because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder:

因為我有一個弟弟被診斷出患有腦部疾病。

schizophrenia. And as a sister

精神分裂症。而作為一個姐姐

and later, as a scientist, I wanted to understand why

後來，作為一個科學家，我想知道為什麼會出現這種情況

is it that I can take my dreams, I can connect

是它，我可以把我的夢想，我可以連接。

them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true.

他們對我的現實，我可以讓我的夢想成真。

What is it about my brother's brain and

我弟弟的大腦和... ...有什麼問題？

his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his

他的精神分裂症，他不能連接他的。

dreams to a common and shared reality, so they

夢想到一個共同的和共享的現實，所以他們

instead become delusion?

反而成為妄想？

So I dedicated my career to research into the

於是，我把自己的職業生涯致力於研究到

severe mental illnesses. And I moved from my home state

嚴重的精神疾病。而我從我的家鄉

of Indiana to Boston, where I was working in

從印第安納州到波士頓，我在那裡工作

the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard

哈佛大學Francine Benes博士的實驗室。

Department of Psychiatry. And in the lab, we were asking the question,

精神病學系而在實驗室裡，我們在問這個問題。

"What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals

"個體的大腦有什麼生物差異。

who would be diagnosed as normal control,

誰會被診斷為正常控制。

as compared with the brains of individuals diagnosed with

與被診斷為具有以下症狀的人的大腦相比

schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"

精神分裂症、精神分裂症或躁鬱症？&quot。

So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry

所以我們基本上是在繪製微電路的地圖

of the brain: which cells are communicating with

大腦的：哪些細胞正在與哪些細胞進行交流？

which cells, with which chemicals, and then in

哪種細胞，用哪種化學物質，然後在。

what quantities of those chemicals?

這些化學品的數量是多少？

So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing

所以我的人生有很多意義，因為我在表演。

this type of research during the day.

這種研究在白天。

But then in the evenings and on the weekends,

但到了晚上和週末。

I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

我作為NAMI（全國精神疾病聯盟）的代言人旅行。

But on the morning of December 10, 1996, I woke up

但在1996年12月10日早上，我醒來的時候

to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.

發現我自己也有腦部疾病。

A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.

我的左半邊腦部有一條血管爆炸了。

And in the course of four hours,

而在四個小時的時間裡。

I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to

我看著我的大腦完全退化，在它的能力，以

process all information. On the morning of the hemorrhage,

處理所有資訊。在大出血的早晨。

I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.

我不能走路，不能說話，不能讀書，不能寫字，不能回憶我的任何生活。

I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.

我基本上成了一個女人身體裡的嬰兒'。

If you've ever seen a human brain,

如果你'見過人腦。

it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.

很明顯，兩個半球是完全分開的。

And I have brought for you a real human brain.

我給你們帶來了一個真正的人腦。

So this is a real human brain.

所以這是一個真正的人腦。

This is the front of the brain,

這是大腦的前部。

the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,

大腦後部，脊髓垂下。

and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.

這就是它在我腦袋裡的位置。

And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that

而當你看到大腦時，很明顯的就是

the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another.

兩個大腦皮層是完全分開的。

For those of you who understand computers,

對於懂電腦的人來說。

our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,

我們的右半球功能就像一個並行處理器。

while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.

而我們的左半球功能就像一個串行處理器。

The two hemispheres do communicate with one another

兩大半球之間確實有交流。

through the corpus collosum,

通過大腦皮層。

which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.

它是由大約3億根軸突纖維組成的。

But other than that,

但除此之外。

the two hemispheres are completely separate.

兩個半球是完全分開的。

Because they process information differently,

因為他們處理資訊的方式不同。

each of our hemispheres think about different things,

我們每個人的半球都在思考不同的事情。

they care about different things, and, dare I say,

他們關心不同的事情，而且，我敢說，。

they have very different personalities.

他們有非常不同的性格。

Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy. (Assistant: It has been.)

對不起，我先走了謝謝你，我很高興。這是一個快樂。(助理：是的)

Our right hemisphere is all about this present moment.

我們的右半球就是這個當下。

It's all about "right here, right now."

