Sometimes people leave comments, sometimes people say things to people

有時人們心理會對人有所評價、而有時人們會直話直說，

- they do not mean to be offensive, but it makes people sad and it makes people hate you.

-他們不是有意要冒犯人，但只是會讓聽到的人覺得傷心或討厭你。

This lesson is called: "What Not to Say" or "What Not to Ask Ladies".

所以，這堂課就是要教你: "一些不可以談到話題"和"一些不可以問女生的問題"。

And for all, forsake and truth, men as well. So, if you're trying to talk to a lady that you quite like

當然，男生也是包含在內。當你想要跟你心儀的女生講話、

or someone you haven't seen in a long time or a man you haven't seen in a long time,

與久違沒見的朋友談心、或是與一段時間沒見的男性朋友聊天，

there's some guidelines I'm going to help you out with.

這裡我將提供你幾個方向來幫助你。

Mm-hmm. Don't say these things, because it's really kind of bad.

恩，不要講到這些事情，因為這些事情聽起來是有點不禮貌的。

The first one and probably the most important one is someone's weight.

第一個，也是最重要的一個：體重。

Now, maybe the person has lost a lot of weight, so they've had some weight loss or they've gained weight.

可能那個人瘦了很多，也可能他們胖了。

Unfortunately, for most of us, we gain weight. So, it is not cool at all to say to someone:

不巧的是，對大部分的我們而言，變胖才是常見的。所以，這是很不禮貌的對人說：

"Oh, hey! You've gained some weight since we've met.

「哦~嘿！在我們見面之後，你是不是胖了。

Well, I... Pfft, you've put on some pounds, haven't you?"

恩，我...呸，你是不是胖了幾公斤?」

Mm-hmm. That's none of your business. I think that the person probably

恩哼。那不關你的事。我想那個人

knows already that they've gained some weight. I don't think that they have known this for the first time when you've told them:

早知道自己是胖了還是瘦了。我不認為他們需要再從你的口中得知：

-"You've gained some..."

-「你胖了...」。

-"I've gained some weight? Really? I haven't noticed. Thanks a lot."

-「真的嗎?我胖了?我都沒注意到，還真謝謝你！」

People know that they've done this, so you don't need to point it out to them.

人們都知道他們胖了，所以你不需要在提醒他們"胖"的這件事。

They know this.

他們自己知道。

Be very careful with this one, please:

請你也要非常注意這句話：

-"Are you pregnant?"

-「妳懷孕了嗎?」

-"No, I'm just fat."

-「沒有，我只是比較胖而已」。

Be really careful with this one. Maybe someone's got some extra pudge around their tummy,

真的要注意這一點。有些人可能就長了小腹，

maybe they've enjoyed one too many Guinness' on the patio over the summertime.

也許是因為他們在夏天的庭院上喝太多健力士(Guinness是愛爾蘭黑啤酒)，

And this is is worse for women, they've got a bit of a gut, big tummy there.

喝健力士對女生是很不好的，因為他們會因此有小腹。

Never ask a woman if they're pregnant. Maybe they are pregnant, but chances are if they are pregnant, they

絕對不要問女生是不是懷孕。或許他們真的是懷孕；但是他們如果懷孕了，他們

would have told you already. It's kind of important news. If you're close to the person,

一定會告訴你，這可是很重要的消息。如果跟你親近的人，

they'd probably send you an email and say: "I'm pregnant." Facebook would be a good indication of:

他們大概都會寄信跟你說：「我懷孕了」。而且Fb會是一個非常好的提示：

"I'm having a baby. Look at my tummy." Usually if your friend who's a girl is pregnant,

「我懷孕了，看看我的肚子」。通常你有女性朋友懷孕時，

you're going to hear about it, especially on Facebook.

你會在Fb上知道這個消息。

So never ask a woman if she is pregnant.

所以，絕對不要問一個女生是不是懷孕。

Even losing weight, some people lose weight, and this is not a good thing. Maybe they are

就算是有些人瘦了，這也不是個好話題。他們可能是因為

sick, maybe they have cancer.

生病、像是癌症。

How cool would you feel if someone said: -"Oh, hey! You've lost weight. You look great." -"Yeah, I'm dying of cancer."

