There are only seven more days until Christmas.

現在距離聖誕節只剩下七天左右

That's-- [cheers and applause]

這真是...(歡呼和掌聲)

[cheers and applause]

(歡呼和掌聲)

How many of you started your holiday shopping already?

你們之中有多少人已經完成節慶的採購了？

Okay. [cheers and applause]

好的(歡呼和掌聲)

And how many of you are gonna wait for, like, six more days?

那你們之中有多少人只是等待著剩下的六天過去？

[cheers and applause]

(歡呼和掌聲)

Holiday shopping can be expensive,

節慶採購可以是很昂貴的

so I thought I would share some tips

所以我想我要分享一些訣竅

for holiday shopping on a budget.

在預算有限的節慶採購上

Tip \\#1: Everyone's talking about the new "Star Wars" movie,

訣竅1：大家都在討論「星際大戰」的電影

and a lot of kids and full-grown men

而且很多小朋友和成熟的男人

want lightsabers for Christmas. [audience laughter]

想要在聖誕節拿到一把光劍(觀眾的笑聲)

And they ain't cheap, I'll tell you that.

我要告訴你，它們並不便宜

So, look what I made right here.

所以，看看我在這裡做了什麼

[imitates lightsaber hum] [audience laughter]

(模仿光劍的音效)(觀眾的笑聲)

[cheers and applause]

(歡呼和掌聲)

Yeah, all you need is a pool noodle,

是的，你只需要一根游泳浮條

and some black tape, and-- [audience laughter]

和一些黑色膠帶，還有...(觀眾的笑聲)

For $2.00, you got yourself a lightsaber right there.

造價2美元，你就立刻擁有一把專屬的光劍

And it's waterproof.

而且它是防水的

That's using your noodle, I'll tell you that.

用你的浮條就可以辦到了，我告訴你

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

Tip \\#2: If you're shopping for your Jewish friends,

訣竅2：如果你正在為你的猶太朋友採買禮物的話

remember, Hanukkah ended last week.

請記住，光明節上個禮拜就結束了

All you need to get them is this:

所有你需要的東西就是：

Nothing!

什麼都沒有！

[laughter and applause]

(笑聲和掌聲)

Too late! [cheers and applause]

太遲了！(歡呼和掌聲)

[cheers and applause]

(歡呼和掌聲)

Boom! Just saved you some money right there.

砰！馬上就可以省下一些錢

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

Tip \\#3: A great gift for Dad

訣竅3：給父親的絕佳禮物

is Johnny Walker Blue Label Scotch,

就是約翰走路藍牌威士忌

which costs about 200 bucks,

花費大約200美元

but you can buy Johnny Walker Red for $20.

但你可以用20美元的價格買到約翰走路紅牌威士忌

So you get yourself a blue marker,

所以準備一支藍色的馬克筆

and you buy yourself-- [audience laughter]

接著你就買到... ...(觀眾的笑聲)

The blue label, and then you just color it.

藍色的標籤，你只需要塗上顏色就行了

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

And now you got blue.

現在你得到藍牌了

[cheers and applause]

(歡呼和掌聲)

The red-- [cheers and applause]

紅牌的...(歡呼和掌聲)

[cheers and applause]

(歡呼和掌聲)

Tip \\#4: Lingerie is a great gift

訣竅4：女用貼身內褲是很好的禮物

for that special someone in your life,

給那些在你生命中很特別的人

or your mailman.

或你的郵差

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

Did you know that regular underwear

你知道普通的內褲

is cheaper than lingerie?

比女用貼身內褲還要便宜嗎？

Which makes sense.

這是有道理的

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

No, it makes no sense.

不，毫無道理可言

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

Wait, no, regular underwear--

等等，不，普通的內褲...

I said it wrong: regular underwear is actually

我說錯了：普通的內褲事實上

more expensive than lingerie,

應該要比女用貼身內褲昂貴

and lingerie has less fabric,

但女用貼身內褲用的布料比較少

so it seems ridiculous, so what you do, here, is--

所以這看起來很荒謬，你要做的，在這裡，就是...

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

Lingerie is more expensive.

女用貼身內褲比較昂貴

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

Yeah, I know. I know.

是的。我知道。我知道

The joke's still gonna work.

這個笑話還是成立的

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

Did you know--

你知道嗎？

[laughter and applause]

(笑聲和掌聲)

Wait till you hear this, guys.

直到你聽見這回事，各位

Lingerie's more expensive...

女用貼身內褲比...

[audience laughter] than regular underwear,

(觀眾的笑聲)普通內衣褲還要昂貴

which is crazy, because it's less fabric.

這實在很不可思議，因為它的布料比較少

So what you do is you buy yourself

所以你要做的就是買

just a regular pair of underwear, like that.

一條普通的內褲，就像這個

You get yourself some scissors, and then--

準備一把剪刀，接著...

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

[audience laughter]

(觀眾的笑聲)

And look what you got.

看看你得到了什麼

[cheers and applause]

(歡呼和掌聲)

Now, Tip \\#5: You can just give someone the perfect gift

現在，訣竅5：你可以給某人一個超棒的禮物

without spending any money at all,

並且不用花費任何一毛錢

and that is the gift of dance.

那個禮物就是舞蹈的表演