Pork E.! Pork E.! Pork E.! Pork E.!

小箭豬！小箭豬！小箭豬！小箭豬！

[techno music]

(電子音樂)

[music stops, stutters]

(音樂暫停，斷斷續續)

- No.

-不！

Damn it, Mads, you're jamming my flow.

該死的，麥姿，妳打亂了我的節奏

I told you to go around during showtime.

我跟妳講過多少次，表演的時候要繞道走

- Sorry.

-對不起嘛

- [sighs]

-(嘆氣)

[techno music resumes]

(繼續播放電子音樂)

- Put on your pee pants, pants,

-現在最好把你們的尿布穿好

because things are about to get crazy.

因為接下來會發生很瘋狂的事情

It's the moment you've all been waiting for.

眾所矚目，期待接下來的這一刻

It's the performance of a lifetime.

這可是一場千載難逢的表演

It comes every third hour on the hour.

每3小時表演一次，每次表演1小時

The king of quills.

刺刺之王

The prince of prick.

刺刺王子

Mr. Pork E. Pine!

小箭豬先生！

[children chanting] Pork E.!

(小朋友叫聲) 小箭豬！

[children cheering]

(小朋友歡呼聲)

[wacky music playing]

(播放搞怪音樂)

- [high-pitched singing] Hey it's Pork E. time

-(高音調音樂) 嘿，是小箭豬

Hey its Pork E. time

嘿，是小箭豬

Pork E. time

小箭豬

[playful music]

(俏皮音樂)

- [man singing] This is America

- (男聲) 這裡是美國

Land of dreams

夢想的發源之地

Everyone can climb higher

每個人都能高高在上

- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

- (女聲) 你錯了，你明知道自己被困在這裡

'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

因為你只是個實習工讀生，耶~

- [man singing] You can do anything

- (男聲) 想做什麼都隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

- (女聲) 前提是不要太難

- [man singing] And you can go anywhere

- (男聲) 想去哪玩也隨心所欲

- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

- (女聲) 前提是你得有車

- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

- (男聲) 你就能坐擁天下

- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

- (女聲) 拜託，你以為你是誰？

- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

- (男聲) 實習工讀生是一種詛咒

With full-time dreams

雖然你充滿夢想

And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

但薪水就跟表面看起來一樣的糟

Bad as it seems

一樣糟糕

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

你到底是吃錯什麼藥？

Whoa

哇屋

What the [bleep] are you doing here?

到底為什麼要來這裡啊？

Oh

喔~

Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

兄弟，認真的嗎？ -你到底在這裡做什麼啊？

[wacky music playing]

(播放搞怪音樂)

- Excuse me?

-不好意思

I work in TV,

我是在電視臺工作的人

and I want to talk to someone about Pork E.

我想跟這裡的負責人討論一下小箭豬

Do you know who's in charge here?

你知道這裡的負責人是誰嗎？

- This guy.

-哈哈，我就是

Well, technically, it's that guy.

好啦，其實是那個傢伙

[wacky music continues]

(搞怪音樂繼續播放)

- Thank you.

-好..喔..謝謝你

- [high-pitched singing] Pork E. Pine

-(高音調音樂) 嘿，是小箭豬

- Guys, we're gonna be on a TV commercial!

-各位，我們很快就要上電視廣告了耶！

- Wow! - [laughs]

-哇~ -(笑聲)

- And Ian is gonna star as the face of childhood obesity.

-伊恩即將成為肥胖兒童界的明星呢

- Oh, because he looks like a fat child.

-喔，是因為他看起來像胖小孩嗎？

- No.

-才不是

Because Pork E. may be portly,

因為小箭雖然只是一隻豬

but he can still dance.

但牠可是會跳舞呢

And that is what childhood obesity is all about.

而這就解釋所有關於肥胖兒童的事了

- What are the rest of us doing for the commercial?

-其他人的角色是什麼啊？

- [scoffs]

- (噗哧聲)

- Oh, nothing.

-喔，沒有其他角色

Ian is the only one in the commercial.

伊恩是當中唯一的角色

Did I not make that clear?

我剛剛沒跟你們講清楚嗎？

- He does look like a fat child.

-他確實看起來就是個胖小屁孩

- Guys, we can all watch it on TV together.

-各位，我們可以一起看那個廣告啊

- Hey. Can a fat child do this?

-嘿，胖小孩能做和我一樣的動作嗎？

[scatting]

(擬聲歌唱)

Can a fat child do this?

