sits a highly admired President of the United States and decorated war hero.

在我身後坐著備受尊崇的美國總統和授勛過的戰地英雄

While I, a cable television talk show host, has been chosen to stand here and impart wisdom.

而我，一個有線電視脫口秀的主持人，卻被選為站在這邊傳授智慧的發言人

I pray I never witness a more damning example of what is wrong with America today.

我希望之後再也不要目睹比這更該死的例子，來告訴我們現在美國多有問題

My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair.

身為畢業典禮的致詞人，我首先要讓你們知道的是人生並不公平

For example, you have worked tirelessly for four years

譬如說，你們千辛萬苦地奮鬥了四年

to earn the diploma you'll be receiving this weekend.

才終於能在這周末得到學位

That was great.

真是太棒了

And Dartmouth is giving me the same degree for interviewing the fourth lead in Twilight.

然後達特茅斯也給我一樣的學位，只因為我訪問了《暮光之城》中的第四主角

Deal with it.

面對現實吧

But don't get me wrong.

但不要誤會了

I take my task today very seriously.

我可是很慎重的看待今天這個任務

When I got the call two months ago to be your speaker,

我兩個月前接到一通請我擔任畢業演講者的電話

I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted to an important term paper.

我決定要效法你們全力以赴面對期末報告的精神來準備這個演講

So late last night I began.

所以我昨天深夜才開始動工

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

You must stand tall.

你們必須抬頭挺胸

Raise your heads high and feel proud.

昂首闊步，為自己感到驕傲

Because if Harvard, Yale, and Princeton are your self-involved vain name-dropping older brothers.

因為如果哈佛、耶魯和普林斯頓是那種自視甚高、愛慕虛榮又老是誇耀自己的大哥哥們

You are the cool sexually confident lacrosse-playing younger sibling

你們就是那種又酷又性感、充滿自信、如曲棍球健將般的小弟

who knows how to throw a party and looks good in a down vest.

懂得該怎麼開一場好派對，還有辦法把羽絨背心穿的很好看

Brown, of course, is your lesbian sister who never leaves her room.

布朗大學，想當然爾，是你足不出戶的蕾絲邊姊妹

And Penn, Columbia, and Cornell, well, frankly, who gives a shit.

至於賓州、加倫比亞和康乃爾，這個嘛，老實說沒人鳥他們

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

So at the age of 47, after 25 years of obsessively pursuing my dream,

現在我 47 歲，經過 25 個年頭積極地追夢後，

that dream changed.

那個夢想改變了

For decades in show business the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host the Tonight Show.

一直以來，在演藝界中，喜劇演員的的終極目標就是主持《今夜秀》

It was the holy grail.

那就像是演藝界的聖杯

And like many people, I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful.

而就像許多人一樣，我以為達到那個目標就能夠定義我是個成功人士

But that is not true.

但事實並非如此

No specific job or career goal defines me.

沒有任何一個工作或職業成就可以定義我

And it should not define you.

對你們來說也是如此

In 2000...

在 2000 年...

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

In 2000, I told graduates to not be afraid to fail.

在 2000 年，我告訴畢業生不要害怕失敗

And I still believe that.

至今我依然堅信

But today I tell you that, whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come.

不過我今天要告訴你們，不管你是否害怕失敗，終究避免不了失望

The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity.

但美好的地方就在於你可以從失望中獲得澄澈的視界以認清自己

And with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

這個明朗又會為你帶來信念和真正的創造力

I've told you many things today.

我今天告訴了你們很多事情

Most of it foolish.

大部分滿蠢的

But some of it true.

但有一些是真的

I'd like to end my address by breaking a taboo and quoting myself from 17 months ago.

最後，我想用打破行規的方式─引用我自己 17 個月以前說過的話做結

At the end of my final program with NBC, just before signing off.

我在NBC頻道最後一集節目結尾，就在收工之前

I said, "Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen."

我說：「努力工作、心懷慈悲，美好的事情會將會降臨。」

Today, receiving this honor and speaking to the Dartmouth class of 2011 from behind a tree trunk.

而今天，獲得這項殊榮，讓我可以站在這跟樹幹後跟達特茅斯 2011 年的畢業生致詞

I have never believed that more.

這句話更令我深信不移

Thank you very much and congratulations.

非常感謝大家，畢業快樂

(Applause)

（鼓掌）