Participant 1: Really! P2: Oh, okay!

參加者1：真的！參加者2：喔，好啊！

P3: Fantastic! Julian: Fantastic!

參加者3：太棒了！朱利安：太棒了！

P4: Ooo, fun! Julian: Yeah! Come with me!

參加者4：喔，很有趣！朱利安：對呀！跟我來！

Julian: What is love? Well you can break it down into three components.

朱利安：什麼是愛？你可以將它分成三個部分

Passion, intimacy, and commitment. Together they make up the triangular theory of love.

熱情、親密、承諾。這三元素組成了愛的三角理論

Psychology's most robust model of love! So, what comes first? What leads to what? Well, they can really

心理學裡最堅固愛的模型！第一個要來講甚麼呢？甚麼跟甚麼又是連帶關係呢？

start with any, but your relationship has a better shot at surviving long term if it possesses

事實上可以從任何一點開始，但是你的關係比較能長期維持，如果你擁有

at least two of these components at any given time. Here's where it gets tricky though.

至少其中兩個條件在任何一個時機點。然而，這裡是它巧妙的地方

You can make a choice to commit to someone, but you can't decide one day to be intimate.

你可以選擇向某人承諾，但你卻不能決定何時要親密

So where does intimacy come from. How do two people grow to the point where they can just

所以何時親密才會形成？兩個人要到怎麼樣的程度才能

tell each other anything. Well, social scientists say the key to intimacy is expressing vulnerability

向對方傾吐一切？社會學家講到親密的關鍵是表達脆弱

and curiosity. To test this out, we did what we do best! We set up an experiment.

和好奇心時。為了測驗這件事，我們盡我們所能，設了一個實驗

First, we brought in a group of couples to ask as our subjects and created a talk show.

首先，我們帶來了幾對情侶，請他們成為我們的實驗對象，並做了一個脫口秀

We made one partner the host, and the other the guest! This slipped them into roles requiring

我們讓情侶中的其中一位當主持人，另一位當來賓！這將會使他們陷入角色扮演，一方

one to be curious and the other to open up and be vulnerable. Each host had a stack of

將擔任好奇的角色，另一方則必須打開心胸和展現脆弱面。每一個主持人有著一堆

personal questions, but I didn't let them read them until the show was already underway,

關於個人的問題，但直到節目開演前，他們並不會看到那些問題

and I don't feel bad about that. Because this is science.

而我並不會有罪惡感，因為這是科學實驗

P5: Come on in! Thank you for joining me on my show!

參加者5：進來！謝謝參與我的秀！

P6: I'm glad to join you on your show. P4: So I'm going to be interviewing you tonight,

參加者6：我很開心可以參加你的秀。參加者4：所以今晚我要來訪問你

I have a series of questions? P7: For real?

我有一連串的問題想問？參加者7：真的嗎？

P4: Yeah! P1: Question number 1.

參加者4：對呀！問題一

P4: What strengths do I bring to our relationship. P7: That's an easy one actually.

參加者4：我為我們的關係帶來甚麼樣的優勢？參加者7：這個簡單

You bring a lot of compassion, a lot of awareness. Some things I probably shouldn't say in public.

你設身處地，替我帶來很多的體悟，還有一些是我不好在公開場合說的

P5: Describe the first moment you knew I was it for you.

參加者5：請敘述第一次你覺得我是你的真命天女的那瞬間！

P6: When you sent me a video of yourself because you didn't know how to use Skype. You made

參加者6：當你寄給我你的影片，因為你不知道怎麼使用Skype。你就

a video of yourself and then emailed it to me.

自己拍了影片然後email給我

P7: I love the things that are just you. I like the fact that you sing me silly songs

參加者7：我喜歡你就是你，喜歡語音信箱中，你為我唱傻氣的歌

into my voicemail. P6: And it was just your face and you sang

參加者6：你的臉出現，然後唱

hello, but I was smitten from that moment. P8: She stalked me.

hello，當下我真的為你融化了。參加者8：她跟蹤我

P1: I did. P9: When we were hanging out down in the park

參加者1：我是呀！參加者9：當我們逛到公園時

we had a, I don't know. P2: A moment.

我們有一個，我不知道。參加者2：一瞬間

P9: I just knew. P8: From that day we've been together and

參加者9：我就知道了。參加者8：從那天開始我們就在一起了

it's been five hundred thirty one days so, it's a good thing!

到現在已經531天了，這是一件好事！

P1: It is! P2: When was a time in our lives when you

參加者1：確實是！參加者2：甚麼時候你

think our relationship needed more attention. P9: I'm not sure.

