年輕的德古拉 - BBC系列 - 第1季第11集 "父親節" (Young Dracula - BBC Series - Season 1 Ep 11 "Father's Day")

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[theme music]
-In the name of all that's evil, what foul wrongness is this?
-It's a school fancy dress dance night.
I'm in charge of decorations, so I got to pick the theme.
-She choose horror.
-Horrifying, isn't it?
COUNT: I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to Vlad.
What are you wearing?
-I joined the Scouts.
Is that all right?
-Not while there's breath in my body.
No son of Dracula wears a [inaudible].
-But please, Dad.
They do all this cool stuff, like fire lighting,
tying knots, hiking.
-I'm not having you running about in the fresh air.
You need to stay in your room more.
Nurse your psychotic rage.
That's how I was brought up.
It never did me any harm, did it?
-Nobody answer that.
-These aren't very scary.
-They are to me.
Now, get out of here.
JONATHAN: Ingrid.
-You know, I've been meaning to ask.
Why are you dangling from the ropes by your pants?
-The twins put me here, cause my dad gave them detention.
-Huh.
Right.
-Ingrid, please help me down.
-Sorry, don't do the H-word.
-Oh, I'm begging you.
I'm supposed to be meeting my Dad's girlfriend tonight.
-Van Helsing's got a girlfriend?
Where did he meet her?
A hospital for the chronically desperate?
-Actually, we met on the internet.
-Close enough.
-So did you do this to my son?
-No, unfortunately.
-However, you failed to prevent it,
which means I have to punish you.
-[CHUCKLES Good luck with that.
My detention diary's crammed.
I might be able to squeeze you in next spring?
-Oh, I don't think we need to wait 'til then.
Tell me, at the dance tonight, who's
in charge of the cloak room?
-How should I know?
That job always goes to the most unpopular kid in school.
No way.
I'm not doing it.
-Hmm, perhaps I should raise the stakes,
talk to your father about this.
-All right, I'll do it.
-You've learned something today.
Don't play out of your league, little girl.
See, Jono?
That's the way to deal with her kind.
-Uh, Dad, aren't you forgetting something?
-[laughs] Yes, sorry about that.
[sigh]
-World's best dad?
I knew Dad was great, but I didn't
realize he'd won an award.
-It's not a real award, you egg.
It's a Father's Day card.
-Father's Day?
-It's a breather thing.
You have to get your dad cards, presents,
and do lame things to please him.
VLAD: Oh, I hate doing dad stuff-- flying lessons,
biting practice.
It feels like his only purpose in life
is to stop me having fun.
ROBIN: Vlad, everyone feels like that about their parents.
The point of Father's Day is to pretend you don't.
It softens them up, ready for the next time
you want to get away with something.
-Like what?
-For example, I've agreed to go camping with Dad and Chloe
tonight.
In return, Dad will pretend to believe me
next time I lose my school report.
-So Father's Day is basically a way of conning your dad?
-Your point is?
-Got any spare cards?
-Robin, you finished packing?
-Ahh, not yet.
-Well, hurry up.
Every minute you waste, we lose a minute camping.
-I am aware of that.
-[sigh] You are so lucky.
I'd do anything to get my dad to take me camping.
-And I'd give anything for a dad whose idea of a good time
isn't singing [inaudible] with all the actions.
-My dad could learn a thing or two from yours.
-What?
Like how to [inaudible] jeans under his armpit?
-No, like how to lighten up and enjoy the outdoor life.
You know what?
We should get our dads together.
They could be a good influence on each other.
-Good one, Vlad.
Like Count Dracula would ever go on a [inaudible] camping trip.
Are you serious?
Do you really think your dad will agree to come?
-Yeah, because I'll tell him it's Father's Day,
and that I'm doing it for him.
-Now you're getting the hang of it.
-Hey, dad, is it OK if Vlad comes camping tonight?
-Sure.
The more the merrier.
-Good, cause I asked his dad to come too.
-Now, Wait a minute.
