Did you see that?

你看到了嗎？

I mean, so Nicole Kidman--

我的意思是，所以妮可基德曼 -

turns out she thought she was going on a date with you.

原來她以為她要和你約會。

- [laughs] Yeah, no.

- [笑]是的，沒有。

This is honestly another thing--

老實說，這是另一件事 --

I--I'm really embarrassed about this.

我--我'真的很尷尬。

So--but this is like therapy, so this is--feels good.

所以... ... 但這就像治療，所以這是... ... 感覺很好。

I can talk to you guys about this.

我可以和你們談談這個問題。

- Good.

- 很好啊

- I had Nicole Kidman--

- 我有妮可-基德曼 --

my friend called me and said, "Dude, what are you doing?"

我的朋友打電話給我，說，"哥們，你在做什麼&quot。

I go, "I'm walking home." - How long ago was this?

我走了，"我'走在回家的路上"-這是多久以前的事了？

Before you were married, obviously.

顯然，在你結婚之前。

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was 2002, I'm gonna say?

- 哦，是啊，是啊，是啊。這是2002年的事，我&#39；要說？

Right before I met my wife in 2004.

就在我2004年認識我妻子之前。

So, 2002, I'm single,

所以，2002年，我'單身。

but I don't think about this remotely as my chances of date--

但我不認為這是遠程 作為我的機會約會 -

so I think she was named "Most Beautiful Person" that year.

所以我覺得她當年被評為"最美人物"。

So this is beyond my-- so, anyway,

所以這超出了我的... ... 所以，不管怎麼說。

my friend called and says, "I have Nicole Kidman with me.

我的朋友打電話說，"我有妮可-基德曼與我。

She wants to meet you, and I think it's about a movie."

她想見見你，我想這是關於一部電影的.&quot。

"Bewitched," she was about to make.

"迷惑，"她正要使。

And I go, "Oh, yeah."

我走了，"哦，是的&quot。

Well, she ended up making it with Will Ferrell,

好吧，她最後還是和威爾-法瑞爾做了。

and it was great and whatever.

它是偉大的，什麼的。

So I go, "Okay, great.

所以我走了，"好的，很好。

Well, where do you want to meet?"

那麼，你想在哪裡見面呢？&quot。

He goes, "We'll come to your apartment."

他走了，"我們'會來你的公寓。

I go, "Oh, my God, you're gonna bring

我走了，"哦，我的上帝，你'要帶。

Nicole Kidman to my apartment?"

妮可-基德曼到我的公寓來？

Like, this is--

就像，這是 -

"Uh, okay, uh, what do I--what do I put out?

"呃，好吧，呃，我--------我放什麼？

I don't know what to do."

我不知道該怎麼辦.&quot。

So my friend goes, "Go get some cheese and crackers."

所以我的朋友就說，"去買點奶酪和餅乾吧&quot。

I go, "Cheese and crackers?"

我去，"奶酪和餅乾嗎&quot。

I mean, like, I'm seriously living the bachelor life.

我的意思是，像，我'認真生活的單身漢生活。

I have sneakers and video games all over my house.

我家裡到處都是運動鞋和電子遊戲。

I don't know what's going on, so I go,

我不知道發生了什麼'，所以我走了。

"What--what kind of cheese?"

什麼--什麼樣的奶酪？

I'm walking into a deli.

我正在走進一家熟食店。

He goes, "Some Brie or something."

他去，"一些布里什麼的&quot。

I go, "What is Brie cheese?

我去，"布里奶酪是什麼？

I don't even know what that is."

我甚至不知道那是什麼.&quot。

So I go-- he goes, "I got to go."

所以我去 -- 他去，"我得走了&quot。

So I'm going, and I go, "Do you have Brie cheese?"

所以我'要去，我去，"你有布里奶酪？

I really don't know what it is.

我真的不知道這是什麼。

So I get a thing of-- I go to this aisle,

所以，我得到的東西 - 我去這個過道。

I get Brie cheese and saltine crackers, and--

我有布里奶酪和鹹餅乾，還有...

[laughter]

[笑聲]

And I go, and I--

我去，我 --

I don't know anything about cheese and crackers.

我對奶酪和餅乾一竅不通。

I don't even have a cracker plate.

我連個餅乾盤都沒有。

So I put the cheese on a normal dinner plate,

所以我把奶酪放在一個普通的餐盤裡。

and I had the saltines, but I-- I'll never forget this--

我吃了鹹菜，但我... ... 我永遠不會忘記... ...

- Saltines.

- 鹹魚片。

- I peeled it back almost like a disco '70s shirt

- 我把它剝開，幾乎像一個迪斯科'70年代的襯衫。

where you just-- I peeled it back

你剛剛... ... 我把它剝開了。

so it was kind of a little showy,

所以這是一種有點炫耀。

a little glamorous, and like--

有點迷人的，並喜歡 -

- It was still in the sleeve? - Yeah, yeah.

- 它還在袖子裡？- 是的，是的。

Still in the sleeve. [both laugh]

還在袖子裡。[都笑了]

And I feathered out the crackers so it was classy.

而且我把餅乾的羽毛化了，所以很有格調。

And-- and I totally remember this.

而且... ... 我完全記得這個。

And so Nicole Kidman's coming on my show,

所以妮可-基德曼'來我的節目。

and I called my friend, and I go,

我打電話給我的朋友，我去。

"Dude, Nicole Kidman's coming on.

"哥們，妮可-基德曼'來了。

"You remember when you brought her to my house,

"你還記得你帶她來我家的時候。

and I was so embarrassed, and I had"--

我是如此尷尬，我有"--。

And he goes--he goes, "Yeah, yeah.

他去 - 他去，"是啊，是啊。

That'll be fun. Tell her I said hi."

那會很有趣。替我向她問好。

I go, "Great." She's so nice.

我走了，"太好了"她'真好。

Comes on, I'm telling this story

來吧，我告訴這個故事。

just like this, and she goes,

就這樣，她走了。

"The reason why I was there wasn't because

我在那裡的原因不是因為'。

I wanted you for the movie."

我想讓你去拍電影&quot。

I go, "Huh?"

我去，嗯？

She goes, "No, I liked you," or something.

她走了，"不，我喜歡你，"或者別的什麼。

And I was like, "Wait, what happened?

我當時想，"等等，發生了什麼？

Wait, wait, wait." [laughter]

等一下，等一下，等一下"[笑]。

"Wait, did I-- are you saying that we--

等等，我... 你是說我們...

we basically-- we went on a date?"

我們基本上... 我們去約會了？

And then she goes, "Yeah, it was terrible."

然後她就說，"是啊，太可怕了&quot。

[laughter] And I go, "Oh, my gosh."

[笑]我走了，"哦，我的天哪&quot。

And so I'm starting to get red,

所以我'開始紅了。

because I was ready to tell my embarrassing story,

因為我已經準備好講述我的糗事了。

but then it got a little bit too real.

但後來，它得到了一個有點太真實。

She's like, "Then you started playing video games."

她'的樣子，"然後你就開始玩電子遊戲了&quot。

And so I go, "All right, now--

於是我走了，"好吧，現在--。

now you're getting a little bit too close to the bone."

現在你'有點太接近骨頭了.&quot。

Like, now it's like--yeah. But it all worked out.

就像，現在它就像... ... 是啊。但是，這一切工作了。

She's obviously happy with Keith Urban,

她'顯然對凱斯-厄本很滿意。

and I'm lucky-- I lucked out.

而我'很幸運--我很幸運。

I have the best wife in the whole wide world.

我有世界上最好的妻子。

I love her.

我愛她