I'm about, I'm about to go out for my interview with Jimmy Fallon.
I'll call you back after I comb my hair.
Talk to you in three hours!
Wow, I look fantastic!
No!
"WE" look fantastic and I mean really fantastic.
Alright, me, we've gotten a big interview with Jimmy Fallon coming up.
But let's be honest, Fallon's [is] a lightweight.
No way he deserves to interview me.
The only one qualified to interview me, is me.
Me interviewing me!
That's what I call a great idea!
Of course it's a great idea!
We thought of it.
Okay, interview time.
Question one, are you ready for the Republican debate next week?
You know the truth is, I'm always ready.
It's really gonna be a big debate.
But I'm ALWAYS ready.
It's not just big, it's HUGE! Huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge! Huge!
Next question.
How are you gonna create jobs in this country?
I'm just gonna do it!
Right, right, but how?
By doing it, it just happens.
Just by doing it!
GENIUS!
You and, therefore, me are geniuses.
Next question, you said that you'd get Mexico to build a wall at the border.
How do you plan to do that?
Well, since I'm you.
Why don't you tell me?
How am I gonna get Mexico to build a wall?
EASY!
I'll challenge them to the biggest game of Jenga ever.
I'll make them set up the board.
And when they finish, I'll say "I don't wanna play anymore."
You wanna know something?
That's GENIUS!
I knew it was.
Next question, you recently said, and I quote: "Hedge fund people make a lot of money, and they pay very little tax. I wanna lower taxes for the middle class."
How else do you plan to help the economy?
Look, I'm really rich.
I know how to run a business and I know this—our country is gonna be well off with me.
So here's what I'll do.
First, we have to cut government spending.
It's out of control, totally out of control.
Then we've gotta lower corporate taxes.
It's become impossible to do business in this country.
We've got companies shipping thousands of jobs overseas.
That's gotta end, and it's going to end, remember that.
It's going to end.
I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention.
I was too busy staring at my beautiful reflection.
I'm like a Greek god that just took a bath in a pumpkin-spiced latte.
Okay, one last question and be honest.
If you win, is your vice president gonna be Gary Busey?
Look, I love Gary, he's fantastic.
But more of a Supreme Court justice in my opinion.
Vice president's [is] a very serious job, so I'm probably going to go with somebody else, I would say maybe, Kanye West.
Smart move!
Alright, guess it's time to go out and talk to that dopey goofball Jimmy Fallon.
And give him the biggest ratings his pathetic show has ever seen.
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