它'的所有關於"就在這裡，現在.&quot。

Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures

我們的右半球，它在圖畫中思考。

and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.

它通過我們身體的運動來學習動覺。

Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously

資訊，以能量的形式，同時湧入。

through all of our sensory systems

通過我們所有的感官系統

and then it explodes into this enormous collage

然後它爆發成這個巨大的拼貼畫。

of what this present moment looks like,

的這個當下是什麼樣子。

what this present moment smells like and tastes like,

此刻的氣味和味道是什麼樣子的。

what it feels like and what it sounds like.

它的感覺和它的聲音。

I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me

我是一個能量的存在，與我周圍的能量相通。

through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.

通過我右半球的意識。

We are energy-beings connected to one another

我們是彼此相連的能量生物

through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family.

通過我們右半球作為一個人類大家庭的意識。

And right here,

而在這裡。

right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,

現在，我們是這個星球上的兄弟姐妹。

here to make the world a better place.

這裡是為了讓世界變得更美好。

And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.

而在這一刻，我們是完美的，我們是完整的，我們是美麗的。

My left hemisphere -- our left hemisphere -- is a very different place.

我的左半球--我們的左半球--是一個非常不同的地方。

Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.

我們的左半球思維是線性的、有條理的。

Our left hemisphere

我們的左半球

is all about the past and it's all about the future.

是關於過去的，也是關於未來的。

Our left hemisphere is designed to take that

我們的左半球被設計成可以承受這種壓力

enormous collage of the present moment and start

巨大的當下拼貼畫，開始

picking out details, details and more details about those details.

挑出細節，細節和更多的細節，關於這些細節。

It then categorizes and

然後將其分類並

organizes all that information, associates it

組織所有的資訊，將其關聯起來

with everything in the past we've ever learned, and

與過去的一切，我們'已經學會了，和

projects into the future all of our possibilities.

將我們所有的可能性納入未來的項目。

And our left hemisphere thinks in language.

而我們的左半球是用語言思考的。

It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my

就是這種持續不斷的腦筋急轉彎，把我和我的。

internal world to my external world.

內部世界到我的外部世界。

It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you gotta remember

它'是那個小聲音對我說，"嘿，你要記住。

to pick up bananas on your way home.

在你回家的路上拿起香蕉。

I need them in the morning."

我需要他們在早上.&quot。

It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me

是那種精打細算的聰明才智讓我想起了

when I have to do my laundry. But perhaps most important,

當我要洗衣服的時候。但也許最重要的是

it's that little voice that says to me,

是那個對我說的小聲音。

"I am. I am." And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"

"I am. I am." 只要我的左半球對我說"I am.我是."而只要我的左半球對我說"我是，&quot。

I become separate.

我變得獨立了。

I become a single solid individual, separate from the energy flow

我變成了一個獨立於能量流的單一實體個體

around me and separate from you.

在我身邊，與你分開。

And this was the portion of my brain that I lost

這就是我失去的那部分大腦。

on the morning of my stroke.

在我中風的那天早上

On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a

在中風的那天早上，我醒來的時候，看到了一個

pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain --

我的左眼後面有一陣陣的疼痛而這是那種疼痛 -

caustic pain -- that you get when you

苛求的疼痛 -- 當你得到的

bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me --

咬一口冰激凌。它只是抓住了我 -

and then it released me. And then it just gripped me --

然後它釋放了我。然後，它只是抓住了我 -

and then it released me. And it was very unusual

然後它釋放了我。這是很不尋常的

for me to ever experience any kind of pain,

讓我經歷過任何形式的痛苦。

so I thought, OK, I'll just start my normal routine.

所以我想，好吧，我'就開始我的正常生活。

So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,

於是我站起來，跳上我的有氧滑翔機。

which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.

這是一款全身性的全能運動機。

And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing

我在這上面做了很多事情，我意識到

that my hands look like primitive claws grasping

我的手看起來像原始的爪子抓著

onto the bar. And I thought, "That's very peculiar."