胖小孩能做這招嗎？

Whoa--aah!

哇~~啊啊

[crashes] Ow!

(摔倒) 噢

[lively music]

(輕快音樂)

- No, no, no. What happened to your leg?

-你在搞什麼飛機，你的腳出什麼事了？

- They said if I put any more pressure on it,

-醫生說如果我再對我的腿施加壓力的話

it'll snap like a twig.

它會像斷掉的樹枝一樣

Dude, I had to borrow this scooter from my Nana

所以老兄，我必須跟我奶奶借她的代步車

in exchange for taking her to water aerobics for a month.

然後以帶她去做水上有氧運動1個月，來作為交換條件

- This is a huge opportunity for us.

這次對我們來說可是大好機會

Don't you understand, man?

你懂不懂啊，老兄？

Thousands of dollars in free advertising.

數千美元和免費的廣告宣傳耶

- I understand, but I can't dance, man.

-我知道，可是我現在就是沒辦法跳舞啊

- [sighs]

- (嘆氣)

[techno music playing]

(播放電子音樂)

Then you'll teach someone who can.

那你就應該教會跳舞的人來跳

- Forget it.

-你們打消這個念頭吧

Every time they go near that suit,

每次他們接近那套服裝的時候

Ian leaves a single piece of poop in my locker.

伊恩都會在我的儲物櫃裡留下一坨屎

- That was just one little nug.

-那只是一坨小小的屎，好嗎？

And I warned you: no one touches the suit.

而且我警告過你，沒有人可以碰那件服裝

- That nug stunk for weeks

-那臭味揮之不散整整一個星期耶

and ruined my limited edition Bono AIDS iPod.

還毀了我的限量版波諾愛滋紅色iPod

- Okay, no one who likes Bono deserves the suit.

-拜託，喜歡那款波諾iPod的人都不配穿上那套服裝好嗎？

- Ian, if we get the pork man on TV,

-伊嗯，你想想，如果我們能把箭豬人弄到電視上

he'll be a celebrity, and that means you'll be a celebrity.

他就會因而成名，這也意味著你我也將一起成名

- Okay, fine.

-好啦，隨便啦

But I'm not gonna take it easy on him.

但我可不會讓他在訓練過程當中那麼好過

When he's dancing, he's representing me.

因為他跳舞的時候，他代表的人可是我耶

- All right.

-好喔

Dinger?

丁格，你覺得呢？

- I'll do it.

-好吧，我試試看

I'll do it for Nana's scooter.

不過我要以阿嬷的代步車作為交換條件

[chuckles]

(笑聲)

- Yes! Going to Hollywood, guys.

-這樣才對嘛，大伙一起邁進好萊塢囉

[wheels squeaking]

(車輪吱叫聲)

- Wrong. Wrong.

-不對，不是這樣

You can't put on the suit until your body is prepped and lubed.

你還不能穿上那套服裝，因為你的身體還沒準備好也不夠濕潤

- Whatever, dude.

-隨便啦，老兄

- Oh, you think this is funny?

-喔，你覺得這件事可以那麼隨便嗎？

Do you think these are funny?

你覺得這像是在辦家家酒嗎？

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

- Oh, God. - Yeah.

-喔天啊 -沒有錯

What are you gonna do when your nipples start to sweat?

當你的乳頭開始出汗的時候，你該怎麼辦？

And that sweat turns into salt crystals,

汗水會開始結晶成塊

which then turns into little tiny razor blades...

然後成了微小的刀片...

- No. - That shred your soft,

-不要說了 -它會把你軟軟的

sweet nipple meat.

乳頭肉切絲

Don't even get me started on

你應該不會想聽我說

what's gonna happen to your thighs.

如果這發生在你的大腿之間會怎麼樣吧？

Now let's get you lubed up.

現在就來讓我幫你潤滑一下

Oh, Jesus, Dinger.

喔，天啊，丁格

Really?

在開玩笑嗎？

[lively music]

(活潑音樂)

- Hey, girl, I'm covering the prize booth, and--

-嘿女孩們，我打算要負責獎品區，還有就是...

[funky music]

(怪奇音樂)

Ooh. I'll figure it out.

喔... 算了我自己解決

- Is it supposed to feel so good?

-這感覺真的有那麼讚嗎？

- Can you please just not say that while I'm down here?

-你可不可以不要在我蹲下來的時候講這種話？

- Yeah.

