I'm going home.

回家啊

I know breaking up sucks, but you know what's even worse?

我知道你現在很想唱"分手快樂"，但享受紐約的玩美夜生活

Wasting a night in New York City.

會比你像個獨居宅女自憐自哀更棒！

Let me teach you

讓姐秀兩手給你瞧瞧

how to be single.

怎麼當個玩美單身咖

Go get us some drinks.

去幫我們拿兩杯酒來喝

Ok.

好（準備掏錢買）

No! You don't buy the drinks, boys buy the drinks!

你在幹嘛！買酒是男人負責取悅女人的任務之一

Not with this wallet, with this sausage wallet.

而且不是你掏錢，是他們負責買單！

Hey, what's up, y'all? I don't know why I just said "y'all"... "You all" would have taken just as much time...

嗨，兄弟們！呃我不知道我為什麼要這樣說..... 應該說 "你們好" 就可以了

Oh my god. Can I have two margaritas?

我的老天，可以給我兩杯馬格麗特嗎？

Oh my god.

我剛到底做了什麼蠢事

You need to get out!

給我滾出去！

You're in MY apartement!

這是我家哎！

This is not my apartment...

喔嗚這裡真的不是我家....

Sorry. You were great last night.

抱歉啦！對了，昨晚蠻爽的

Was I?

真的嗎？

I can't remember.

其實我不太記得了....

You're a pretty girl.

你是個很美的女孩

This is new York City, there's like a billion people outside that door.

這裡是紐約，而當你走出這扇門，外面有10億人口這麼多

In every male/female friendship, there's a total number of drinks...

在每對男女間有個微妙的醉酒指數

Four, five...

四、五....

And if you hit that, it means you will definitely have sex.

當你喝到意亂情迷時，「啪啪」的機率是百分百

If I had more than five drinks, I'd hook up with you.

如果喝超過5杯，我連你也可以做

My drink number is 27. I wouldn't even touch myself on less than 24.

啟動我的啪啪開關需要27杯，少於24杯我連自己都不想碰

- I want a one night stand. - What about the guy over there?

- 我只想要一夜情。 - 那你覺得那個男的如何？

No! He's too young.

才不要！他太嫩了啦

I'm Ken.

嗨，我是肯尼

Is this one of those fetish things, where you're, like, a foot fetish? Am I the foot?

你是不是有什麼怪嗜好？戀足癖還是？我是你看上的獵物嗎？

Do you want... to be the foot ?

所以你想要當....我的獵物嗎？

To no drama.

敬完美單身

To no drama.

敬完美單身

We have to be at work in like 30 minutes.

我們需要在30分鐘內趕到辦公室

I can do this in 20.

姐可以在20分鐘內搞定

Step 1!

第一步

That stuff is for babies!

那是給嬰兒喝的吧！

Babies with hangovers.

給宿醉的寶寶

Are we good?

用這個付帳可以嗎？

Payment accepted.

好了付完錢了

Let's go!

走吧！

YES!

喔耶！

Welcome to the party!

歡迎來瘋派對！

If Tom texts you, wait 4 hours to respond.

如果湯姆密你，4小時後才可以回他

And if you use an emoji, I will tit-punch you.

還有如果你發送表情符號，不要怪我讓你變平胸

No!

不要啦！

Emoji?

你給我用表情符號？

The thing about being single is...

關於單身這件事....

you should cherish it.

你必須珍惜與學習和自己相處

Oh my god, stop having a moment!

我的天啊，你從繆思宮殿回到地球了沒

You really need to get that taken care of.

你真該好好去進廠維修了

What do you mean? I barely have any hair.

什麼意思？我幾乎沒什麼需要保養的哎

You should close your legs, there's a reason I stopped watching Duck Dynasty.

拜託你把腳合起來！那景象我實在看不下去了。

Is that Tom Hanks from "Castaway"?!

那是浩劫重生的荒島湯姆漢克斯嗎？

Seriously, it's like Gandalf is staring right at me!

我說認真的，那真的很像滿頭雜髮鬍鬚的甘道夫盯著我

NO PENIS SHALL PASS!

小兄弟們，誰也別想從我這通過！