I'm about, I'm about to go out for my interview with Jimmy Fallon
I'll call you back after I comb my hair
Talk to you in three hours
Wow, I look fantastic!
NOOOOOO
"WE" look fantastic and I mean really fantastic
Alright, me, we've gotten a big interview with Jimmy Fallon coming up
But let's be honest, Fallon is a lightweight
No way he deserves to interview me
The only one qualified to interview me, is me.
(cheers and claps)
Me interviewing me
That's what I call a great idea!
Of course it's a great idea
We thought of it
(laughters)
Okay, interview time
Question one, are you ready for the Republican debate next week?
You know the truth is, I'm always ready
It's really gonna be a big debate,
But I'm ALWAYS ready.
It's not just big, it's HUGE~~~~
(cheers and claps)
Next question,
How are you gonna create jobs in this country?
I'm just gonna do it!
(cheers and claps)
Right, right, but how?
By doing it, it just happens
Just by doing it
GENIUS!
You, and therefore me are geniuses
Next question, you said that you'd get Mexico to build a wall at the border
How do you plan to do that?
Well, since I'm you
Why don't you tell me?
How am I gonna get Mexico to build a wall?
EASY!
I'll challenge them to the biggest game of Jenga ever
I'll make them set up the board
And when they finish, I'll say "I don't wanna play anymore."
(cheers and claps)
You wanna know something?
That's GENIUS!
I knew it was.
Next question, you recently said, and I quote "Hedge fund people make a lot of money,and they pay very little tax."I wanna lower taxes for the middle class."
How else do you plan to help the economy?
Look! I'm really rich.
(cheers and claps)
I know how to run a bussiness and I know this...Our country is gonna be well off with me
So here's what I'll do
First, we have to cut government spending
It's out of control, totally out of control
Then we've gotta lower corporate taxes
It's become impossible to do business in this country
We've got companies shipping thousands of jobs overseas
That's gotta end, and it's going to end, remember that
It's going to end
(cheers and claps)
I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention
I was too busy staring at my beautiful reflection
I'm like a Greek god that just took a bath in a pumpkin-spiced latte
(cheers and claps)
Okay, one last question and be honest
If you win, is your vice president gonna be Gary Busey?
(cheers and claps)
Look, I love Gary. He's fantastic.
But more of a supreme court justice in my opinion.
Vice president's a very serious job,
so I'm probably going to go with somebody else,
I would say maybe, Kanye West.
(cheers and claps)
Smart move!
Alright, guess it's time to go out and talk to that dobbie goofball Jimmy Fallon
And give him the biggest ratings his pathetic show has ever seen.
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