Vlad's welcome, b-- but the Count, he's a bit--
-[clears throat]
-What I mean is, it's not really his sort of thing.
-No, that's the point.
I mean, you two are so different.
It'd be a chance to experience each other's cultures.
Or something.
-Vladdy, you know I don't approve
of weird foreign superstitions.
-But Father's Day's different.
It's all about how great you are.
You even get presents.
-At last, a sensible British custom.
All right, bring me my presents.
-Y-- you'll have to wait.
It's a surprise.
-[sigh] Ooh!
Can I have a clue?
-OK.
It's something we can do together.
-Something we can do together.
[gasp] No, wouldn't be that, no.
Hmm.
-Shouldn't we be getting home?
-Sorry, didn't I tell you?
I'm meeting Lucie here.
-At school?
-I've told her that I'm devoted to my work.
She accepts me for who I am.
-About that-- Dad, you know how every time you go on a date,
-Mhm.
-Where the girl goes to the bathroom and never comes back?
Why do you think that is?
-A wave of vampire abductions.
-Well, do you think maybe your slaying
obsession puts them off?
I mean, just a little bit.
-What are you saying?
-I'm saying, if you want this date to last longer than it
takes to climb out of a toilet window, don't mention vampires.
-Hm.
-[shrieks]
-Is it Father's Day now, Renfield?
-No, master.
It's only 5 minutes since the last time you asked.
-[shrieks]
-Wonder where Vlad has hidden my presents.
Maybe we should go and look.
-If you do that, master, it won't be a surprise.
--[sigh] Something we can do together.
Now, what could that be?
[sniffs]
[shouts] One, two, three.
I knew it!
Vlad has finally got a thirst for blood!
He's brought me some Father's Day peasants!
-Oh.
-I'll just get Dad.
-Oh, Vladdy, this is the best surprise ever.
Shall we bite them now?
-What?
No!
-Oh, very well.
Just hide them in the larder until they turn.
-Dad, The Branaughs are here because we're
going on a camping trip.
-Oh-- oh!
Then do I get my Father's Day surprise?
-No!
This is your surprise.
Surprise.
-This is my surprise?
A camping trip with a family of ugly peasants?
[thunder]
-What did you say?
-Ugly peasants.
-Now look what you've done.
-Oh, dear.
It's raining.
Looks like the trip's off.
-Not necessarily.
What'd you reckon?
-Camping indoors.
Impossible.
-You're behind the times, Count.
You could pitch these modern tents on solid rock.
We'll have ours up in five minutes.
-Cool!
Can I help?
-No, you can help pitch our tent.
And we'll do it in four minutes.
[clears throat]
-Oy!
Can we get some service around here?
Ingrid?
You're on cloak room duty.
-So I am.
Any other blindingly obvious facts you'd like to share?
-Hey, Ingrid.
-(TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT) Vi vant to suck your blood.
-Yeah, well, I have to stamp your hand.
-[squeal]
-Enjoy the dance.
-Excuse me.
Can you tell me where I can find Mr. Van Helsing?
-I'd be delighted to show you.
-Lucie?
I'm Johnathan.
-Oh, hi, I've heard so much about you.
-Finished.
Ha!
We win.
Suck on that, peasants.
-Oh, suck on what?
Oh, that?
Ah, I see.
Hmm, are you sure it's quite safe?
-Safe? [laughs] Is my tent safe?
Renfield!
-Yes, master?
-You should be the first to try out my tent.
-Ooh, thank you, master.
Thank you. [laughs]
-Just get in the tent!
-Oh-- oh, oh, This is nice.
[shouts]
-I think that's one-nil to the Branaughs, eh?
-Master!
Help!
-Wow.
So this is your wood work room.
-This is it.
-I kept telling him to take you on a proper date.
-There's no need.
I'm impressed by your father's dedication.
As a librarian, I think education's so important.
-You're a librarian?
-Sorry, boring job, I'm afraid.
-Oh, no.
Just that-- well, I'm glad my Dad's
finally met someone so, so normal.
-Well, we normal people have to stick together.
