年輕的德古拉 - BBC系列 - 第1季第5集 "如父如子" (Young Dracula - BBC Series - Season 1 Ep 5 "Like Father, Like Son")

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[theme music]
[sniffing]
-Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
-, you're a wolf not cockerel.
Please try to remember that.
ZOLTAN: I'm sorry, Master Vlad.
Your father wants to see you straight away.
-Well, that doesn't sound very good.
Is he angry?
-No, he's not angry.
-Whew.
-He's furious.
He's been reading you're school report.
-But my report's good.
-Yes, that seems to be the problem.
RENFIELD: Vlad is a nice boy who is a pleasure to teach.
-Nice?
Nice!
You're a vampire, Vlad, and vampires are never nice.
Not even at Christmas.
-Dad, I'm not like you.
I can't do charming and deadly.
-No, but you can do pathetic and loser really well.
Face it, Dad, he's just not cut out to be a vampire.
Me, on the other hand--
RENFIELD: Ingrid is a born troublemaker who delights
in causing as much destruction to the class as possible.
-Oh, Ingrid.
Can't you see I'm busy with the future Count Dracula here.
-But I'm the eldest.
I want to inherit the title.
[laughter]
COUNT DRACULA: Mmm.
Countess Dracula.
-Countess Dracula?
COUNT DRACULA: That's a good one.
RENFIELD: That's a good one.
-Now Vlad, I want to wake up and smell the coffee.
Now promise me-- promise you'll try
harder to cause trouble at school.
-Yes, Dad.
COUNT DRACULA: That's my boy.
[sighs]
[paper ripping]
-Robin is moody and difficult in class.
He only cheers up when he's dissecting a frog.
Please, could you ask him not to do this during maths.
PAUL: Morning.
-Morning.
-Why the long faces?
-It's Robin's school report.
It's not good.
-Well, we can't all be child geniuses, Little Miss Einstein.
-Besides, how many GCSE's you need to be a grave digger?
-Ha.
Ha.
Shouldn't you two be up playing rugby
and getting badly injured?
-Come on, I'm hungry.
Race you to the muesli?
-Oh, Robin.
Why can't you be happy like Ian and Paul?
-They're not happy.
They can cursed.
-Look, Robin.
Mum and Dad just don't want you to end up on the streets,
having to beg people for money.
-And my Dad wants me to end up on the streets
making people beg for their lives.
-You just can't keep away, can you, Ingrid?
You're drawn to me like moth to a flame.
INGRID: Drop dead, Branagh.
If you think I'm going to stand back and watch you inherit
my castle, you're more stupid than he looks.
VLAD: Do you think I like being Count, Junior?
Dad's waited 600 years for a son and heir.
Would have made my life a lot easier if I was born a girl.
-You know you really shouldn't say that out loud.
INGRID: I'm going to show Dad why I should be his favorite.
I'm going to be the biggest troublemaker
this school has ever seen.
-Oooh.
Opening an umbrella indoors, that's bad.
You go girl.
VLAD: Dad's not going to be impressed by that.
[fire alarm]
-I stand corrected.
I'm wet.
-You know, your sister really is quite twisted.
I like that, though.
-Well, don't just stand there.
Turn it off!
[sigh]
-It wasn't us!
-Do the words red-handed ring any bells?
I'm suspending you two until further notice.
Looks like I'll be having a word with your father.
Won't that be nice?
-I suppose you think this is funny?
-Funny?
I think it's terrible what happened.
I mean, who could do such a-- Ha, ha, ha, ha.
You look hilarious.
Wait until my dad hears about this.
-He won't have to wait very long.
Vlad's probably telling him as we speak.
-Vlad?
CHLOE: Van Helsing suspended him and Robin over the fire alarm.
They were in a lot of trouble because of you.
-No!
[party horns blowing]
VLAD: I'm guessing the school rang you then?
-Suspended.
Vlad, I knew you could do it, you young hell-raiser!
RENFIELD: Congratulations, Master.
I have baked a cake in your honor.
VLAD: You shouldn't have.
RENFIELD: It's chocolate.
And pig's blood.
[spitting]
-Really, you shouldn't have.
-Mmm.
