Obviously, that's changed,

顯然情況已經改變了，

but only recently.

但那只是最近的事。

It was several months ago

幾個月前，

that I gave my very first major public talk

我首次發表大型公開演說，

at the Forbes 30 Under 30 summit:

那是在「富比世 30 青年」高峰會上：

1,500 brilliant people, all under the age of 30.

1,500 位全是 30 歲以下的聰明人。

That meant that in 1998,

這意謂著在 1998 年，

the oldest among the group were only 14,

這群人之中最年長的只有 14 歲，

and the youngest, just four.

而最年輕的只有 4 歲。

I joked with them that some might only have heard of me

我和他們開玩笑說，

from rap songs.

有些人應該只有在饒舌歌裡 聽過我的名字。

Yes, I'm in rap songs.

是的，我在饒舌歌裡出現。

Almost 40 rap songs. (Laughter)

將近 40 首饒舌歌。（笑聲）

But the night of my speech, a surprising thing happened.

不過我演講的那晚， 發生了令人驚訝的事。

At the age of 41, I was hit on by a 27-year-old guy.

41 歲的我 被 27 歲的小夥子搭訕了。

I know, right?

我知道，很驚人吧？

He was charming and I was flattered,

他很迷人，我也很開心，

and I declined.

但我婉拒了。

You know what his unsuccessful pickup line was?

你知道他的失敗搭訕台詞 是什麼嗎？

He could make me feel 22 again.

他可以讓我感覺回到 22 歲。

(Laughter) (Applause)

（笑聲）（掌聲）

I realized later that night, I'm probably the only person over 40

那個晚上我意識到 我可能是唯一年過 40，

who does not want to be 22 again.

卻不想再回到 22 歲的人。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

At the age of 22, I fell in love with my boss,

我 22 歲那年， 愛上了我的上司；

and at the age of 24,

24 歲的時候，

I learned the devastating consequences.

我嘗到了毀滅性的後果。

Can I see a show of hands of anyone here

在座有以下情況請舉手：

who didn't make a mistake or do something they regretted at 22?

有人 22 歲的時候從未犯錯， 或從未做過後悔的事嗎？

Yep. That's what I thought.

沒錯，和我想的一樣。

So like me, at 22, a few of you may have also taken wrong turns

就像我 22 歲的時候一樣，

and fallen in love with the wrong person,

你們之中有些人也做了錯誤的選擇，

maybe even your boss.

愛上錯的對象，

Unlike me, though, your boss

甚至可能是你的上司。

probably wasn't the president of the United States of America.

但是不像我，你的上司

Of course, life is full of surprises.

大概不會是美國總統。

Not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of my mistake,

當然，生活中處處都有驚喜。

and I regret that mistake deeply.

不會因為時間流逝 就沒人提起我犯的錯，

In 1998, after having been swept up into an improbable romance,

我對那個錯誤深感後悔。

I was then swept up into the eye of a political, legal and media maelstrom

1998 年，我被捲入一場 不太可能發生的愛情之後，

like we had never seen before.

我又被捲入政治、法律 和媒體漩渦的核心之中，

Remember, just a few years earlier,

就像我們從未見過似的。

news was consumed from just three places:

要記得，僅僅在那之前幾年，

reading a newspaper or magazine,

你只會從三個地方看到新聞：

listening to the radio,

讀報章雜誌、

or watching television.

聽廣播，

That was it.

或是看電視。

But that wasn't my fate.

這就是所有的方式了。

Instead, this scandal was brought to you

但我的命運不只是如此。

by the digital revolution.

相反地，這個醜聞透過數位革命

That meant we could access all the information we wanted,

傳遞給各位。

when we wanted it, anytime, anywhere,

這意謂著我們可以 獲取任何想要的訊息，

and when the story broke in January 1998,

只要我們想要了解的時候， 任何時間、任何地點都能看到。

it broke online.

因此當那個故事 在 1998 年一月披露的時候，

It was the first time the traditional news

就在網路上爆發了。

was usurped by the Internet for a major news story,

那是第一次傳統新聞

a click that reverberated around the world.

