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  • So here's the good news about families.

    我想跟大家分享一個關於家庭的好消息。

  • The last 50 years have seen a revolution

    近50年來,「家庭」的意義

  • in what it means to be a family.

    有了天翻地覆的改變。

  • We have blended families, adopted families,

    我們現在有透過再婚重組的家庭、有領養家庭、

  • we have nuclear families living in separate houses

    有獨立出來居住的核心家庭、

  • and divorced families living in the same house.

    有離婚後依然同住的家庭。

  • But through it all, the family has grown stronger.

    雖然出現了那麼多變化,家庭還是變得更穩固。

  • Eight in 10 say the family they have today

    高達八成的人認為,他們現在所處的家庭

  • is as strong or stronger than the family they grew up in.

    跟他們成長的家庭一樣、或更加穩固。

  • Now, here's the bad news.

    但同時,這裡又有一些壞消息。

  • Nearly everyone is completely overwhelmed

    幾乎每一個人都被淹沒在

  • by the chaos of family life.

    家庭生活的混亂中

  • Every parent I know, myself included,

    我所認識的每一位家長,包括我自己

  • feels like we're constantly playing defense.

    總是感覺自己有解決不完的問題。

  • Just when our kids stop teething, they start having tantrums.

    當我們的孩子換完了牙,他們開始會發脾氣。

  • Just when they stop needing our help taking a bath,

    當他們不再需要我們幫忙洗澡,

  • they need our help dealing with cyberstalking or bullying.

    我們開始要幫他們面對網路犯罪或同儕霸凌。

  • And here's the worst news of all.

    現在,有更壞的消息要給大家。

  • Our children sense we're out of control.

    我們的孩子覺得我們失控了。

  • Ellen Galinsky of the Families and Work Institute

    《家庭與工作制度》的作者 Ellen Galinsky

  • asked 1,000 children, "If you were granted

    訪問了 1000 個孩子,問他們:「假設你可以實現

  • one wish about your parents, what would it be?"

    一個關於你父母的願望,你會許甚麼願?」

  • The parents predicted the kids would say,

    父母以為孩子會說,

  • spending more time with them.

    多花一點時間陪伴他們。 (笑聲)

  • They were wrong. The kids' number one wish?

    錯了。孩子們頭號的願望是什麼?

  • That their parents be less tired and less stressed.

    他們希望父母別那麼累、能放輕鬆點。

  • So how can we change this dynamic?

    既然如此,我們可以怎樣轉變這種互動?

  • Are there concrete things we can do to reduce stress,

    我們有哪一些具體的事情可以減少壓力,

  • draw our family closer,

    讓家庭變得更親密,

  • and generally prepare our children to enter the world?

    讓我們的小孩面對世界時有更好的準備?

  • I spent the last few years trying to answer that question,

    去年,我花了一年時間去找這個問題的答案,

  • traveling around, meeting families, talking to scholars,

    走訪了不同的地方,訪問了許多家庭跟專家學者

  • experts ranging from elite peace negotiators

    從頂尖的談判專家、

  • to Warren Buffett's bankers to the Green Berets.

    到華倫.巴菲特的金融家、到綠扁帽部隊的軍人。

  • I was trying to figure out, what do happy families do right

    我嘗試找出快樂的家庭到底有什麼祕密

  • and what can I learn from them to make my family happier?

    我又能從中學到什麼來讓我的家庭也能更快樂?

  • I want to tell you about one family that I met,

    我想告訴你一個我遇見的家庭,

  • and why I think they offer clues.

    我想他們給了我一些線索。

  • At 7 p.m. on a Sunday in Hidden Springs, Idaho,

    一個星期天的早上 7 點鐘,在美國愛達荷州的隱泉鎮

  • where the six members of the Starr family are sitting down

    Starr 家的六名成員已經聚在一起

  • to the highlight of their week: the family meeting.

    進行他們每星期的重點:家庭會議。

  • The Starrs are a regular American family

    Starr 家是一個很典型的美國家庭

  • with their share of regular American family problems.

    也有一些美國家庭的典型問題。

  • David is a software engineer. Eleanor takes care

    父親大衛是一名電腦軟體工程師,母親埃莉諾是家庭主婦

  • of their four children, ages 10 to 15.

    留在家中照顧四個 10 到 15 歲的孩子。

  • One of those kids tutors math on the far side of town.

    其中一個孩子定期到城的另一端上數學課。

  • One has lacrosse on the near side of town.

    另一個參加附近的長曲棍球隊。

  • One has Asperger syndrome. One has ADHD.

    還有一個有自閉症,另一個則有過動症。

  • "We were living in complete chaos," Eleanor said.

