，人們想要的是我這個人或是我的身體?

You want to be loved for the whole of who you are

你想被人們因為你是誰而愛

But your exterior is so fantastic, it overshadows anything else

但你的外表是如此出眾而掩蓋了其他的優點

You want to be appreciated for your take on the french novel

你想因為讀了一本法國小說而被他人欣賞

Your loyalty to your troubled sister, your views on the future of the left

對於朋友的忠貞不二，或是對於the future of the left 這個樂團的看法而被欣賞

But even when people say the right things, the fears won't go away

但即使人們說了正確的事情，對於自我的恐懼仍然不會消失

They make too much sense

他們講的太有道理了

Everyone assumes you are stupid

每個人都認為你是愚蠢的

They don't wait to find out

他們不用去了解你

Their imaginations refuse to picture you carfeully unpicking a page of Plato

他們拒絕想像你小心翼翼的閱讀著柏拉圖的著作

Or analysing the state of the Swedish economy

或者是在分析瑞典的經濟狀況

They like the idea of you being a bit dim

他們喜歡你有點灰暗的想法

You can't be that beautiful and understand nuclear phsyics

你不能既漂亮又了解核能與物理

That would be too much good fortune ending up in one place

那這樣你就擁有太多好運氣了!

Everyone insists you can't be very intelligent

每個人都認為你不能太聰明

No one imagines you have any problems

沒有人能夠想像你有任何問題

Fortune, people feel, has smiled on you already

人們覺得財富已經眷顧於你

You can't need anything

妳不需要任何東西

And that's why they hate you

而這就是為何他們恨你

A fair few people just like finding fault with you

有些人總是希望在你身上找碴

They feel you need to be shown that you're nothing special

他們覺得你必須證明自己並沒有與眾不同之處

Although you never claimed to be

雖然你從來都沒有聲稱自己是

They're using you

他們利用你

To vent their frustrations with life in general

去發洩自己一成不變生活中的牢騷

You're fair game, you're too beautiful, they think, ever to be hurt

你代表著人生勝利組，他們認為你太漂亮了甚至可能沒有受過傷

Ageing is worse

變老讓情況更糟

You have this rare thing

你有這樣的一個優勢

Your body is ideal... for now

你的身體現在是理想化的狀態

That's why getting older terrifies you a lot

這就是為甚麼老化令你驚慌失措

Yesterday you found another wrinkle

昨天你發現了新的皺紋

Your left knee twinges when you climb the stairs

上樓梯的時候你的左膝隱隱作痛

You have so much to lose

你害怕失去

You'll look in the mirror and foresee a wreck

你照照鏡子，開始想見自己悲慘的未來

From being so high, the fall will be harder

從高高在上跌落谷底的滋味會很不好受

Fortunately, the problems of being very beautiful are transient

幸運的是，美貌的問題是暫時的

Thankfully no one stays at the peak of loveliness for long

還好沒有人能夠永保青春

Time will take your troubles away

時間會解決一切

In a few years, almost certainly, your looks will have lost their uncanny perfection

可以肯定的是，在短短幾年內，你的外表將不再完美

Your physique will shed its grace

你將不再風姿綽約

You'll be nice enough looking

你還是很好看

But you will no longer be one of the outstandingly attractive ones

但你不再是最突出最有吸引力的那一個

And you will no longer share in their unique

而你也不再因為美貌而獨特

But very real, and very under-appreciated problems

這很現實，但美貌就再也不是問題了