- On average, I would drink about four to five cups a day.

- I'm a true man of Dunkin' Donuts

who is the only winner right here.

- Dunkin' Donuts is my jam, okay?

Starbucks tastes like a homeless man's toe.

- Oh, this hot water sure is nice.

- Yeah, this is the worst, 7-Eleven.

- That is water that someone just like peed in or shit in.

- It's pee water.

- Watery to the point that I don't know if I'm here

at BuzzFeed or white water rafting.

- Nope, nope, see, you know, when you drink it,

OK, I like to imagine myself on a porch in Maine.

- The sun is rising.

- Sip it and if you feel good

- No - like with that picture.

No, you don't feel good.

- That is also non distinct.

- Yeah, I'm right back on that waterfall.

- Do you have cream with your coffee every morning?

Cause I'm wondering if this is just how coffee tastes

without cream and sugar in it.

Like water and dirt.

I like this one.

- Yeah, this one's nice.

- This is definitely sweeter, there's notes of vanilla.

- It's very woodsy.

- Yup.

- Woodsy and watery, a stream through a wood.

- I like it, it's smooth and it's delicious and it's rich.

- But it's not too much.

- Yeah.

- I hate when coffee just smacks you in the face.

- Don't like it.

- Oh, oh.

- Smack this, smack this,

literally what we were talking about.

- Oh man, I took too big of a gulp.

- Easy, I don't even need to drink it, it's Starbucks.

I don't even like Starbucks. - Yeah, that's Starbucks.

- Thank you.

- Oh, that already has a little more bite.

A little more.

- It's like the whiskey of coffee,

this is pretty strong.

- I think that is just hot whiskey.

I keep drinking it.

- I know, it's addictive.

- Oh, this is Dunkin'.

- Yeah?

- Smell it.

- It does smell like New England.

- Oh, this is Dunkin' Donuts.

- I know what New England smells like

because I was born in New England.

- How do I describe this?

Blah, blergh.

How do you describe something

so utterly boring and watered down?

- There's complexity.

- Yes.

- I think there's like total complexity in this little cup.

I guess if you do that it tastes good.

- Well, (beeping) they all suck.

This is really bad.

- I don't know, it's like in the middle.

It's like...

- It's like flat, like dark.

- Meh.

- You know, I mean...

- Meh, meh.

- This one's our favorite.

- Yeah, mutual.

- Yeah, go Starbucks, good job Starbucks.

That is so distinctly above every thing else

on this line up.

- Starbucks?

- Oh, my God, I am so against big business.

- We're basic!

- We're basic bitches.

- Cheers.

- [Voiceover] That's McDonald's.

- That's McDonald's?

Are you kidding me?

No way!

I feel like I've cheated on Dunkin' Donuts.

Damn you, McDonald's.

Is this Dunkin'?

This shitty thing is?

No, it's not, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

Wow.

- I just drooled.