到酒吧。我想，"那'是非常奇特的.&quot。

And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa,

我低頭看了看自己的身體，我想，"哇。

I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though

我是個怪模怪樣的東西。

my consciousness had shifted away from my normal

我的意識已經從我的正常意識中轉移到了我的身上

perception of reality, where I'm the person on the

對現實的看法，在那裡，我'人對

machine having the experience, to some esoteric space

有經驗的機器，到一些深奧的空間去。

where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.

在那裡，我'見證了自己有這種經歷。

And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was

這一切都很奇怪，我的頭很痛

just getting worse. So I get off the machine,

只是越來越差。所以我下了機器。

and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I

我走過我的客廳地板，和我

realize that everything inside of my body has

意識到我身體裡的一切都已經

slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and

放慢了速度。而且每一步都很僵硬

very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace,

非常慎重。有'我的步伐不流暢。

and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions,

而在我的認知領域中，有'的這種限制。

so I'm just focused on internal systems.

所以我'只關注內部系統。

And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to

而我站在我的浴室裡準備好了

step into the shower, and I could actually hear the

踏進淋浴間，我居然能聽到的

dialogue inside of my body. I heard a little voice

我身體裡的對話。我聽到一個小聲音

saying, "OK. You muscles, you gotta contract.

說，"OK。你的肌肉，你得收縮。

You muscles, you relax."

你的肌肉，你放鬆。

And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.

然後我就失去了平衡，我'被撐到了牆上。

And I look down at my arm and I realize

我低頭看了看我的手臂，我意識到了。

that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.

我無法再定義我身體的界限。

I can't define where I begin and where I end,

我無法定義我的起點和終點。

because the atoms and the molecules of my arm

因為我手臂上的原子和分子...

blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.

與牆體的原子和分子融為一體。

And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.

而我能察覺到的只有這種能量... 能量。

And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?

而我'在問自己，"我到底怎麼了？

What is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter --

這是怎麼回事？"而在那一刻，我的腦海裡唸唸有詞--。

my left hemisphere brain chatter -- went totally silent.

我的左半球大腦喋喋不休 -- 完全沉默了。

Just like someone took a remote control

就像有人拿了一個遙控器

and pushed the mute button. Total silence.

並按下了靜音鍵。全場一片寂靜。

And at first I was shocked to find myself

一開始我很震驚地發現自己

inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately

內心默默的想著。但隨後我馬上

captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me.

被我身邊的宏大能量所吸引。

And because I could no longer identify

因為我已經無法確定

the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive.

我的身體的界限，我感到巨大的和廣闊的。

I felt at one with all the energy that was,

我感覺與所有的能量融為一體。

and it was beautiful there.

那裡很美

Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back

突然間，我的左半球又回來了

online, and it says to me, "Hey! We got a problem!

在線，它對我說，"嘿！我們有問題！。

We got a problem! We gotta get some help."

我們有麻煩了！我們得找人幫忙。

And I'm going, "Ahh! I got a problem.

而我'要去，"啊！我有一個問題。我有一個問題。

I got a problem." So it's like, "OK. OK. I got a problem."

我有一個問題."所以它'就像，"OK。好吧，我有一個問題。我得到了一個問題.&quot。

But then I immediately drifted right back

但我馬上就回過神來

out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately

進入意識中 -- 我親切地說

refer to this space as La La Land.

把這個空間稱為 "拉拉樂園"。

But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would

但那裡很美。想象一下，那會是什麼？

be like to be totally disconnected from your brain

就像完全脫離了你的大腦一樣

chatter that connects you to the external world.

喋喋不休，把你和外部世界聯繫起來。

So here I am in this space, and my job -- and any

所以，我在這個空間裡，我的工作 -- 和任何

stress related to my job -- it was gone.

與我的工作有關的壓力 -- 它已經消失了。

And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine:

而且我感覺身體輕飄飄的。而想象一下。

all of the relationships in the external world and any

外在世界的所有關係和任何。

stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.

與任何這些有關的壓力 -- 它們都消失了。

And I felt this sense of peacefulness.

而且我感覺到了這種寧靜的感覺。

And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage!

而想象一下，失去37年的感情包袱會是什麼感覺!

