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  • I'm sure all of us can remember

    相信每個人都記得

  • a time when we were sad, upset, or discouraged:

    有一陣子我們好難過、心情不好,或者是很沮喪

  • a pet died, you got a bad grade,

    寵物死掉了,成績太差

  • you had a fight with your best friend, and you were sad,

    跟死黨吵架,然後你很難過

  • and that's natural.

    這些都很正常

  • But eventually, a day, a week, a month passes,

    但是平均來說,一天、一個禮拜、一個月過去

  • and we feel better,

    就會比較好了

  • and even though the pain may not be completely forgotten,

    縱使,傷痛也許沒辦法完全忘懷

  • even though those brief periods of unhappiness

    縱使那些短暫的不愉快

  • should still be taken seriously,

    仍然該受到正視

  • it passes, we feel better.

    捱過之後,感覺就會好多了

  • But when you're living with depression, it doesn't just pass.

    但是當你罹患了憂鬱症,就不是這樣過了

  • It can strike after a tragedy, or emerge out of the blue.

    憂鬱會在悲劇發生後再度來襲,或是在情緒低潮的時候爆發

  • It can come from stress and pressure from school, friends, and family,

    它可以來自於緊張、壓力,因為學校、朋友以及家人,

  • bullying and emotional abuse,

    霸凌,還有情緒潰堤也都可能造成

  • and the media that damages our perception of self-image and self-worth.

    還有媒體破壞了大眾對自我形象和自我價值的意識成形

  • I grew up as a shy, quiet, and introverted kid.

    我從小就是個害羞、安靜內向的小孩

  • I had friends,

    我還是有朋友

  • but in third grade, my sister, who I was very close to,

    但是在三年級的時候,跟我感情很好的姊姊

  • left to live with another family, and after she left, I became lonely.

    搬去跟其他家人住。她離開以後,我變得很孤單

  • My depression started taking a toll on me in eighth grade.

    八年級的時候,憂鬱症開始向我襲來

  • I rarely talked in school,

    我在學校很少講話

  • and although my grades were good, I had no motivation.

    雖然成績還是很好,卻一點動力都沒有

  • I felt very lost, and once I was in that rut,

    感覺很迷惘,甚至有一陣子,我就像是行尸走肉

  • it felt impossible to try and get out.

    感覺無能為力,又走不出去

  • I'd heard about cutting,

    我聽說了割腕

  • how people hurt themselves to try and cope with their depression.

    有些人怎麼借由這種自殘的方式,來對抗他們的憂鬱症

  • So I tried it, and it became a habit, a go-to when I felt numb, for three years.

    所以我試了,然後變成習慣,只要一感覺不行了,就會再傷害自己,這樣過了三年

  • The rest of eighth grade was hard.

    我剩下的八年級過得很艱難

  • I was irritable,

    我變得焦躁、

  • angry at the whole universe and angry at myself most of all.

    憤世忌俗,我生全世界的氣,尤其是我自己的

  • The voices in my head were awful, self-loathing, and hateful.

    那個在我腦袋裡的聲音,糟透了、自我厭惡,非常討厭

  • I cried almost every day, at the littlest of things, and felt nothing.

    我幾乎每天都哭,為了一些芝麻綠豆的小事,甚至是沒來由的哭

  • I would have happily stopped existing.

    要是可以的話,我會很高興可以消失在這世界上

  • When I went into freshman year, my grades started to go down.

    當我進入大學當新鮮人,我的成績開始往下掉

  • I didn't have the motivation or energy to try harder.

    我找不到動機還是動力,去為了什麼而努力

  • That year, I was sent to a "therapist." She really didn't help me at all, though.

    那年,我被送去做心理治療。雖然那對我毫無幫助

  • In fact, she actually made me feel worse.

    事實上,那讓我的病情更加劇了

  • Between freshman and sophomore year, I created a secret Instagram account.

    高一到高二的暑假期間,我在Instagram(網路社群)開了一個秘密的帳號

  • I wanted to reach out to other people also struggling with depression.

    想接觸其他也在和憂鬱症奮戰的人

  • Then, sophomore year started, and my depression got worse,

    然後,高二開學了,我的憂鬱症更嚴重了

  • but I was chosen to be a part of the school's Natural Helpers Program that year.

    但是那年,我被選中,成為學校志工課程的一員

  • Natural Helpers.

    自願義工

  • It had to be a mistake.

    這一定是哪裡弄錯了

  • All the other natural helpers were outgoing and confident.

    所有的自願義工都該是開朗自信的啊

  • Then, it occurred to me: it was my Instagram,

    然後,有件事爆發了,就是我那個Instagram的社群

  • because reaching out to others on there

    因為在那邊交友

  • was just as noticeable as reaching out to others in school.

