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  • Being a good listener is one of the most important and enchanting life skills anyone can have.

    成為一位好的聆聽者,是對任何人來說都很重要且討喜的一個生活技能。

  • Yet few of us know how to do it, not because we're evil, but because no one has taught us how and—a related pointno one has listened to us.

    但很少人知道怎麼做,並不是因為我們本質差,而是沒人教我們怎麼聆聽,另外一點是,也沒人聆聽過我們說話。

  • So we come to social life greedy to speak rather than listen, hungry to meet others, but reluctant to hear them.

    於是我們在社交的時候,總喜歡說話多過於聆聽,我們渴望與他人會面,但不願意聽他們說話。

  • Friendship degenerates into a socialised egoism.

    友誼也變質成了社會化的自我主義。

  • Like most things, it's about education.

    跟多數事物一樣,這關係到教育。

  • Our civilization is full of great books on how to speakCicero's "Orator" and Aristotle's "Rhetoric" were two of the greatest in the ancient worldbut sadly no one has ever written a book called "The Listener".

    人類文明充斥著教導說話藝術的書籍,例如西塞羅的《雄辯家》的和亞里斯多德的《修辭學》就是古文明中的偉大作品,但遺憾的是,從未有人寫過名為《聆聽者》的書籍。

  • There are a range of things that a good listener is doing that makes it so nice to spend time in their company.

    好的聆聽者有幾件時常做的事,讓人們覺得花時間和他們相處很美好。

  • Firstly, they egg us on.

    第一,他們會鼓勵我們。

  • It's hard to know our own minds.

    要釐清自己的想法很困難。

  • Often, we're in the vicinity of something, but we don't quite close in on what's really bothering or exciting us.

    我們常常隱約知道原因,卻無法確切掌握令我們困擾或興奮的東西。

  • We hugely benefit from encouragement to elaborate, to go into greater detail, to push just a little further.

    不管是被鼓勵去闡述、說明更多細節或是再多做一點,我們總能大有所穫。

  • We need someone who, rather than launch forth on their own, will simply say those two magic words: Go on

    我們需要一個不會只顧著自己說話的人,對我們說那如魔法的兩個字:「你說...」。

  • You mention a sibling, and they want to know a bit more.

    你提到兄弟姊妹,他們就會想多了解一點。

  • What was the relationship like in childhood, how has it changed over time?

    你們年幼時的關係如何、隨時間演變有了什麼變化?

  • They're curious where our concerns and excitements come from.

    他們想知道我們焦慮或興奮的來源。

  • They ask things like: Why did that particularly bother you? Why was that such a big thing for you?

    他們會問:「為什麼那件事讓你如此煩惱?它對你來說為什麼這麼重要?」

  • They keep our histories in mind; they might refer back to something we said before and we feel they're building up a deeper base of engagement.

    他們會記住我們說過的事,並且可能回溯那些故事,讓我們他們正在建構一段更根深蒂固的關係。

  • Secondly, the good listener urges clarification.

    第二,聆聽能者善於釐清。

  • It's fatally easy to say vague things; we simply mention that something is lovely or terrible, nice or annoying.

    把事情說得模糊很簡單,我們可以輕易地說某件事很美好、很可怕、很棒或很煩。

  • But we don't really explore why we feel this way.

    但我們通常不會探究我們有這種感覺的原因。

  • The friend who listens often has a productive, friendly suspicion of some of our own first statements and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background.

    懂得聆聽的朋友總能對我們首發的言論提出想法及友善質疑,目的在於檢視事情背後潛伏的心態。

  • They take things we say like, "I'm fed up with my job" or "My partner and I are having a lot of rows,"

    他們會聽到我們說:「我受夠了我的工作」或是「我和我的伴侶很常吵架」等話語,

  • and they help us to focus in on what it really is about the job we don't like or what the rows are really about.

    然後幫助我們專注探討究竟不喜歡工作的哪一點,或是爭吵點到底是什麼。

  • They're bringing to listening an ambition to clarify the underlying issues.