想過我們的關係需要更多的經營。參加者9：我不確定

P2: Well you know, you followed me out here to LA and I told you if you don't move with

參加者2：你從這裡跟著我到洛杉磯，我告訴你如果你不跟我走

me it's not going to happen, I'm not going to do the long distance thing, which I think

我們之間就不可能了，我不想談遠距離戀愛，那讓我覺得

was really selfish of me. P4: How satisfied are you with the amount

自己太自私了。參加者4：我們在一起的時間，你感到滿足嗎？

of time we spend together? P7: Actually that's a good question because

參加者7：這真是個好問題，因為

we met later in life so I feel that critical, acute sense of time. But the blessing is because

我們比較晚才相遇，所以我覺得這很重要，很敏感的時機。但值得慶幸的是

I'm so conscious of that fact that the clock is always ticking, this is one day less.

我有意識到這樣的事實，而時間也不停滴答的走

P2: You know now, I really want to focus on not being so selfish and thinking about you

參加者2：你知道，現在我真的很想嘗試不要那麼自私，然後去思考你想要的

want. P9: And our future, I guess when I was following

參加者9：和我們的未來，我想當我跟

you out here I felt kind of one-sided. P5: What's one way we could be a better couple.

你離開這時，我覺得有一點失衡。參加者5：甚麼方法能使我們成為更棒的情侶

P6: We could better learn how to get through the difficult parts.

參加者6：我們可以一起學習如何度過困難的時刻

P1: What are you most scared about our future? P8: That you won't be able to keep up with me!

參加者1：你對我們的未來最害怕甚麼地方？參加者8：怕你跟不上我的腳步！

Because I'm always energy go and go and you're like I'm sleeping.

因為我總是能量滿滿，隨時可以出發，而你總是在睡覺

P1: What! P6: I find that when we get into an argument

參加者1：甚麼！參加者6：我發現每當我們陷入爭執時

we both just repeat the same thing back at each other and that trick of "I hear what

我們都會向對方重複一樣的東西，像在重複一種「我聽到

you're saying let me make sure I'm hearing it correctly" but that's so boring when you're

你說的了，讓我確定我聽到的是否正確」的循環，但這樣做實在太無聊了，特別當你

in the heat of passion so I don't know if I'll ever get there.

一頭熱的時候，所以我不知道我是否能克服這個部分

P10: What if you just fall out of love with me. I don't want that to happen, so I'm scared.

參加者10：如果你不再愛我的話？我不想它發生，所以我非常害怕

P7: You know one of the things I'm realizing right now as you're talking is one of the

參加者7：我現在明白一件事，因為你提到的這個問題

big parts about relationships is fear management. P5: It's hard but I think you're right, like

正是所有關係中很重要的部分，那就是害怕經營。參加者5：這很難，但我想你是對的，像

don't let it escalate, don't let it get too hot in the negative sense.

是不要讓問題擴大，不要讓它在負面情緒中更糟

P6: Right. Only hot in the positive sense. P3: I just don't want to make you feel bad

參加者6：沒錯，只能用正面情緒去思考。參加者3：我只是不想讓你覺得

about yourself, I guess. I don't want to lose you either.

自己很糟糕，我也不想失去你

P10: You won't. P4: I'm lucky to have a teammate who's so

參加者10：你不會的。參加者4：我很幸運有一個如此能幹的隊友

capable. P7: And I'm just learning.

參加者7：而我正在學習

Julian: Now we observed varying levels of fear and anxiety in subjects during moments

朱利恩：現在我發現受測者在脆弱時不同程度的懼怕和焦慮

of vulnerability, which makes a lot of sense. There's a real possibility of getting rejected

出現的很有道理。人們有很大的可能會受到拒絕

or hurt, but in none of our subjects did this actually happen.

或受到傷害，但我們的受測者中沒有一個有發生這樣的狀況

P1: Thank you for joining the show today. P9: I liked that. Thank you! Join us next

參加者1：謝謝你參與今天的節目。參加者9：我非常喜歡，謝謝你！我想，請你下個星期

week when we're Q and A ing from my perspective, that could be kind of fun.

再度加入我們，當我們在Q&A時，那一定會很有趣

P1: You never know! [off camera]: Actually yeah, we're going to

參加者1：你永遠不會知道！事實上就是如此，我們準備

do that. P9: Like now?

下次就要那麼做。參加者9：像現在？

[off camera]: Alright! Julian: He's going to be the guest now and

好吧！朱利安：他現在要當來賓

you're going to be our host! P10: No!

換你當主持人！參加者10：不！

Julian: Yes! P10: Okay!

