- If you aim for my face, you'll hit the apple.

-你要瞄準我的臉，才能打到我頭上的蘋果

- Mm-hmm.

-恩哼

- No, higher.

-不對，再高一點

- Like that? - No.

-這樣嗎？ -不夠

Ian, higher.

伊恩，再高點

- Okay, I can't concentrate if you keep talking.

-唉唷，妳一直講話我沒辦法專心啦

- Well, if you hit me in the vagina again,

-你要敢再打我的下體的話

I'm gonna kick your ass.

我就要踹爆你的屁股

- Yeah, yeah, whatever. Okay, ready?

-好啦好啦，不說那麼多廢話了，好了嗎？

- Yeah. - And fire!

-好了 -發射！

- [exclaims]

-(叫喊)

- Aww, what?

-噢，又怎樣了？

[scoffs] - Why?

(嘲笑) -怎麼會？

- See, this is why we test out the tee-shirt cannon

-妳看，這就是我們對小屁孩開砲前 (譯註: tee-shirt cannon為空氣砲)

before we fire it at children.

沒有好好檢測它的後果

- Okay, well...

-呃，那好吧...

- Come on, you stupid-- [groans]

-快點，你這台笨...(嘆氣)

[crash]

(碰撞)

Oh!

喔！

- [sighs]

-(嘆)

Lori's gonna kill us.

羅莉會殺了我們的

[paper fluttering]

(鈔票在飛的聲音)

- Think we could bribe her?

-那如果我們拿這來賄賂她呢？

- [chuckles]

-(笑)

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

- (女聲) 你錯了，你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇喔

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

到底為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

- Are you out of your minds?

-你們是瘋了嗎？

- Something tells me she's not gonna take the bribe.

-我有預感她不會接受賄賂

- I'm not gonna take the money and neither are you.

-我不會拿走這些錢，你們也別想占為己有

It's laundered.

這叫做洗錢

- [sniffs]

-(嗅)

Doesn't smell like detergent.

但聞起來不像清潔劑啊 (譯註: 伊恩誤以為羅莉講的洗錢是真的把錢拿去洗)

- Ella, go hide the money until I can figure out

-艾拉，在我找到這些錢的失主前

who it belongs to.

妳先去把錢藏好

You were messing around with that damn tee-shirt cannon

說，你們不會又用那該死的空氣砲把餐廳

again, weren't you?

搞得一團亂了？

- No.

-才沒有

There's holes.

那裡本來

Just falling through the ceiling.

就有一個洞了

Just get it fixed, Lori!

妳就把它修好不就沒事了嗎？

[snapping] Jeez!

(捻手指聲)這也要我教嗎？

[video games whirring and dinging]

(電玩遊戲聲)

Come on. Why can't we keep the cash?

拜託，為什麼我們不能把錢留下來？

- It's dirty money.

-那可能是贓款啊

It could be drugs, blood diamonds,

可能是來自毒品啊，或是血鑽石

black market stereos.

甚至黑市交易的所得

- Oh, my God. - What?

-我的媽媽咪呀 -怎樣？

What is it?

這什麼？

- Dinosaur eggs.

-恐龍蛋

There's whole crates of them up there.

那裡有一堆箱子裡面都裝這些蛋

- Those are avocados, genius.

-那些是鱷梨好嗎，天才

- Oh, right.

-喔，想起來了

The fruit that's made out of guacamole.

鱷梨沙拉醬的原料嘛 (譯註: guacamole是美洲阿茲特克文化裡的傳統調料，用酪梨製成果醬一樣，以便用來蘸著主食吃)

- Ian, go back up there and see if there's anything else.

-伊恩，再上去看看還有沒有其他東西

I don't want to be an accessory to anything.

我可不想淌這灘渾水

- But they're just avocados though.

-可它們就只是鱷梨啊

From Florida.

佛羅里達來的呢

- [gasps]

- (吸氣)

Taking fruit across the California border

這些水果未經許可就從加州邊境運送過來

without a permit is illegal.

這是違法的耶

And smugglers are some of the most dangerous criminals around.

這些走私者一定都是一些罪大惡極的罪犯

- [groans]

-(嘆氣)

Wait. What if something happens to me?

等一下，那萬一我遭遇不測怎麼辦？

- Oh, don't worry. You're replaceable.

-喔，又沒差，找個人替代你就好了

- [sighs]

-(嘆氣)

- Did you put the money somewhere safe?