    除了聆聽之外,他們還抱持著釐清潛藏原因的野心。

  • They don't just see conversation as the swapping of anecdotes.

    他們不會只將對話視為一般的交換趣聞軼事。

  • They're reconnecting the chat you're having over pizza with the philosophical ambitions of Socrates,

    他們運用蘇格拉底的哲學精神,將在吃披薩時說的一些瑣事串聯起來。

  • whose dialogues are records of his attempts to help fellow Athenians understand their ideas and values in a better way.

    蘇格拉底曾有過的對話都記錄了他企圖為雅典同伴們,以更好的方式了解自己的思想與價值。

  • Thirdly, good listeners don't moralise.

    第三,好的聆聽者不會說教。

  • The good listener is acutely aware of how insane we all are.

    好的聆聽者很清楚地知道我們有多瘋狂。

  • They know their own minds well enough not to be surprised or frightened about this.

    他們對自己的思想了解到足以不被這件事驚嚇到。

  • They're skilled at making occasional little positive sounds: Strategic "mmmm..." that delicately signal sympathy without intruding on what we're trying to say.

    他們擅長適時用微小正向聲音予以回應:技巧性地「嗯...」一聲巧妙地表達認同,卻又不打斷我們說話。

  • They give the impression that they recognize and accept our follies; they're reassuring us they're not going to shred our dignity.

    他們傳達了一種態度:他們認可也接受我們的愚蠢,同時也藉此保證不會踐踏我們的自尊。

  • A big worry in a competitive world is that we feel we can't afford to be honest about how distressed we are.

    在這高競爭世界的一大擔憂,就是認為自己沒有本錢坦承自身的痛苦。

  • Saying one feels like a failure could mean being dropped.

    承認自己感覺像個失敗者可能導致被社會淘汰。

  • But the good listener signals early and clearly that they don't see us in these terms.

    但是好的聆聽者會在一開始就清楚地表示,他們並不會這樣看待我們。

  • Our vulnerability is something they warm to rather than are appalled by.

    我們的脆弱,是會讓他們感興趣而不是反感的特點。

  • Lastly, good listeners separate disagreement from criticism.

    最後,好的聆聽者能分辨異議與批評。

  • There's a huge tendency to feel that being disagreed with is an expression of hostility.

    當人們不被認同的時候,很容易會認為那是一種敵意的表達。

  • And obviously, sometimes that's right.

    當然,這個想法有時是正確的。

  • But a good listener makes it clear that they can really like you and, at the same time, think you're wrong.

    但好的聆聽者會清楚地讓你知道他們在喜歡你這個人的同時,也是可能認為你有錯。

  • They make it plain that their liking for you isn't dependent on constant agreement.

    他們會說清楚,喜歡並不是建立在隨時認同的基礎上。

  • They are powerfully aware that a really lovely person could end up a bit muddled and in need of some gentle untangling.

    他們很深刻地意識到,再怎麼好的人都有頭腦不清楚、需要協助慢慢釐清的時候。

  • When we're in the company of people who listen well, we experience a very powerful pleasure.

    所以當有個好的聆聽者陪伴時,我們會感受到一股極大的愉悅感。

  • But too often, we don't really realize what it is that this person is doing that is so nice.

    但很常發生的是,我們不會真正意識到這個人做的事究竟好在哪裡。

  • By paying strategic attention to the pleasure, we can learn to magnify it and offer it to others, who will notice, hear, and repay the favour in turn.

    藉由技巧性地觀察這樣的愉悅感,我們可以學習將它放大,並提供給會發現、聆聽,並予以回報的那些人。

  • Listening deserves discovery as one of the keys to a good society.

    「聆聽」應該要被視為塑造良好社會的關鍵之一。

Being a good listener is one of the most important and enchanting life skills anyone can have.

成為一位好的聆聽者,是對任何人來說都很重要且討喜的一個生活技能。

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成為一個好的聆聽者的四大要素 (Being A Good Listener)

  • 76562 5601
    Shirley Huang 發佈於 2017 年 10 月 23 日
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