當你對人說：-「哦~嘿！你變瘦了，更好看了耶！」，而他卻回你：-「哦，對，我得了癌症，快死了」，這對話你覺得如何?

-"Oh." So, be careful about the weight issue.

-「哦 (你只會讓你自己難堪的收場)」。所以，要避免體重這種話題。

Don't even talk about it, because the people know. Mm-hmm, believe me.

甚至都不要提到體重這樣的話題，恩，相信我，因為大家都知道自己的體重。

One of our really, really bad things about... Only one of them. About our society is there's

在社會中，一件對我們非常有影響力的事情是：

a lot of pressure on mostly women to look pencil-thin, Angelina-Jolie-skinny, so it's

對大多數的女生而言，都有著要纖瘦的壓力，像是安潔莉娜裘莉一樣的瘦。所以，

hard enough that we have to deal with this on a daily basis. If you read those disgusting

我們不需要再聊到這樣的話題。如果你有在看這些令人討厭的

fashion magazines, we don't need other people telling us that we're not living up to the

流行雜誌，我們不需要他人來說我們不符合

Photoshopped beauty that you see at the checkout counter. Mm-hmm. That was a Chinga.

這樣"修出來"的美貌(那只是外表罷了)。恩哼，那只是個狗屎(Chinga是負面的西班牙字)。

So, the next thing you want to do is looks. Okay? Maybe you didn't wear makeup one day,

下一件要避免的話題是：外貌。你可能在某一天沒有化妝，

ladies, or you just... You... I don't know, you're just hanging out and someone says:

女士們，或者...你們只是....像是你又剛好跟你的朋友出門，而有人對你說：

-"Oh my god, are you okay? You look tired."

-「哦！我的天啊！你還好嗎?你看起來很累！」

-"No, I'm not tired actually. Why?"

-「沒有，我精神很好，你怎麼這樣問？」

-"You look tired." -"Oh, well, I'm not tired."

-「你看起來很累」。-「喔，我不累」。

-"You look hung over."

-「你看起來像是宿醉」。

Hung over means that you drank too much the night before, and the next day you feel like shit, which is not good at all because pooh is pretty bad.

Hung over指的是你前晚喝太多，隔天你感到非常不舒服(因為你會很想吐)。

-"Hey, you look older."

或者-「嘿，你看起來變老了」。

-"I am older. Obviously I'm older than the last time I saw you."

-「上次見面到現在，我當然變老了」。

What a redonkulous thing to say.

你這樣的話題不是很自討沒趣嘛！

-"You look like shit." -"Thanks." If the person does look bad,

-「你看起來真狼狽!」。-「謝謝喔」。如果那個人真的看起來不好，

they probably have looked in the mirror and gone:

他們早在照鏡子時就發現，而對自己說：

"Ah, I look bad today." It's cool. Again, they probably see this in themselves.

「痾，我今天看起來真沒精神」；這就沒關係，他們看到這樣的自己，

You don't need to tell them this. Now, if it's your friend, by all means:

你不需要在跟他們提醒一次。不過當然啦，如果是你的朋友，你可以說：

"Oh my god, you look terrible. What happened?"

「哦，我的天啊，你精神看起來不好，發生什麼事情了嗎?」

Because it's your friend and you... You're good. You can talk to them and they'll help you.

因為是你的朋友，你可以這樣對他們說，他們會幫助你。

But if it's a lady that you're trying to impress,

但如果是你心儀的女生，

no. Just say: "Hi", and smile or something.

千萬不要這樣問。只要微笑說：「嗨!」，或問其他的問題。

This one's a doozy, which means it's really, really, really important:

這一個太難了，也就是非常非常重要的一件事情：

"What's wrong with your voice?"

「你的聲音是怎麼了?」

Maybe: "What's wrong with your face?"

也有可能是：「你的臉是怎樣了?」

Maybe some people... I've seen some

我有看到一些人，

people that are burn victims, so their face has different skin tones. They have... There's

他們是燒燙傷患者，所以他們臉上因為燒傷而會有不一樣的皮膚色澤。他們會有...像是有一位

a really famous model now that's got skin grafts, and her face is like different colours. Really cool.

