While we were there, however, we managed to stumble across a Future Toilet.

然而當我們到那裡時，卻偶然發現了一個「未來馬桶」。

I had a great time using the Future Toilet.

我還滿享受使用未來馬桶的。

I used the Future Toilet and it was a nightmare.

我用了未來馬桶，它簡直是場惡夢。

[2 guys try a bidet for the first time]

[兩個大男人的洗屁屁初體驗]

But it's a toilet that has a bidet built in.

這是個有內建噴水清潔裝置的馬桶。

And also other features.

跟一些其他功能。

I'm excited.

我好興奮。

I've never used a Future Toilet.

我從來沒用過未來馬桶。

This is big for me.

對我來說是個大挑戰。

And Keith is infectious.

Keith 很有說服力。

You know, his enthusiasm made me go,

你懂的，他的熱情讓我下定決心嘗試，

"You know I don't have to poop, but I want to try the Future Toilet."

「我其實沒有要大便，只是想用用看未來馬桶。」

So, of course, I pull out my cell phone.

當然地，我拿出我的手機。

But now I had to use the bathroom.

但現在我需要上廁所。

I actually really had to use the bathroom.

我是真的需要上廁所。

And then awesome.

之後超酷的事就發生了。

I'm done using the bathroom.

我上完廁所。

Now the fun begins.

好玩的來了。

Oooh.

喔！

All right, I see.

好喔，我懂了。

This is great.

真棒耶。

So it's like okay, I get it, but I want more.

我懂這種感覺了，還真不錯，但我還想要更多。

You know, so I upped the pressure a little bit.

所以我稍微加大了噴水的力道。

I can go max pressure.

我要試試最大的力道。

I'm like full blast.

我好喜歡水柱全力暴衝屁屁的感覺。

This is great.

真舒服。

This is amazing, I feel so clean.

這個超棒，我覺得好乾淨。

So Keith probably told a story about how he warmed it up and tried to like figure things out.

Keith 講了一個小故事關於他怎麼調適心情並試著搞懂這馬桶是怎麼一回事。

I just sat down and was ready to go.

我已經坐在馬桶上，準備好要開始了。

Once again, I did not have to poop.

再聲明一次，我沒有要大便。

Max pressure, so I guess I just start it at max pressure.

我決定要先挑戰最大的噴水力道。

Ummm, oh God. Oh my God.

喔喔喔，我的天啊~~~

Ahh.

啊~

I feel so clean.

感覺清潔溜溜。

Oh my God.

我的天啊。

I feel so clean.

真的是乾淨到不行。

I think this thing goes forever.

我覺得這水柱好像會噴一輩子。

Bzzzzz, and so it goes like bzzzz.

滋滋滋，一直噴一直噴，滋滋滋。

And it's like oh, it doesn't stop on its own.

就像，喔，它不會自己停止一樣。

It will just keep going unless you stop it.

它會一直噴下去，直到你關掉為止。

So, I'm sitting there with just water shooting out my empty beep hole.

所以我只好坐在那裡讓水柱噴射我空虛的屁。

Um, not cleaning anything off of it, just penetrating me with water.

喔，它沒有把任何東西清乾淨，它只是在用水柱貫穿我。

Now, here's the gross part.

現在來到了噁心的部分。

I turn the bidet off and I'm like well, okay, I guess I just got shot in the beep with some water.

我把噴水裝置關掉，覺得嗯，好吧，我猜我的屁*剛剛被射進一點水。

I guess that was supposed to be relaxing.

我猜那原本應該是會滿紓壓的。

Huh, I guess I have to poop now.

嘖嘖，我猜我現在要大便了。

But of course, I had to poop because I essentially had a water balloon in my beep hole.

我當然得要大便，因為基本上我的屁（消聲）裡面就像有個水球。

So, I start pooping,

所以我開始大便了，

and it's just a waterfall,

而且就像洩洪一樣。

just water, just comes out of my butt and then poop follows it.

只有水源源不絕的從我的屁股跑出來，然後接著跑出來的是便便。

It's not really diarrhea.

那不是真的拉肚子。

It's just like poop paste like, and it's like everywhere.

它就像無所不在的便便漿糊。

I feel clean.

好乾淨唷。

I feel refreshed.

我覺得很清爽。

And I don't even know what part of me isn't full of poop anymore.

我甚至搞不清楚我身體的哪一個部分沒有裝滿便便。

Overall, for me, I had a great time using the Future Toilet.

總而言之，對我來說用未來馬桶是個不錯的體驗。

I felt alone and with a machine.

我覺得很孤獨無助，只有一個機器陪伴我。

Oddly, slightly aroused, and I don't know if that's a bidet feature but that's just what was going on!

匪夷所思的是我竟然有點「反應」了，我不知道這是不是噴水功能的特色，但就是這麼一回事！

I'm like, I've got to go.

我想著我該走了。

I don't even know what just happened, and I feel violated.

我甚至不知道剛剛發生了什麼。而且我覺得被侵犯了。

It was a great experience.

這是很棒的經驗。

I think if I had the option I would use it all the time.

如果可以選擇的話，我會一直使用它。

It's like traumatizing to me, but Keith thinks it's really funny, so he set up lights and a background for us to talk to a camera about this story.

對我來說是個精神創傷，但是基斯覺得很好玩， 所以他架好燈光和背景，讓我們在鏡頭前談談這個故事。

And it's really just about how terrible my experience was.

而這真的是在訴說我超悲慘的經歷。

I don't really want this to go on the internet.

我真的不想要這個出現在網路上。

I've like lost track of what is and what isn't private anymore.

我已經忘了到底什麼是隱私，什麼不是了。

I work at BuzzFeed.

我在 BuzzFeed 工作。

That's perfect, that's great. I've got it.

完美，太棒了，我拍好了。