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  • When I was young, I prided myself as a nonconformist

    我年紀尚小時,常為自己 從不墨守成規而感到驕傲。

  • in the conservative U.S. state I live in, Kansas.

    那時的我生活在 保守的美國堪薩斯州。

  • I didn't follow along with the crowd.

    我並沒有追隨潮流。

  • I wasn't afraid to try weird clothing trends or hairstyles.

    勇於嘗試各種奇裝異服或怪異髮型,

  • I was outspoken and extremely social.

    也常常直言不諱,熱衷於社交。

  • Even these pictures and postcards of my London semester abroad 16 years ago

    這些照片是16年前我去倫敦交換 那個學期拍攝的照片和明信片,

  • show that I obviously didn't care if I was perceived as weird or different.

    從中也可以看出我並不在乎 別人是否認為我怪異或另類。

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • But that same year I was in London, 16 years ago,

    但就在 16 年前, 我在倫敦的那一年,

  • I realized something about myself that actually was somewhat unique,

    我意識到自己身上有些特別之處,

  • and that changed everything.

    而那從此改變了一切。

  • I became the opposite of who I thought I once was.

    我竟變得和從前的自己判若兩人。

  • I stayed in my room instead of socializing.

    我整天待在房間裡,不再出去社交。

  • I stopped engaging in clubs and leadership activities.

    我不再參與俱樂部和 領導者培訓活動。

  • I didn't want to stand out in the crowd anymore.

    我再也不想在眾人面前特立獨行了。

  • I told myself it was because I was growing up and maturing,

    我告訴自己,那是因為我在長大, 在變得更加成熟,

  • not that I was suddenly looking for acceptance.

    而並非因為我突然想要 尋求他人的接受。

  • I had always assumed I was immune to needing acceptance.

    我之前一直假定自己不需要被接受。

  • After all, I was a bit unconventional.

    畢竟我還是挺脫俗的。

  • But I realize now

    可如今的我意識到,

  • that the moment I realized something was different about me

    我發覺自己有些特立獨行的那一刻,

  • was the exact same moment that I began conforming and hiding.

    正是我開始循規蹈矩、 隱藏自我的那一刻。

  • Hiding is a progressive habit,

    隱藏是一種漸進的習慣,

  • and once you start hiding,

    一旦你開始隱藏自己,

  • it becomes harder and harder to step forward and speak out.

    重新站出來展現自我、表達自我 就會變得越來越艱難。

  • In fact, even now,

    事實上,即使是現在,

  • when I was talking to people about what this talk was about,

    當我跟別人探討這次演講的內容,

  • I made up a cover story

    我仍會編造出一個假故事來,

  • and I even hid the truth about my TED Talk.

    而我甚至還隱瞞了 要在 TED 演講的真相。

  • So it is fitting and scary

    因此這次機會既合時宜, 又令我感到害怕,

  • that I have returned to this city 16 years later

    我在十六年後重新回到這個城市,

  • and I have chosen this stage to finally stop hiding.

    並選擇在這個舞台上, 為隱藏自我劃下句點。

  • What have I been hiding for 16 years?

    16 年來我都在隱藏什麼呢?

  • I am a lesbian.

    我是一個女同性戀。

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

  • Thank you.

    謝謝。

  • I've struggled to say those words,

    一直以來我掙扎著將這幾個字說出口,

  • because I didn't want to be defined by them.

    因為我不想就此被它們定義。

  • Every time I would think about coming out in the past,

    過去每當我想要出櫃時,

  • I would think to myself, but I just want to be known as Morgana,

    我都會暗想,我只想做我自己,

  • uniquely Morgana,

    那個獨一無二的莫甘娜,

  • but not "my lesbian friend Morgana," or "my gay coworker Morgana."

    而不是「我的同性戀朋友莫甘娜」, 或者「我的同性戀同事莫甘娜」。

  • Just Morgana.

    我就是我,莫甘娜。

  • For those of you from large metropolitan areas,

    對於在座來自大都市的各位來說,

  • this may not seem like a big deal to you.

    這個問題或許根本不值一提。

  • It may seem strange that I have suppressed the truth

    或許這看起來甚是奇怪, 我竟然將這個真相

  • and hidden this for so long.

    壓抑、隱藏了如此之久。

  • But I was paralyzed by my fear of not being accepted.

    但我被那份不被人接受 的恐懼降服了。

  • And I'm not alone, of course.