How else can we defeat the plague
of vampires that's threatening our town?
-How's that fire coming along, Vlad?
-Rubbish.
Yours looks fantastic, though, doesn't it, Dad?
CHLOE: Dad, the sausages are ready.
-Marvelous.
Keep trying.
I'll give you some tips after supper.
Come on, Robin.
-I'll give you a tip.
Now, that's how we start a fire.
-Dad!
I wanted to light it the normal way.
-But that is the normal way.
-This is a number seven stick used
for vampires 500 years old or less.
-I've always wanted to meet a vampire slayer.
-Hmph.
I'd keep looking if I was you.
-And now for the crown jewel of my collection.
My most recent eSlay purchase.
-[gasp] A garlic juice gun.
-Yes.
This little beauty sprays liquid garlic over a range of 30 feet.
Go on.
Try her out.
What do you think, eh, Jono?
Isn't she amazing?
-If by "amazing," you mean madder
than a box of frogs, then yes.
-I've got something very special planned for us later.
I thought you might like to help me try out my garlic gun.
-You mean, we're going to splat some vampires?
-Not the castle.
Oh, please, not the castle.
-We're going to the castle.
-Well, that fire's coming along.
Nice work, Vlad.
-Nice?
It spits on your feeble excuse for a fire.
-Dad.
GRAHAM: Look, why don't we all just calm down
and enjoy a nice hot dog?
-Because we don't want your peasant food.
We shall prepare our own feast.
Barbecue slug, master?
-Not now, Renfield.
-Suit yourself.
-Sure?
So black and crunchy
-I said shut up!
And crawl back to your slime pits,
you filthy, incompetent [inaudible].
Vladdy, you'll have to get my supper.
After you've sorted out the tent.
-Ahh, actually, Dad, I'm going to join Mr. Branaugh's camp.
-W--w-- why?
W--why would you do that?
VLAD: Cause he's not a sulky, childish bully.
And he makes a mean hot dog.
-Well, if how you feel, go to your stupid peasant camp.
See if I care.
-I will.
-Fine.
-Fine.
-Fine!
[thunder]
-Hey, Jonathan.
How's the date going?
-Leave me alone.
-Whatever.
What's going on?
Look into my eyes and tell Ingrid what's going on.
-My Dad's date believes in vampires
and wants to go to the castle to look for them.
-Ahh, she does, does she?
Looks like I've got some work to do.
--[sigh] You've got to stop letting
Count treat you like this.
-Like what?
-Like you're his brainless, toadying skivvy.
You've got to stand up for yourself.
-What do you know?
Y--you're just a stupid girl.
-Renfield, have you ever heard of feminism?
The suffragettes?
-Oh-- Oh.
-OK, I think it's time for a history lesson.
-Hm?
-Now, the first rule of slaying is always be on your guard.
-Ah, Mr. Van Helsing, did you tell a group of year tens
to change the tires on your car?
-No.
-Oh, well, that's strange.
-My car?
Wait here.
I won't be long.
And remember the first rule-- be on your guard.
-So Lucie, Jonathan tells me you're scared of vampires.
-Oh, who isn't?
They're the most dangerous creatures on this planet.
-Cool.
I mean, really?
-My friend Holly says they're worst than zombies,
ghouls, mummies, Loch Ness monster.
-Oy, get off!
Are you looking for another human bungee pants?
-Ingrid wants to see you in the woodwork room, urgently.
Ingrid wants to see you in the wood work room, urgently.
-And then there's crop circles, big foot, mothmen,
spontaneous human combustion.
-Yeah, yeah.
But most of all, you're scared of vampires, right?
I mean, if a vampire walked in here right now?
-I don't know what'd I do without Mr. Van Helsing
here to protect me.
I'd probably run away and never come back.
[knocking]
-Nice timing.
I wonder who that could be.
-(TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT) Vi vant to suck your blood.
-[screams]
-See ya, suckers.
-What was all that about?
-Women.
Must be having one of those bad hair days.
-Race you to the sugar-free pop.
-Lucie!
