I'LL TELL YOU WHO DOESN'T: STUDENTS.

但有些人不盡然，例如：學生們

BECAUSE THEY GET STRESSED OUT. MIDTERMS ARE HAPPENING.

因為他們壓力很大，期中考要來了

SO YOU KNOW ME, I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP.

那你也知道，我總是樂於助人

I ASKED THEM IF THEY SEND ME THEIR HOMEWORK QUESTIONS,

我請他們把作業上遇到的疑難雜症傳給我

I'LL HELP 'EM 'CAUSE I HAVE A SEGMENT,

讓我來幫助他們，因為我有個單元，叫做

HOMEWORKER HELPERER.

寫作業小幫手

- [singing] A, B, C.

EASY AS ONE, TWO, THREE.

AS SIMPLE AS DO, RE, MI.

A, B, C.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

BABY, YOU AND ME, GIRL.

EASY AS ONE, TWO, THREE.

AS SIMPLE AS DO, RE, MI.

- NO, NO TIME.

不，沒有時間

NO TIME FOR FUN. RECESS IS OVER.

沒有時間玩樂了。休息時間結束

HERE IS THE FIRST QUESTION I RECEIVED.

這是我收到的第一個問題

THIS IS FROM JARED ALTMARK FROM MARGATE, FLORIDA.

來自馬蓋特佛羅里達的 Jared Altmark

HE SAYS, "HI, ELLEN, THIS WEEK WE HAD TO PICK A TOPIC

他說「嗨艾倫，這週我們要選一個主題

"FOR A RESEARCH PAPER

寫研究論文」

"WITH THE THEME 'LEADERSHIP AND LEGACY.'

「主題要與『領導與傳奇』相關」

"YOU WERE MY FIRST CHOICE,

「你是我的第一選擇

"BUT AS SOON AS I SAID YOUR NAME,

但當我說出你的名字時

"MY ENGLISH TEACHER SAID, 'NOT RELEVANT.'

我的英文老師馬上說『與主題無關』

"CAN YOU PLEASE TELL HER

你是否能告訴她

WHY YOU SHOULD BE THE TOPIC OF MY PAPER?"

為何妳應該成為我研究的主題呢？」

UNBELIEVABLE, HUH?

難以置信，是吧？

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW YOUR TEACHER'S NAME.

我很想知道你老師的名字

ACTUALLY, NO, NO, IT'S NOT RELEVANT.

老實說，不，不，這沒有關聯

I DON'T NEED IT.

我不需要

[audience oohs]

[cheers and applause]

AND BY THE WAY, I'M NOT RELEVANT,

順帶一提，你說我跟主題沒有關聯

TEACHER WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS?

是嗎，這位「不知名」老師？

HOW ABOUT 34 MILLION TWITTER FOLLOWERS AND, UH--

那你怎麼看我推特上三千四百萬的追蹤者，以及呃

[cheers and applause]

ONE RIGHT THERE.

其中一位就在那

AND 14 PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS, HOW 'BOUT THAT RIGHT THERE?

以及14次全美民選獎，這個你又怎麼說呢？

[cheers and applause]

27 EMMY AWARDS, HOW 'BOUT THAT RIGHT THERE?

27次艾美獎，這個如何呢？

[cheers and applause]

AND TWO-TIME HOST OF THE OSCARS.

以及兩次奧斯卡主持人

THAT RIGHT THERE.

這個如何？

AND "PEOPLE MAGAZINE'S" SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE

還有四年甚至更多的「時人雜誌」

FOUR YEARS AND COUNTING.

全球最性感女人

[cheers and applause]

NO.

沒有啦

I--I MADE THAT LAST ONE UP, BUT--

最後一個是我編的，但

BUT THERE ARE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

可是有好幾百萬的人

WITH MY NAME ON THEIR UNDERWEAR.

把我的名字寫在內褲上呢

SO TAKE THAT, WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS.

這位「不知名」老師，你再自行評估吧

NEXT QUESTION.

下一題

THE NEXT QUESTION IS FROM ANNABELL KRANZ

下一題來自住在卡梅爾印第安納州

FROM CARMEL, INDIANA.

的 Annabell Kranz

"DEAR ELLEN, IN ALGEBRA THEY ALWAYS GIVE US

「親愛的艾倫，代數學中總是會有

"THE EQUATION LIKE 'Y=3/5X+7'

像 Y=3/5X+7 這樣的方程式

"AND THEN THEY ASK US TO FIND THE 'X'.

然後題目會叫我們找出 X

"SO I CIRCLE THE 'X' AND I WRITE 'IT'S WRITE THERE.'

所以我把 X 圈起來然後寫『找到了』

"AND I ALWAYS GET THE QUESTION WRONG,

然後我總是答錯

AND I WAS WONDERING WHY."

令我很納悶為什麼」

VERY FUNNY, ANNABELL.

很幽默，安娜貝爾

LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT'S WRONG.

讓我們來看看哪裡出錯了

OKAY.

好的

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE SAYING

所以你是說

THAT YOU'RE DOING THE "Y=3/5X+7."

題目是 Y=3/5X + 7

OKAY?

對嗎？

ALL RIGHT, WELL, THEN YOU SAY,

好的，然後題目要你

"FIND THE 'X.'"

找到 X

YOU CIRCLE THE "X" RIGHT THERE,

於是你就把那裡的 X 圈起來了

AND YOU SAY,

然後寫

"IT'S WRITE THERE."

「找到了」

OKAY.

好的

SO...