    當然,有相同感受的並非我一人。

  • A 2013 Deloitte study found that a surprisingly large number of people

    2013 年德勤的一項研究發現, 有相當多的人,多到令人驚訝,

  • hide aspects of their identity.

    都在自己的身份方面有所隱藏。

  • Of all the employees they surveyed,

    在這項研究調查的所有僱員中,

  • 61 percent reported changing an aspect of their behavior or their appearance

    有 61% 的人表明他們曾改變 自己某一方面的行為或外表,

  • in order to fit in at work.

    以適應工作環境。

  • Of all the gay, lesbian and bisexual employees,

    在所有同性戀和雙性戀僱員中,

  • 83 percent admitted to changing some aspects of themselves

    83% 的人承認自己 有過某些方面的改變,

  • so they would not appear at work "too gay."

    以在工作場合表現得 「不那麼同性戀」。

  • The study found that even in companies

    研究還發現,甚至在那些

  • with diversity policies and inclusion programs,

    有多元化政策和融合性計劃的公司中,

  • employees struggle to be themselves at work

    僱員們仍然難以在工作場合做自己,

  • because they believe conformity is critical

    因為他們相信,順從和一致性

  • to their long-term career advancement.

    對於他們長期的職業發展來說 是至關重要的。

  • And while I was surprised that so many people just like me

    儘管我驚訝於這麼多像我一樣的人

  • waste so much energy trying to hide themselves,

    都浪費了這麼多精力 去試圖隱藏自己,

  • I was scared when I discovered that my silence

    但我還是恐懼的發現,我的沉默

  • has life-or-death consequences and long-term social repercussions.

    有著生死攸關的後果 和長期的社會影響。

  • Twelve years:

    十二年:

  • the length by which life expectancy is shortened

    壽命預期將會縮短十二年,

  • for gay, lesbian and bisexual people in highly anti-gay communities

    如果你把那些生活在 極端反同性戀和雙性戀的社區

  • compared to accepting communities.

    和相對接納同性戀的社區 相比較的話。

  • Twelve years reduced life expectancy.

    壽命預期縮短了整整十二年。

  • When I read that in The Advocate magazine this year,

    今年,當我在同性戀雜誌“Advocate”上 讀到這一條內容時,

  • I realized I could no longer afford to keep silent.

    我意識到自己再也不能 繼續沉默下去了。

  • The effects of personal stress and social stigmas are a deadly combination.

    個人壓力和社會歧視的結合 會產生致命的結果。

  • The study found that gays in anti-gay communities

    研究發現,那些生活在 反同性戀社區

  • had higher rates of heart disease, violence and suicide.

    更有可能會出現心臟疾病、 暴力和自殺。

  • What I once thought was simply a personal matter

    我之前一直以為這是個私人問題,

  • I realized had a ripple effect

    可如今卻意識到它有漣漪效應,

  • that went into the workplace and out into the community

    影響著工作場合和延伸至社區,

  • for every story just like mine.

    就像每一個與我類似的故事一樣。

  • My choice to hide and not share who I really am

    我選擇了隱藏自己, 不去分享真實的自我,

  • may have inadvertently contributed to this exact same environment

    但這或許在無意間助長了相同的環境

  • and atmosphere of discrimination.

    以及歧視的氛圍。

  • I'd always told myself there's no reason to share that I was gay,

    我曾一直告訴自己, 沒有什麼理由告訴別人我是同性戀,

  • but the idea that my silence has social consequences

    但我的沉默有著社會影響的這一想法

  • was really driven home this year when I missed an opportunity

    直到今年才閃入我的腦海, 我一直以來都錯過了

  • to change the atmosphere of discrimination in my own home state of Kansas.

    在家鄉堪薩斯州 改變歧視氛圍的一個機會。

  • In February, the Kansas House of Representatives brought up a bill for vote

    在二月,堪薩斯州眾議院 提出一項法案待表決,

  • that would have essentially allowed businesses

    那將在原則上容許企業

  • to use religious freedom as a reason to deny gays services.

    以宗教自由為理由, 拒絕為同性戀者提供服務。

  • A former coworker and friend of mine

    我的一個舊同事兼好友的父親

  • has a father who serves in the Kansas House of Representatives.

    在堪薩斯州的眾議院任職。

  • He voted in favor of the bill,

    他對這項法案投了贊成票,

  • in favor of a law that would allow businesses to not serve me.

    支持了這項容許企業 拒絕為我提供服務的法案。

  • How does my friend feel

    而我的朋友對於同性戀、雙性戀、 變性人、酷兒和對身份困惑的人

  • about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people?