-好啦

(Prize Booth Guide) (-Look super good -Never give out the big prizes--unless they share -Don't let Pete touch anything.)

(獎品區管理指南) (-這份工作超讚的 -除非孩子們懂得分享玩具，否則別把最大獎送出去 -別讓皮特碰任何東西)

- Hey, Ding--or--

-嘿，丁格

Hi, Lori. You're working prizes now?

-嗨，羅莉，現在換妳在負責獎品區啊？

- Just like I did in '96.

-對啊，我在1996年以前也負責過這一區

Dinger makes this out to be rocket science,

丁格把這裡搞得像在研究科學火箭一樣複雜

but it's just counting tickets and handing out toys.

不過就只是數遊戲票券跟發送獎品嗎？

- What do I get for this?

-這些夠我換什麼獎品？

- Oh, well, let's see what you got.

-喔，沒問題，我們來看看妳有多少張票券啊

All right, one...two...

好來，1...2...

- I want a stretchy hand and I want it now.

-我要黏手玩具，現在，立刻，馬上，給我

- As soon as I'm done counting.

-我數完之後才輪得到妳唷

- My parents are in the car, so let's not keep 'em waiting.

-我父母都待在車上，不要讓他們等太久

Huh, toots?

聽到沒有，櫃台小姐？

[dramatic music] - I want it all!

(誇張戲劇性音樂) -我全部都想要

- You will give this place the respect it deserves.

-你們在這個地方要有應有的禮貌與尊重！

Mads.

麥姿

- It's mine!

-那是我的！

[all screaming]

(小孩瘋狂尖叫聲)

[dramatic music swells]

(誇張戲劇性音樂漸趨大聲)

[watch beeps]

(手錶嗶嗶聲)

- Workout gear! What do you think?

-運動專用裝！怎麼樣呀，酷吧？

- Are those Ella's shorts?

-你穿的是艾拉的短褲嗎？

Dude, you shouldn't go through other peoples' lockers.

-老兄，你不應該隨便就翻別人的置物櫃

That's not cool. - Oh, it's cool to crap in 'em?

那樣很不道德 -喔，留一坨屎在他人的置物櫃就很有道德了，是嗎？

Come on, man, just give me the suit.

拜託，老兄，就直接讓我穿上那套服裝嘛

Hey. Hey!

嘿，嘿

- You don't get to wear the suit

-在你能完全應付那套難搞的服裝之前

until you can handle wearing the suit.

你都還不能穿上它

- Just gonna grab this-- - No.

-我只是想拿一下這個... -不可以

- Aah.

-啊

- Your training...starts now.

-魔鬼訓練...從現在開始

[intense music]

(緊張音樂)

The suit is heavy.

這套服裝很重

It puts pressure on your shoulders,

整個壓力會施展在你的肩膀上

your legs, and, sometimes after dry cleaning,

你的腿，有的時候那套服裝拿去乾洗之後

your junk.

你的下體也會受到壓迫

Also...the suit is dark.

再說了，服裝裡面可是烏漆抹黑

- [whimpers]

(哀怨聲)

- The suit it taxing.

-穿上那套服裝可是很費力的

I once made it all the way to the locker room

有一次我穿著這件套裝走進置物櫃的時候

before I realized I had a kid stuck in my quills.

才發現有個小孩掛在我後面的野豬刺上面

Lastly, the suit is hot.

最後，穿上這套服裝會變得很熱

- Wait.

-等一下~

- Five, six, seven, eight.

-5, 6, 7, 8

Cross over front.

交叉向前

Cross over back.

交叉再向後

Pull!

用力拉！

Now jump into a split.

跳起來之後再劈腿

- I can't, I-- - Jump, damn you.

-我沒辦法，我... -叫你跳就跳，不要囉嗦

[intense music continues]

(持續播放緊張音樂)

I might have taken this a bit too far.

我對他可能有點過於嚴格了

- No, this is for television, man.

-才不會，這可都是為了要上電視，老兄

- You're right. Ten more minutes.

-你說的沒錯，再關10分鐘

[scary music] - Where are their parents?

(可怕音樂) -他們的父母是都跑去哪了？

- I thought you've done this before.

-你不是之前有負責過嗎

- Hey, what's up, guys?

-嘿大家，出了什麼事了啊？

- Watch out, Pete, they can smell fear!

-小心，皮特，他們能嗅得出你的恐懼

- It's already too late! Aah!