Run for your life.
-I'm not running anywhere.
-But there are vampires in the school.
-I know.
And next time, I'll be ready for them.
Let's kick some vampire butt.
-You know what?
I think that can be arranged.
GRAHAM: Well done, Vlad.
That's a perfect sheepshank.
Robin, yours looks more like a-- a noose.
-Don't think that's accidental.
-Maybe that's enough knots for one day.
-Oh, yes!
-How about a sing along?
-Oh, no.
-Lucky I remembered my guitar.
VLAD: Isn't this great?
-Not really.
I wish your dad was here.
-He won't come.
He's in a mood.
[instruments playing]
-Maybe I can talk him around.
-You'd do that for me?
Are you sure?
-Of course I'm sure.
GRAHAM: OK, boys.
How about we kickoff with Cliff Richard?
-I'm sure I want to get away from this racket.
-(SINGING) We-- we're all going on a summer holiday.
No more working for a week or two.
CHLOE: You see, Renfield.
You have to demand recognition.
And that's what the suffragettes did.
-By chaining themselves to railings?
Didn't it make their masters angry?
-Of course!
But it got their attention.
Now, they also marched, carried banners, and picketed.
-Oh, I love picketing-- all those
flies you get in your sandwiches.
Oh!
Oh, bits of dead [inaudible] and--
-Um, that's picnicking.
-Underside, when [inaudible] open and maggots and everything
[inaudible] into a really good, especially
if you're putting them into the fire.
And they kind of expand and they pop and explode.
-Hmm, Mrs. Nosferatu, what were you thinking?
[knocking]
-Wait!
Enter.
Oh, it's you.
What do you want?
-Just wondering if you're all right.
-Well, no, I'm not.
I gave that boy the best years of my un-life,
taught him everything I know, and he
prefers that red-faced peasant.
It's so unfair.
-I know, I mean, who wouldn't want a vampire for a dad?
-Well, I know that.
And you know that.
It's obvious to everyone except Vlad.
I mean, how can I make him see how fantastic I am?
-Well--
-We're thinking the same thing, aren't we?
-Maybe.
-Drain your father's blood, and feed him to the hounds,
am I right?
-I was thinking more like use me to make Vlad jealous.
You know, so he appreciates you more.
-Hmm, well, it's worth a try.
And if it fails, there's always the blood draining thing.
Tell me, how we do this?
-Nothing says jealousy like a big expensive present.
COUNT: You greedy, selfish manipulative boy.
How I wish Vlad were more like you.
GRAHAM: (SINGING) We're going where the sun shines brightly.
We're going where the sea is blue.
-Vlad, guess what?
Your dad's giving me a coffin.
-What?
-Why?
-I told him how I ask for one every Christmas,
but you keep giving me a mountain bike.
-Why are you giving him a present?
-Because Robin appreciates me.
Go down to the crypt and take any one you like.
-It's so cool.
Come help me pick.
-Count!
Look I, uh, respect your culture.
But this gift-- I mean, we haven't
got anywhere to put a coffin.
-Ah, so now the fang's in the other neck.
-What?
-Look, you tried to steal my son, so I've stolen yours.
I've always wondered, how does it feel to be a loser.
-I don't know.
You tell me me, Mr. Floppy Tent.
-All right!
That's it.
I challenge you to a duel.
-You know what, Matey?
I accept.
You and me, outside, now.
-Dad, what's going on?
-Chloe, Mr. Count and I were just
going outside to talk about grownup things.
-But it's raining
-Ahh, so it is.
Why don't we have our talk in the crypt?
-Nothing for you to worry about, Chloe.
[yawn]
-You're going down, pal-- to the crypt,
so we can, uh, sort this out, reasonably.
-I like the open air, and the velvet upholstery.
But is it as reliable as a good old mahogany model?
-So much for helping me out.
All you've done is conned Dad into giving you a coffin.
-Relax.
it's all part of a master plan to get the dads we want.
--[scoff] And you get an expensive present.
-Oh, yeah.
Best Father's Day ever.
