You all right?

你還好嗎？

Yeah, I think I have something in my throat.

沒事，我只是覺得喉嚨裡有東西。

(clears throat)

(清喉嚨)

[Weird thoughts you have when you're sick]

[生病時會有的奇怪念頭]

Can I take a Halls if I already took an ibuprofen?

如果我已經吃過布洛芬了還可以吃喉糖嗎？(Halls 為喉糖品牌)

Is that dangerous?

那樣會很危險嗎？

(gargling)

(漱口聲)

My sister, she had a friend back in college who had a sore throat for like a week and now she talks with one of those talk-box thingies.

我姐姐她在大學時有一個朋友喉嚨痛了一個星期，現在她講話要用說話盒子那種東西。

Why are you telling me this?

你為什麼要告訴我這個？

Mom, what's our family throat history?

媽，我們家有喉嚨病史嗎？

It is so what this is, I did my research.

就是這樣，我研究過了。

Yahoo Answers isn't research.

雅虎奇摩知識不叫做研究。

Are you gonna stay with me when I'm diagnosed?

如果我確診了你會陪伴我嗎？

Like, are you gonna shave your head in solidarity?

像是，你會為了以示團結剃光頭嗎？

You don't have cancer.

你沒有得癌症。

Well, I'm looking on here, and this woman thought she just had her period, but it's cancer.

我現在看的這個，有個女人以為她只是月經來，結果是癌症。

So, I'm gonna give you my passwords for everything.

我要把我所有東西的密碼給你。

When I'm gone, I want you to be with Alison. She could take care of you.

我走了以後，我希望你跟 Alison 在一起，她會照顧你。

Okay.

好啊。

You're not even going to put up a fight about it?

你根本沒有打算要爭論一下嗎？

Oh my gosh, this is karma.

我的天啊，這一定是報應。

Remember sophomore year I got that girl Carol expelled because I said she was taking pills?

還記得大二那年我害那個叫 Carol 的女生被退學是因為我說她在吃藥嗎？

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

請祝福我神父，我犯了罪。

Okay, strep test came back negative.

鏈球菌測試結果為陰性。

How long do I have?

我還剩多久時間？

Uh, what?

什麼？

He didn't even write me a prescription, just told me to gargle with salt water.

他根本沒有開處方籤給我，只是叫我用鹽巴水漱口。

It's your bill.

你的帳單。

Thanks, babe.

寶貝謝謝。

(gasps)

(倒吸一口氣)

But I'm not even sick!

我根本沒生病誒！