    就跟在學校一樣引人注目

  • However, my self-destructive actions continued,

    然而,我自殘的舉動還是持續著

  • forcing me to wear long sleeves and thick bracelets,

    這也迫使我總是得穿長袖,戴寬版的手環

  • so no one would see,

    這樣人家才不會看到那些深深淺淺的疤痕

  • and I started depriving myself of food.

    接著,我開始有厭食的現象

  • I was sent to a different counseling place which included group therapy.

    我被送去另一個心理輔導的地方,那邊還有團體治療的課程

  • That didn't help either, though,

    雖然那對我也沒用

  • because I had no interest in getting better.

    因為我根本就不想變好

  • I just didn't care.

    我根本不在乎

  • During these years, there were many times when I wanted to die.

    那幾年,我有好幾次都想死掉算了

  • I didn't necessarily want to kill myself, but I wanted to stop existing.

    我不是一心想自殺,而是想讓自己消失

  • I became unsafe.

    我變成一顆不定時炸彈

  • One night, the weekend before final exams,

    有一天晚上,在期末考的前一個禮拜

  • someone who still remains anonymous to me was afraid for my safety and called 911.

    有個匿名人士因為擔心我的安危,打了911的緊急救助電話

  • I had gone to bed and woke up later that night to police officers in my living room,

    那天晚上我在房間都已經睡了,還被警察叫醒

  • saying they got the call, saying I had to go to the hospital.

    說他們接到報案電話,說我必須被送去醫院

  • I spent the fear-racked night in the emergency room,

    我在急診室度過了恐懼折磨的一晚

  • talking to various doctors and counselors,

    看了很多的醫生、心理咨詢師

  • crying into the scratchy, blue hospital gown.

    一身藍色的病人服,哭到聲音都沙啞了

  • Talking to my parents was the worst part.

    這些都不算什麼,要面對父母,才是最可怕的

  • I felt like I had let them down

    我覺得我讓他們失望了

  • because I wasn't as strong as they thought I was.

    因為我沒有他們想像的堅強

  • School ended, summer began, and I felt just as lost as before.

    學期結束,暑假開始了,我就像以往那樣失落

  • I didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    看不到隧道後的一線光明

  • A few weeks into summer, my parents decided

    暑假過了幾個禮拜,我的父母決定

  • to sign me to a summer camp called Tanglewood, up in Lincolnville,

    幫我報名一個叫做「Tanglewood」的夏令營,就在Lincolnville上面

  • to do a three-week leadership program.

    去上三個禮拜的領導培訓課程

  • Yeah, a three-week leadership program.

    對,三個禮拜的「領導培訓課」

  • Perfect! (Laughter)

    真是好極了!(笑)

  • Just what I needed. I was furious.

    這正是我需要的。我氣炸了!

  • The thought of living in the woods with other teenagers who I didn't know was terrifying.

    光是想要去和其他不認識的青少年一起住在樹林裡,我就受不了了

  • Despite my pleading, I had no choice.

    儘管我苦苦哀求,最後還是沒有辦法,只能屈服

  • There were five other kids in the leadership program,

    這個領導人培訓課程,還有另外五個參加的小孩

  • two girls and three boys, and one male and female counselor.

    兩個女生跟三個男生,再加上男導師跟女導師各一個

  • At first, I tried to isolate myself from them.

    起初,我試圖把自己孤立起來

  • I was scared to open myself up to them.

    我害怕向他們敞開心房

  • But after all the challenge courses and group-bonding activities,

    但是經過挑戰的課程,以及團隊建立的活動

  • after eight days of hiking and canoeing in the wilderness,

    經過了八天野外的健行,以及划獨木舟的活動

  • I grew to trust them.

    我漸漸信任他們了

  • They involved me in games and conversations.

    他們讓我加入遊戲和談話

  • They offered me a seat next to them.

    他們讓我坐在他們身邊

  • They paid attention to me when I shared an idea.

    他們關注我提出的想法

  • They went out of their way to make me laugh.

    他們很努力逗我開心

  • On the fourth night of our trip, we were all sitting around a fire,

    在我們活動的第14天晚上,大家圍著火堆坐成一圈

  • and one of our counselors told us we'd be doing P.S.'s, personal stories.

    其中一位輔導員告訴我們,接下來我們要來分享自己的人生故事

  • Every night, two of us would tell our life stories to the rest of the group.

    每天晚上,有兩個人要講自己的故事給其他團員聽

  • I decided I was definitely going last.

    我決定,我一定要當最後一組

  • Every night,

    每天晚上,

  • the eight of us would pack ourselves into the boys' tent

    我們八個都在男生的帳篷那邊擠

  • which was only meant to hold three people.

    那個帳篷本來只能容納三個人

  • My turn finally came, and I was extremely nervous,

    最後,終於輪到我了,我緊張到不行

  • but I decided to take the chance and tell them everything.

