I'm going to show you a couple of images

取自一篇非常有趣的論文

from a very diverting paper in The Journal of Ultrasound in Medicine.

刊登在超音波醫學期刊上

I'm going to go way out on a limb and say that it is the most diverting paper

我要大膽的說, 這是超音波醫學期刊

ever published in The Journal of Ultrasound in Medicine.

刊登過最具娛樂性的論文

The title is "Observations of In-Utero Masturbation."

論文的標題是〈子宮內手淫的觀察〉

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Okay. Now on the left you can see the hand -- that's the big arrow --

好,現在左邊你看到的是手,在大箭頭所指的地方

and the penis on the right. The hand hovering.

右邊是陰莖,在手的旁邊

And over here we have,

然後這邊我們看到的是

in the words of radiologist Israel Meisner,

引用放射線醫師Israel Meizner的話

"The hand grasping the penis in a fashion resembling masturbation movements."

「手握住陰莖做出類似手淫的動作」

Bear in mind this was an ultrasound,

請記住,這是超音波

so it would have been moving images.

所以這應該是動態圖片

Orgasm is a reflex of the autonomic nervous system.

性高潮是自主神經系統的反射反應

Now, this is the part of the nervous system

這部份神經系統

that deals with the things that we don't consciously control,

處理的是我們無法以意志控制的事情

like digestion, heart rate and sexual arousal.

就像是消化、心跳、性慾

And the orgasm reflex can be triggered by a surprisingly broad range of input.

激發性高潮反射的外在刺激

Genital stimulation. Duh.

出乎意料的多樣

But also, Kinsey interviewed a woman

生殖器官的刺激，老套！

who could be brought to orgasm by having someone stroke her eyebrow.

金賽博士就曾經訪談過一個女人

People with spinal cord injuries,

只要有人撫摸她的眉毛

like paraplegias, quadriplegias,

就會達到性高潮

will often develop a very, very sensitive area

脊椎有損傷的人

right above the level of their injury,

像是下半身痲痹或四肢癱瘓的人

wherever that is.

身體會發展出一個非常敏感的區域

There is such a thing as a knee orgasm in the literature.

通常在受傷區域上方

I think the most curious one that I came across

無論傷處為何

was a case report of a woman

在文獻中也有所謂膝高潮的記錄

who had an orgasm every time she brushed her teeth.

我覺得最有趣的則是

(Laughter)

一項案例報告中記錄一個

Something in the complex sensory-motor action of brushing her teeth

只要刷牙就會高潮的女人

was triggering orgasm.

（笑聲）

And she went to a neurologist, who was fascinated.

也就是某種複雜、

He checked to see if it was something in the toothpaste,

由刷牙的動作引發的感官刺激

but no -- it happened with any brand.

激起了性高潮

They stimulated her gums with a toothpick, to see if that was doing it.

她看的神經科醫師，也覺得驚訝不已

No. It was the whole, you know, motion.

連牙膏的成份都檢驗過了

And the amazing thing to me

不過，跟牙膏無關。任何牙膏都同樣有效。

is that you would think this woman would have excellent oral hygiene.

他們還用牙籤刺激她的牙齦

(Laughter)

看看是否是牙齦的問題

Sadly -- this is what it said in the journal paper --

也不是，那是一整個...就是...動作

"She believed that she was possessed by demons

讓我感到驚訝的是

and switched to mouthwash for her oral care."

大家可能覺得這個女人

It's so sad.

牙齒一定超乾淨的

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

When I was working on the book,

不幸的，期刊論文上寫道

I interviewed a woman who can think herself to orgasm.

「她深信自己被魔鬼附身了」

She was part of a study at Rutgers University.

「從此不敢刷牙只漱口」

You've got to love that. Rutgers.

真的很可憐

So I interviewed her in Oakland, in a sushi restaurant.

（笑聲）

And I said, "So, could you do it right here?"

寫書的時候，我做了一些訪問

And she said,

我訪問過一個光想的就能高潮的女人

"Yeah, but you know I'd rather finish my meal if you don't mind."

她參與了 Rutgers 大學的一項研究

(Laughter)

Rutgers 真是太酷了

But afterwards, she was kind enough to demonstrate on a bench outside.

我和她的訪問就在奧克蘭

It was remarkable. It took about one minute.

在一間日式料理餐廳中進行

And I said to her,

我問：「所以,妳在這邊也可以？」

"Are you just doing this all the time?"

她答：「是啊，如果妳不介意的話我想先把飯吃完。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

She said, "No. Honestly, when I get home, I'm usually too tired."

吃完飯後,她很好心的示範給我看

(Laughter)

在餐廳外的長椅上

She said that the last time she had done it

真是太神奇了!只花了一分鐘

was on the Disneyland tram.

我跟她說

(Laughter)

「妳該不會常常這樣做吧？」

The headquarters for orgasm, along the spinal nerve,

（笑聲）

is something called the sacral nerve root,

她說：「才不，老實說我回到家時常常都累趴了。」

which is back here.

（笑聲）

And if you trigger, if you stimulate with an electrode,

她說上一次她這樣做

the precise spot, you will trigger an orgasm.