-For you maybe.
All I wanted was to show Dad today
there's more to life than drinking people's blood.
-Well, maybe some of my dad's normality
will have rubbed off on him.
--[shouts] Now, peasant, prepare to spill your blood.
-Or not.
-Dad, we've been through this.
You can't bite.
Mr. Branaugh.
COUNT: I will implant my fangs on him.
This is an honorable duel.
We're fighting to prove who's the best father.
-But fighting doesn't prove anything.
-Of course, it does.
It proves who's better at fighting.
-Dad!
You're not really going to fight a vam-- a vastly
superior fighter like the Count.
-Don't sound so surprised.
When I was in Cub Scouts, I came in second
in the boxing championship.
-Mom said you lost to a girl.
-[inaudible] can be vicious.
Bing it on, Count.
-Very well.
I'll just get my sword.
-Sword?
-Jono, Jono!
[snaps fingers]
-Dad?
What happened?
-Some wretched kids let down all the tires on my car.
Let's get Lucie and get out of here.
-[yawn]
-Vampires at 3 o'clock.
Let's do this thing.
-Lock and load.
Eat garlic, you son of a bat.
-Lucie?
-Eric?
-Eric!
-Ingrid.
-A word of advice.
Don't play out of your league, boys.
-Peasant!
Prepare to die by my family's ancient sword.
It is the finest weapon in Transylvania.
It's 1,000 years old, and it's-- uh, it's-- it's-- ah!
-Totally eaten away with rust.
GRAHAM: Come on, then.
Ha!
No so brave now, are you?
Without your sword.
-Doesn't matter, when I can just--
[snaps fingers]
Hypnotize you and drink your blood.
-No!
[snaps fingers]
I am by destroying my victims
when they're completely helpless.
[laughs]
-Dad, why does this always happen?
Why can't we go on a simple camping trip,
without it tending up in a life and death battle?
-Why?
Because I'm Count Dracula.
I do exactly what it says on the coffin.
-I don't want a blood-crazed killer for a dad.
I want someone who cares for my feelings.
Someone who's not afraid to occasionally admit they're
wrong.
-Now, Vlad, you know I don't go for that touchy-breathy stuff.
-Well, then perhaps you should change.
-Me?
The Prince of Darkness, change?
-Yes.
-I see.
[snaps fingers]
-So you want some, do you, Count?
Ready for a knuckle goulash?
-That's no way to sort our your differences reasonably, Dad.
-Chloe.
-Yes, I would enjoy some traditional Transylvania
cookery.
But first, Mr. Peasant--
-Graham.
-Gra-ham.
I have to admit, I was wrong to fight you.
-That's very big of you, Count.
I must admit, I was a bit embarrassed myself.
-Hm, so let's set our differences
aside for the sake of our sons.
Because after all, we care about their feelings, don't we?
-Absolutely.
Shake on it?
-Well done, Dad.
I'm proud of you.
You're the best.
-[laughs]
I am the best father.
In your face, peasant. [laughs]
-I can't believe you were a vampire.
I really am so sorry.
-Don't be.
Rule two of successful slaying-- trust no one.
Lucie, you did the right thing.
-There you are, Holly.
I told you so.
-Who's Holly?
-My alien friend.
We communicate through an implant in my nose.
OK.
-As a caring father, I wish you luck
with your twisted habit of sleeping at night.
How was that?
-Ummm, not good, to be honest.
Dad, if you--
-Rights for Renfield.
Rights for Renfield.
-What are you doing?
-I'm picketing, master.
I'm fighting for my rights.
-Well, stop it immediately.
-Never.
I demand recognition.
-Well, of course I recognize you.
You're that disgusting, smelly imbecile-- Renfield.
-Ah, thank you, master.
-Now, go and put some trousers on.
I'm trying to show Vlad that I love him.
-Ooh,
-Night, Vladdy.
Sleep tight.
I hope you'll find some bed bugs to bite.
Was that correct?
-Close enough.
Night, Dad.
-Night.
Hm.
[theme music]