Sweet and uh, tangy.
ZOLTAN: Ahem.
I have composed a poem to celebrate
your great achievement.
There once was a vampire called Vlad,
who was terribly naughty and bad.
He got suspended from school and learned to be cruel.
So now he can fang out with his dad.
-Huh.
This is ridiculous.
-Well, it probably needs a bit of work, but--
VLAD: I mean, this!
I don't want to be suspended.
I want to learn things.
I want to lead a normal life.
RENFIELD: Oh.
Cake, anyone?
I'll make a start on the washing up.
-Psst.
Don't leave me here.
-I am, uh, very disappointed in you.
ZOLTAN: I am sorry, Master.
I am just not good with family rows.
-Not you.
Him!
-I'll just be over here if you need me.
[whimpers]
-Oh, Dad!
You've got to stop creeping up on me like that.
-It's all part of the training, Jonathan.
A good vampire hunter never drops his guard.
You can't be too careful.
Could be anywhere.
JONNO: Oh, you mean that one behind you?
VAN HELSING: I'm serious.
You'll see.
I'll need your help, Major.
We're going slaying.
JONNO: You know, Dad, just for once it'd be nice if you said,
let's go bowling or let's go to the cinema.
-But slaying is fun.
JONNO: You call hiding behind some rocks
watching the castle all night, fun?
VAN HELSING: This is going to be different.
The time for watching and waiting is over.
Vlad has given me the perfect excuse to suspend him.
-So?
-Which gives me the perfect excuse to visit the castle.
We're going in.
-But, Dad, they're not vampires.
We've been watching them for weeks, and the only things
we've seen that bite are mosquitoes.
VAN HELSING: Sometimes, you have to go with your gut reaction.
JONNO: I know all about your gut reaction.
We share a caravan toilet, remember.
But, Dad, I'm not gonna let you slay that family.
-Oh, yeah?
Just try and stop me.
[music]
[popping]
-This is your new timetable.
VLAD: Nine a.m., fang hygiene.
Followed by double coffin maintenance.
[ding]
-And after lunch, it's hypnosis and flying.
VLAD: What about my friends?
If I don't go to school, I'll hardly see them.
COUNT DRACULA: We're vampires, Vlad.
A friend is just someone we haven't bitten yet.
-The Branagh's, Master.
Welcome, friends.
ELISABETH: It's terrible isn't it?
Vlad and Robin getting suspended.
-Terrible.
And I hate to think of all the lessons they're missing.
GRAHAM: So, you're teaching Vlad yourself?
COUNT DRACULA: Well, I don't like to brag,
but I am an expert on most things in life.
-Please, will you teach Robin?
He can't afford to fall behind in his school work.
He's doing badly enough as it is.
-Ah, thanks for the vote of confidence, Mum.
GRAHAM: I'm not sure that's a good idea.
These boys are obviously a bad influence on each other.
COUNT DRACULA: Bad influence, you say?
Hmm.
Leave him with me.
I'll see what I can do.
Hmm.
[scratching]
-I'm sorry to hear about Vlad.
-Why is everybody always so concerned about Vlad?
You sound just like my dad.
It's always, Vlad this, Vlad that.
-You've Vlad enough of it.
Heh.
I've heard there's a great film on at the cinema.
You should go and see it. You know, get out of the castle?
All of you.
The whole family, tonight.
-Is that your lame way of asking me on a date?
-No, I'm just trying to be helpful.
-Oh, you can help all right.
You can help get me suspended.
Now, look into my eyes.
Deep into my eyes.
-As you can see the sharp fangs enable the vampire
to bite into the neck of their victim and drain them of blood.
Ah, but be careful if they've just
been trampolining as it could be a bit fizzy.
Now you must be rather peckish after your hard morning study.
Renfield has prepared something special for you.
-Wow.
This looks posh.
Better than school dinners any day.
Mmm, yummy.
You've really outdone yourself this time, Renfield.
-Bon appetit.
COUNT DRACULA: Garlic.
Deadly to adult vampires but, well, harmless at your age.
-Harmless?
On a first date, these can be lethal.
-I want you to eat one so you're familiar with the taste.
Know your enemy, and all that.