    埃莉諾說:「我們生活在一片混亂之中。」

  • What the Starrs did next, though, was surprising.

    那麼這個家庭怎麼處理這一切?結果令人吃驚的。

  • Instead of turning to friends or relatives,

    他們沒有向朋友或者親友求助,

  • they looked to David's workplace.

    他們往大衛的職場找答案。

  • They turned to a cutting-edge program called agile development

    大衛的軟體公司正在導入先進的敏捷開發方法

  • that was just spreading from manufacturers in Japan

    這種方法從日本的製造業傳出,

  • to startups in Silicon Valley.

    流行在矽谷的許多新創公司。

  • In agile, workers are organized into small groups

    在敏捷開發方法中,人員被分成許多小組

  • and do things in very short spans of time.

    並且把工作切割成能在較短時間內完成的型態。

  • So instead of having executives issue grand proclamations,

    因此不需要管理高層不停發號施令,

  • the team in effect manages itself.

    小組能有效地自主管理自己。

  • You have constant feedback. You have daily update sessions.

    持續回應狀況,每天有更新進度的會議。

  • You have weekly reviews. You're constantly changing.

    每個星期作一次回顧。不停依情況調整計畫。

  • David said when they brought this system into their home,

    大衛說當他們把這個系統帶進家裡面時,

  • the family meetings in particular increased communication,

    家庭會議特別能增加彼此的溝通,

  • decreased stress, and made everybody

    減少壓力,讓每個人更樂於

  • happier to be part of the family team.

    參與「家庭」這個團隊。

  • When my wife and I adopted these family meetings and other techniques

    當太太和我開始採用上述家庭會議和其他技巧

  • into the lives of our then-five-year-old twin daughters,

    在我們當時 5 歲的雙胞胎女兒身上後,

  • it was the biggest single change we made since our daughters were born.

    我們觀察到自從她們出生以來最大的改變。

  • And these meetings had this effect

    而能產生這種效果的家庭會議

  • while taking under 20 minutes.

    通常花不了 20 分鐘。

  • So what is Agile, and why can it help

    什麼是敏捷方法? 它怎能應用在家庭?

  • with something that seems so different, like families?

    畢竟軟體開發與家庭是很不一樣的兩件事

  • In 1983, Jeff Sutherland was a technologist

    1983年,Jeff Sutherland 是一名科技專業人員

  • at a financial firm in New England.

    為新英格蘭的一所財務公司工作。

  • He was very frustrated with how software got designed.

    他對當時軟體開發方式感到沮喪。

  • Companies followed the waterfall method, right,

    當時大多採用瀑布式開發流程,對吧

  • in which executives issued orders that slowly trickled down

    主管從上發號司令,透過沒有效率的行政流程

  • to programmers below,

    指揮程式設計師,

  • and no one had ever consulted the programmers.

    沒人直接諮詢程式設計師的意見。

  • Eighty-three percent of projects failed.

    結果,83% 的計畫都以失敗告終。

  • They were too bloated or too out of date

    計畫完成時,軟體不是缺乏可用性、

  • by the time they were done.

    就是早就已經過時。

  • Sutherland wanted to create a system where

    Sutherland 想創造一個系統

  • ideas didn't just percolate down but could percolate up from the bottom

    讓構思可以從下而上傳遞,而非總是往下滲透,

  • and be adjusted in real time.

    而且可以在需要時隨時調整。

  • He read 30 years of Harvard Business Review

    他閱讀了過去 30 年的哈佛商業評論,

  • before stumbling upon an article in 1986

    偶然發現一篇 1986 年的文章

  • called "The New New Product Development Game."

    題為「新, 新產品開發競賽」。

  • It said that the pace of business was quickening --

    裡面說商業的步調正在加快 --

  • and by the way, this was in 1986 --

    提醒你這可是在 1986 年 --

  • and the most successful companies were flexible.

    能採取彈性作法才能成為最成功的公司。

  • It highlighted Toyota and Canon

    文章特別點出 TOYOTA 與 Canon

  • and likened their adaptable, tight-knit teams to rugby scrums.

    把他們靈活又緊密的團隊比喻成橄欖球陣型。

  • As Sutherland told me, we got to that article,

    Sutherland 告訴我,他們當時一看到這篇文章,

  • and said, "That's it."

    就知道「這正是我們要的」

  • In Sutherland's system, companies don't use

    在 Sutherland 的系統裡,

  • large, massive projects that take two years.

    公司不把事情規劃成耗時兩年的龐大計畫。

  • They do things in small chunks.

    他們把事情分散成小塊來做。

  • Nothing takes longer than two weeks.

