- on the brand-new baby, and... - Thank you.

- Her name is Wyatt? - Wyatt Isabel, yeah.

- Wyatt Isabel. And how is she?

Is she a good baby, is she sleeping through the night?

- She's a really good baby.

She was 9 1/2 lbs. when she was born.

- Lord. - Yeah, yeah, uh huh.

Yep. - Did you get a really good

push gift for that?

- Yes, I did! - Oh, good.

- Yes, I did.

But because she was so big, she was a hearty little thing,

we skipped the newborn stage.

And so she was, like, a good hearty eater.

- You had clothes that people gave you--

- Yeah, never fit. - Yeah.

"Newborn"--never happened. Newborn diapers never happened,

and newborn clothes never happened.

- Wow. - Zero to three.

She's four months old and wears six month clothing, 6-9.

- Wow. - She's a big girl, y'all.

- Yeah. [laughter]

- Yep. - And she's--but she's--

She's mellow and good and all that stuff?

- Yeah. - Because Ashton said

that you're not--and I know this is--you know, a lot of people

don't have help, but you're in the position

where you could have help... - Mm-hmm.

- and you're choosing not to have help.

- Yeah. - Wow.

- I mean, still to this day? - No, listen--

[applause]

Yeah. Here's the thing.

When I go back to work full-time

and have to have 17-hour workdays,

I'm going to need somebody to come and help me,

because I can't do both,

but because I'm in a very specific place in my life

where I could take time off, I did.

And I don't think that everybody has that privilege.

I think people nowadays have to go back to work right away,

and I didn't, and so I took advantage of it.

Like, I love the fact that the first three months,

she and I were up every night, and I figured her out

and she figured me out.

She now sleeps in her own crib in her own room,

and I'll never have that time again.

And so for me, it was like a really nice three months.

- That's amazing. - Yeah.

- Though, I mean, I'll just say, if I had a baby,

I'd have, like, 15 people there. I would have--

[laughter]

- I'll come help you.

- Please. - I love it.

- Yeah, really? - Yeah, I really do.

- 'Cause it's a lot of--I mean, is there--what's surprising--

is there anything that's a surprise to you?

- Yeah, well, it's not so much surprising, I guess.

But um...so you think you know love--

and I know people say this all the time--

but the truest meaning of unconditional love is my child.

Like, I thought I loved Ashton. I thought I loved my parents,

my dogs. Like, I was like, "I know love."

It's such a different aspect of it.

It's not like it's greater or lesser,

it's just in a whole other field, and...

if she murdered somebody in cold blood, I would love her.

Like, I would be like, "That's okay."

[laughter] Like, she--

[stammering]

[laughs loudly]

But it's true. It's so weird,

but when she was born, I was like,

"This is the most incredible thing that's ever happened."

- And he must be just a great dad.

- Yeah, he is an amazing dad.

I wouldn't have done this by myself.

- Yeah. - He is 100% present.

He, you know-- he always said that--

I am breastfeeding, so I provide the food for the baby,

so his whole thing is changing diapers.

Like, he'll never be able to feed her, in the early stages.

Now he can, 'cause she's partially bottle fed.

But he--the second she was born, he changed the first diaper,

and has changed multiple diapers ever since.

Like, if he's home, he changes the diaper.

He became a master swaddler.

Like, he can swaddle anyone's baby.

Like, if your baby needs to be swaddled, he will do it.

- Call him? - Call him, he's a pro.

- Call Ashton. If your baby needs--

you've heard it here, just call Ashton.

- Call Ashton Kutcher. - He will swaddle your baby.

- Oh, there he is. Look at how happy we are.

Aw, look at us. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

[applause]

- The swaddler. - The swaddler!

- Swaddler.

Well, we'll have a phone number. If you get to our website,

we'll let you know how to get in touch with Ashton

if your baby needs to be swaddled.

And now, there's--there's something he posted.

It's my duty--I'm your friend, but it's my duty

as a talk show host to ask you the question if you're married,

because he posted this. - Yeah.

- So it means something, I would think.

- Well, you can ask that question.

It says "The Kutchers," so it sounds like you're married.

I'm gonna say yes. - [laughs] I don't know.

- I'm gonna say yes. - I don't know!

- Yes. - I don't know.

- We could just be a plural, like, you know, my daughter

has his last name, legally, so thus there's multiple Kutchers.

- Right. - He has a brother--

- Why would it be such a secret if you were married?

Why--are you still trying to stay on the market

for other men that think you're, like--

Like, if there are guys out there--and he's sexy, too--

I--It's--I see. It's a whole professional game.

- You got it figured out, Ellen. - I got it figured out.

- You got it, you're on it. - Yeah.

- But you're married. Okay, so--

[laughter]

Uh oh. Did you want to see more videos?

Hold on.

- What's happening in your mind right now, Sophia Grace?

Express everything you've ever thought!

- Pink!

[loud laughter] - Good girl, good girl!

[laughter]

She's thinking in color!