That's nothing.

這沒什麼。

Which is what I, as a speaker at today's conference, have for you all.

這就是我作為今天會議的發言人，給大家帶來的啟示。

I have nothing.

我什麼都沒有。

Nada.

沒有。

Zip.

郵編：

Zilch.

牛奶

Zippo.

Zippo

Nothing smart. Nothing inspirational.

沒有什麼聰明的。沒有什麼靈感。

Nothing even remotely researched at all.

根本就沒有什麼研究。

I have absolutely nothing to say whatsoever.

我完全沒有什麼可說的。

And yet, through my manner of speaking, I will make it seem like I do.

然而，通過我的言談舉止，我會讓它看起來像我一樣。

Like what I am saying is brilliant.

就像我說的很精彩。

And maybe, just maybe, you will feel like you've learned something.

也許，只是也許，你會覺得自己學到了什麼。

Now, I'm going to get started with the opening.

現在，我要開始開場了。

I'm going to make a lot of hand gestures.

我要做很多手勢。

I'm going to do this with my right hand, I'm going to do this with my left.

我的右手要這樣做，我的左手要這樣做。

I'm going to adjust my glasses.

我要去調整我的眼鏡。

And then I'm going to ask you all a question.

然後我要問大家一個問題。

By a show of hands, how many of you all have been asked a question before?

通過舉手表決，大家有多少人曾經被問過問題？

Okay, great. I'm seeing some hands.

好的，很好。我看到一些手。

And again, I have nothing here.

再說一遍，我這裡什麼都沒有。

Now, I'm gonna react to that and act like I'm telling you a personal anecdote.

現在，我要對這一點作出反應，並表現得像我在告訴你一個個人的軼事。

Something to break the tension.

打破緊張氣氛的東西。

Something to endear myself a little bit.

一些東西，使我自己有點可愛。

Something kind of... embarrassing.

一些... 尷尬的事情

And you guys are going to make an "aw" sound.

而你們卻要發出 "aw "的聲音。

It's true. It really happened.

是真的，是真的它真的發生了。

And now I'm going to bring it to a broader point.

現在我要把它帶到一個更廣泛的問題上。

I'm going to really beckon.

我真的要招了。

I'm going to make it intellectual.

我要把它變成智力型的。

I'm going to bring it to this man right here.

我要把它帶給這個人，就在這裡。

Now, what this man did was important, I'm sure.

現在，這個人做的事情很重要，我相信。

But I, for one, have no idea who he is.

但我，不知道他是誰。

I simply googled image the word "scientist."

我只是簡單地上網搜索了一下 "科學家 "這個詞的影像。

And now you see, I'd like it to seem like I'm making points, building an argument, inspiring you to change your life, when in reality, this is just... me... buying... time...

現在你明白了吧，我希望它看起來像我在提出觀點，建立論點，激勵你改變你的生活，但實際上，這只是... 我... ...

Now, if you don't believe me, let's take a look at the numbers.

如果你不相信我，現在讓我們來看看這些數字。

This is a real thing that's happening right now.

這是一個真實的事情，現在正在發生。

The number of talks that I'm giving is one.

我的講座數量是一個。

Interesting facts imparted thus far in said talk, well, that's going to be a zero.

有趣的事實傳授迄今為止的說辭，好吧，這將是一個零。

My height in inches is 70.5. Note the .5 there.

我的身高是70.5英寸。注意那裡的0. 5。

2x6 equals 12.

2x6等於12。

And then interestingly enough 6x2 also equals 12.

然後有趣的是6x2也等於12。

That's math.

這就是數學。

352 is a three-digit number

352是一個三位數的數字

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and then almost immediately following that we get 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

1，2，3，4，5，然後幾乎緊接著我們得到6，7，8，9，10。

Now, to add more filler here,

現在，要在這裡增加更多的填充物。

I'm going to give you a couple more number to consider,

我再給你幾個數字，讓你考慮一下。

uh ... 18.

呃...18.

237.

237.

5,601.

5,601.

2.6 million.

260萬。

4

4

4

4

24... Staggering!

24...驚人的！

These are real numbers, all of them.

