I had a great time.

我很開心

Same thing tomorrow?

明天再約囉？

Sure.

好啊

Awesome.

太好了

And this is for you.

這是要給你的

[Voiceover] Dear Steven,

旁白：親愛的 Steven

I'm not sure you know who I am,

不曉得你認不認識我

but trust me, we'll become well acquainted soon enough.

但是相信我，我們很快就會變熟的

Apologies in advance to your bed sheets.

先對你的床單說聲抱歉

You know, blood stains are easy to clean if you act fast.

你知道的，如果你動作快的話，就很容易清掉血漬

For what it's worth, I'm deeply sorry.

對於付出的代價，我深感抱歉

Okay.

好吧

I'm writing to inform you that I will be arriving at Jen's apartment some time tomorrow morning.

我寫信是要告知您，我不久後會到 Jen 的住所，大概是明天早上

While I don't know the length of my stay,

不過，我不知道我會待多久

I can say that it'll probably be in the range of five to seven days, give or take.

我只能說我可能會待五到七天左右吧

Now, here's the deal.

先說好囉

I don't know what it is about me,

我不知道我是何方神聖

but for some reason, boyfriends act weird when I'm in town.

不過，不知道為什麼，當我在的時候，男朋友們的行為舉止變得很奇怪

For example, there was Marcus.

例如說，Jen 之前有位叫 Marcus 的男友

He wasn't especially accommodating.

他不是很體貼

Wow, really going to town there aren't you?

哇，妳吃第幾片了？

I'm hungry.

我餓了

I can see that.

我看得出來

What?

怎麼了？

Somebody's sensitive today.

今天有人吃錯藥了

Exhibited some signs of paranoia.

顯得有點偏執

Wanna put some pants on?

不穿長褲嗎？

Uh, no, why?

不想耶，幹嘛這樣問？

I mean I just got the car cleaned.

我是說，我才剛整理了車子

Wasn't the biggest proponent of privacy

很不注重他人隱私

Hey bro, there's no way I'm gonna be able to go out tonight.

嗨，老兄，今晚我可出不了門了

No, you know who is on her you know what.

不知道她現在哪根筋不對勁

No, no, it's her period bro, yeah.

才不是，是她的月經來了，沒錯

A classic dick head.

標準的腦包

Then there was Ryan.

再來是 Ryan

Jennifer, I'm home.

Jennifer，我到家了

Oh my God, wine and ice cream?

喔，我的天啊，是紅酒和冰淇淋

You got these for me?

是給我的嗎？

These are for me.

是我的

Always a bit dramatic during my visits.

只要我在的時候，他也會變得戲劇性

If you didn't know any better, you'd think it was his time of the month.

如果你不清楚狀況，你會以為他才是被大姨媽造訪的人

Of all weeks, it had to be this week.

哪個禮拜不選，偏偏選這個禮拜

I know you can't control it,

我知道這不是妳的問題

but this is terrible timing for me.

這對我來說太不公平了

You know what the worst part is?

更糟的是什麼妳知道嗎？

We can't even have sex!

那就是我們不能做愛！

No, no, no, we can.

才不，還是可以啊

No we can't.

不，無法

Yes we can.

可以的

No, it's impossible.

不可能的

I suppose I was simply, too much to bare,

我想我只是很難相處

but maybe you'll be different.

但或許你會不一樣

Maybe you'll make it through the cramps.

或許你可以通過這段陣痛期

You good?

妳還好嗎？

Yep.

還可以

The aches.

經痛

Hey, I was thinking we could, uh...

嗨，我在想我們可以

The Acne.

痘痘

Hey, uh you about ready to go?

妳準備好出門了嗎？

Yep, just gimme like five minutes.

再給我五分鐘就好

The trips to the bathroom.

浴室的時光

Hey, I'm just gonna use the bathroom for like three to five hours, so.

嘿，我要去一下廁所，可能要三到五個鐘頭

More trips to the bathroom

漫漫的浴廁時光

The shopping and hours upon hours of reality t.v.

購物、看好幾個小時的實境秀

[TV Announcer] Coming up on Keeping Up With The Kardashians,

電視廣播：接下來播放的是「與卡戴珊一家同行」

Khloe gets to do a scuffle when Ken...

Khloe 一陣混戰，當 Ken...

Just Breathe.

深呼吸

I know this might sound harsh,

我知道這很苛求

but here are three ground rules

以下有三大準則

you must live by so you don't (bleep) this up.

你得撐過去，才不會以小失大

Excuse my French, I'm on my period.

請原諒我爆粗口，我的月經來了

First and foremost, never complain.

第一也是最重要的，不要抱怨

If you've got a problem with your girlfriend's period,

如果你對你女友的月經有意見的話

you can file a complaint with the International Club of Whiney Little Bitches,

歡迎將你的意見函寄到國際發牢騷母犬俱樂部

but last thing she wants to hear is how much of an inconvenience her period is to you.

但她最不想聽的就是她的月經對你而言是有造成多大的不便

Number two. Be helpful.

第二，幫助她

How?

怎麼幫呢？

You can start by picking up some tampons for your place.

你可以在家準備些衛生棉條

I'm not saying that you need to frame the things for all your friends to see,

並不是要你把這些東西裱框給你的朋友看

just shove 'em in that bathroom cabinet

你只需要把它們塞在那個

that you haven't opened since the last time you ran out of toilet paper.

自從上次用完衛生紙後就再也沒有開過的櫃子就好

And last, if she wants to have sex,

最後，如果她想做愛

man up.

男人們硬起來

It's gonna make her feel better,

她會感覺舒服點

it's gonna make you feel better,

你也會感覺很舒服的

and if you're worried about leakage,

如果你擔心她漏血

there's these things called towels.

有一種法寶叫「毛巾」

I'm sure you can figure out how they work.

你一定知道要怎麼用

Look, I'm not asking you to be my friend,

聽好，我不是要你做我的好友

but trust me, accidents happen

但是，相信我，有可能擦槍走火

and if one does...

真有那麼個萬一

I'm going to be, the best friend you've ever had.

你最好的朋友就是我囉

Sincerely, Jen's Period.

Jen 的月經敬上

P.S. everything they say about chocolate is true.

備註：巧克力真的很有效喔

Yeah dude, she's still on her period.

老兄，她的月經還沒結束

I'm walking around with a bucket under her legs.

她腳下我都盛著一個水桶

She keeps wearing skirts dude.

而且她還給我穿裙子