因為一則重要新聞故事 被網路篡位，

What that meant for me personally

一個點擊就能在世界各地造成迴響。

was that overnight I went from being a completely private figure

而這件事對於我個人的意義在於：

to a publicly humiliated one worldwide.

一夜之間我從一個普通人

I was patient zero of losing a personal reputation

成為一個被全世界公開羞辱的人。

on a global scale almost instantaneously.

我幾乎是轉眼間就成為在全世界

This rush to judgment, enabled by technology,

失去個人名譽的頭號病人。

led to mobs of virtual stone-throwers.

這種透過科技的批判浪潮，

Granted, it was before social media,

帶來了一大夥虛擬的批判暴民。

but people could still comment online,

就算這件事是在社群媒體出現之前，

email stories, and, of course, email cruel jokes.

但是人人都可以在網路上評論，

News sources plastered photos of me all over

透過電子郵件寄送故事，當然還有，

to sell newspapers, banner ads online,

透過電子郵件寄送殘忍笑話。

and to keep people tuned to the TV.

新聞消息來源到處張貼我的照片，

Do you recall a particular image of me,

賣給報紙、網路上的小廣告，

say, wearing a beret?

讓大家繼續看電視。

Now, I admit I made mistakes,

你有沒有想起我的某一張照片，

especially wearing that beret.

比如說，戴著貝雷帽那張？

But the attention and judgment that I received, not the story,

現在，我承認我犯過的錯誤，

but that I personally received, was unprecedented.

尤其是戴著那頂貝雷帽。

I was branded as a tramp,

但是那些針對我的關注和批評， 不是針對故事，

tart, slut, whore, bimbo,

而是針對於我個人的關注和批評 史無前例。

and, of course, that woman.

我被貼上淫婦、

I was seen by many

妓女、蕩婦、娼妓、笨女人的標籤，

but actually known by few.

當然還有「那個女人」。

And I get it: it was easy to forget

很多人見過我，

that that woman was dimensional,

但是只有少數人認識我。

had a soul, and was once unbroken.

然而我知道：大家很容易忘記

When this happened to me 17 years ago, there was no name for it.

那個女人曾有軀體、

Now we call it cyberbullying and online harassment.

有靈魂，而且曾完整無缺。

Today, I want to share some of my experience with you,

這件事 17 年前發生在我身上的時候， 還沒有專有名詞形容它。

talk about how that experience has helped shape my cultural observations,

現在我們稱為 網路霸凌或者網路騷擾。

and how I hope my past experience can lead to a change that results

今天，我想和大家分享一些我的經歷，

in less suffering for others.

說說那個經歷如何幫我 塑造我的文化觀察，

In 1998, I lost my reputation and my dignity.

還有我多麼希望 過去的經歷能帶來改變，

I lost almost everything,

讓更少人遭受苦難。

and I almost lost my life.

1998 年，我失去了 我的名譽和尊嚴。

Let me paint a picture for you.

我幾乎失去一切，

It is September of 1998.

也幾乎失去了我的生活。

I'm sitting in a windowless office room

讓我為各位描繪一幅圖像。

inside the Office of the Independent Counsel

那是在 1998 年九月，

underneath humming fluorescent lights.

我坐在一間沒有窗戶的辦公室裡，

I'm listening to the sound of my voice,

位在獨立檢察官的辦公室內，

my voice on surreptitiously taped phone calls

頭頂上的日光燈嗡嗡作響。

that a supposed friend had made the year before.

我聽著自己的聲音，

I'm here because I've been legally required

我在秘密錄音電話裡的聲音，

to personally authenticate all 20 hours of taped conversation.

那是原以為是朋友的人 在前一年錄的音。

For the past eight months, the mysterious content of these tapes

我在這裡是因為法令上要求

has hung like the Sword of Damocles over my head.

我要親自證明這 20 小時 錄音對話的真實性。

I mean, who can remember what they said a year ago?

在那過去八個月，這些神秘的錄音內容

Scared and mortified, I listen,

像一把達摩克利斯之劍 懸在我的頭上。

listen as I prattle on about the flotsam and jetsam of the day;

我是說，誰記得他們一年前說了什麼？

listen as I confess my love for the president,

我窘迫且驚恐地聽著，

and, of course, my heartbreak;

聽著我聊一天中的雜事；

listen to my sometimes catty, sometimes churlish, sometimes silly self

聽著我承認對總統的愛，

being cruel, unforgiving, uncouth;

當然還有，我的傷心事；

listen, deeply, deeply ashamed,

聽著我有時狡詐、有時無禮、 有時很愚蠢的自己，

to the worst version of myself,

變得冷酷、無情、粗魯；

a self I don't even recognize.