這些都是實實在在的數字，全部都是。

And to follow that up, let's take a look at some graphs.

緊接著，我們來看看一些圖表。

Now, if you take a look at this pie chart, what you're going to see is that the majority far exceeds the minority.

現在，如果你看看這張餅圖，你會看到的是，多數人遠遠超過少數人。

Everybody see that? Cool, isn't it?

大家看到了嗎？很酷，不是嗎？

And let's take a look at this bar graph, 'cause it shows similarly irrelevant data.

讓我們來看看這個條形圖 因為它顯示了類似的不相關數據

Now, I'm doing this because I'd like to make it seem like I've done my homework.

現在，我這樣做是因為我想讓它看起來像我已經做了功課。

If you were, say, watching this on YouTube with the sound off, you might think, "Ah, okay. This guy knows what he's talking about."

如果你是，比如說，看這個在YouTube上的聲音關閉， 你可能會想，"啊，好吧，這傢伙知道他在說什麼。這傢伙知道他在說什麼。"

But I don't.

但我不知道

I'm floundering, panicking, I've got nothing.

我在掙扎，在恐慌，我什麼都沒有。

I'm a total and utter phony.

我是個徹頭徹尾的金光黨。

But you know what?

但你知道嗎？

I was offered a TED Talk.

我被邀請參加TED演講。

And dammit, I'm gonna see it through.

而且該死的，我要看到它通過。

Now, if you take a look behind me,these are just words paired with vaguely thought-provoking stock photos.

現在，如果你看看我身後，這些只是文字與模糊的思想照片的搭配。

I'm going to point at them like I'm making use both of my time as well as your time.

我要指著他們，就像我在利用我和你的時間一樣。

But in reality, I don't know what half of them mean.

但實際上，我不知道其中一半是什麼意思。

And now, as these continue, I'm just going to start saying gibberish.

現在，這些繼續下去，我就開始說胡話了。

Wagga wah, gabba gabba.

Wagga wah, gabba gabba.

Turkey, mouth and a mouth.

火雞，口和口。

Chip, trip, my dog Skip.

芯片，行程，我的狗跳過。

Rip it and dip it, Richard.

撕開它，浸泡它，理查德。

I'm an itty-bitty baby bopper.

我是一個小不點的嬰兒肥。

And I'm hungry in my tum tum.

我的肚子也餓了。

Brad Pitt, Uma Thurman.

布拉德-皮特，烏瑪-瑟曼。

Names, things.

名字，事情。

Words, words and more things.

詞，詞和更多的東西。

And see? It feels like it might make sense, doesn't it?

看到了嗎？感覺這可能是有道理的，不是嗎？

Like maybe, just maybe, I'm building to some sort of satisfying conclusion, I mean, I'm gesticulating as though I am.

就像也許，只是也許，我正在建立某種令人滿意的結論，我的意思是，我的手勢，好像我是。

I'm pacing. I'm growing in intensity,

我在踱步。我的強度越來越大。

I'm taking off my glasses, which by the way, are just frames.

我要摘掉我的眼鏡，順便說一下，這只是框架。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I wore them to look smart, even though my vision is perfect.

雖然我的視力很好，但為了顯得聰明，我還是穿上了它們。

And now I'm going to slow things down a little bit.

現在我要把事情放慢一點。

I'm going to change the tone.

我要改變語氣。

I'm going to make it seem like I'm building to a moment.

我要讓它看起來像我正在建立一個時刻。

And what if I was?

如果我是呢？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Amazing, isn't it? What can we do?

驚人的，不是嗎？我們能做什麼？

Life's a roller coaster.

生活就像雲霄飛車

You know, if there's one thing you'd take away from my talk,

你知道，如果有一件事你會從我的談話中得到啟示，

I'd like you to think about what you heard at the beginning, and I'd like you to think about what you hear now.

我想讓你想想你一開始聽到的東西，我想讓你想想你現在聽到的東西。

Because it was nothing and it's still nothing. Think about that.

因為以前什麼都沒有，現在還是什麼都沒有。你想想看

Or don't, that's fine.

或者不要，那也行。

And now I'm going to stop talking.

現在我就不說了。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

(Applause)

(掌聲)