朱利安：就是這樣！參加者10：好的！

P6: Let me ask you, what is something we used to do that you miss now.

參加者6：讓我問問你，哪些事是我們以前經常做，讓你很壞念的？

P5: I think like the limerence phase of things and just really being swooned and like getting

參加者5：我想應該是那純純的階段吧，非常沉浸在愛情當中，喜歡

to have quality romantic time. P1: Okay, so this is a funny one because we

和你擁有浪漫的時間。參加者1：好，這個問題有趣，因為我們

have this kind of ongoing joke in the relationship that I'm kind of the male side of the relationship.

過往都有在開這樣的玩笑，而我在關係中扮演著比較男性的角色

P5: I think it's easy because we spend so much time together just doing life and regular

參加者5：我認為這很容易因為我們花了這麼多時間在一起過生活

things that that becomes our norm and it would just be great to have those even though we

做著規律的事務，這些都已經變成一種習慣，如果有那些會很棒，即使我們

spent all day together, let's go on a date. P7: What scares you the most about our future?

在一起一整天，我們來場約會吧！參加者7：我們的未來當中你最懼怕甚麼？

P9: What strengths do I bring to our relationship? P2: Oh man, you bring the maturity I think

參加者9：我為我們的關係帶來甚麼樣的優勢？參加者2：喔，老兄，我認為你帶來了成熟

sometimes. I'm not very logical sometimes, I'm very emotional with my decisions and everything

我有時候並不那麼理性，對我做的決定和我做的每件事相當感性

I do and you always bring me back down to Earth.

我是這樣子的，而你總是能將我拉回現實

P3: You definitely bring the love! P5: Like when you opened the car door the

參加者3：你真的帶給我很多愛！參加者5：像你有一天晚上繞過車子

other night and walked all the way around to do that, it really meant a lot. It's like

為我開車門時，那對我意義很大

a nice little icing on the cake! P6: That's not hard to do, I can do that!

猶如錦上添花！參加者6：那並不難，我應該做的！

P4: Absolutely without question, what scares me is losing you. I cannot imagine my life

參加者4：無庸置疑，我最怕的是失去你。我不能想像我的生命

without you, which is crazy because I specifically didn't think I was a romantic person.

沒有你，那太瘋狂了，因為我特別認為自己不是一個浪漫的人

P1: He shows me tons of love and affection and sensitivity, if anything I need to be.

參加者1：他給了我好多的愛、感情、關懷，任何我有需要的

P9: I feel like you bring me out of my shell. You take me out of my comfort zone and I like it.

參加者9：我覺得你帶我走出封閉的盒子，你帶我離開舒適圈，而我很喜歡這樣

P4: And then I met you and it was like I got hit by lightning I mean it was like there's the one!

參加者4：然後我遇見了你，像一道光照射在我身上，你就在那！

And I didn't even know anything about you.

我對你一無所知

So this relationship has changed my entire understanding of life in the universe and everything.

這段關係改變了我對人生、宇宙和所有的一切的想法

P3: Not just regular love but unconditional love.

參加者3：不只是一般的愛而是無條件的愛

And that is something, I heard of it, I knew of it, but you brought it.

那裏有一些東西，我聽到了，我知道它，而是你帶來的

P2: I see in you what you don't let anybody else see and I love building your confidence

參加者2：我看到你那些你不想讓其他人看到的東西，我也愛建立你的自信心

because you're so great and I love you. P9: Thanks, I love you too.

因為你是如此的棒，我愛你。參加者9：謝謝，我也愛你

P4: You're the meaning of my life and without you what's the point?

參加者4：你是我生命的意義，沒有你人生還有甚麼意思？

P10: I really want to kiss him now.

參加者10：我現在好想親他

Julian: Now, one of the most important things to know about love

朱利安：還有一件很重要的事情有關愛

is that it never stays in the same place. Intimacy and passion rise and fall with the stresses of life.

就是它不會不變。親密和熱情會讓愛會隨著生活的壓力高低起伏

So if you feel a drop now and then, don't freak out.

所以如果你偶爾低落，不要害怕

Doesn't mean a relationship is broken, it's just the nature of how love works.

不代表一段關係的破裂，只是愛的天性使然

So, do what you saw here, put some energy into learning more about someone.

看到甚麼就去做，把力氣多花在向某人學習

Even if you think you know it all! And have the guts to be vulnerable.

即使你認為你已經認識他的全部！有膽量脆弱

You can't get anywhere if you don't take risks.

你不可能到任何一個地方都不承擔風險

I'm Julian, and this has been the Science of Love.

我是朱利安，這是愛情科學

SoulPancake, Subscribe!

靈魂鬆餅所製！