所以

WHAT YOU'RE DOING WRONG IS OBVIOUS,

雖然你犯了一個很明顯的錯誤

BUT I'LL POINT IT OUT ANYWAY.

我還是會替你解答

YOU ARE WRITING THE WORD "WRITE" WRONG.

你把 write 這個字拼錯了

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SPELL IT "RIGHT."

應該是拼 right 才對（write 和 right 同音）

AND THEN IF YOU DO THAT...

如果你這麼做的話

[cheers and applause]

ALL OF THOSE A'S WILL COME ROLLING IN.

成績單上的 A 就會開始湧入了

NEXT QUESTION IS FROM MADDIE HOOFORD

下一題來自德州的

FROM DALLAS, TEXAS.

Maddie Hooford

"DEAR ELLEN, I AM A PRE-NURSING MAJOR.

「親愛的艾倫，我主修護理系

"I'M CURRENTLY TAKING HUMAN ANATOMY.

目前在上人體解剖學的課

"IT'S THE HARDEST CLASS I'VE EVER HAD TO TAKE.

這是我史上修過最難的課

"I HAVE TO LABEL EVERY SINGLE PART OF THE BODY,

我必須標記出人體的每個部位

"INCLUDING THE VEINS AND MUSCLES.

包括所有的紋理和肌肉

"DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS ON HOW TO MEMORIZE

請問你有任何記住身體部位的

THE PARTS OF THE BODY?"

小撇步嗎？

MADDIE, VISUAL AIDS HELP WITH MEMORIZATION,

Maddie 視覺補助會幫助記憶

AND I'M GONNA BRING OUT SOMEONE

我要跟你介紹一個人

WHO IS TOO, TOO PRETTY FOR COLLEGE.

這個人太完美了

NICK, COME ON OUT HERE.

尼克，出來吧

[cheers and applause]

HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD.

你好嗎？很好

- NICK, I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK.

尼克，我很開心你回來了

NICK WAS ACTUALLY--

尼克其實

HE HAD A PART IN "MAGIC MIKE 2."

在《舞棍俱樂部2》中飾演一角

YOU WERE SHOOTING THE SEQUEL.

你之前在拍攝續集

- YEAH.

是的

[cheers and applause]

- GOT YOU A PART IN THAT.

幫你在裡頭尬了一角

YOU'RE WELCOME. HOW'D THAT GO?

不用客氣，新戲如何呢？

- IT WAS AMAZING. IT WAS A BLAST.

很不可思議！

- TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT. - UM...

快點告訴我

- WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TIME.

算了，我們沒有時間了

UM, JUST LOSE THE SHIRT.

呃，把衣服脫掉就好

I HAVE TO-- I HAVE TO, UM--

我必須，呃

[cheers and applause]

MADDIE, THESE RIGHT HERE,

Maddie 看這裡

THESE ARE ABDOMINAL MUSCLES.

這些是腹肌

- RIGHT.

是的

- AND MOST PEOPLE HAVE SIX,

大部份的人有六塊

BUT NICK HAS, LIKE, 12 OR 14 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

但尼克有大概十二或十四塊吧

AND SHOW YOUR TRICEPS, SHOW YOUR TRICEPS.

秀一下你的三頭肌，秀一下你的三頭肌

- OKAY. - OKAY, SEE THAT?

好的，看到了嗎？

[cheers and applause]

YOU CAN--YOU CAN TRY TO GET THEM,

你可以試著練成這樣

EXCEPT YOU WON'T.

但你辦不到

THESE OF COURSE ARE BOOBIES.

這些當然地就是奶

[cheers and applause]

AND--I'M KIDDING.

沒有我開玩笑的

THOSE ARE NOT CALLED "BOOBIES."

這些當然不是叫「奶」

I KNOW, THEY'RE CALLED "PECTORIS RIDICULOUSNESS"

我知道，他們叫做「心絞痛荒謬症」

IS WHAT IT'S CALLED.

正是這麼說的

AND, UH, THIS LINE, NO ONE HAS THAT.

然後，呃，這條線，沒有人有這條線

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. THAT'S RIDIC--

我不知道這是什麼，有點荒謬

I GUESS IF YOU SPILL SOMETHING IT JUST DRIPS DOWN.

我猜如果你打翻什麼飲料會從這滴下來

ALL RIGHT, TURN AROUND, NICK.

好了，轉過去，尼克

OKAY, AND, UH, THIS IS, UH--

好的，然後呃，這是

THIS IS SOME KIND OF A NOTE TO ME OR SOMETHING.

這是一段寫給我的話之類的

THESE ARE, UH-- THESE ARE DELTA BURKES.

然後這個是...呃...三角肌...三角鐵（開始胡言亂語）

AND THEN, UM...

然後呃

THEN, UH...

然後⋯⋯

JUST LET EVERYBODY ENJOY THIS PART OF YOU RIGHT NOW.

就讓大家享受一下你的身材

[cheers and applause]

THERE'S THAT PART.

還有那一個部位

WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S CALLED THE...

這是什麼？這叫⋯⋯

[audience shouting]

ALL OF THAT WOULD WORK.

是的，你們說的都適用

ALL RIGHT, MADDIE, I HOPE THAT HELPS.

好的，Maddie，我希望我有幫助到你

IF ANYONE HAS ANY HOMEWORK QUESTIONS,

如果大家還有任何作業上的疑難雜症

PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME, AND I SEND YOU THIS DANCE.

都歡迎大家寄給我，然後我會寄給你這段舞