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Got you.
懂了!
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I'm about, I'm about to go out for my interview with Jimmy Fallon.
我現在要去 Jimmy Fallon 的訪問了。
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I'll call you back after I comb my hair.
等我梳完頭髮後會再回電給你。
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Talk to you in three hours!
我們三個小時後聊!
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Wow, I look fantastic!
哇!我看起來也太棒了吧!
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No!
不!
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"WE" look fantastic and I mean really fantastic.
「我們」看起來很棒,而我是說真的超棒。
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Alright, me, we've gotten a big interview with Jimmy Fallon coming up.
好的,我自己,我們等等有一個跟 Jimmy Fallon 的重要訪問。
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But let's be honest, Fallon's [is] a lightweight.
但老實說,Fallon 那個人根本是個小咖。
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No way he deserves to interview me.
他才配不上訪問我呢!
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The only one qualified to interview me, is me.
只有一個人有資格訪問我,就是我自己。
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Me interviewing me!
我來訪問我自己!
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That's what I call a great idea!
這才是我說的好主意!
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Of course it's a great idea!
當然這會是一個好主意啊!
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We thought of it.
這可是我們想出來的。
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Okay, interview time.
好的,訪問時間。
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Question one, are you ready for the Republican debate next week?
第一個問題,你準備好參加下禮拜的共和黨候選人辯論會了嗎?
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You know the truth is, I'm always ready.
你知道的,事實是,我永遠都是準備好的。
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It's really gonna be a big debate.
那是真的很大的辯論。
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But I'm ALWAYS ready.
但我「總是」準備好了。
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It's not just big, it's HUGE! Huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge! Huge!
那不只是大而已,是超大!超大、超大、超大、超大、超大、超大、超大!超大!
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Next question.
下個問題。
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How are you gonna create jobs in this country?
你要如何在我們國家創造更多工作?
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I'm just gonna do it!
我做就是了!
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Right, right, but how?
好,好,不過要怎麼做?
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By doing it, it just happens.
就做啊,然後就會發生了。
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Just by doing it!
做就對了!
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GENIUS!
天才!
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You and, therefore, me are geniuses.
你,也就是我,根本就是天才。
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Next question, you said that you'd get Mexico to build a wall at the border.
下個問題,你說會讓墨西哥在美墨邊界建一座牆。
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How do you plan to do that?
你計畫要怎麼達成這件事?
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Well, since I'm you.
好的,既然我是你。
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Why don't you tell me?
為什麼不由你來告訴我呢?
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How am I gonna get Mexico to build a wall?
你說我應該如何讓墨西哥築起一道牆嗎?
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EASY!
簡單!
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I'll challenge them to the biggest game of Jenga ever.
我會向他們挑戰史上最大的疊疊樂遊戲。
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I'll make them set up the board.
我會讓他們先把木板一個個疊起來。
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And when they finish, I'll say "I don't wanna play anymore."
然後當他們疊好了,我會說:「我突然一點也不想玩了。」
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You wanna know something?
你想知道一件事嗎?
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That's GENIUS!
那太天才了!
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I knew it was.
我早就知道這很天才。
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Next question, you recently said, and I quote: "Hedge fund people make a lot of money, and they pay very little tax. I wanna lower taxes for the middle class."
下個問題,你最近說了一句名言:「那些避險基金人賺了超多錢,而且根本沒繳多少稅。我想要降低中產階級的稅賦。」
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How else do you plan to help the economy?
你還會怎麼幫助到整體經濟?
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Look, I'm really rich.
聽著,我超有錢的。
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I know how to run a business and I know this—our country is gonna be well off with me.
我知道如何做生意,而且我知道我們的國家跟著我會變更好。
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So here's what I'll do.
所以這是我會做的。
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First, we have to cut government spending.
首先,我們必須砍掉政府支出。
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It's out of control, totally out of control.
政府的支出已經失控了,完全失控了。
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Then we've gotta lower corporate taxes.
接著我們要降低公司稅金。
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It's become impossible to do business in this country.
現在,在美國幾乎不可能經營生意。
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We've got companies shipping thousands of jobs overseas.
現在我們有許多的公司都把成千上萬的工作機會送到國外去。
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That's gotta end, and it's going to end, remember that.
這必須結束,而且將會結束,記得。
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It's going to end.
這將會結束!
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I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention.
我很抱歉,我剛剛沒有專心聽你說什麼。
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I was too busy staring at my beautiful reflection.
我剛剛忙著看我鏡子裡美麗的樣子。
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I'm like a Greek god that just took a bath in a pumpkin-spiced latte.
我就像一個剛剛在南瓜口味的拿鐵裡泡澡的希臘神。
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Okay, one last question and be honest.
好的,最後一個問題並請誠實回答。
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If you win, is your vice president gonna be Gary Busey?
如果你贏了,你的副總統會是 Gary Busey 嗎?
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Look, I love Gary, he's fantastic.
聽著,我很愛 Gary,他真的很棒。
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But more of a Supreme Court justice in my opinion.
但是對我來說他比較像是最高法院的法官而已。
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Vice president's [is] a very serious job, so I'm probably going to go with somebody else, I would say maybe, Kanye West.
副總統是一個很嚴肅的工作,所以我大概會選其他人,可能是饒舌歌手 Kanye West 吧。
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Smart move!
太聰明了!
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Alright, guess it's time to go out and talk to that dopey goofball Jimmy Fallon.
好啦,我猜現在我們應該出去外面去跟那個蠢蛋 Jimmy Fallon 談話了。
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And give him the biggest ratings his pathetic show has ever seen.
我們來給他這個可悲的秀一次他從沒看過的最高收視吧!
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How do you think it's gonna go?
你覺得這會怎麼樣呢?
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It's gonna be really classy.
我覺得會很有品味。
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It's gonna be really fantastic.
肯定會很棒。
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It's gonna be HUGE!
一定會驚天動地!
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Start the music!
放音樂!