[audience cheers]

〔觀眾歡呼聲〕

Who's ready to mingle in here?

這邊有誰準備好要和新對象交往了？

[audience cheers]

〔觀眾歡呼聲〕

Less than the people that were single.

好像比單身的人還少

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

That's not even—but anyway.

似乎不太平均－－但反正

Look around, find each other,

看看你們的四周、找到彼此

and then get together after the show.

然後在秀結束之後在一起吧

Good luck. [laughter]

祝你們好運〔笑聲〕

You're welcome.

不客氣

It's not easy to find love, and that's why,

要找到真愛不容易，也因此

whenever I hear about a new dating site,

每當我聽聞一個新的約會網站

I like to share it with you to help you out.

我就想著要分享網站幫助你們

It seems like nowadays there's a site for everyone.

眼下每個人似乎都找得到適合自己的網站

I mean, they're so individualized now.

我的意思是，這些網站都很有個性

This one right here I found is called Cougar Life.

這個網站叫做「美洲獅的生活」

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

In case you don't know, a cougar

以防你們不知道我在說什麼，美洲獅

is a woman who wants to date a much younger man.

就是喜歡幼齒男性的熟女

Of course, there is also a name

同樣的，也有個名詞

for men who want to date much younger women.

用來形容喜歡幼齒女性的熟男

They're called men.

叫做男人

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

She's— [cheers and applause]

她是... 〔掌聲及歡呼聲〕

Yeah. That's right.

是的，就是這樣

[chuckles]

〔咯咯笑〕

It took you a minute.

你們大概花了一分鐘

You're like, "Yes, that is right, Ellen."

才反應過來「是的艾倫，就是這樣」

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

She's holding a pie because, of course,

她拿著一塊派，顯然的

that's how you attract younger men.

那是吸引年輕男性的方式

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

It's the pie they're after.

他們所追求的是派

Here's a site, and it's called Love Horse.

這邊有另一個網站，叫做「愛馬」

And it's a dating site.

然後它是一個約會網站

It says, "Dating for horse and country lovers."

上面寫「遇見愛馬的鄉村戀人」

And the way it works is, if you like someone,

它運作的方式是，如果你喜歡一個人

you click "yes," and if you're not interested,

你就點選「是」，如果你不喜歡

you click "nay."

你就點選「否」（nay「否」與 neigh「馬叫聲」讀音相同）

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

Thank you.

謝謝

[applause] Thank you.

〔掌聲〕謝謝

Thanks so much.

感謝大家

It's a great place to find a "stable" partner.

這網站同時也很適合找到「穩定」的另一半（stable同時有「馬廄」的意思）

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

I'm done. I'm done.

我講完了、我講完了

This next one was started by someone who wasn't having

下一個網站的設立者

a lot of luck with online dating so he made his own site,

因為線上約會不太順利，所以就設立了自己的網站

and it is called datebrandonscottwolf.com.

叫做「與布萊登‧史考特‧沃夫約會.com」

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

So it says, "The number one online dating site

上面寫「與布萊登‧史考特‧沃夫

for Brandon Scott Wolf."

線上約會的第一平台」

So if you're looking for Brandon Scott Wolf,

所以如果你在找布萊登‧史考特‧沃夫

look no further.

別辛苦了

He's right there.

他就在這

This is definitely the best place

這絕對是要與布萊登‧史考特‧沃夫

to meet Brandon Scott Wolf.

約會的首選平台

Here's one, and this is called Dating for Hippies.

另一個網頁則是叫做「嬉皮士的約會」

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

It says, "Meet 'free-spirited' singles near you."

上面說「與附近自由奔放的單身相遇」

And I believe "free-spirited" is code for "does not shower."

我想「自由奔放」的意思大概就是像「竹林七賢」一樣不喜歡洗澡的人吧

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

Look at them—the way they're kissing.

你看看他們－－他們在接吻

I don't know what that—what's happening.

我不知道他們... 發生什麼事

It's not really kissing.

他們並沒有真的在接吻

It's more like he's like, "What's that smell?

比較像是男生在說「那是什麼味道？

Is that you?" [laughter]

是你嗎？」〔笑聲〕

"Is that me? Who is it?

「是我嗎？是誰？

It's one of us. Who smells like that?"

應該是我們其中一人，但這是誰的味道？」

She's like, "I don't know. It's someone."

而她感覺在說「我不知道，大概是某個人吧」

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

They don't—they're just like—

他們不... 他們感覺像...

they think they're hugging a tree.

他們覺得自己在抱一棵樹

They're not supposed to kiss it. They just—

所以不應該親它，他們只是...

If you live in Colorado, you might want to

如果你住在科羅拉多，你可能會想要

check out Stoner Singles.

試試看「失神的單身者」（stoner有「吸毒者」的意思，而科羅拉多州為美國第一個大麻合法州）

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕

Yeah.

是的

[applause]

〔鼓掌〕

Yep.

好的

I'm confused by this.

這個網頁讓我有點疑惑

This site doesn't even look finished yet,

它甚至不像是一個完成的網頁

which makes sense, 'cause it's made...

但某種程度上蠻合理的，因為它是由

[laughter] By a stoner.

〔笑聲〕吸毒者製造的

Anyway, for all you singles out there,

不管怎樣，現場的單身們

I hope that helps, and for all you married people,

我希望這有幫助到你們；對於已婚的人們

I hope it makes you grateful that you're not single.

我希望這讓你們感激自己不是單身

[laughter]

〔笑聲〕