    沒有單一工作需要超過兩周完成。

  • So instead of saying, "You guys go off into that bunker

    他們不說:「現在躲起來埋頭工作,

  • and come back with a cell phone or a social network,"

    直到你們做出最新手機或是另一個社交網路。」

  • you say, "You go off and come up with one element,

    而說:「你先做出一個可用的東西,

  • then bring it back. Let's talk about it. Let's adapt."

    然後拿出來讓大家討論,看看需不需要調整。」

  • You succeed or fail quickly.

    你能很快知道事情到底行不行得通。

  • Today, agile is used in a hundred countries,

    現在,敏捷方法已經在超過一百個國家被採用,

  • and it's sweeping into management suites.

    甚至推入管理領域。

  • Inevitably, people began taking some of these techniques

    無可避免地,人們開始吸收其中一些技巧

  • and applying it to their families.

    並引入他們的家庭當中。

  • You had blogs pop up, and some manuals were written.

    你可以在部落格找到資料,還有人出版實用手冊。

  • Even the Sutherlands told me that they had

    Sutherland 家的人甚至告訴我

  • an Agile Thanksgiving,

    他們用敏捷方法過感恩節,

  • where you had one group of people working on the food,

    他們安排了一個小組負責食物,

  • one setting the table, and one greeting visitors at the door.

    一組佈置餐桌,一組在大門口迎接來賓。

  • Sutherland said it was the best Thanksgiving ever.

    Sutherland 表示那是最令人滿意的感恩節。

  • So let's take one problem that families face,

    現在我們從家庭所面對的問題中挑一個,

  • crazy mornings, and talk about how agile can help.

    「早晨的瘋狂忙亂」,談談如何運用敏捷方法解決。

  • A key plank is accountability,

    重點是分工並完全負責(當責),

  • so teams use information radiators,

    成員使用「資訊輻射器」,

  • these large boards in which everybody is accountable.

    也就是寫上每個人責任與進度的大片書寫板。

  • So the Starrs, in adapting this to their home,

    Starr 家採取了這套方法,

  • created a morning checklist

    建立了一份晨間工作清單

  • in which each child is expected to tick off chores.

    每一個小孩都要完成他們在清單上的工作。

  • So on the morning I visited, Eleanor came downstairs,

    在我去探訪的早上,埃莉諾剛從樓上下來,

  • poured herself a cup of coffee, sat in a reclining chair,

    她為自己倒了一杯咖啡,坐在一張斜背椅上,

  • and she sat there,

    她坐在那裡,

  • kind of amiably talking to each of her children

    輕聲跟她每一個小孩子說話

  • as one after the other they came downstairs,

    看著他們陸續下樓,

  • checked the list, made themselves breakfast,

    小孩檢查自己的清單,做自己的早餐,

  • checked the list again, put the dishes in the dishwasher,

    再檢查清單,把自己的餐具放到洗碗機裡,

  • rechecked the list, fed the pets or whatever chores they had,

    接著檢查清單,完成餵寵物等各自該負責的工作。

  • checked the list once more, gathered their belongings,

    最後檢查清單,確認自己該帶的東西

  • and made their way to the bus.

    然後出門搭車。

  • It was one of the most astonishing family dynamics I have ever seen.

    那是我見過最棒的家庭互動模式。

  • And when I strenuously objected this would never work in our house,

    當我努力地表示這永遠不會在我們家出現,

  • our kids needed way too much monitoring,

    我們的孩子需要督促,

  • Eleanor looked at me.

    埃莉諾看著我。

  • "That's what I thought," she said.

    她說:「我以前也是這樣想,

  • "I told David, 'keep your work out of my kitchen.'

    我告訴大衛:『不要在我的廚房裡搞你哪一套。』,

  • But I was wrong."

    但,我錯了。」

  • So I turned to David: "So why does it work?"

    我轉向大衛:「這是怎麼辦到的?」

  • He said, "You can't underestimate the power of doing this."

    他說:「你不能低估這個的力量。」

  • And he made a checkmark.

    他接著做了一個打勾的動作。

  • He said, "In the workplace, adults love it.

    他說:「職場中,成年人都很喜歡它。

  • With kids, it's heaven."

    小孩更覺得它妙極了。」

  • The week we introduced a morning checklist into our house,

    那個星期,我們在家裡實行我們自己的晨間清單,

  • it cut parental screaming in half. (Laughter)

    它有效降低 50% 父母尖叫率。 (笑聲)

  • But the real change didn't come until we had these family meetings.