-妳把錢藏在安全的地方了嗎？

- Oh, yeah. No one will ever find it.

-恩，安全妥當，不會有人發現的喔

- [exclaiming]

-(大叫)

[giggles] Oh, my God!

(笑)喔，我的老天啊！

[laughing] Oh, my God!

(天)老天爺對我太好了吧！

Whoo!

嗚！

[video games beeping]

(電玩遊戲聲)

- What do you think he's gonna find besides avocados?

-妳覺得伊恩除了挖到鱷梨還會找到什麼？

- Hopefully a turkey, lettuce, a Kaiser roll,

-希望有火雞、生菜、凱澤捲 (譯註: Kaiser roll為有折角的小圓麵包)

and a side of Kettle Chips.

還有手工切片洋芋片(譯註: Kettle Chips為美國的洋芋片零食，因為是手工切片故形狀不一，販賣多種口味如紐約切達起司、酸奶洋蔥、蜂蜜、淡鹽等風味)

I'm hungry.

我餓了

[phone ringing]

(電話鈴響)

[sighs]

(嘆氣)

[phone beeps]

(電話鈴聲)

I told you not to FaceTime me.

我不是跟你說過不要再打視訊給我了

It's gonna wipe out my data plan.

這樣會很燒我手機的網路費好嗎 (譯註: data plan也就是每個月選擇的行動網路付費模式，俗稱網路資費方案)

- It's an emergency.

-這很緊急啦

I've been taken hostage.

我變成人質了

- Are you okay? - No, I'm not okay!

-你還好嗎？ -不，一點都不好！

I followed that tunnel all the way

我剛循著那條通道回去

to the back of the bowling alley next door

旁邊竟然有一條保齡球道

and there's a whole avocado operation going on--

突然就有一大堆鱷梨要...

- Move your face, kid!

-閃邊去，你個小屁孩！

We want our money.

我要拿回我們的錢

- Yeah, and we want you to keep letting us use

-沒有錯，我們要妳們把餐廳的天花板

Pork E. Pine's ceiling tunnel as our stash house,

讓給我們，當作藏身之處

or your golden boy here's not coming back.

要不然...妳們家的小孩...可能就再也回不去了

- We know how important he is to your establishment.

-我們已經知道妳們餐廳如果少了他，損失將多麼慘重

He's been telling us.

他都告訴我們了

- I am super important!

-我真的超級超級重要！

- Ian, don't worry, we're gonna get out out of there

-伊恩別擔心，不管怎樣，我們會盡快把你

no matter what.

救出來的

- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

-喔，等等，等等

Let's think this through.

妳先別那麼衝動吧

Ian, we gonna call you back.

伊恩，我們會回叩給你

- But Lori-- [phone beeps]

-可羅莉... (手機嗶聲)

- What are you doing?

-妳在幹嘛？

- Look, I've seen TV.

-放心，我常看「世間情」

All we got to do is keep hanging up on them.

我們只要一直掛斷他們的電話就好

We have the cash, so we have the upper hand.

我們可握有他們的錢，相對我們佔優勢

- But they have Ian.

-可他們持有伊恩啊

- But I have the knowledge of television.

-但我可是把437集的「世間情」都追完了呢

[chuckles]

(笑)

- Lori has secretly been refrigerating money,

-羅莉偷偷把錢藏在冰箱裡

so I've called all you here today to figure out--

所以我今天叫你們來是為了要...

- How to confront Lori.

-如何面對羅莉

- Jeez, no. No one's telling Lori.

-拜託，絕不能跟她說啦

- Yeah, what's wrong with you, man?

-對啊，你忘了吃藥啊？

- Yeah, Pete. God.

-就是嘛，皮特，上帝祝福你

- We all need to figure out how to spend this money

-我們要想個辦法怎樣用最有趣的方式

in the funnest way possible.

花光這些錢

- [gasps]

-(吃驚)

all: Whoa.

所有人: 哇嗚

- And as my brain trust, I challenge you all

-我相信你們一定會想出

to dream awesome.

超讚的點子的

Go. - Seal.

開始 -海豹

- Navy or animal? - Musician.

-你是在說海軍還是動物啊？ -那改音樂家好了 (譯註: seal在此完雙關語，可指動物海豹，還有另一個意思是指美國海軍海豹部隊)

- Next.

-下一個

- Lifetime passes to Colonial Williamsburg.

-去一生當中一定要去一次的殖民地威廉斯堡 (譯註: Colonial Williamsburg是美國維吉尼亞州威廉斯堡市的一個歷史保護區域)

- I fell asleep in the middle of that sentence.