是在迪士尼的單軌電車上

And it is a fact that you can trigger spinal reflexes in dead people --

（笑聲）

a certain kind of dead person, a beating-heart cadaver.

性高潮的中樞位在脊神經

Now this is somebody who is brain-dead,

我們稱為薦神經根的地方, 就在這裡

legally dead, definitely checked out,

如果你用電極刺激

but is being kept alive on a respirator,

這個特定的區域, 就可以激發性高潮

so that their organs will be oxygenated for transplantation.

事實證明，你也能在死人身上

Now in one of these brain-dead people,

刺激這樣的脊椎反射

if you trigger the right spot,

有一種特定的死亡狀態, 軀體死亡心臟還在跳動

you will see something every now and then.

就是所謂的腦死

There is a reflex called the Lazarus reflex.

法理上判定死亡, 確定腦死

And this is -- I'll demonstrate as best I can, not being dead.

但是以呼吸器維持生命

It's like this. You trigger the spot.

讓器官仍有充足氧氣供給

The dead guy, or gal, goes... like that.

以利移植

Very unsettling for people working in pathology labs.

如果在腦死病人身上

(Laughter)

刺激正確的區域

Now, if you can trigger the Lazarus reflex in a dead person,

你會看到一些斷斷續續的反應

why not the orgasm reflex?

這種反射稱為 Lazarus 反射

I asked this question to a brain death expert,

這個反射...我盡量示範給大家看, 不是示範腦死

Stephanie Mann, who was foolish enough to return my emails.

像這樣, 你刺激那個點

(Laughter)

死掉的男人或女人就會...像這樣

I said, "So, could you conceivably trigger an orgasm in a dead person?"

這對在病理實驗室工作的人來說是很恐怖的事

She said, "Yes, if the sacral nerve is being oxygenated,

（笑聲）

you conceivably could."

如果你可以刺激死去的人產生 Lazarus 反射

Obviously it wouldn't be as much fun for the person.

那性高潮的反射也可以吧?

But it would be an orgasm --

我曾問過一個腦死方面的專家這個問題

(Laughter)

就是 Stephanie Mann，沒想到她竟然傻傻的回我的 e-mail

nonetheless.

（笑聲）

There is a researcher at the University of Alabama

我問 「那麼, 理論上」

who does orgasm research.

「你可以刺激死人讓他高潮嗎？」

I said to her, "You should do an experiment.

她回說「是， 只要薦神經有足夠氧氣」

You know? You can get cadavers if you work at a university."

「理論上是可以的」

I said, "You should actually do this."

當然死人一點都爽不到

She said, "You get the human subjects review board approval for this one."

不過至少「高潮」了呀

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

According to 1930s marriage manual author,

即使如此

Theodoor van De Velde,

我還是建議....一位阿拉巴馬大學

a slight seminal odor can be detected on the breath of a woman

從事性高潮研究的研究員

within about an hour after sexual intercourse.

我告訴她：「妳該做這個實驗」

Theodoor van De Velde was something of a semen connoisseur.

「妳知道嗎？妳在大學工作可以取得屍體做研究耶」

(Laughter)

我說：「妳真的應該試看看。」

This is a guy writing a book, "Ideal Marriage," you know.

她回我：「那妳幫我向人體實驗審查委員會取得這研究的許可」

Very heavy hetero guy.

（笑聲）

But he wrote in this book, "Ideal Marriage" --

根據 1930 年代婚姻手冊的作者

he said that he could differentiate between the semen of a young man,

Theodoor Van de Velde,

which he said had a fresh, exhilarating smell,

性行為後一小時內

and the semen of mature men, whose semen smelled, quote,

可以從女人的口氣中聞出些微精液的味道

"Remarkably like that of the flowers of the Spanish chestnut.

Theodoor Van de Velde 可以說是精液的大師

Sometimes quite freshly floral,

（笑聲）

and then again sometimes extremely pungent."

這個人寫了一本書叫《理想的婚姻》

(Laughter)

他是個超級異性戀

Okay. In 1999, in the state of Israel, a man began hiccupping.

但是他在《理想的婚姻》中卻寫

And this was one of those cases that went on and on.

他可以分辨年輕男子的精液

He tried everything his friends suggested.

味道清新, 是令人神清氣爽的味道

Nothing seemed to help.

而成熟男人的精液

Days went by.

我引述書的內容

At a certain point, the man, still hiccupping, had sex with his wife.

「聞起來非常像是西班牙栗樹的花香」

And lo and behold, the hiccups went away.

「有時候是很類似清新的花香」

He told his doctor, who published a case report

「但是有時候卻極度辛辣刺鼻」

in a Canadian medical journal under the title,

（笑聲）（5.還能治療打嗝喔！）

"Sexual Intercourse as a Potential Treatment for Intractable Hiccups."

好的，1999年在以色列

I love this article because at a certain point they suggested

有個男人不停打嗝

that unattached hiccuppers could try masturbation.

跟那些老掉牙的故事一樣

(Laughter)

他試過所有朋友介紹的偏方

I love that because there is like a whole demographic: unattached hiccuppers.