非常有名的名模，臉上因為燒傷而有著不一樣的色澤，所以他現在接受皮膚的植皮。

You would never ever say to someone that has something like different about their face:

你絕對不行對他人的外貌有所評斷。

-"Hey, what's wrong with your eye? Why doesn't it work?"

-「嘿，你的眼睛是怎樣了?為什麼不會轉動?」。

-"It's glass. Okay?"

-「這是玻璃制假眼睛，好嘛！」

So you can't... Do not point out people's flaws.

所以，你不要評斷他人缺陷。

"What's wrong with your nose?"

「你的鼻子怎樣了?」

Maybe they had a nose job that got really blotched, which means it was really bad, and they look like

他們可能才剛整型完鼻子，而鼻子腫起來了，看起來像是

Michael Jackson before he died and his nose is really bad. He knows his nose is bad. You don't need to point it out, okay?

在世時的麥可傑克森，他的鼻子看起來是不太好的；但他自己知道，你不需要提醒他。

-"What's wrong with your voice?"

-「你的聲音怎麼聽起來這麼奇怪?」

-"I talk like this all the time."

-「我一直都是這樣的聲音」。

-"Oh." A little embarrassing for you. I'm trying to help you guys not embarrass yourselves.

-「哦」。我替你感到尷尬。我只是要幫助你們避免讓自己陷入這樣尷尬的話題，

I'm doing you a good thing.

我這堂課可是在幫助你們呢。

This next word, you probably know the word "acne". Right? Maybe. We have a slang word for it,

下一個字，你應該知道這個字的意思"acne痘痘"。我們這個字有其它口語說法，

it's "zits" or more of a doctor word "pimples". But acne, zits, and pimples are the same.

可以是"zits青春痘"，或是較醫學的說法"pimples痘痘"。這三個單字(acne/zits/pimples)都是一樣的意思。

So I get pimples, I get zits, I get acne. People say:

我會有青春痘、痘痘。很多人都會說：

-"Ronnie, what's that red thing on your nose?"

-「Ronnie，你鼻子上的紅點是什麼?」

-"I'm Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer." Okay? It's a zit. It's a pimple.

-「我是紅鼻子馴鹿魯道夫(這是一首聖誕歌曲)」這是痘痘！

I know I have it on my nose, you don't need to ask me what it is.

我知道我鼻子上有顆痘痘，你不需要再跟我說。

It's not like I didn't know it was there. So, if you see something a little different about someone,

你這樣講，好像是我一直都沒注意到一樣。所以，如果你發現有些人有點不一樣，

don't embarrass yourself, don't make them feel uncomfortable. If you are really dying

不要難為你自己，也不要讓他們覺得不舒服。如果你真的非常

to know what's happened to them, start a conversation with them. When you become friends, maybe

想知道他們為什麼會這樣，先跟他們聊天；而當你們變成好朋友時，也許

they will tell you what happened. But this is a really, really complex subject that you

他們就會跟你說他們發生什麼事。但這個真的是非常敏感的話題，所以

should not just talk to people who are strangers.

你不應該跟陌生人聊到。

To end my story, one thing you should not say to ladies, this. My friend and I were in a pub and

最後一件你不可以跟女士們講的事情是：有一次我和我朋友在酒吧，

we were talking to a guy, not even a gentleman yet, and he thought that

我們跟一位男生在聊天，但提不上是位紳士，他認為...

he was... Oh, he was quite friendly with us, wasn't he? He thought he was really funny,

他對我們很友善，他也覺得他自己很好笑，

and he thought that he was our pal or our mate, and when he was leaving, he said:

最後，他想說我們好像變好朋友了：所以，當他要離開時，他說：

"Later Bitches."

「回頭見，臭三八們」。

Huh, what, dude? Did you just call us "Bitches"? That's awesome. Don't do it.

恩亨，什麼?老兄?你剛剛稱我們是「臭三八們」?"很好！"千萬不要這麼做。

I don't care how well you think you know the person.

我不管你認為你們熟不熟，

Just don't refer to ladies as bitches. It's not going to work.

就是不要稱呼女生為臭三八們，這是不禮貌的。

Later.

回頭見。