remember what you wanted to be

還能夠想起在你17歲的時候

when you were 17?

想要成為什麼樣的人嗎?

Do you know what I wanted to be?

你知道我想要成為什麼嗎?

I wanted to be a biker chick.

我想成為一位飛車騎士

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I wanted to race cars,

我想要賽車

and I wanted to be a cowgirl,

我想要成為一名女牛仔

and I wanted to be Mowgli from "The Jungle Book."

以及成為"森林王子"裡的莫格利

Because they were all about being free,

因為他們都渴望自由

the wind in your hair -- just to be free.

享受風輕拂著頭髮，就是要自由

And on my seventeenth birthday,

在我17歲的生日時

my parents, knowing how much I loved speed,

我的父母知道我有多熱愛速度

gave me one driving lesson

於是給我上了駕駛這門課

for my seventeenth birthday.

當作我17歲的生日禮物

Not that we could have afforded I drive,

這不代表家裡負擔的起我開車

but to give me the dream of driving.

只是純粹給了我這個夢想

And on my seventeenth birthday,

在我17歲生日時

I accompanied my little sister

我陪同我的小妹

in complete innocence,

用我一向

as I always had all my life --

天真的想法

my visually impaired sister --

陪我視障的妹妹

to go to see an eye specialist.

去看眼科醫師

Because big sisters

因為做姊姊的

are always supposed to support their little sisters.

總是得支持他們的妹妹

And my little sister wanted to be a pilot --

我的小妹想要成為一名飛行師

God help her.

但願上帝幫助她

So I used to get my eyes tested

我之前定期做眼科檢查

just for fun.

單純是為了好玩

And on my seventeenth birthday,

在我17歲生日

after my fake eye exam,

做完假的眼科檢查之後

the eye specialist just noticed it happened to be my birthday.

眼科醫生注意到這天是我的生日

And he said, "So what are you going to do to celebrate?"

他說:"你打算怎麼慶祝生日"?

And I took that driving lesson,

那時我拿到了駕照

and I said, "I'm going to learn how to drive."

於是我說:"我要去學開車"

And then there was a silence --

在我說完這話一片寂靜

one of those awful silences

一種令你感覺不對勁

when you know something's wrong.

的沉默

And he turned to my mother,

然後醫生轉向我母親

and he said, "You haven't told her yet?"

他說了:"你還沒告訴她嗎"?

On my seventeenth birthday,

在我17歲生日

as Janis Ian would best say,

如同賈尼斯伊恩說得好

I learned the truth at 17.

我在17歲時發現了真相

I am, and have been since birth,

原來打從出生時

legally blind.

我就領有視障手冊

And you know,

你們知道嗎

how on earth did I get to 17

我究竟是如何活到17歲的

and not know that?

而且還完全不知情的？

Well, if anybody says country music isn't powerful,

如果有人說鄉村音樂不好

let me tell you this:

讓我告訴你這個反證吧

I got there

我之所以不知情

because my father's passion for Johnny Cash

是因為我父親對Johnny Cash的熱愛

and a song, "A Boy Named Sue."

Johnny Cash的一首歌叫"A Boy Named Sue."

I'm the eldest of three. I was born in 1971.

我在家中三個小孩排行最大。我在1971年出生

And very shortly after my birth,

在我出生後不久

my parents found out I had a condition called ocular albinism.

我的父母發現我有眼疾－視覺上的白化症

And what the hell does that mean to you?

這是什麼?

So let me just tell you, the great part of all of this?

讓我告訴你，這最大的問題是什麽?

I can't see this clock and I can't see the timing,

我看不見這個時鐘也看不見現在幾點

so holy God, woohoo! (Laughter)

我的天阿，嗚呼!

I might buy some more time.

也許我能多待點時間

But more importantly, let me tell you --

但讓我告訴你們更重要的是

I'm going to come up really close here. Don't freak out, Pat.

我將很快進入話題，別緊張

Hey.

嘿

See this hand?

看到這隻手了嗎?

Beyond this hand is a world of Vaseline.

在這隻手的背後是一片模糊的視界

Every man in this room, even you, Steve,

在場的每一個人,甚至是你,史蒂夫

is George Clooney.