    但真正的改變,在我們舉行了家庭會議後才慢慢出現。

  • So following the agile model, we ask three questions:

    跟隨敏捷方法的模式,我們問自己三個問題:

  • What worked well in our family this week,

    在這個星期,家裡有甚麼事情做得很好?

  • what didn't work well, and what will we agree to work on in the week ahead?

    甚麼事情做得不好?我們下個星期要怎麼改善?

  • Everyone throws out suggestions

    每一個人都提出了建議,

  • and then we pick two to focus on.

    然後,我們挑了兩個來集中討論。

  • And suddenly the most amazing things started coming out of our daughters' mouths.

    突然之間,最美妙的話自我們女兒的嘴巴說出來。

  • What worked well this week?

    我們這個星期有什麼做得很好?

  • Getting over our fear of riding bikes. Making our beds.

    「我們不再怕騎單車跌倒,我們自己舖床。」

  • What didn't work well? Our math sheets,

    有什麼還需要改善?「我們的算數作業,

  • or greeting visitors at the door.

    或者是在門口要跟別人問好。」

  • Like a lot of parents, our kids are something like Bermuda Triangles.

    像很多父母,我們認為小孩有時候像百慕達三角一樣神秘。

  • Like, thoughts and ideas go in, but none ever comes out,

    跟他們分享想法,往往有進無出,得不到回應,

  • I mean at least not that are revealing.

    至少他們都沒有表達出來。

  • This gave us access suddenly to their innermost thoughts.

    家庭會議讓我們突然能夠接觸到他們內在的想法。

  • But the most surprising part was when we turned to,

    但最令人驚訝的事情發生在我們開始討論

  • what are we going to work on in the week ahead?

    「我們接下來這個星期要怎麼改善?」時。

  • You know, the key idea of agile is that

    在敏捷方法裡的核心想法是

  • teams essentially manage themselves,

    團隊本質上是自己管理自己,

  • and it works in software and it turns out that it works with kids.

    這一條能在軟體開發上運作,竟然對小孩子也有效。

  • Our kids love this process.

    我們的孩子很愛這個過程。

  • So they would come up with all these ideas.

    所以,他們會提出很多很好的點子。

  • You know, greet five visitors at the door this week,

    「這個星期,我們要給五個訪客打招呼,

  • get an extra 10 minutes of reading before bed.

    在睡前多加十分鐘的閱讀。」

  • Kick someone, lose desserts for a month.

    「踢人的話,會失去一個月的所有甜點。」

  • It turns out, by the way, our girls are little Stalins.

    我們家的女孩曾是小霸王,

  • We constantly have to kind of dial them back.

    我們以前必須不停矯正他們的行為。

  • Now look, naturally there's a gap between

    現在呢 -- 雖然很自然地,

  • their kind of conduct in these meetings and their behavior the rest of the week,

    她們在會議上的承諾,與實際的表現會有落差 --

  • but the truth is it didn't really bother us.

    但事實上這沒有關係。

  • It felt like we were kind of laying these underground cables

    我們像是鋪設了某種地下電纜一般,

  • that wouldn't light up their world for many years to come.

    幾年後終會發揮作用,照亮他們的世界。

  • Three years later -- our girls are almost eight now --

    三年後,我們的女兒現在已經八歲了。

  • We're still holding these meetings.

    我們還繼續舉行家庭會議。

  • My wife counts them among her most treasured moments as a mom.

    我太太認為這些會議是她當媽媽所擁有最寶貴的時刻。

  • So what did we learn?

    所以,我們到底學到了什麼?

  • The word "agile" entered the lexicon in 2001

    2001年,敏捷方法 (Agile) 這個詞正式收錄進辭典

  • when Jeff Sutherland and a group of designers

    當時 Jeff Sutherland 和一批系統設計師

  • met in Utah and wrote a 12-point Agile Manifesto.

    在猶他州見面,並一起寫下十二點敏捷開發方法的宣言。

  • I think the time is right for an Agile Family Manifesto.

    我想也是時候讓我們寫下家用敏捷方法的宣言。

  • I've taken some ideas from the Starrs and from many other families I met.

    我從 Starr 家和一些我曾經碰面的家庭得到了一些意見。

  • I'm proposing three planks.

    我提出三個重點。

  • Plank number one: Adapt all the time.

    重點一:隨機應變。

  • When I became a parent, I figured, you know what?

    當我開始為人父,我發現

  • We'll set a few rules and we'll stick to them.

    我們會訂一些規矩,而且希望嚴格地執行。

  • That assumes, as parents, we can anticipate every problem that's going to arise.

    這假設了我們作父母的,可以預知有哪些問題會出現。

  • We can't. What's great about the agile system

    事實上,我們並不能。敏捷系統偉大的地方在於

  • is you build in a system of change

    你建立了一個變動系統

  • so that you can react to what's happening to you in real time.