-妳太晚說了啦，啊~~~

- Hand over the helicopter and no one else gets hurt.

-不想其他人也受傷的話，就把直升機給交出來！

- Never. - Aah!

-妳作夢！ -啊！

- For the 100th time,

-都說了幾百次

cross over front...

交叉向前

Jump kick right.

往右踢

And jump into a split.

跳起來之後劈腿

- I...I can't.

-我...我做不到啦

- I said jump!

-我叫你跳！

- I don't think I can do it!

-我覺得自己做不到啦！

- Jump split, damn you!

-我叫你跳然後劈腿！！

- [whines]

-(哀嚎慘叫)

- Congratulations.

-恭喜你了

You're ready.

你已經準備好了

- [exhales weakly]

-(累得氣喘如牛)

[dramatic music] [children clamoring]

(誇張戲劇性音樂) (小孩吵鬧聲)

- Ow! Oh, my God.

-喔！我的天啊

- I got a plan. Cover me.

-我想到一個點子，掩護我！

I said cover me!

我說掩護我！！

[children shouting]

(小孩叫喊聲)

Hey, hey, hey!

嘿，嘿，嘿！！

This what y'all want? Huh? Huh?

你們都很想要直升機對不對？蛤？對不對？

- Yeah.

-對啊

- Come on, get it. Come on.

-那就來啊，來拿啊，來吧

[children screaming]

(小孩尖叫)

[dramatic music]

(誇張戲劇性音樂)

- Hey, you can't lock us in here.

-嘿，妳不能把我們鎖在這裡

- You got an iPhone. Text your parents.

-管妳的，自己用妳們的愛瘋向爸媽求助

- What's your Wi-Fi password?

-這裡的無線網路密碼多少啊？

- [sighs] -(Closed for Filming)

-(嘆氣) -(因拍攝影片，暫停營業)

- Action.

-開拍

Action.

開拍

Action. - That's my chair.

開始拍攝 -這是我的椅子

- Oh. Oh, yeah, sorry.

-喔，喔，對吼，抱歉

Uh, you just have a trailer I can just hang out in?

呃，妳有沒有明星的拖車能讓我參觀一下 ？

- Yeah.

-應該...有..吧

- Where is it?

-能麻煩妳告訴我嗎？

- I can't do this.

-我做不到

- Hey. - [muffled scream]

-嘿 -(低沉慘叫)

- Listen, listen.

-聽著，聽我說

You're gonna nail it,

你會順利完成拍攝

Pork E .'s gonna be famous,

小箭豬會從此一舉成名

and Nana's never gonna see this scooter again.

你阿嬤也不用再看到她那臺代步車

Got it? - Okay.

明白嗎？ -明白

- Places, please. - Go.

-請就位 -去吧

Hey, no, no. This way, this way, this way.

嘿不對不對，這裡啦，這邊才對

- I wish I was back in the trunk.

-我寧可一直待在後車箱

- Go.

-快去

- And action.

-開始拍攝

- Action. That's an action.

-拍攝，導演說開拍了

[wacky music playing]

(播放搞怪音樂)

- Come on, Dinger, come on.

-來吧，丁格，別讓我漏氣

- [high-pitched singing] Hey it's Pork E. time

-(高音調歌聲) 嘿，是小箭豬

[wacky music continues]

(繼續播放搞怪音樂)

- [grunts]

-(呼嚕聲)

- What is he doing?

-他在做什麼啊？

- [grunting]

-(呼嚕聲)

- I think he's-- - Is he?

-我猜他應該是在... -他是在？

- No.

-不會吧

- I just pooped in your suit!

-我剛才在服裝裡面拉了屎！

- What? - You mother[bleep]!

-什麼鬼？ -你他媽的！

Ow! - It's just a nug.

噢！-只是一坨屎而已啦

Oh, wait.

喔，等一下

He might have a friend.

它可能會有朋友了

[grunting]

(呼嚕聲)

- I'm gonna kill you!

-我一定把你給殺了！

- The second one was for Bono!

-第2坨屎是為了我的波諾愛滋iPod！

Whoo.

喔~

Yeah!

耶！

- No, no, no.

-不，不行，不要啊~~

[wheels squeaking] Aah!

(車輪吱叫聲) 啊！

- Whoo! - Dinger!

-喔！ -丁格！

Aah!

啊！

- We can just fix that in post, right?

-我們後期的特效製作能處理掉這種問題，對吧？

[upbeat music]

(俏皮音樂)