都是喬治克魯尼

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And every woman, you are so beautiful.

以及每一位女性，你們是如此的美麗

And when I want to look beautiful, I step three feet away from the mirror,

當我想要變漂亮時，便退後三呎看著鏡子

and I don't have to see these lines etched in my face

我便無法去看到我臉上

from all the squinting I've done all my life

因長久以來在黑暗中

from all the dark lights.

我瞇著眼睛去看而產生的細紋

The really strange part is

特別的是

that, at three and a half, just before I was going to school,

在我三歲半準備去上學時

my parents made a bizarre, unusual

我的父母做了一個不合常理

and incredibly brave decision.

又非常勇敢的決定

No special needs schools.

我不去殘障學校

No labels.

我不用貼上任何標籤

No limitations.

對我的能力以及潛力

My ability and my potential.

沒有任何限制

And they decided to tell me

他們決定告訴我

that I could see.

我看得見

So just like Johnny Cash's Sue,

就如同Johnny Cash歌裡的Sue

a boy given a girl's name,

一位被給予女孩名字的男孩

I would grow up and learn from experience

我會長大並且從各個經驗中學習

how to be tough and how to survive,

要如何堅強以及如何生存

when they were no longer there to protect me,

當他們都不在我身旁保護我的時候

or just take it all away.

或者一切都被帶走時要如何生存

But more significantly,

但是更重要的是

they gave me the ability

他們賦予我

to believe,

去相信的能力

totally, to believe that I could.

完完全全的相信我所能做的

And so when I heard that eye specialist

所以當我聽到眼科醫生說

tell me all the things, a big fat "no,"

當他告訴我事情的真相，一個從裡到外的一聲"不"

everybody imagines I was devastated.

每個人都覺得我會一蹶不振

And don't get me wrong, because when I first heard it --

但別誤會了，起先聽到時

aside from the fact that I thought he was insane --

我只覺得醫生瘋了

I got that thump in my chest,

我的心被敲了一下

just that "huh?"

發出一聲"啊"

But very quickly I recovered. It was like that.

但很快地我沒事了。就如同上述所言。

The first thing I thought about was my mom,

我想到的第一件事是我母親

who was crying over beside me.

在我身旁激動得哭泣

And I swear to God, I walked out of his office,

然後我對上帝發誓，並且離開他的辦公室

"I will drive. I will drive.

"我能開車，一定能開車

You're mad. I'll drive. I know I can drive."

你瘋了。我一定可以開車的，我知道我可以"

And with the same dogged determination

抱持著一個從小到大頑強的決心

that my father had bred into me since I was such a child --

那就是從小我父親陪育我的觀念

he taught me how to sail,

他教會了我怎麼航海

knowing I could never see where I was going, I could never see the shore,

即便知道我完全看不到方向，也看不見海岸

and I couldn't see the sails, and I couldn't see the destination.

以及看不見帆，也看不見目的地

But he told me to believe

但是他告訴我要相信

and feel the wind in my face.

去感受微風輕拂我的臉頰

And that wind in my face made me believe

而那輕拂我臉頰的微風讓我相信

that he was mad and I would drive.

我絕對能開車

And for the next 11 years,

然而在往後的11年

I swore nobody would ever find out that I couldn't see,

我發誓不讓人發現我看不見

because I didn't want to be a failure,

因為我一點都不想成為一名輸家

and I didn't want to be weak.

而且我也不想要成為弱者

And I believed I could do it.

我相信我能做到

So I rammed through life as only a Casey can do.

所以我過著一種凱西能做到的生活

And I was an archeologist, and then I broke things.

我做過考古學家，我打破了文物

And then I managed a restaurant, and then I slipped on things.

我管理過一間餐廳，我還打破盤子

And then I was a masseuse. And then I was a landscape gardener.

我做過按摩師，我也作過景觀園藝師

And then I went to business school.

然後我去上了商業學校

And you know, disabled people are hugely educated.

殘障人士受非常多的教育

And then I went in and I got a global consulting job with Accenture.