    使你可以視情況馬上做出反應。

  • It's like they say in the Internet world:

    就像他們在網路世界裡說的:

  • if you're doing the same thing today you were doing six months ago,

    如果六個月來你都在做同一件事情,

  • you're doing the wrong thing.

    這表示你做錯了。

  • Parents can learn a lot from that.

    父母親可以從中學到很多事情。

  • But to me, "adapt all the time" means something deeper, too.

    對我來說,「隨機應變」有更深的意義。

  • We have to break parents out of this straitjacket

    我們一定要打破一個根深蒂固的想法

  • that the only ideas we can try at home

    認為我們只能在家裡面嘗試

  • are ones that come from shrinks or self-help gurus

    那些來自精神科醫師、大師

  • or other family experts.

    或其他家庭關係專家們的意見。

  • The truth is, their ideas are stale,

    事實上,他們的想法都過時了,

  • whereas in all these other worlds there are these new ideas

    相反的,其它領域有很多新想法

  • to make groups and teams work effectively.

    可以讓小組和團隊有效地運作。

  • Let's just take a few examples.

    讓我們舉一些例子。

  • Let's take the biggest issue of all: family dinner.

    我們拿一般家庭最大的問題來講一下:家庭晚餐。

  • Everybody knows that having family dinner

    每一個人都知道,跟你的小孩一起晚餐

  • with your children is good for the kids.

    對小孩很重要。

  • But for so many of us, it doesn't work in our lives.

    不過,對於我們大部分人來說,這實在困難。

  • I met a celebrity chef in New Orleans who said,

    我曾遇見的一位新紐奧良的著名廚師卻說,

  • "No problem, I'll just time-shift family dinner.

    「沒問題,我只需要調整我們家庭聚餐時間就行。

  • I'm not home, can't make family dinner?

    沒辦法出席家庭晚餐?

  • We'll have family breakfast. We'll meet for a bedtime snack.

    改成家庭早餐如何,也可以在睡前來個點心時間。

  • We'll make Sunday meals more important."

    或是把星期天的聚餐變得更重要。」

  • And the truth is, recent research backs him up.

    事實上,最近一些調查也在支持他的說法。

  • It turns out there's only 10 minutes of productive time

    研究發現,在家庭聚餐的場合裡,

  • in any family meal.

    只有 10 分鐘能發揮功用。

  • The rest of it's taken up with "take your elbows off the table" and "pass the ketchup."

    其它時間只充斥「手肘離開桌子」與「遞蕃茄漿給我」。

  • You can take that 10 minutes and move it

    所以你可以找出 10 分鐘的時間好好經營,

  • to any part of the day and have the same benefit.

    不管用哪個時段,效果會一樣好。

  • So time-shift family dinner. That's adaptability.

    彈性調整家庭聚餐時間,就是所謂的隨機應變。

  • An environmental psychologist told me,

    有一個環境心理學家告訴我,

  • "If you're sitting in a hard chair on a rigid surface,

    「若你坐在一張堅硬的椅子上,

  • you'll be more rigid.

    你也會變得比較生硬。

  • If you're sitting on a cushioned chair, you'll be more open."

    如果你坐在一張舒服的椅子上,你會容易敞開心胸。」

  • She told me, "When you're discipling your children,

    她還告訴我:「你在教導你的孩子的時候,

  • sit in an upright chair with a cushioned surface.

    坐在一張挺直但舒服的椅子上,

  • The conversation will go better."

    你們的對話會進行得更順利。」

  • My wife and I actually moved where we sit for difficult conversations

    我太太和我會在討論嚴肅話題時,調整我們的座位

  • because I was sitting above in the power position.

    因為我慣有的座位較高,會顯得強勢。

  • So move where you sit. That's adaptability.

    調整座位,也是所謂的隨機應變。

  • The point is there are all these new ideas out there.

    重點在於有很多我們尚未知道的好點子。

  • We've got to hook them up with parents.

    父母要能夠結合這些新想法才行。

  • So plank number one: Adapt all the time.

    因此,重點一:隨機應變。

  • Be flexible, be open-minded, let the best ideas win.

    保持彈性、開放,讓最好的想法發揮作用。

  • Plank number two: Empower your children.

    重點二:授權你的小孩自主。

  • Our instinct as parents is to order our kids around.

    父母親的本能是下指令給小孩。

  • It's easier, and frankly, we're usually right.

    這樣比較簡單,而且坦白說, 我們通常都是對的。

  • There's a reason that few systems have been more

    這也是為何家庭最終比其它系統更傾向