[Awful Job Stories]

[糟糕的工作經歷]

My first job was working at a toy store, and I was 16, and I was really, really skinny.

我的第一份工作是在一間玩具店工作，當時我 16 歲，非常、非常的瘦。

They would have these events where they'd rent this Hello Kitty costume, and I was the only person who could fit in it.

他們有些活動會租 Hello Kitty 布偶裝，而我是唯一一個能塞進去的人

My first job was when I was 15 years old at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo.

我的第一份工作是 15 歲的時候在克利夫蘭大都會公園動物園的工作

My job was to walk around the Roaring Lion Cafe, picking up trash.

我的工作是在咆哮獅咖啡館走來走去撿垃圾，

And I pulled out a bag and I looked down, and there was a mother yelling, and there was like a milky white liquid pouring on her baby's head.

有一次我拉出一個袋子，結果低頭一看，有個母親在對我大叫，因為某種乳白色的液體倒在了她孩子的頭上。

My first job was an employee at Hot Dog on a Stick, and you have to wear these terrible, terrible outfits.

我的第一份工作是「熱狗棒」的員工，必須穿著醜斃了的衣服。

Every time you've made new batter for the corn dogs, you would like, whisk it up, and then you would have to yell to the whole entire food court, "Batter Up!"

每次我們和好做熱狗的麵糊時，你就必須把它打發時並對著整個每食街的人大喊：「麵糊出爐！」

I was in a lot of character costumes.

我穿過很多角色的布偶裝。

I was in Hello Kitty, this giant teddy bear called Muffy, a Groovy Girl, and I was also Curious George in a parade.

我裝扮過 Hello Kitty、名為 Muffy 的巨大泰迪熊、 Groovy 女孩，也曾在遊行時扮過好奇猴喬治。

And Curious George was really hard because it was so hot.

裝扮成好奇猴喬治那次真的很痛苦，因為實在是太熱了。

My worst job was at a clothing retail store.

我最糟的工作經歷是在一家服裝零售店。

We had to fold with precision, and people would come in and immediately mess up the fold.

我們必須精細地把衣服摺好，然後顧客進來之後就會立刻弄亂。

Sometimes people would be like, "Do you think this looks good?"

有時候顧客會說：「你覺得這樣好看嗎？」

And it's like "Do you think it looks good? I don't know, where you going?"

我就覺得：「那你認為好看嗎？我不知道啊，你是要穿去哪裡？」

The worst job I've ever had was... was what is considered categorically the worst job in America, which is a file clerk in a hospital.

我做過最糟的工作，大概是美國公認最糟的工作，也就是在醫院當檔案員。

I, like, was fired and quit at the same time, but mainly because I told this lady I was gonna quit, and then she told me I was fired anyway.

我同時被解僱跟辭職，但主要是因為我跟一位女士說我要辭職，然後她就說我反正也要被開除了。

I quit Friendlys, I quit American Eagle, I quit... I mean, I don't even have enough fingers.

我辭過 Friendlys、American Eagle，還辭過...... 多到用手指數不完的工作。

Tons of horrible day work in factories.

許多在工廠恐怖的日班工作。

Look at this, this guy can't work in a... I can't work in a factory, what are you talkin' about?

看看我，這個傢伙可不能在...... 我不是在工廠工作的料啊，你在說什麼？

Sometimes you gotta get fired 'cause you gotta get the hell out of there.

有時你得被解僱，只因為你必須趕快逃離那個地方。

I made up a lie that it was a family emergency and left a week before I was supposed to 'cause I just couldn't handle it anymore.

我謊稱家裡有急事，然後提早一個禮拜離職， 因為我真的再也受不了了。

I'd even... even fake cried!

我甚至還假哭了呢！

I've learned to be a good worker from my working career.

我在職涯中學會了如何當個好員工。

No matter where I worked, I was good at my job.

無論我在哪裡就職，我都很擅長我的工作。

If you're gonna have a shitty job, do it with a friend of yours so you can be shitty together.

如果你要做一份很爛的工作，找上你的朋友一起做，這樣你們就可以一起爛了。

Be careful when you sit on Hello Kitty's lap.

坐在 Hello Kitty 的腿上時，要小心一點。

Also just don't get too handsy with Hello Kitty⏤you don't know who's inside.

還有就是不要對 Hello Kitty 毛手毛腳，因爲你不知道布偶裝裡面的人是誰。

Or for any mascot for that matter⏤keep, like, a five-foot distance.

或者任何吉祥物都是一樣的，維持個 5 英尺的距離。