聽著，感到深深、深深地慚愧，

A few days later, the Starr Report is released to Congress,

對於我最差的一面，

and all of those tapes and transcripts, those stolen words, form a part of it.

那個連我自己都認不出的自己。

That people can read the transcripts is horrific enough,

幾天之後，史塔報告送進國會，

but a few weeks later,

還有所有的錄音帶和抄本， 那些偷來的文字成了其中一部分。

the audio tapes are aired on TV,

那些人們可以閱讀的抄本 已經夠恐怖了，

and significant portions made available online.

但是幾週之後，

The public humiliation was excruciating.

錄音帶在電視上播出，

Life was almost unbearable.

而且重要的部分還被放在網路上。

This was not something that happened with regularity back then in 1998,

公開羞辱讓人非常痛苦，

and by this, I mean the stealing of people's private words, actions,

生活幾乎讓人難以承受。

conversations or photos,

這在 1998 年的時候 可不是一件尋常的事情，

and then making them public --

透過這點，我是指 竊取人們的私人言論、行動、

public without consent,

對話或圖片，

public without context,

然後公開一切——

and public without compassion.

未經同意就公開，

Fast forward 12 years to 2010,

沒有交代來龍去脈就公開，

and now social media has been born.

而且毫不留情地公開。

The landscape has sadly become much more populated with instances like mine,

時間快轉 12 年到 2010 年，

whether or not someone actually make a mistake,

現在社群媒體誕生了。

and now it's for both public and private people.

到處都可悲地充斥著 和我一樣的例子，

The consequences for some have become dire, very dire.

不管這個人是不是真的犯了錯，

I was on the phone with my mom

而且現在這是公眾人物 和一般平民都會有的遭遇。

in September of 2010,

結果對一些人來說 變得殘忍，非常殘忍。

and we were talking about the news

有天我和母親通電話，

of a young college freshman from Rutgers University

那是在 2010 年九月的時候，

named Tyler Clementi.

當時我們在討論

Sweet, sensitive, creative Tyler

關於羅格斯大學一位新生的新聞，

was secretly webcammed by his roommate

他的名叫泰勒．克里蒙提。

while being intimate with another man.

親切、感性、有創造力的泰勒

When the online world learned of this incident,

曾被室友用網路攝影機偷拍，

the ridicule and cyberbullying ignited.

當時他和男生正在親密互動。

A few days later,

當網路世界知道了這個事件，

Tyler jumped from the George Washington Bridge

嘲笑與網路霸凌一觸即發。

to his death.

幾天後，

He was 18.

泰勒從喬治華盛頓大橋跳下，

My mom was beside herself about what happened to Tyler and his family,

因此喪命。

and she was gutted with pain

他當時才 18 歲。

in a way that I just couldn't quite understand,

我的母親對泰勒 和他家人的經歷非常驚訝，

and then eventually I realized

她既傷痛又震驚，

she was reliving 1998,

用一種我無法理解的方式悲慟，

reliving a time when she sat by my bed every night,

最後我才終於意識到

reliving a time when she made me shower with the bathroom door open,

她再次經歷了 1998 年，

and reliving a time when both of my parents feared

再次經歷她每夜 坐在我床邊的那個時候，

that I would be humiliated to death,

再次經歷她讓我 開著浴室門洗澡的那個時候，

literally.

再次經歷我的父母都很害怕

Today, too many parents

我可能因為羞辱而死的那個時候，

haven't had the chance to step in and rescue their loved ones.

真的是這樣。

Too many have learned of their child's suffering and humiliation

如今，太多的家長

after it was too late.

沒有機會介入或營救自己的摯愛。

Tyler's tragic, senseless death was a turning point for me.

很多家長知道孩子 感到痛苦和羞辱的時候

It served to recontextualize my experiences,

都已經太遲了。