-你話還沒講完，我就快睡著了

Next. - Let's start a bird sanctuary!

下一個 -我們來辦一個鳥類保護區！

- Let's avoid anything with religion.

-可以盡量避免這種跟宗教有關的事好嗎？

- Next. - Dinner with meatloaf.

-再來 -晚餐吃烘肉捲，再請歌手肉捲來

- Meal or singer? - Both.

-你在說吃的還是歌手？-都有 (譯註: 此處亦是玩雙關語，Meat loaf是是美國知名的男歌手及演員，本名為Michael Lee Aday)

- Meatloaf with Meatloaf.

肉捲配肉捲？

You guys, that's the idea to beat.

各位，我想到一個好點子了

- Ah! Stop it.

-啊，住手

Let me handle the criminals.

我來應付那些傢伙

- Fine, but the next time Ian calls,

-可以，但是下一通伊恩打來

you have to pick it up.

你一定要接喔

- [sighs] Fine.

-(嘆氣)好啦

[phone rings]

(手機鈴響)

Oh. [phone beeps]

喔 (接通電話聲)

Ian, got to go.

伊恩，我在忙

I'm holding auditions for the next Pork E. Pines.

我正在面試取代你的接班人呢

[laughing]

(笑)

- What? - I was just kidding.

-什麼鬼？ -鬧你的啦

We wouldn't need auditions.

我們根本就不需要面試

Anybody can do your job.

隨便找個人都可以取代你的工作

[phone beeps] - Lori!

(結束通話聲) -羅莉！

They're gonna kill him.

他們會把他殺了

- Oh. [scoffs]

-喔 (笑)

Please.

你馬幫幫忙

Those smugglers wouldn't last 15 minutes with that damn fool.

那些走私販子才不會只過15分鐘就那個笨蛋給殺了

As long as Ian has an audience,

只要伊恩還有利用價值

he's holding them hostage.

他就會繼續挾持他當作人質

- You know, you guys are missing out

-你們知道嗎，你們剛才錯失

on a huge opportunity right now.

一個大好機會

You see, um...

你們也知道嘛，恩...

I'm kind of a comedian, so, uh...

我是一個喜劇演員，所以，呃...

ah, all right, here. I'll--

啊，隨便啦，都在這了，我會...

I'll just shoot some of my material.

我只是在展現我的一些才華

You--you let me know if anything sticks.

如果有什麼冒犯之處告..告訴我

This one will be right up you guys' alley.

但我這個人應該會滿討你們喜歡的 (譯註: up/down one's alley源自up someone's street，後來演變成前面的說法，指的是正合某人所好，如要加強語氣在up/down前面加上right或just即可)

Uh, so you guys are in the avocado business.

呃，所以你們是在賣鱷梨的是吧？

Your life must be the pits.

你們的生活一定都活在坑洞裡吧？

[drum rimshot]

(敲鼓聲)

No? Okay, um...

說錯話了？喔，那...

okay.

好

What is your name, sir?

尊姓大名，先生？

- Thermos.

-善摩斯

- Thermos? Is that--is that Greek?

-善摩斯？是希臘名字嗎？

Right, Catholic.

喔...是天主教

Saint Thermos of Assisi.

聖亞西西的善摩斯呢~~

[drum rimshot] [laughs]

(敲鼓聲) (笑)

[chuckles]

(笑)

You guys want some physical comedy?

你們要不要看點肢體喜劇？

Here we go. Here we go.

來吧來吧

[grunts]

(咕噥聲)

Oh, no.

喔，不

Oh, man.

喔天啊

That one was premature.

那顆熟過頭了

Guess it was excited to see me.

猜它應該是等不及要見我了

[drum roll]

(敲鼓聲)

- Do whatever you have to do, all right?

-趕快把事情做完好嗎？

Let's just--just negotiate him out of here.

然後趕快談判完，把這瘋子趕走

- Jebediah, Thermos, good to hear from you guys.

-吉普戴亞、善摩斯，很高興能和你們聊天

So how's everything with Ian?

我們家那小子現在還好吧？

Aww, that bad, huh?

喔，聽起來可真不好呢

You sound so desperate.

你們聽起來還挺急的呢

This is what we gonna do, mother[bleep]s.

我們現在就來喬這件事，他媽的

Meet me in the parking lot in one hour.

1小時後老娘在停車場那等你們

- Tell them to bring Ian.