(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria.

(笑聲)哦！我感到欣喜。

Euphoria. It was beautiful.

欣喜。很美

And then, again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,

然後，再一次，我的左半球上線，它說。

"Hey! You've got to pay attention.

"嘿！你'要注意了。

We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I got to get help.

我們'得得到幫助."而我'在想，"我得得到幫助。

I gotta focus."

我得集中精力。

So I get out of the shower and I mechanically

所以我洗完澡後，我機械性地...

dress and I'm walking around my apartment,

衣服和我'走在我的公寓。

and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work. I gotta get to work

而我在想，"我得去工作。我得去工作

Can I drive? Can I drive?"

我可以開車嗎？我可以開車嗎&quot。

And in that moment my right arm went totally

在那一刻，我的右臂完全

paralyzed by my side. Then I realized,

癱瘓在我身邊。然後我意識到。

"Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!"

天啊！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了！我中風了我'要中風了！&quot。

And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow!

而我的大腦對我說的下一句話就是，"哇!

This is so cool." (Laughter) "This is so cool!

這真是太酷了."(笑聲)"這真是太酷了!

How many brain scientists have the opportunity

有多少腦科學家有機會

to study their own brain from the inside out?"

來研究自己的大腦，從內到外嗎&quot。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And then it crosses my mind: "But I'm a very busy woman!"

然後我想到："但我'是個很忙的女人！&quot。

(Laughter) "I don't have time for a stroke!"

(笑)"我沒有時間中風！&quot。

So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,

所以我'就像，"好吧，我不能阻止中風的發生。

so I'll do this for a week or two, and

所以，我'會做這個一兩個星期，和

then I'll get back to my routine. OK.

然後我就會回到我的日常工作中去。好吧 OK.

So I gotta call help. I gotta call work."

所以我得打電話求助。我得打電話給工作。 &quot。

I couldn't remember the number at work,

我不記得工作時的號碼了。

so I remembered, in my office I had a business card

所以我記得，在我的辦公室裡，我有一張名片。

with my number on it. So I go into my business room,

上面有我的號碼。所以我走進我的營業室。

I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.

我拿出一疊三寸的名片。

And I'm looking at the card on top and even though

我在看上面的卡片，即使是

I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like,

我心裡清楚地看到我的名片是什麼樣子的'。

I couldn't tell if this

我不知道這是不是

was my card or not because all I could see were pixels.

是不是我的卡，因為我只能看到像素。

And the pixels of the words blended

和文字的像素混合在一起

with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols,

與背景的像素和符號的像素。

and I just couldn't tell.

而我就是看不出來。

And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.

然後我會等待我所謂的一波清明。

And in that moment, I would be able to

而在那一刻，我將能夠。

reattach to normal reality and I could tell

重新連接到正常的現實，我可以告訴。

that's not the card ... that's not the card ... that's not the card.

那不是卡......那不是卡......那不是卡。

It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down

我花了45分鐘才把一英寸的地方弄下來。

inside of that stack of cards.

裡面的那疊牌。

In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is

同時，在45分鐘的時間裡，大出血。

getting bigger in my left hemisphere.

在我的左半球越來越大。

I do not understand numbers. I do not understand the telephone,

我不懂數字。我不懂電話。

but it's the only plan I have.

但這是我唯一的計劃。

So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card,

所以我拿著電話本，把它放在這裡。我把名片。

I put it right here, and

我把它放在這裡，和

I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card

我在配合卡片上的方格形狀。

to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.

到手機板上的方塊形狀。

But then I would drift back out into La La Land,

但隨後我又會飄回 "拉拉樂園"。

and not remember when I came back if I'd already

而不記得當我回來的時候，如果我已經'd

dialed those numbers.

撥打了這些號碼。

So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump

所以我只好把癱瘓的手臂像樹樁一樣揮舞起來。

and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed

掩蓋數字，因為我走了，並推

them, so that as I would come back to normal

所以，當我恢復正常的時候。

reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."

現實中，我'會告訴，"是的，我'已經撥通了那個號碼。

Eventually, the whole number gets dialed