Of course this doesn't apply to you--
this doesn't apply to you, Robin,
so you don't have to eat yours.
-Mm, mm, mm.
Not bad.
You should try some.
-This is all a dream.
I'm going to wake up and find I'm back in school.
-Eat.
VAN HELSING: Jonathan.
Why are you doing that?
Get down!
INGRID: Doesn't he look lovely?
I told him to do it.
I'm sure you're very angry and will
want to suspend me immediately.
VAN HELSING: Go back to your class.
I'll deal with you later.
I said, get down!
INGRID: But, it's all my fault.
Aren't you gonna punish me?
VAN HELSING: All in good time, young lady.
All in good time.
[bell ringing]
[laughter]
-Remember, Vlad, the key to hypnotising your victim
is to look deep into their eyes.
-I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with the word,
victim.
-It's no use, Dad.
I'm never going to get it.
I keep going cross-eyed.
-Oh, even Ingrid's mastered this and she's a girl.
Look.
I'll show you how it's done.
You make eye contact and then you draw them
in, freezing them with your gaze.
Like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
Then, before you know it, there.
-There, what?
Dad?
-You've hypnotised him.
VLAD: No way.
ROBIN: You have.
Watch this.
Hello.
My name's Count Dracu- la- la- la- la!
-How did I do that?
ROBIN: You are now a true vampire.
Ah, ah, ah, hah.
-Hey, stop that.
You're freaking me out.
ROBIN: Sorry.
I, I mean, sorry.
-You do realize what this means?
-I'm not going to make it as a ventriloquist?
VLAD: No.
I'm going to grow up to be a vampire.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm gonna watch all my friends grow old and die.
I'll still be here.
Flapping around in this gloomy old castle.
ROBIN: You make it sound so negative.
Vlad, you have the power to hypnotise people.
You can make them do whatever you want.
Surely that's a plus.
VLAD: That's it.
Why didn't I think of that?
Dad.
From now own, you are no longer a vampire.
You're just a regular dad.
ROBIN: What are you doing?
VLAD: This way, for once in my life, I'll have a normal dad
and I can be a normal kid.
[snap]
-You know, this place is a bit gloomy.
What it needs is a lick of paint to brighten things up.
I'm thinking, I'm thinking-- Sunflower yellow.
[knocking]
-Who, do you reckon?
-He used to be dark and interesting.
Now, he's just like my dad.
Pardon me for being selfish.
This isn't exactly a win-win situation for me, is it?
-He's my dad, and I'll hypnotise him how I want,
thank you very much.
ROBIN: Fair enough.
But, in that case, you've got to do me one small favor.
-Are you trying to make a laughing stock out of me?
JONNO: I'm sorry.
I don't know what got into me.
-Ingrid must have hypnotised you again.
It's a basic vampire skill.
JONNO: She's not a vampire.
She's manipulative.
It's a basic teenage skill.
-I told you, a good slayer never drops his guard.
-And I told you I am not a slayer.
VAN HELSING: Jonathan.
Whether we like it or not, we're Van Helsings,
and it's our duty to hunt down and slay vampires.
Don't forget. a family that slays together--
-Stays together.
-If you don't want to help me, then fine.
I'll do it myself.
A number seven should be the right size for the Count.
JONNO: But what if he's not a vampire?
What if he's just some foreign guy trying to fit in
to make a new home for his family?
Welcome to our country.
Wallop!
You're dead.
-That's a point.
I'll need these for the family.
-Oh, this is crazy All right, that's it.
I'm coming with you.
I'm going to prove that these people are not vampires,
and then we're never going slaying again.
-I knew you wouldn't let me down, son.
What mallet do you want, wood or rubber?
-What's going on?
-We had a power cut.
-Do you mind?
I was pretending to play that.
-Mum and Dad aren't going to like this.
-Elisabeth Branagh?
-Graham Branagh?
-Ah, no.
You don't mean--
-Mum and Dad, dead?
They're--
-Having a nap.
-What?
-Hello, kids.
-Had a good day at school?
-Ah!
CHLOE: Looks like you and Vlad have been busy.
[whistling]
-Hi, Ingrid.
INGRID: Hi, Dad.
You just said hello to me.