    是如何看待的呢?

  • How does her father feel?

    她的父親對這些人又是如何看待的呢?

  • I don't know, because I was never honest with them about who I am.

    我不知道,因為我從未誠實地 向他們坦白我是同性戀這一事實。

  • And that shakes me to the core.

    而那讓我內心十分震撼。

  • What if I had told her my story years ago?

    如果我多年前就把真相告訴她, 事情會怎麼樣呢?

  • Could she have told her father my experience?

    她會將我的經歷告訴她的父親嗎?

  • Could I have ultimately helped change his vote?

    我會最終改變他投下的那一票嗎?

  • I will never know,

    我永遠都不會知道了,

  • and that made me realize I had done nothing

    而那令我意識到, 自己沒有做出任何努力

  • to try to make a difference.

    去試著帶來改變。

  • How ironic that I work in human resources,

    多麼諷刺啊,我在人力資源部工作,

  • a profession that works to welcome,

    這是一項致力於歡迎、

  • connect and encourage the development of employees,

    聯繫並鼓勵僱員發展的職位,

  • a profession that advocates that the diversity of society

    一項倡導應當在工作場合

  • should be reflected in the workplace,

    反映出社會多元化的職位,

  • and yet I have done nothing to advocate for diversity.

    然而我沒有為倡導多元化 出任何一份力。

  • When I came to this company one year ago,

    當我一年前來到這家公司時,

  • I thought to myself, this company has anti-discrimination policies

    我暗想,這家公司有反歧視政策,

  • that protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

    會保護同性戀、雙性戀和變性人。

  • Their commitment to diversity is evident through their global inclusion programs.

    他們對多元化的承諾已經在 全球兼容並包項目中得到展現。

  • When I walk through the doors of this company, I will finally come out.

    當我走進這家公司的門時, 我終於就可以出櫃了。

  • But I didn't.

    可我並沒有。

  • Instead of taking advantage of the opportunity,

    我並沒有好好利用這個機會,

  • I did nothing.

    什麼都沒做。

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

  • When I was looking through my London journal and scrapbook

    當我翻看 16 年前 在倫敦那個學期的

  • from my London semester abroad 16 years ago,

    倫敦日誌和剪貼簿時,

  • I came across this modified quote from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise."

    偶然發現一句來自托尼•莫里森的書 「天堂」中的句子。

  • "There are more scary things inside than outside."

    「源自內心的恐懼比外界更多。」

  • And then I wrote a note to myself at the bottom:

    然後我在頁尾給自己寫下了:

  • "Remember this."

    「記住這句話。」

  • I'm sure I was trying to encourage myself to get out and explore London,

    我確定當時是在為自己加油鼓勵, 要出去走走,探索倫敦,

  • but the message I missed was the need to start exploring and embracing myself.

    但是我卻忽略了開始探索自己、 悅納自己的需求。

  • What I didn't realize until all these years later

    這麼多年後我才意識到的是

  • is that the biggest obstacles I will ever have to overcome

    我需要跨越的最大障礙

  • are my own fears and insecurities.

    永遠是我自己的恐懼和不安。

  • I believe that by facing my fears inside, I will be able to change reality outside.

    我相信,直接面對自己內心的恐懼, 我將能夠改變外在現實。

  • I made a choice today

    今天,我做出決定,

  • to reveal a part of myself that I have hidden for too long.

    要揭露隱藏了太久太久 的一部份自己。

  • I hope that this means I will never hide again,

    我希望這意味著我 不會再次隱藏自己,

  • and I hope that by coming out today, I can do something to change the data

    我也希望透過今天在這裡出櫃,我能夠 為改變那些駭人數據而做出點事情,

  • and also to help others who feel different be more themselves and more fulfilled

    並幫助其他覺得自己與衆不同的人 更加做自己,

  • in both their professional and personal lives.

    並在職場和生活中獲得更多滿足。

  • Thank you.

    謝謝大家。

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

When I was young, I prided myself as a nonconformist

我年紀尚小時,常為自己 從不墨守成規而感到驕傲。

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B1 中級 中文 美國腔 TED 同性戀 隱藏 堪薩斯州 雙性戀 倫敦

【TED】莫甘娜•柏麗: 隱藏真實自我的危險 (The danger of hiding who you are | Morgana Bailey)

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    CUChou 發佈於 2015 年 05 月 03 日
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