    但我決定趁這次機會,坦白我的過往

  • I told them about my depression and anxiety,

    我告訴他們有關我的憂鬱症,還有焦慮症

  • I told them about the hospital night. I told them everything.

    我告訴他們醫院那晚的事。我把所有的事都講出來了

  • We stayed up until three in the morning talking,

    我們一直講到凌晨三點

  • and when our counselors finally sent us to bed,

    最後當輔導員趕我們去睡

  • I followed the other girls to our tent,

    我跟著其他女生去我們的帳篷

  • and I remember just stopping for a moment

    然後我記得,我停下來了一會兒

  • and looking up at the sky, at all the stars,

    仰望天空,滿天的星星

  • and I realized that I was smiling uncontrollably

    接著,我意識到,我發自內心地笑了

  • for the first time in years.

    這是多年來的頭一次

  • I had hoped, at the very least, they wouldn't stop being my friends

    我希望,至少,他們還願意當我是朋友

  • after I told them about myself that night.

    在那天晚上,我告訴他們我的事情之後

  • I didn't expect that for the rest of the three weeks at camp,

    我並不期望,在露營接下來的三個禮拜

  • we would become even closer.

    我們可以變得更要好

  • We became a family.

    變成像一家人

  • I realized that I was cared for, and that I was loved.

    我明白到,我在乎的、愛的東西

  • It hit me.

    是這些東西打動了我

  • I could be free from my depression.

    我能夠從憂鬱症中走出來

  • I didn't have to just live with it for the rest of my life.

    在往後的人生裡,不必一直和憂鬱症為伍

  • Since then, things have only gotten better.

    從那時候起,一切就好轉了

  • In the fall of junior year,

    高三的秋天

  • I learned to stop judging people, and made dozens of new friends.

    我學著不要武斷地評價別人,交了一大堆朋友

  • Later in junior year, I went into freshman health classes,

    高三後來,我參加了高一的新生訓練

  • and spoke to them about overcoming pressure and judgment in high school.

    跟他們說關於克服高中校園裡的壓力,還有同學對你的看法

  • After receiving hand-written letters from the freshmen,

    收到新生親筆寫的信之後

  • I knew that was my words and story I could change the world.

    我明白到,我的文字和故事原來可以改變這個世界

  • I still use my Instagram to post encouraging quotes and personal stories

    我還是有在使用我的Instagram,發佈勵志的轉載文章,跟親身經歷的故事

  • to my almost 3,000 followers, including lots of my classmates.

    給將近3千位追蹤我的人,裏面包括了我很多同學

  • Everyday, I'm reminded of the impact my kind words have.

    每一天,我都被提醒著,這些善意的文字所能帶來的效應有多大

  • I'm beginning to fall in love with myself, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

    我開始愛上自己,這個有始以來最快樂的自己

  • I know that there are people in this audience who've experienced

    我知道,這邊有些聽眾體驗過

  • or are currently struggling with depression.

    或者,現在還在和憂鬱症奮戰

  • This is for you: you are not in a bottomless pit.

    這是我要跟你說的,你現在站的地方,不是一個無底洞

  • You are not in an endless tunnel without light.

    不是一個漆黑,看不到盡頭的隧道

  • You are not a hopeless cause.

    你不是全然無望的

  • Help is out there.

    希望就在這裡

  • You are loved, and you are cared for.

    你是被愛,被關心著的

  • You have the power and the right to achieve everything you want in life.

    你有這個能力,也有權力去做到你人生中任何想要的事

  • My life didn't just get better on its own.

    我的人生並不是自己變好的

  • With help from friends, old and new,

    是在朋友的幫助下,那些原本的老朋友、新認識的朋友

  • I realized that I am worth so much more than what I once thought,

    我明白到,我比自己原本想得更加有價值

  • and that I have the power and the ability to view the world in a new way,

    而且我有力量、有能力去看看這世界,用嶄新的眼光

  • as a place full of endless opportunities and amazing people.

    就好像一個地方,充滿了生機,還有不可思議的人

  • I've opened myself up to what the universe has to offer,

    我打開心胸,迎接宇宙所給予的

  • and I've created my own beautiful life.

    創造了屬於自己的美麗人生

  • I have emerged.

    我已經撥雲見日了

  • Thank you.

    謝謝大家

  • (Cheers) (Applause)

    (歡呼)(掌聲)

  • Thank you.

    謝謝

  • (Cheers) (Applause)

    (歡呼)(掌聲)

I'm sure all of us can remember

相信每個人都記得

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B1 中級 中文 美國腔 憂鬱症 禮拜 帳篷 送去 人生 培訓

征服抑鬱症--我是如何成為自己的英雄的|Hunter Kent|[email protected]。 (【TEDx】Conquering depression -- How I became my own hero | Hunter Kent | [email protected])

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    Jeng-Lan Lee 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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