-Well, of course, my poppet.
Why wouldn't I say hello to my favorite daughter?
-Right.
What's going on?
-Nothing's going on, I just thought
I'd bring a little bit of sunshine into our lives.
-Where's Vlad?
COUNT DRACULA: Oh, he's up in is room watching TV.
INGRID: But you said we couldn't have a TV in our bedrooms.
-Don't remember saying that.
Don't remember much talk for that matter.
RENFIELD: Master?
What color do you want next?
Sunflower yellow or daisy delight?
-What do you think, Ingrid?
Ingrid?
-This is the life, eh, Zoltan?
-Yes, Master.
I'm surprised the Count agreed to this.
Is most unlike him.
INGRID: Well, well, well.
Who's been a busy boy, then?
-I don't know what you're talking about.
What are you doing?
ZOLTAN: I believe Mistress Ingrid intends
to throw the, uh, television, uh,
receiving device out of the window,
which can't be good for it.
-You've hypnotised Dad, haven't you?
You've turned him into Mister DIY regular guy.
-OK, yes.
I may have accidentally hypnotized him.
I told him he wasn't a vampire.
ZOLTAN: And I have to say, Master.
I don't think that was one of your better ideas.
-I just wanted to see what it would
be like to have a normal dad.
Someone who didn't want to teach me to turn into a bat.
Was that so wrong?
-No, I suppose not.
After all, he's been a vampire for 600 years.
The change will do him good.
-No!
What did you do that for?
-We're vampires, Vlad.
Always have been, always will be.
You can't change that.
I don't want Dad to be normal.
I want him to make the Princess of Darkness.
-But you could have had a TV in your room.
-Now, you could throw it out of your window.
-And pizza!
-I'm going to change him back.
You better not hypnotise anybody else ever again.
ZOLTAN: I know that guilty look, Master.
It reminds me of when you were toilet training.
What have you done?
-Robin?
This is getting scary.
Please change them back.
-Relax.
It's just a bit of fun.
CHLOE: Tell that to Ian and Paul.
I've never seen them run so fast.
-Time for dinner I think.
We'll start with the youngest.
ELISABETH: Do you want first bite?
-Oooh, could I?
I'm parched.
CHLOE: Dad?
What are you doing?
It's me, Chloe.
Robin, do something!
-You're not really vampires.
You're just pretending to be vampires.
Wake up!
Wake up!
-Robin!
ROBIN: Let's get out of here.
ELISABETH: He's stolen our dinner!
-The greedy pig!
-Good day princess.
How's it hanging?
-Dad.
I want you to look into my eyes, deep into my eyes.
-You know, Ingrid, you really are
growing up to be a lovely young lady.
-Really?
COUNT DRACULA: Look, I've been reading your school report,
and I just know you do a whole lot better.
I am here for you.
We can sit down and work this thing out.
-You want to spend time with me?
-As long as it takes.
-But you never want to spend time with me.
COUNT DRACULA: Well, that's all going to change.
Come here.
I love you, Ingrid.
-I love you, too, Dad.
COUNT DRACULA: Hey.
What is it, sugar plum?
-This is wrong.
All wrong.
-Ah.
That'll be my guests.
I've invited Mister Van Helsing for dinner
to discuss Vlad's suspension.
Could you let Vlad know he's here?
-Now, remember, let me do the talking.
Can't be too careful when you come
face to face with the Prince of Darkness.
[whistling]
-Mister Van Helsing?
-Mister Count?
Sorry, I didn't recognize you.
You look different.
Have you done something with your hair?
COUNT DRACULA: Hm.
Look, I am so sorry about Vlad's behavior today.
It's good of you to come see me.
Please, please.
Do come in.
INGRID: Vlad.
You're dorky woodwork teacher's here to see you.
-Van Helsing?
INGRID: Duh.
-No!
This can't be happening.
INGRID: All right.
Take a chill pill, Vlad-arilla.
I'm sure they'll let you go back to school soon.
VLAD: You don't understand.
Van Helsing is a slayer.
-What?
You didn't think to mention this before?
-Sorry.
INGRID: So are you trying to tell me that Dad is downstairs
having a cozy chat with a vampire slayer?