-叫他們帶上伊恩

- [stammering] - Lori!

-(口吃) -聽到沒？

- I'm getting to that.

知道了啦

- Here it is, guys.

-看這裡，各位

[triumphant music]

(得意洋洋的音樂)

[sighs]

(嘆)

all: Whoa.

所有人: 哇嗚

- Just like we all agreed.

-正如大家希望的

It's a Jet Ski like Pete wanted, but fitted with a laser

這是皮特想要的水上摩托車，還加裝了丁格

like Dinger wanted.

想要的雷射裝置

- Now all we have to do is make sure

-我們現在想確認一下那雷射

that that laser's multi-functional

是不是真的多功能

so that we can use it to fix the cleft palates

因為這樣我們用它來達成麥姿的願望:

on needy children like Mads wanted.

治療有唇顎裂問題的小朋友

- It's perfect.

-真的是太讚了

- I get to use it first.

-我要搶先用

- Why is there a Jet Ski in my restaurant?

-為什麼餐廳裡會有水上摩托車？

- Lori, I don't know why you were hoarding all that cash,

-羅莉，我真的搞不懂妳為什麼要把錢藏起來

but it's not exactly what I would call good management.

那實在不是我覺得一位優秀經理會做的事

Don't worry though.

別擔心啦

We spent it all

我們已經團結地

as a team.

把它花光光了

- [laughs] - Yeah!

-(笑) -耶！

- Yeah!

-耶！

[all laughing and cheering]

(笑加歡呼聲)

- Look, guys.

-那你們看著辦吧

Ian's been taken hostage.

伊恩被挾持為人質了

all: Whoa.

所有人: 哇嗚

- You need to take that back.

-你們得把這退還回去

- We can't take back the laser Jet Ski.

-我才不要把這水上雷射摩托車拿去還

This is literally Pork E. Pine's most valuable asset.

這可以說是餐廳裡最有價值的資產耶

- [whispering] Yeah, I think so.

-(低語) 耶，我也這麼覺得

- True.

-那好吧

Should we weigh the pros and cons?

那我們是不是該來衡量一下利弊呢？

[upbeat percussive music]

(愉悅震擊性音樂)

- Yeah.

-耶

- Also the Jet Ski could put on a laser show!

-再說了，那臺水上摩托車可以運用在雷射秀啊！

- Oh, yeah. - [laughs]

-喔，耶 -(笑)

- Ian can't put on a laser show.

伊恩可沒辦法在雷射秀大展身手

- [laughing] No.

-(笑)那是當然的

Ian once tried to use his penis as a laser pointer

伊恩有一次還試著把老二當作雷射筆甩啊甩

and he just kind of peed all over himself.

結果到最後還不是噴得自己身上到處都是

[laughter]

(笑)

- So it's agreed.

-那就這麼說定啦

Ian will live out the rest of his life with the smugglers.

伊恩就好好享受生命最後的時光 — 與走私犯有約

- Yeah, there it is. - Awesome.

-耶，就這麼辦啦 -太好了

- Yeah. - Cool.

-耶 -酷

- That's how it goes. - Guys, guys, guys.

-這結局太讚了 -等等..各位

I hate to be that guy, but you do realize

我是不想把話說那麼白啦，但你們心裡應該很清楚

we need to get Ian back, right?

我們還是希望伊恩回來，對吧？

- [sighs] - Dang it.

-(嘆氣) -該死 (譯註: dang it其實就等同於damn it的意思，只是另一種說法)

- Whatever. - Fine.

-你說得對 -那好吧

- Damn it. - Yeah, I know.

-該死 -耶，我知道

- [sighs]

- (嘆氣)

[western music]

(西部牛仔音樂)

- [grumbling indistinctly]

-(呻吟叫喊聲)

- What's he trying to say?

-他剛剛到底想說什麼？

He better not be hurt. - Take off the gag.

你們最好不要傷他一根汗毛 -把塞在他嘴裡的布拔掉

- Please, please, don't make us do that.

-拜託，妳別要我那樣，求你了

- Take it off now.

-現在快拿掉

- [sighs]

-(嘆氣)

- What did one avocado say to the other?

-嘿，鱷梨如果要跟另一個鱷梨講話，會怎麼講？

- Holy hell. Put the gag back on.

-真的見鬼了，把布塞回去好了= =

- Put the gag back on now.

-再把布塞回他的嘴，快

- But it was funny.

-欸，可這很好玩耶

- Okay, here's the deal.