卻沒有任何幫助

(Laughter)

好幾天過去了，就在某天，

Married, single, unattached hiccupper.

這個還在打嗝的男人跟他老婆做愛

In the 1900s, early 1900s,

誰知道他竟然停止打隔了!

a lot of gynecologists believed that when a woman has an orgasm,

他告訴醫生這件事，他的醫生還因此發表了一篇報告

the contractions serve to suck the semen up through the cervix

某個加拿大醫學期刊下了這樣的標題

and sort of deliver it really quickly to the egg,

〈性行為─

thereby upping the odds of conception.

止嗝的潛在療法〉

It was called the "upsuck" theory.

我超愛這篇文章是因為在某個部分他們建議

(Laughter)

非持續性打嗝的人可以試著自慰來止嗝

If you go all the way back to Hippocrates,

（笑聲）

physicians believed that orgasm in women

我愛這文章是因為裡頭有個統計：非持續性打嗝者

was not just helpful for conception, but necessary.

（笑聲）

Doctors back then were routinely telling men

已婚、未婚的非持續性打嗝者

the importance of pleasuring their wives.

在1900年代、1900年代早期

Marriage-manual author and semen-sniffer Theodoor van De Velde --

有很多婦科專家相信

(Laughter)

當女人達到性高潮

has a line in his book.

肌肉的收縮具有將精液往上吸進子宮頸的功能

I loved this guy.

這樣可以使精子快點達到卵子

I got a lot of mileage out of Theodoor van De Velde.

因此增加受精機率

He had this line in his book

被稱為「上吸」理論

that supposedly comes from the Habsburg Monarchy,

（笑聲）

where there was an empress Maria Theresa,

如果回溯到希波克拉底的時代

who was having trouble conceiving.

治療師相信女人的性高潮

And apparently the royal court physician said to her,

不只能幫助受孕，還是受孕的必要條件

"I am of the opinion that the vulva of your most sacred majesty

那時候的醫生常常告訴男人們

be titillated for some time prior to intercourse."

取悅妻子的重要性

(Laughter)

婚姻手冊作者兼精液氣味專家

It's apparently, I don't know, on the record somewhere.

Theodore Van de Velde

Masters and Johnson:

（笑聲）

now we're moving forward to the 1950s.

寫了一段話

Masters and Johnson were upsuck skeptics,

我太愛這個傢伙。我從他那邊學到很多東西

which is also really fun to say.

他在書中寫了這麼一段話

They didn't buy it.

應該是來自哈布斯堡王朝

And they decided, being Masters and Johnson,

以前那裡有位女王Maria Theresa

that they would get to the bottom of it.

她一直無法懷孕

They brought women into the lab -- I think it was five women --

御醫告訴她說

and outfitted them with cervical caps containing artificial semen.

「我建議」

And in the artificial semen was a radio-opaque substance,

「'女王您那神聖不可侵犯的外陰部位」

such that it would show up on an X-ray.

「在性交前應該要經過一些時間的挑逗」

This is the 1950s.

（笑聲）

Anyway, these women sat in front of an X-ray device.

應該是...我不知道...在某個文獻上有記載

And they masturbated.

時間來到1950年代，性學研究者

And Masters and Johnson looked to see if the semen was being sucked up.

Masters跟Johnson為「上吸」理論的懷疑論者

Did not find any evidence of upsuck.

換個有趣的說法：

You may be wondering, "How do you make artificial semen?"

他們不吃這套

(Laughter)

而且決定，身為性學專家

I have an answer for you. I have two answers.

他們要追根究柢

You can use flour and water, or cornstarch and water.

他們雇了幾個女人到實驗室，我想應該有五個

I actually found three separate recipes in the literature.

替他們裝了子宮頸帽

(Laughter)

內含人工精液

My favorite being the one that says --

在人工精液裡

you know, they have the ingredients listed,

加入了放射線不能透過去的物質

and then in a recipe it will say, for example,

因此可以呈現在X光照片中

"Yield: two dozen cupcakes."

當時是1950年代

This one said, "Yield: one ejaculate."

那些女人坐在X光裝置的前面

(Laughter)

然後她們自慰

There's another way that orgasm might boost fertility.

Masters和Johnson觀察精液是否被吸上去

This one involves men.

並沒有發現任何「上吸」的現象

Sperm that sit around in the body for a week or more

你可能會想，人工精液怎麼做啊?

start to develop abnormalities

（笑聲）

that make them less effective at head-banging their way into the egg.

我準備了兩個答案

British sexologist Roy Levin has speculated

你可以用麵粉和水，或是玉米粉和水

that this is perhaps why men

我還真的在文獻中找到三種不同的「食譜」

evolved to be such enthusiastic and frequent masturbators.

（笑聲）

He said, "If I keep tossing myself off I get fresh sperm being made."

我最喜歡的一個上面寫了

Which I thought was an interesting idea, theory.

你知道，食譜都會列出食材

So now you have an evolutionary excuse.

而且食譜中通常會寫，舉例來說

(Laughter)

「分量：24個小蛋糕」

Okay.