後來我得到了一個全球諮詢性的工作--在埃森哲股份有限公司

And they didn't even know.

而且連他們也不知道

And it's extraordinary

信念帶著我走這麼遠

how far belief can take you.

真的很神奇

In 1999,

在1999年

two and a half years into that job,

得到這個工作的兩年之後

something happened.

精彩的事情發生了

Wonderfully, my eyes decided, enough.

我的眼睛決定罷工了

And temporarily,

是暫時性的

very unexpectedly,

非常異想不到地

they dropped.

它們罷工了

And I'm in one of the most competitive environments in the world,

而我卻在當時世界上最具競爭力的環境之下

where you work hard, play hard, you gotta be the best, you gotta be the best.

需要非常努力的工作，而且不擇手段，必須要做到最好

And two years in,

過了兩年

I really could see very little.

我確實只能看見一點點

And I found myself in front of an HR manager

我走到了一位人力資源的經理面前

in 1999,

在這時是1999年

saying something I never imagined that I would say.

並說出一些我從沒沒想過會說出的話

I was 28 years old.

我那時28嵗

I had built a persona all around what I could and couldn't do.

我一直在做得到與做不到之間掙扎逞強

And I simply said,

我就只說

"I'm sorry.

很抱歉

I can't see, and I need help."

我看不見，請給我點幫助

Asking for help can be incredibly difficult.

向人要求協助真的很難

And you all know what it is. You don't need to have a disability to know that.

你們應該都能了解，而這並不需要身患殘疾才能體會

We all know how hard it is

大家都知道

to admit weakness and failure.

承認自己的軟弱和失敗有多難

And it's frightening, isn't it?

這是很令人驚恐的，對吧

But all that belief had fueled me so long.

但我的信念卻支持了我這麼久

And can I tell you, operating in the sighted world when you can't see,

當你看不見，卻得在這依賴雙眼的世界工作時

it's kind of difficult -- it really is.

這確實很困難

Can I tell you, airports are a disaster.

跟你們說，機場真是恐怖的地方

Oh, for the love of God.

噢！我敬愛的上帝

And please, any designers out there?

請問有設計師在場嗎？

OK, designers, please put up your hands, even though I can't even see you.

麻煩舉個手，雖然我不一定看得見

I always end up in the gents' toilets.

我常常進到男生廁所

And there's nothing wrong with my sense of smell.

我的嗅覺是完全沒問題的

But can I just tell you,

但是我可以跟你說

the little sign for a gents' toilet or a ladies' toilet

男女廁的小標誌

is determined by a triangle.

得靠下面的三角形裙襬來分別

Have you ever tried to see that

你是否曾經試過

if you have Vaseline in front of your eyes?

當你眼前有一層凡士林的時候來看

It's such a small thing, right?

那會真的小到令人看不見，對吧

And you know how exhausting it can be

而當你並不完美，卻渴求變的完美

to try to be perfect when you're not,

或者變成你想成為的對象

or to be somebody that you aren't?

這真的很累

And so after admitting I couldn't see to HR,

而在向經理承認我看不見之後

they sent me off to an eye specialist.

我被送去看眼科醫師

And I had no idea that this man was going to change my life.

當時我還不知道他會是改變我一生的人

But before I got to him, I was so lost.

在去看醫生之前，我非常低落

I had no idea who I was anymore.

我對於自己感到迷惘

And that eye specialist, he didn't bother testing my eyes.

而這眼科醫師，他根本懶得檢查我的眼睛

God no, it was therapy.

喔不，那是心理治療

And he asked me several questions,

他問了我一些問題

of which many were, "Why?

而問題通常是＂為什麼？＂

Why are you fighting so hard

為什麼你要這麼拚命地

not to be yourself?

抗拒自己的條件限制？

And do you love what you do, Caroline?"

你所做的是你喜愛做的嗎，卡洛琳？

And you know, when you go to a global consulting firm,

你知道當你去了一家全球諮詢公司

they put a chip in your head, and you're like,

他們將一片晶片放進你的頭，而你會說

"I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love my job. I love Accenture.