-Yes.
What are we gonna do? Dad won't know to fight him.
He won't know how to use his vampire powers.
-This is what happens when you try and turn
people into someone they're not.
-Ah, I should never have hypnotised
them in the first place.
-Them?
What do you mean, them?
-Vlad, I'm going to kill you!
-Mum and Dad are after our blood!
-You just don't know when to stop, do you?
You're worse than a werewolf at full moon.
-OK.
So I made a mistake.
-A mistake?
Our dad, Count Normal, is downstairs
talking to a vampire slayer.
That's not a mistake, that's fatal!
[striking match]
-Time for a spot of slaying, son.
-Wait.
Mister Count doesn't even look like a vampire.
-Just let me at him.
-Is everything all right?
-Yes.
No problem.
-Ah.
Welcome.
Just in time to discuss our boys' suspension.
-OK.
It's about that.
We've come for a bite to eat.
-We've hit the jackpot, son.
It's time to break up this little vampire club.
You take the girl.
I'll take the two guys.
-I'm not taking anyone.
They're not vampires.
Look, those two are wearing plastic fangs.
-Call yourself a slayer?
You can't even spot a vampire when he's three feet away.
Fine.
I'll take them all, be on my own.
I'll do it.
-Fine.
You go to jail on your own.
COUNT DRACULA: Would you care to join us?
-Mister Van Helsing.
We're so glad you're here.
We really want to apologize about earlier.
COUNT DRACULA: That's the spirit, boys.
Now, let's all sit down and talk about this school suspension.
See if we can work something out.
-Mum?
What are you doing here?
You and Dad will be late for the fancy dress party.
-See.
Only thing we're late for is our dinner.
-How's the stir fry coming along?
-It's burnt, totally ruined.
-Shame.
We'll have to do this another night.
-Well, that's all of that.
Time we're leaving.
-We're not going anywhere.
It's time we stop messing about and finish
the job we came here to do.
COUNT DRACULA: Quite right.
We need to talk the suspension thing through properly.
Now, Renfield, check out the kitchen.
I'm sure there's something we can eat.
ELISABETH: Yes, I'm sure.
-Come on.
VLAD: Anyone fancy a kind of pea?
Mmm.
Tasty.
-Mmm.
You're right.
This is delicious.
-Apparently they're very good for your blood.
ROBIN: Here you go, eat up.
-But Robin, we can't eat garlic.
-(WHISPERING) Told you.
-Now, now.
You'd be annoyed if I didn't eat what I was given.
It can't be one rule for me and one rule for you.
-He's right.
We need to set a good example.
JONNO: Garlic-eating vampires.
-This can't be right.
-What about a piece for me?
I'm starving.
ROBIN: Oh, dear.
Looks like I have the last one.
-How convenient.
-Don't worry, Dad.
I've got a piece for you.
-Vlad, no!
-Mmm.
It's a bit dry, but not too bad.
-He ate garlic?
JONNO: All right, it's been great.
I think it's about time we're going.
-What about the suspension?
VAN HELSING: I was wrong all this time.
-See, it was a mistake.
Suspension over.
Bye.
COUNT DRACULA: Don't be strangers now.
[squeaking door]
[spitting]
CHLOE: Oh.
-Right.
We've got to change them back, agreed?
-Agreed.
-Agreed.
CHLOE: Will Mum and Dad still be after my blood?
INGRID: Unfortunately, not.
They won't remember a thing.
Lucky them.
-My gut tells me I'm right about that family.
But my nose tells me I'm wrong.
I'm a rubbish slayer.
I know.
Go on, say it.
-You just need some practice.
-You're right son.
I shouldn't give up.
They are vampires and I'm going to prove it.
-Uh, Master?
We've run out of ghostly gray, will do ghastly
gray do instead?
-Well, it doesn't really matter what I think.
Vlad can always hypnotise me to like it.
-I said I was sorry.
It was an accident.
COUNT DRACULA: Yes, well.
It's flying lessons next.
Let's see how you like it when you
accidentally fly into a tree.
INGRID: This is so unfair!
Why can't you teach me flying?
-Oh, Ingrid.
-Yes, Dad?
-Get on with it?
[theme music]