＂我愛埃森哲，我愛我的工作，我愛埃森哲

I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love my job. I love Accenture." (Laughter)

我愛埃森哲，我愛我的工作，我愛埃森哲＂

To leave would be failure.

離開的人就輸了

And he said, "Do you love it?"

他問我＂你喜歡這樣嗎＂

I couldn't even speak I was so choked up.

我當下真是激動得答不出話來

I just was so -- how do I tell him?

我只是……該怎麼說呢

And then he said to me, "What did you want to be when you were little?"

接著他說＂你小時候想成為什麼？＂

Now listen, I wasn't going to say to him, "Well, I wanted to race cars and motorbikes."

我不想對他說＂我想成為賽車手和摩托車手＂

Hardly appropriate at this moment in time.

在當時的情境很不適合

He thought I was mad enough anyway.

反正他應該覺得我滿瘋的

And as I left his office,

在我離開他辦公室時

he called me back

他叫住了我

and he said, "I think it's time.

他說＂我認為時候到了

I think it's time

該是時候

to stop fighting and do something different."

不要再抗拒，去做點別的事吧＂

And that door closed.

接著門就關上了

And that silence just outside a doctor's office,

門外就只剩下一陣寂靜

that many of us know.

之後像大家知道的

And my chest ached.

我的胸口痛起來了

And I had no idea where I was going. I had no idea.

我不知道我何去何從，我真的不知道

But I did know the game was up.

我只覺得一切結束了

And I went home, and, because the pain in my chest ached so much,

於是我回到家，而胸口真的很痛

I thought, "I'll go out for a run."

我想著＂去外頭跑一下好了＂

Really not a very sensible thing to do.

這不是什麼明智之舉

And I went on a run that I know so well.

我去跑我非常熟悉的路綫

I know this run so well, by the back of my hand.

我閉著眼都可以跑的路綫

I always run it perfectly fine.

我總是跑得很好

I count the steps and the lampposts and all those things

我數著步伐、路燈等事物

that visually impaired people have a tendency to have a lot of meetings with.

這些都是視障人士比較容易看到的

And there was a rock that I always missed.

而那邊有個石頭我總是能避開

And I'd never fallen on it, never.

我從來沒被絆倒過

And there I was crying away,

我邊哭邊跑

and smash, bash on my rock.

結果卻用力地撞在石頭上

Broken, fallen over

我很慘地摔倒了

on this rock

就在這石頭上

in the middle of March in 2000,

當時是2000年的三月中

typical Irish weather on a Wednesday --

典型愛爾蘭天氣的星期三

gray, snot, tears everywhere,

到處都灰灰的，而我涕淚縱橫

ridiculously self-pitying.

可笑地自艾自憐

And I was floored, and I was broken,

我非常的失望及挫折

and I was angry.

而且生氣

And I didn't know what to do.

因為我不知道該做什麼好

And I sat there for quite some time going,

我就在那邊坐了好一段時間

"How am I going to get off this rock and go home?

＂我要怎麼離開這塊石頭然後回家？

Because who am I going to be?

而我想成為什麼人

What am I going to be?"

究竟我想成為什麼人

And I thought about my dad,

於是我想到了我的父親

and I thought, "Good God, I'm so not Sue now."

我就想＂天啊，我已經不是Sue了＂

And I kept thinking over and over in my mind,

我不斷反覆思索著

what had happened? Where did it go wrong? Why didn't I understand?

到底怎麼了？我哪裡做錯了？我怎還看不透？

And you know, the extraordinary part of it

而最特別的是

is I just simply had no answers.

這些我都想不到答案

I had lost my belief.

我的信念已完全消失了

Look where my belief had brought me to.

看看我的信念帶給我的成就

And now I had lost it. And now I really couldn't see.

但現在我已失去它，而我也已經看不見

I was crumpled.

我開始抱頭痛哭

And then I remember thinking about that eye specialist

然後我突然想到那眼科醫師

asking me, "What do you want to be? What do you want to be?

他曾問我的問題＂你想成為什麼？

What did you want to be when you were little? Do you love what you do?

你小時候想變成什麼人？你喜歡你現在做的嗎？

Do something different. What do you want to be?